I didn't know how long I'd been wandering in the rain, but my legs kept moving on their own. Narrow streets, the smell of wet asphalt, raindrops. Every movement echoed with pain, but I didn't stop. I didn't want to stop.
Storefronts flickered somewhere to the side, but I barely looked around.
The only thing that mattered was to keep walking forward, so I wouldn't be left alone with what was happening in my head. If I stopped, would I even be able to move again?
Somewhere out there, behind the curtain of rain, stood the house where no one was waiting for me anymore.
A cold gaze. There was no anger in it, no pity. Only final rejection.
"Stupid fuckers..." slipped out through clenched teeth.
Anger boiled inside, but only exhaustion broke through.
What the hell?
I never asked to be born into this family. I never asked them to be my parents.
I tried to straighten up, but pain shot through my body. The rain grew heavier, cold streams running down my face and soaking my clothes.
Where even am I?
I looked around. Tall buildings on all sides. People rushed about their business, hiding under umbrellas, jumping over puddles.
Someone bumped my shoulder.
"Oh! Sorry!"
A schoolboy. His face confused, but he didn't stop and ran on.
School...
There was a time I used to go there too.
I slowly turned my head and saw a group just like him near a kiosk. Young and cheerful. They chatted, laughed, talked about something empty. Meaningless.
I wanted to look away. I wanted to go far from here.
I stopped at a crosswalk. Raindrops slid through my hair, down my face, under my collar.
"Because you... if only... you idiot!"
A loud female voice.
I turned my head and saw a couple arguing. The girl, gesturing nervously, tried to explain something, but the guy wasn't listening. She turned around and ran. He darted after her immediately.
Something slammed into my back. I took a step forward but managed to keep my balance.
A girl. Black hair, piercing gaze. She didn't even apologize. Just ran on, straight into the road.
"Forgive her... she..."
Without stopping, he ran after her.
"Damn kids..."
I wasn't in a hurry. Why would I hurry? I had no home. Not anymore.
A sharp screech of tires. Light hit my eyes.
I saw his face. The boy froze in fear.
Shit.
A lunge. Wind in my ears. A moment. The girl. The guy. My shoulder slamming into his body, pushing him aside.
Pain. So much pain. Am I dying? Am I really going to die? I can't... I... can't...
***
Darkness.
I tried to find anything here, tried to move my fingers — but I didn't have any; breathing — what was I supposed to breathe with? I tried to walk, but there was no up or down, tried to see something, but nothing. I found nothing. Even my own thoughts were falling apart.
My consciousness drifted on its own in this thick darkness where there wasn't a single glimmer of light. How long had I been here? Was this purgatory? Heaven? Hell? Maybe I was crossing the Sanzu River?
Then, somewhere at the edge, lights flared, followed by flashes, sounds, voices. But whose? I didn't know.
In one of them — a room. In another — the glow of a monitor. None of the memories held. It was like someone was showing me disconnected frames from a movie.
The thought of the word "movie" surfaced suddenly. The word felt familiar, but what was it? Memory didn't respond.
A moment later everything vanished. Then the void trembled.
At first it was a light push, then a tangible movement. Something was pulling from inside.
I didn't feel a body, but I knew — I was being sucked in.
Space closed in, drawing me deeper. Everything sped up. I couldn't see, but I felt steady pressure.
And then—
A sharp breath.
The first real, conscious breath. My lungs filled, my chest tightened, my arms jerked. My arms...
What's wrong with my arms?
They were tiny. My fingers barely moved, like a paralyzed person's.
My chest tightened and I wheezed, a helpless and weak sound. My body trembled and I couldn't move my fingers. The light filtering through my eyelids was too bright. The sounds around me grew clearer.
No, no, no… is this a nightmare? I can't…
My eyes flew open. I saw a face — a woman with golden hair. She was saying something, but the words blended into an unintelligible stream.
And then everything went dark again.
***
The next awakening was calmer.
This time I didn't try to move. I just lay there, absorbing everything I could. The sheets were soft, and sometimes someone held me in their arms, rocking me gently. Voices became clearer. I couldn't understand the words, but I caught their rhythm.
I am a child.
The thought flared in my mind.
No, that's not me.
