"AAAAAAH! NO! I do NOT want to hear this, okay?!"
The color drained from her face in an instant. Little Gui buried her face in her hands, crouched on the ground, thrashing her head back and forth frantically, her maroon ponytail flopping listlessly.
The news was so catastrophic that she ultimately lost her balance entirely — the world spun, and she toppled headfirst into silly little Sushang's lap like a felled tree.
The Little Pillow absorbed the impact with a soft boing, bouncing away like a gummy candy, while a wispy white puff of a soul began visibly drifting out from between Little Gui's lips.
"Kehkehkeh~ Mwahahaha~!"
In a voice pinched deliberately into a grating, theatrical register, Caelus flashed the grin of a proper supervillain.
"Big Sis Streamer~! Jie~ Jie~!"
Little Gui trembled from head to toe, face ashen, tear-blurred eyes lifting shakily to look at him.
Caelus circled her twice, then crouched down and tilted her smooth chin up with the pad of his index finger, smiling with all the wholesome sunshine of the boy next door:
"You don't actually want me to file for an underage refund, do you?"
"PLEASE DON'T!"
Little Gui launched herself off the ground like a rocket, arms instantly locking around Caelus's neck as her entire body clung to him.
She had completely forgotten she was currently wearing a novelty-lingerie qipao that rather prominently displayed certain forward-facing assets.
When a minor files for an underage refund on a streaming platform, the platform and the streamer typically share the liability — but the streamer suffers additional losses beyond the refunded amount, such as platform commissions, guild cuts, and other revenue tied to the original donations. These losses often exceed the refund itself, because the streamer may have already withdrawn or spent the funds and must now pay back out of pocket.
"Wuwuwu, Master, Maaaaster — you've donated over ten million credits to my channel! Even if I liquidated my entire dowry I couldn't pay that back!"
For any third-rate — or even second-rate — streamer, having a top-donating superfan turn out to be a minor filing for a refund was more terrifying than being forcibly pinned down by the strongest warrior-woman of the Boar King's tribe, I'm telling you!
For the first time ever, she'd gotten the dream whale of a Number One donor.
She'd even taken on a Master with a flair for the gloriously unhinged.
Two joys layered on top of each other, those doubled joys breeding even more joy — this should have been the beginning of a dreamy, blissful chapter of her life!
So why — why had it come to this?!
Watching Little Gui's expression of absolute tear-streaked despair, March 7th's eyes filled with genuine sympathy and pity.
Haxxor Bunny, meanwhile, was still reeling from the bombshell Caelus had dropped at the very start.
She craned her rabbit-headed hoodie forward and peered at the ID in Caelus's hand.
What the actual—!!
Three years old?!
Have you lost your mind, or have I?!
This body is THREE YEARS OLD?!
Wait — I think I remember something about the body being three while the mind is older. Is Caelus some kind of accelerated-growth clone?
As a self-confessed otaku well-versed in ACG tropes, Haxxor Bunny's brain immediately began cycling through a dozen classic genre scenarios — but the visceral feeling of her own Sensei suddenly being a three-year-old... tch. Her emotions were a complicated mess she couldn't quite put into words.
The Stellaron spirit, however, had rather less conscience about the situation. She couldn't suppress the curl at the corner of her mouth, and burst out laughing like an elder from the Hall of Karma.
She could feel, through shared sensation, the soft give pressing against her chest — Stelle was completely unbothered, circling around Guinaifen-who-was-currently-clinging-to-Caelus with her phone raised like a camera.
This was exactly what she'd been waiting for — she just wanted to see Little Gui make that face, okay?!
"It'll be fine, Little Gui — isn't that what a dowry's for? This is literally the moment it was always meant for."
Calelus's voice was gentle as still water as he offered his consolation, one hand lightly smoothing the glossy orange-red hair.
He pinched her bouncy cheeks and rocked them side to side, like a kid shaking a wobble toy:
"And if you still can't pay it back — don't you have someone you could offer me as compensation?"
"Wow! You — you're a DEMON, aren't you?!"
Her voice cracking with panic, Little Gui yelped and scrambled off Caelus, casting desperate looks around at the various girls present who might have some sort of intimate leverage over him.
Haxxor Bunny — currently just a companion, nothing more.
