Mnou was returning along the muddy path from Coris's cottage. She had buried him in the frozen ground behind the fence. She carried him on her back and dug the grave with a rusty shovel she found there. She could have done it all with just a wave of her staff, but she didn't want to. He deserved more. If she wasn't even willing to get her hands dirty with mud and strain her muscles while digging, she would be truly pathetic. Everything that had happened over the past few days seemed completely unreal. It was as if the bridge she had recently stood on so steadily had started to crumble beneath her. The world she had built here was falling apart, and it frightened her.
Before she reached home, the heavy rain turned into a light drizzle. But it never stopped.
She was just climbing up the slippery stones toward the door when something huddled near the entrance stirred.
"Esme?!" she cried with desperate hope in her voice.
"No, sorry, it's just me," croaked the figure cloaked in a cape, slowly pulling herself to her feet.
"Ruth? What on earth are you doing here?"
"I came to check on you. I've been promising to come see your cottage for ages anyway." She tried a weak smile, but quickly covered her mouth as a harsh cough shook her.
"Oh no," Mnou groaned and rushed to her friend's side. "It's gotten worse again, hasn't it?"
"No… um… no, I'm fine," Ruth tried to reassure her, but her eyes were tightly shut, and she clutched her chest as it heaved gently with a faint wheeze.
"No, you're not fine!" Mnou snapped. "Come on, we're going inside, and I'll make you some medicine. Why on earth did you stay out here in the cold and rain? What were you thinking?!"
"I told you already. I wanted to see you, but you weren't home, so I waited."
The witch shook her head in disbelief and helped Ruth inside. As soon as they entered, the scent of calendula tincture hit their noses. Shards still lay on the floor, sticky from the spilled liquid.
Ruth collapsed heavily into the armchair. Her eyes were still shut, but her breathing had become louder and more even. Mnou quickly tidied up and lit the fire. Then she set about mixing a remedy. The entire process unfolded without a single word exchanged. Finally, Ruth spoke from the chair.
"How are you dealing with all this?"
"What exactly am I supposed to be dealing with?" Everything's fine. What kind of question is that?" the witch brushed her off and began grinding herbs, forcing Ruth to wait for the noise to die down.
"Oh, come on, Mnou, don't pretend you don't know what I mean."
Now there was the clinking of vials and flasks. Then came the sound of liquids being poured.
"How's Esme?" Mnou asked casually, offhandedly, but it didn't quite land—her tone came out bitter and wounded. "Probably better off than here. Who'd want to live out in the middle of nowhere with someone like me, right? She told me that herself."
"Mnou, she misses you terribly. She won't admit it, but I can see it in her. Part of her wants to come back, but the other part is still hurt too much."
"Hurt too much? I understand I did things I shouldn't have and said things I shouldn't have, but did I really do something so awful that I deserve this kind of hatred?" Mnou accidentally sliced her finger and cursed aloud. She angrily kicked the counter, pain shooting through her foot, but she continued preparing the medicine.
"She's only eleven. She's a little girl. You can't expect her to behave like an adult. But you are an adult," Ruth's voice turned firm. "So, stop acting like the victim and face it. It's not easy, but admit you hurt her. Maybe she didn't treat you kindly either, but you should be the one to apologize."
"And who are you to preach at me like this?! You think you know everything?! Why are you even poking your nose into things that are none of your business?!" the witch exploded, despite trying hard to keep her anger at bay.
Ruth said nothing.
"Oh right, you're the perfect mother, adored by everyone! Let her stay with you if that's what she wants, I don't care at all!"
This time, Mnou kicked a chair and sent it toppling. She desperately needed to vent the fury flooding her. She breathed heavily. "Why the hell aren't you saying anything?! Say something!" Her fists clenched so tight her knuckles turned white as she stared at the still-sticky floor.
"Mnou, look at me." The voice was gentle and calm.
Mnou turned around and hadn't even noticed Ruth quietly standing behind her. She averted her eyes at first but finally forced herself to meet those brown eyes.
"It's not just about Esme, is it? Something else happened. I can tell."
Mnou hesitated for a moment. Then her gaze dropped to her muddy boots.
"I lost a good friend. I buried him just a few hours ago." Her throat was so tight she could barely get the words out.
"Oh, Mnou. I'm so sorry," Ruth whispered with deep compassion and hugged her tightly.
Mnou buried her face in hair black as night and got lost in that darkness. She felt warmth and the scent of rain-dampened hair. Quiet tears began to fall. She'd had enough. She didn't want to cry anymore. It felt like she shouldn't even have any tears left. But she did. She still had plenty.
"I'm sorry I pushed you about Esme," came a quiet voice by her ear. She felt a gentle hand stroke her head.
The witch emerged from the flood of raven feathers to look her friend in the face. "No, you don't need to apologize at all. You were right about everything. I need to apologize to you. I'm sorry! I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said. I'm such a pathetic fool. I did the exact same thing to Esme. I must have hurt her so much. I think she really deserves to live with someone better. I don't deserve either of you."
"Don't say that! I've never had a better friend than you, Mnou. And as for Esme… you two belong together. You can't just leave it like this!"
Ruth gripped her shoulder urgently.
Mnou had another excuse on the tip of her tongue but stopped herself. This is pointless. There's no point in running or dodging the truth anymore. That thought flashed through her mind in an instant. A shiver ran through her as she realized it. But she was resolved.
"I won't leave it like this. I can't leave it like this."