My body should be different. Different muscles, different movements, different height. But my hands trembled from the simple desire to clench my fingers. Everything around me was too big. But how? Was I...
Was I born again?
Laughter and fear burst out at the same time.
***
Days and months passed like that. I woke up, then fell asleep again. Time moved slowly, but with each awakening my mind grew stronger.
At first everything was blurry. Memories of my past life came in waves. I didn't know who I was. I didn't understand what was happening. It felt like I was being born again, but the body was unfamiliar and moved on its own.
By the time I was one year old, I already understood that my name was Rudeus.
That I had a mother — Zenith, a father — Paul, and a woman who was often nearby — Lilia.
Their faces became familiar. The language that once sounded like noise slowly began to take shape. Words became recognizable, simple phrases started to form meaning.
It took me some time to grasp the structure of speech, but it happened faster than it should have. I didn't study the language. It simply came on its own. First simple words, then sentences, and then the realization that I understood everything spoken around me.
By the time I was two, I could already follow conversations. I knew what they were talking about, understood their requests, noticed their moods.
I saw how Zenith smiled at me, how Paul lifted me into his arms, how Lilia tucked me into bed.
But none of it really felt like it was about me. It was as if I was watching a movie about someone else's happy family.
By the time I was three, I realized I could read aloud.
"Rudy, what are you mumbling?" Zenith asked, surprised when she heard my voice.
"Reading?"
It was strange. I wasn't trying to learn. I simply watched people read to me, looked at the letters, and understood them. As if my brain was sorting out the language on its own. As if I already knew it and had only forgotten.
It was unsettling.
I had been stupid in my past life. How did I have this now? Or maybe I hadn't been...
I no longer remembered. I remembered nothing. My native language was gone. My real parents' faces were erased. And the memories that surfaced were scattered, and only through them could I guess who I really was.
— A flickering screen. A keyboard under my fingers.
— Voices behind a door. Strange yet familiar.
— Blinding headlights, water underfoot.
I sank into them, losing myself. I remembered moments of humiliation, anger, pain. I remembered how I hated my life. But I didn't know why. It was like watching my past through frosted glass.
Was I really like that back then? Had I been a child who enjoyed small things, dreamed, wanted to be better? Or had I become the person I remembered from the very start?
I didn't know.
Sometimes it felt like I was two people at once.
On one side, I was Rudeus, a child growing up in a caring family.
On the other — I was who I had been before. A weakling, a coward, a failure who feared every new day. I wanted to believe this life would be different, but the fear of the past didn't go away.
Over time that bothered me less. I decided not to dwell on it. I had a new chance. A new life. There was no place for the past in it.
***
I sat on the floor, lazily listening as Lilia silently cleaned the room.
But then something strange happened. Zenith walked up to the table, picked up an empty cup, and quietly said a few words.
An unfamiliar language.
It sounded unusual. Unlike anything I'd heard before.
In the same moment, water appeared in the cup on its own. It filled it to the brim, flowing out of nowhere.
What? How?
I grabbed the edge of the table. My heart suddenly beat faster.
What was that?
I looked at Zenith again. She didn't even pay attention to it. As if that was perfectly normal.
Magic?
Magic. I only knew it from movies, games, books. But here… I looked at my hands.
Could I do it too?
A strange excitement washed over me, something like fear and awe mixed together.
***
The house was full of voices.
A glowing orb under the ceiling cast a warm light, illuminating the room where the whole family had gathered.
My fifth birthday. I felt emotions stirring inside me. I was five again. It was so strange there were no words for it.
"Five years old," Paul drawled, looking me over. "You're growing too fast. Soon you'll be taller than me."
"You say that like I'm already grown. I'm five, not fifteen," I muttered.
"And you think you're still a kid?" Paul smirked. "Then why do you always look so serious?"
I didn't know how to answer. Because I'm not five? Because I remember too much?
Try explaining it out loud:
'You know, Paul, I've lived more than thirty years already, so technically I'm older than you. Would you mind showing some respect to your elder?'
A perfect way to end up locked in a basement. Or on a pyre.
I just shrugged.
"Just… feels nice."
"That's good," Zenith leaned toward me and ruffled my hair with an unusually cheerful expression.