Li Sushang — Caelus had technically already enjoyed the Big Pillow, but only in private; Moonscar had since sent her consciousness back to the Honkai World, and then Caelus had… well, on the surface, they were still technically just in the friends category.
Sushang…
"Mm, that's so much money — even if I smashed open my piggy bank I couldn't make much of a dent for you..."
She's already trying to figure out how to help me pay it back?
Sushang — you absolute sweetheart. I'm going to cry.
Seele had gone red-faced and quiet. Stelle was busy being extremely unreasonable with her video recording.
Little Gui swept her gaze around the circle once more, and — like a drowning person grabbing for a plank of driftwood — her eyes locked onto March 7th.
"Caelus, stop teasing Little Gui."
The kind-hearted, beautiful March 7th stepped forward with an exasperated laugh and tugged on Caelus's arm.
"Mwahahaha — a debt must be repaid, it's the law of heaven! I'm sorry, Little Gui!"
Stelle flashed a perfectly textbook villain's arrogant smirk. "Can't pay it back? Then severe punishment — be a good girl and become our Star— mmph!"
Before the Stellaron spirit could finish that particular word, March 7th's hand shot up and clamped over her runaway mouth — then delivered several firm hand-chop raps to Stelle's skull by way of correction:
"A beautiful girl cannot say words like that!"
"This time I'm with Ah Qi — zip it."
Caelus threw a sideways glance at Hachi-Stelle in her sky-blue qipao. Thanks to his own narcissism, this particular look on Stelle was several times more attractive to him than Little Gui's!
…That is, assuming this creature didn't open her mouth. The moment she did — all that Jiangnan watertown poetry, that fairy-descended-from-the-heavens aura, that cool-on-the-outside-warm-only-for-you senior-sister energy — all of it evaporated without a trace!
How did she end up with a mouth like that?
"But I also need to make one thing clear — I am not teasing Little Gui. I am teaching a lesson!"
Caelus declared this with complete moral authority.
At once, his expression shifted to something solemn and almost sacred. One hand gently brushed aside the red strands falling across Little Gui's temple, and he lowered his voice to something soft and earnest:
"Little Gui — the next time you open your streamer dashboard, you'll find that everything has changed. The world will no longer be beautiful, and those happy, carefree days will never come back."
"But don't give up, Little Gui. Lift your head and keep moving forward. Go work yourself to the bone, pay back every last credit of the underage refund you owe me, and from this day on — never trust a Number One donor again."
"Pay back the money, Little Gui. This is the final lesson."
The words were earnest and warm — the cadence of a teacher who had sacrificed everything of his own to point a student toward the light.
"Wuwu, waaah!! Master..."
Little Gui was deeply moved. The volume of her bawling alone made that perfectly clear.
"Don't thank me. As a teacher, this is simply my responsibility."
"No — I feel like there's still so, so much I need to learn from Master!"
For the sake of her life on the Xianzhou Luofu. For the sake of her brothers and sisters who had finally found stability. Little Gui resolved to stake everything on the struggle ahead!
She looked up at him through watery eyes and wrapped both arms around Caelus's leg.
"So — as the ancient Xianzhou saying goes: one day as teacher, forever as father! Starting today, you are my father!"
We're family now — surely the debt doesn't count anymore, right?
"Mm. Little Gui, you do seem to have inherited the pinnacle of our lineage's spirit, I must say."
Caelus ruffled the silky, smooth red hair with an expression of almost paternal satisfaction.
One gentle push, and she learned to throw away all dignity without hesitation. A worthy pupil indeed!
Little Gui wiped her tears on Caelus's trouser leg, dropped to one knee, and clasped both hands together in a formal bow:
"As the Xianzhou Hymnal of Filial Piety teaches — 'Serve your parents with devotion, attend them with reverence, offer morning and evening greetings, taste their medicine before they drink!' Your disciple shall attend by your bedside, bring joy to your knee! From this day forth: hot morning tea poured at the fifth quarter of the mao hour, bath prepared at the fifth quarter of the you hour — and before sleep, I shall even… even knead your shoulders, rub your legs, and sing you the 'Xianzhou Lullaby'!"
"Wait — 'bring joy to your knee'?"
Stelle immediately snapped back to full attention as if she'd caught a critical keyword.
