"Congratulations, Scribe Alhaitham."
"Oh, no, I should be calling you Great Sage now."
Looking at the Sage before him, Alhaitham spoke calmly.
"Why me?"
"Great Sage, you are so exceptionally talented! The position of Great Sage could belong to no one else!" the other man said, his tone fawning.
"But I have absolutely no interest in this position." Alhaitham shook his head, rejecting the appointment.
"Rest assured, Great Sage. We've already discussed this matter in advance. From now on, you only need to spare one day a week to spend four hours at the Akademiya. That will be sufficient."
"Additionally, you will have thirty days of paid leave, which you can take at any time..."
"All your work will be jointly supervised and handled by the other Sages. You won't need to trouble yourself with any of it."
"You only need to occasionally spare a moment of your invaluable time to offer us a bit of guidance on our work. That would be our greatest honor..."
"...Alright. If that's the case, I'll reluctantly accept."
After hearing the conditions, Alhaitham pondered for a long time before finally giving a reluctant nod of agreement.
"Excellent! This is truly a historic moment!"
"I propose that Sumeru should declare this day 'Alhaitham Day,' and all Sumerians should receive a seven-day holiday to celebrate!"
"Keep it low-key. I dislike ostentation."
"Yes, yes, of course. We understand."
The Sage standing before Alhaitham wiped the sweat from his brow. Seeing that Alhaitham didn't seem displeased, he breathed a sigh of relief and spoke again.
"By the way, Great Sage, now that you are the Great Sage, would you like us to arrange a new residence for you?"
"I recall that you currently have a mute Kaveh living in your home. Shall we have him evicted?"
Hearing this, Alhaitham shook his head and refused.
"No need. Let him stay. A mute is fine."
"Understood."
"If there are no other issues, Great Sage, you may choose a day this week to begin your duties at the Akademiya."
"I'm going to use all my vacation days for the year. The world is so big, I want to go see it."
Upon hearing Alhaitham's words, the Sage before him was so moved he burst into tears.
"A magnificent idea!"
"This is one small step for you, Great Sage, but one giant leap for all mankind in Teyvat!"
"I propose we declare today 'The Great Leap Forward Festival'! From now on, all of Sumeru will celebrate with nationwide revelry on this day every year!"
"No."
Alhaitham replied coolly.
"I told you, I prefer to keep a low profile..."
-
"The final round of the 33rd Cold Joke Competition begins now!"
"Please welcome our Cold Joke Master, Cy~no~!"
"And our challenger, the dark horse of dark horses, the Tra~vel~er~!"
"Hmph. I didn't expect you to make it this far," Cyno said calmly to Lumine.
"Let's begin."
After speaking, Cyno raised his hand and pointed at Paimon, who was floating beside Lumine.
"Referee, there are two of them."
Paimon was swiftly dragged away by the guards maintaining order.
"Now, we can have a fair fight!"
Cyno's eyes, now fixed on Lumine, blazed with competitive spirit
Lumine: "..."
"Playing the silent expert, are we?"
"In that case, I'll go first."
Cyno pondered for a moment before speaking.
"Who should you see if you're looking for a job? The answer is Tighnari, because he studies 'jobs'!"
The moment Cyno finished his sentence, hail began to fall from the sky. Soon, a three-meter-thick layer of solid ice covered the ground, turning every spectator into an ice sculpture—including Lumine, who stood frozen before Cyno. Only the referee, who was simultaneously heating himself with twenty-four Pyro furnaces, managed to survive.
"We have a winner! It's the reigning champion for thirty-two consecutive years, Cy~no~!"
"Congratulations to the Cold Joke Master, Cyno, on winning the 33rd Cold Joke Competition and earning the title of Cold Joke Emperor!"
"Let's give it up for Emperor Cyno!"
"Hmph. So you were no match for me after all."
"It's lonely at the top."
Cyno glanced one last time at the frozen Lumine before excitedly turning to claim his prize on the stage.
-
Dehya strolled down the street wearing sunglasses, followed by her entire mercenary brigade.