Paul turned to Zenith, held her gaze for a moment, and let out a quiet chuckle.
"You're acting like it's your birthday."
"Well, someone here has to be excited. You're only good at grumbling."
Paul paused and put on a look of mortal offense, lifting his chin.
"Me? Grumble? I'm the most cheerful guy in the world!"
"Yeah…" Zenith shook her head. "Even when you smile, your face looks like you picked a fight with a fly and lost."
Paul laughed and gave a small shake of his head.
"Fine, fine, I'll smile more often. Just don't get scared, okay?"
He stretched his lips into a wide grin. Zenith stared at him as if she'd seen something absolutely unfit for a celebration. A strange mix of shock and mild embarrassment spread across her face.
"…What is that?" she finally managed. "Ha-ha-ha… You look like your cheek is being pulled by a ghost. That's awful!"
Paul frowned, but with the smile still on his face he only looked worse.
"HEY!"
Zenith was already choking with laughter.
"No, seriously! That's not a smile, that's a cry for help. Pff—ha-ha…"
Paul raised a brow and dropped the terrible grin.
"Come on. I'm trying!"
Something like irritation rose inside me. Not anger, not envy, but something unpleasant, like I'd stepped on a piece of Lego by accident and would feel it for the rest of the day.
In more than thirty years of life, I'd never touched a woman. Literally. No touch, no closeness, none of those silly but painfully alive moments when two people are simply happy together.
And now here I was, in a child's body, watching a couple who not only lived together — they had me.
Where's the justice in that?
I grimaced and took a sip of water. Of course I understood that my thoughts were pathetic and petty. But knowing that didn't make them any less real.
Maybe I simply wasn't meant to experience that in my previous life? Maybe this time it would be different?
But definitely not now. Right now I was a child, and all I could do was sit here and endure while my parents acted out their own little romantic scene.
Lilia, the maid, who had been quietly setting the table all this time, said softly:
"Congratulations, Rudeus."
"Thanks…"
I nodded, accepting the congratulations. At that moment the glowing spheres drifting in the air caught my attention. When a candle was lit, instead of a flame, a small sphere of light appeared.
The Creator, blessings, candles lit for every year lived… It was too similar to religious traditions from my old world. I wasn't a believer, but for some reason these glowing lights felt warm.
Though, how could you not start believing when you literally reincarnate into another world? And those little spheres were clearly the work of magic. What if that god was real? And if so, why would he bless me? I didn't have a single merit to my name.
"Well then, since the moment is solemn…" Zenith cleared her throat theatrically and lifted her glass. "Oh, my young Rudeus! You are the family's pride, the heir of valor, the light of hope! Today, in honor of your birth, accept this gift."
Lilia approached me, holding a sword.
I froze.
Black scabbard, carved hilt.
"Take it," Lilia said, offering it to me.
I carefully took the blade, feeling its weight in my hands.
"Heavy," I breathed out, giving it a small swing to test the balance.
"Of course. That's not a toy, Rudy, be careful," Paul warned, leaning closer. "This isn't just a sword, it's an artifact weapon made specially to order. I've got something similar myself."
He tapped the scabbard of his own sword, smiling.
"Look at how well it's made. At first glance it may look ordinary, but the blade is lined with mithril veins. It's not just metal — it increases durability and channels magic better."
I ran my finger along the blade, feeling the cold metal. In my past life, I'd never had anything like this. Videogames, movies, anime — sure. But a real weapon you could hold, could sharpen, could actually use? Never.
Paul said it was an artifact weapon. I didn't know what exactly that meant, but it sounded serious.
"Beautiful…"
"And sharp," Paul slid the sword back into its sheath. "Take care of it. Lose it or break it — and you'll regret it."
I nodded, but only one thought kept circling in my mind.
In the world I lived in before, magic was a fairy tale. Myths. And here it simply existed.
And now I was in this world.
"Oh, and one more thing: starting tomorrow, I'm planning to teach you the basics of swordsmanship," Paul said, smirking. "Usually they start at ten, but you're special."
"I won't let you down!" I straightened up, feeling determination spread through my chest.
"Well, we'll see," Paul chuckled.
I tightened my grip on the sword's hilt, feeling the cold metal.