"The old Xianzhou texts are hard to translate, but even I know words have to be taken in context, you know."
March 7th switched to dead-fish eyes, one hand on her hip, staring Stelle down.
Caelus's face took on a reflective, deliberating expression — as though weighing whether to condemn his own kin for the greater good.
Little Gui's tiny brain was spinning furiously — absorbing, synthesizing, arriving at a sudden epiphany of all the streaming wisdom Caelus had ever imparted to her. Whether as a person or as a streamer, there was one universal principle: shamelessness!
Suddenly, a bolt of inspiration shot through Little Gui's mind. She had found her path to salvation!
Little Gui rose and leaned up to whisper in Caelus's ear — entirely unaware that in bowing forward, she was delivering a rather generous eyeful of her décolletage directly into his line of sight.
"As a gesture of filial devotion — I'll find a way to offer Master Sushang's undergarments as a peace offering!"
Best friends through thick and thin — death before separation!
Sushang — I'm sorry! For the sake of my whole family, please make this one small sacrifice!
Caelus glanced over at Sushang, who was watching the proceedings with the blissfully confused delight of someone watching a puppet show she didn't quite understand.
In that case, you might as well just offer yourself instead.
"Very well — since my dear disciple Little Gui shows such a hunger for knowledge, we shall… postpone the Final Lesson for just a little while longer."
Much like how his gender could freely toggle back and forth between male and female, Caelus's age could slide just as freely between adult and minor — whenever the underage classification was needed, he simply cited the birth timestamp of the physical body.
The core principle: complete freedom of gender and age!
Haxxor Bunny, who had been watching this entire circus from the sidelines, felt the corner of her mouth twitch.
She looked at the picture-perfect master-and-disciple duo of Caelus and Little Gui. Then she looked at the cheerfully clueless Sushang and Little Gui.
All she could say was: what a teacher-student pair!
What best friends!
As someone who had crossed over from ancient times, Li Sushang had only a vague half-grasp of things like streaming, platforms, and revenue cuts — she'd been mildly baffled through most of the exchange, unsure what was happening.
But she'd understood the conversation toward the end well enough, and found herself at a speechless loss for words.
"Oh, right — Little Gui, what happened to the clothes you changed out of?"
At that moment, Stelle seemed to remember something and held up a finger.
"I left them over there."
The relieved Little Gui pointed to the stone table behind them. "Those clothes are completely totalled! The skirt's been burned down to something that looks like it was chewed up by a Denizen of Abundance — completely unwearable!"
"Can't wear them, but you can eat them — can't let them go to waste."
Stelle said it the way an older sister reminds her little sibling not to waste food.
"Huh?"
Little Gui blinked.
"Eat?!"
Haxxor Bunny did a double-take.
March 7th narrowed her eyes. "Are you really going to do that again?"
Before she could finish the sentence, Stelle had already sprinted over, scooped up the thoroughly destroyed black stockings and red skirt, and stuffed them into the Universal Synthesizer — then, in full view of Haxxor Bunny's what-the-actual-hell expression, tossed in a Heliobus and a bag of size-changing candies she'd bought on their shopping trip.
Those were a type of candy that changed size in water according to temperature — somewhat like the expanding water bead toys Caelus used to play with as a child before crossing over.
"Wait — what even is this synthesizer? It can turn a Heliobus and pantyhose and a skirt into actual food? Is it actually edible?"
Compared to this, the ingredients Stelle had used to make the popsicles earlier had been positively normal — Haxxor Bunny hadn't paid much attention back then.
In Haxxor Bunny's mind, ice, sugar, and other edible things from the golden bag going into a popsicle had made perfect sense.
But stuffing a ghost and pantyhose in as ingredients was a bit too far over the line of absurdity, wasn't it?!
"Don't worry — clean and hygienic!"
The synthesizer's output chute opened, and a cascade of rainbow-colored candies tumbled out. Stelle held one up with the pride of a scientist who had just completed a successful invention — a large, deep-blue marble of a sweet — and asked:
"Anyone want to try one first?"
____
________________________________________
If you want more chapters, please consider supporting my page on (P). with 50 advanced chapters available on (P)
👻 Join the crew by searching Leanzin on (P). You know the spot! 😉