Suddenly, she turned and entered a shop, pulling out handfuls of Mora from her pockets and scattering them everywhere.
"Spend freely!"
"Buy whatever you want!"
"Shopkeeper, I'm buying out your entire store!"
"Brothers, today's spending is on me, Dehya!"
"Long live Miss Dehya!"
The mercenaries roared with cheers and surged into the shop, launching into a wild shopping spree.
Dehya paid it no mind. After all, she had money to burn.
After buying out one shop, she hurried to the next. The life of the rich was so simple, unadorned, and tedious.
Just then, a mercenary approached Dehya and spoke with utmost respect.
"Miss Dehya, Miss Dunyarzad seems to have something she wishes to discuss with you."
"Oh, that's my best friend! Bring her to me at once!"
Soon, Dehya met with Dunyarzad. However, Dunyarzad looked rather downcast, her eyes red and swollen as if she had just been crying.
Seeing this, Dehya quickly asked, "Dunyarzad, what's wrong?"
"My family... we're bankrupt," Dunyarzad said, her face etched with bitterness.
"My parents' business failed. We have no money left. Dehya, I can't be your friend anymore... I'm not worthy."
After hearing Dunyarzad's words, Dehya sighed helplessly.
"Come on, I thought it was something serious."
"How about this? I'll personally invest one hundred million Mora into the Homayani Family. That should be enough to get you through this crisis, right?"
"Yes, yes! It's more than enough!"
"Dehya, I can't believe you're still willing to be my friend even when I'm broke, without looking down on me at all. I'm so touched!"
"Hmph. When I, Dehya, make friends, I never care if they're rich or not—because none of them are richer than me anyway!"
"Dunyarzad, we're the best friends in the world, and that fact will never change!"
"Dehya, you're the best!"
Dunyarzad was so moved that her eyes sparkled like stars.
"This is nothing. Given our friendship, what's a little money?"
Seeing Dunyarzad's overwhelming gratitude, Dehya mused to herself about her own damn irresistible charm. Then, with a grand wave of her hand, she pointed toward Sumeru's most prosperous street and declared, "Dunyarzad, I'm buying this entire street for you as a testament to our unbreakable friendship!"
"No, no! Dehya, that's far too extravagant!"
Dunyarzad froze for a moment, then frantically waved her hands in refusal.
"If I tell you to take it, you take it!" Dehya commanded in a domineering tone that brooked no argument. "Consider it repayment for the wonderful time I had when I hid my wealthy identity and you hired me as your bodyguard."
Dunyarzad had no choice but to accept, her gratitude toward Dehya reaching an indescribable peak.
"Oh, and you there, come here."
The summoned mercenary scuttled over eagerly.
"Miss Dehya, how can I help you?"
"I want to donate to every orphanage in Teyvat. For now, give each one ten million Mora. If that's not enough, we'll add more later."
"I demand that all orphans receive the best possible care. I want every single one of them to have the chance to go to school!"
"Every child who reaches eighteen and completes their education will be rewarded with a 150-square-meter house built by Dehya Corp. This will encourage them to study hard and strive to join my company, where they can live the high life with me!"
"Miss Dehya, you're a true philanthropist!"
"There's no one in the world more benevolent than you!"
After hearing Dehya's orders, the mercenary immediately began showering her with flattery. Dunyarzad also gazed at Dehya with eyes full of admiration.
Dehya basked in their adoring gazes, feeling as if she had reached the pinnacle of her life.
Just then, another mercenary approached, dragging a man with him.
"Miss Dehya, this man was lurking suspiciously nearby. When we caught him, he claimed to be your father."
"We couldn't confirm his identity, so we brought him to you."
"My father?"
Dehya took off her sunglasses, her expression puzzled, and looked at the scruffy, down-and-out man.
"Well, well, if it isn't the famous Kusayla."
"It's been years. How did you end up looking so pathetic?"
"Ah, my dear daughter," the man said, looking a bit embarrassed. "Let's not dwell on unpleasant things. I want to join your crew now. Is that... convenient for you?"
