"Dark" was the first thing Ellis could think of in this closed space, where he couldn't even move.
More than that, though, was his state, he felt like he couldn't think clearly once more and feared he would lose consciousness if he were to lose focus, even for a moment.
At first, he was relieved that he seemed to have survived after taking that gray shard, but now he was wondering what had happened to him.
Before he could even question the kind of reality he was in, though, he lost consciousness in the end.
...
Time passed, and Ellis periodically lost consciousness at times, only to regain it again at others.
He wondered if he was in some hospital, in the intensive care unit. He thought perhaps it was because he was in such a bad state that he was like this now, where even after regaining consciousness, he still couldn't move his fingers.
But as time passed once again, and he was able to make small movements, even if difficult, he became unsure about the answer he had reached in the end.
Ellis wasn't sure about the exact duration that passed next, but he was still happy, as he was finally able to hear some muffled sound, even if he couldn't recognize exactly what was being said, aside from being able to move.
After feeling like he would go crazy if that state continued just after coming out of that horrible gate, now making a sudden progress, made him feel a lot better.
With time passing like this, Ellis was finally able to make another breakthrough as he saw light, even though it felt too far away, like through a tunnel.
Still, the light grew larger and larger, too hurriedly, until finally, he felt everything around him clear up.
It was shortly after that when he felt himself being carried by someone, and slowly opening his eyes, he found that to be an old foreign woman, seemingly filled with vigor.
Maybe because he already had an inkling that it could really be a possibility, Ellis wasn't too surprised to find himself in a small body, and how he was a baby now.
More than anything, he was relieved to have retained all of his memories somehow.
Feeling fortunate about his circumstances and thankful that his body didn't start crying on its own, he took a look at his surroundings through his somewhat blurry vision.
While the first thing to catch his attention was the luxurious, old-style room, it was quickly replaced by the people inside it.
His gaze was drawn to a pale, young, and very beautiful woman, along with the two maids at the side of the bed, supporting her.
"#### ####"
'Oh, even her voice is beautiful.'
Hearing her say something he couldn't understand between her intermittent breaths, Ellis couldn't help but comment to himself at first. Still, after focusing on her expression and the way she gazed at him, he couldn't help but question what was going on… it wasn't the kind of gaze one would direct at their son, after all.
After a few moments, an old man wearing a loose robe, seemingly screaming, "I'm a magician" arrived and took him away from the old woman.
Holding Ellis carefully with one hand, the old man placed his other hand near Ellis's head, which began glowing shortly after.
When Ellis saw the neutral expression of the old man morph to disappointment, he, who had initially thought this life might become easy, knew that things were really fucked up.
"Aaaaaah."
Hearing his new "mother" suddenly scream and cry, he increasingly felt that the situation was completely fucked up.
Luckily, he was spared from her hysterical outburst when the old man said something to one of the maids and handed her his body.
Still, even after leaving the room and with his new mother no longer in sight, her resentful expression lingered in his mind, and he couldn't help but feel that he really had no luck when it came to parents, in both lives.
Was it really that bad, when he even wanted to meet both his sister and mother before he was dragged into the Gray gate?
Unfortunately, yes, it was that bad.
His mother in his previous life was naive.
Someone easily taken advantage of.
And most importantly, despite her superior position, against his father, she was never able to use it against him.
Was he not the same in a sense, that he was unable to go against his scum of a father?
Well, after growing up, he at least tried.
But his older sister's existence, that his father didn't have any qualms about using against him, and marrying her to some son of a high-ranking person in the military, made everything ruined.
His family's situation in his past life was really complicated.
But, really like he said, unlike when he was still a child, and his father didn't have the same power he held right before he transmigrated.
A lot before, when his mother just married, her position was higher.
If two men, one the subordinate of the other. The child of the subordinate should hold the lower position, after all.
But his mother was never able to leverage that… and even if he put an excuse that his country favored men over women, it was still just to a certain extent.
When his father was clearly in the wrong, and she still held the higher position but didn't use that… then, it was just stupidity!
Well, she still would take a hit with him. And tried to give him a lot of love.
She gave affection, and he was thankful for her.
As really as he said, he really loves her.
But what he wanted at that time—
Was safety.
Not living in fear.
Not affection.
While absorbed in his thoughts, in his memory of his past life and those he came in contact with, Ellis struggled against his body, which seemed to demand sleep, and his eyelids that kept closing against his will. Still, Ellis looked around curiously at everything, from the long and wide corridor to the occasionally patrolling knights.
In the end, though, he couldn't win and drifted off to sleep.