(Ereshgal POV)
"ERESH!!"
The scream struck me, her voice was desperate, trembling with fear.
My eyes snapped open. For an instant, I didn't understand, then, I followed her gaze… and froze.
My hand.
Cloaked in blood-red energy, veins bulging, nails twisting into claws.
At first I just stared. My mind refused to process it, like if I ignored it for long enough it might vanish. But it didn't. The light pulsed, crawling over my skin… alive.
My body felt too tight, every muscle coiled as if bracing for something I couldn't name. Panic clawed up my throat.
No.
This wasn't me, this couldn't be me.
But my hand kept trembling in front of me, not obeying, not even mine anymore.
The silence pressed in, heavier than Kisaya's scream. And beneath it, one thought hammered over and over, too loud to ignore:
What am I becoming?
I heard her voice again, softer this time, breaking through the panic.
"Eresh… are you okay?"
The truth was simple. No… I wasn't.
My hand trembled faintly in the air, blood-red energy clinging to my skin. The claws hadn't gone… they were still there, twisting from my nails like extensions that didn't belong to me. I stared closer, and the sight made my stomach tighten. Every detail looked wrong: the curve of the nails, the way the veins bulged beneath the glow, the faint vibration that ran through them as if they were waiting for something.
Nothing in me was still.
And yet, I seemed still.
I looked at Kisaya.
Her breathing uneven.
Her eyes still darted to my hand.
Not to me.
To it.
For the first time, I felt the distance.
I forced a smile.
"I'm fine."
Kisaya brought a hand to her chest and let out a quiet breath, almost a whisper. "Thank the gods…"
The words cut against me. The gods didn't deserve her gratitude.
I lowered my gaze again. My hand still trembled, wrapped in that blood-red glow. I clenched my jaw and shut my eyes, forcing everything else away, the fire's crackle, the weight of Kisaya's stare, even the panic clawing at my chest.
Focus.
I pushed, not with muscle, but with thought. With intent. The energy resisted, restless under my skin, pulsing like it wanted to break free. I pressed harder, ordered it back.
A moment passed before I felt it shift, as if the power were retreating under my command.
I opened my eyes. The spiritual energy was already dimming, peeling away until only my skin remained. The claws lingered for a few heartbeats, twitching as if reluctant to release, before slowly softening back into ordinary nails.
By the time my hand steadied, it looked human again. My hand. Mine.
I blinked. Kisaya was still watching.
"Don't look at me like that" I said softly.
Her brows furrowed. "Like what?"
"Like I can't handle this. I can. Just… give me time."
I expected my voice to tremble, to slip out nervous and uneven. But when I spoke, it flowed steady—too steady, smooth in a way that didn't belong to me. I hadn't meant to sound calm.
And… I found myself thinking again about the change in my hand. It only seemed to happen when it was covered in spiritual energy. But the thought dug deeper, what would happen if I let it spread across my entire body? If I drowned myself in it completely?
Would I become the same kind of monster Kisaya had come here to hunt?
No… I couldn't risk that. I'd avoid using it as much as I could.
Her voice pulled me back.
"So… if you focus spiritual energy into your hand, that happens?"
I glanced at my fingers, still remembering the glow, the claws.
"That's what it looks like" I said quietly.
Kisaya kept her eyes on me. Then her hand went to her chin, her voice dropping into a murmur.
"Then… the safest choice is to use a cart now… or… maybe I could carry you."
I blinked, caught off guard. "Carry me? Why would you even need to do that?"
Her eyes widened slightly, as if she hadn't meant to say it aloud.
"I thought you could use spiritual energy, I mean. Back when I fought you, when you'd lost control, your whole body was covered in it. But now… after seeing what it does to you… I don't know if that's safe."
I frowned "And why would using spiritual energy mean we don't need a cart? I thought it was only for tracing runes."
Kisaya shook her head.
"Right. You were injured before we even got there. Divine Trace is just one way. Spiritual energy… it can do more. If you push it into your eyes, you see farther. Into your legs, you move faster. The energy adjusts to the use you give it."
She paused there, her gaze steady on me, testing how I'd take her words.
"If you could use it without… what just happened, we wouldn't need a cart at all. We could cross the distance on foot and still arrive faster."
I understood now. The image of Azir and Namur clashed in my mind—how they moved when they fought the fragments, faster than I could follow. It wasn't just skill; they were using spiritual energy to push themselves beyond their limits. That was why they looked untouchable.
Kisaya brought her hand back to her chin again, lost in thought. While she did, I stooped, picked up a stone just large enough to sit in my palm.
"I don't think we'll have any trouble with the trip" I said.
Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Why do you say that?"
I gave the stone a little pressure. It cracked instantly, splintering into fragments that rained from my hand.
Kisaya's lips parted, her eyes wide. "Do you have that kind of strength without using spiritual energy?"
I couldn't help but laugh.
I flexed my hand. No glow this time—just the veins pushing faintly under the skin, hinting at what lay beneath. The instructor's words returned to me:
You can tell which god chose you by the color of your energy.
So whose was mine?
I turned to Kisaya
"Do you have any idea if there's a god tied to my color of spiritual energy?"
She shook her head. "Not that I know of. As far as I've learned… none."
If no god has this color… what does that mean?
Kisaya went on, more carefully now. "But me not knowing doesn't mean it doesn't exist. In Uruk there are tablets, hundreds. There has to be a clue in there."
"Do you think it's a blessing?" she asked suddenly, her tone careful. "Maybe the gods finally…"
"No."
The answer cut off everything that might follow.
She turned, surprised.
I met her gaze, steady and calm. "If the gods wanted me, they would have chosen me that day. Whatever this is… it doesn't feel like a gift."
I rubbed a hand over my face. I tried to laugh and failed; what came out was hollow.
None of this was funny.