"Convenient? Of course, it's convenient."
"How about this: you can start as a trainee mercenary, right from the bottom."
"Once you've put in the time, I'll consider giving you a promotion and a raise."
"Your trainee salary will be ten thousand Mora a month."
The man's face lit up with joy.
"Yes, yes! That's more than enough!"
"My dear daughter, I knew my love for you wasn't wasted!"
Dehya gestured dismissively. "Go home and pack your things. Report to the Eremites as soon as possible."
"Okay, I'll go pack right now!"
The man turned and left eagerly.
"Ahem," Dehya cleared her throat and gestured to the mercenaries beside her. "Even though he's my father, don't feel you have to go easy on him for my sake."
"I think he's lacking some real-world experience. As his daughter, I'm worried he'll get taken advantage of out there!"
"Understood, Miss Dehya! We'll be sure to help you... whip him into shape!"
Hearing their response, Dehya let out an extremely satisfied "Mm."
Just then, a massive cloud of dust appeared in the far distance, signaling a large group moving at high speed.
Instantly, the Eremites around Dehya went on high alert.
Soon, Dehya recognized the approaching force: the most powerful mercenary group in the region, hundreds strong, and it seemed every last one of them was here.
"Dehya! Someone's put a ten-billion-Mora bounty on your head!"
"Men die for wealth, birds die for food. Don't blame me for being ruthless!"
The opposing mercenary leader finished speaking and immediately ordered his men to grab their weapons and charge.
"Miss Dehya, run! We'll hold them off!"
Unlike the panicked mercenaries, Dehya remained utterly calm.
"Everyone, fall back! Let me hog all the EXP!"
With that, Dehya grabbed her claymore and charged in alone.
One woman against hundreds. The result: Dehya carved through their ranks, leaving chaos in her wake. She slew hundreds, captured over a hundred more, and created a legend that would be told among mercenaries for ages to come.
Finally, Dehya sat on the highest throne of the mercenary world, a melancholic expression on her face.
"Sigh... I just wanted to be rich, but my strength wouldn't allow it."
"Let the music play! Let the dancing continue!"
-
Inside the Akademiya, Great Sage Faruzan's sharp gaze swept over everyone below. Instantly, the high-ranking Sages froze like terrified chickens, their bodies rigid with fear.
"You, come here," Faruzan suddenly commanded, pointing at a white-haired old man who looked like he had one foot in the grave.
The summoned old man shuddered violently. He clutched his chest, his eyes rolling back into his head, looking as if he might keel over and ascend right then and there.
"I recall you're from Spantamad, correct?" Faruzan said. "Now, present the merits of your Darshan's research. I will allocate your budget based on your presentation."
"I... I... I..." the old man stammered, unable to form another word.
Faruzan slammed her hand on the table, her voice cold. "If you don't speak up, Spantamad's funding is gone."
Her words were like the most potent medicine in the world. The old man's stutter vanished instantly. He launched into a passionate two-hour monologue, speaking until his throat was parched and his vision blurred with stars. Finally, he fell silent, cautiously watching Faruzan's impassive expression.
"What you said sounded... acceptable," Faruzan began.
The Spantamad Sage's face lit up with joy.
"However, your funding is gone."
"No—!"
At those words, the Spantamad Sage collapsed to his knees, his composure utterly shattered.
"Next."
"You. It's your turn, Amurta."
Two hours later.
"Although your presentation was excellent, your funding is gone."
"No—!"
At those words, the Amurta Sage collapsed to his knees, his composure utterly shattered.
"Next!"
Faruzan glanced at the time and saw it was already past closing. She gave up on listening to them one by one and cut straight to the point.
"Forget it. I doubt you have anything useful to say anyway."
"Your funding is completely cut!"
"No—"
The moment Faruzan finished speaking, a large group of people collapsed to their knees, their minds completely shattered.
As Faruzan left the conference room, she glanced back over her shoulder. A wave of satisfaction washed over her, and a smile spread across her face.
Soon after she returned home, ten Paimons flew out from a room.
"Madam~"