"Wanna eat lunch with us?"
The voice was friendly in a way that made Lena feel unbelievably welcome, like she belonged. Without thinking, she nodded and followed after the girl… soft, dark skin, long curly auburn hair.
A blurred face that, for some reason or another, despite haunting her dreams all too often, Lena could never quite make out and remember the details of that face…it was always half-blurred and blocked out.
Or maybe… maybe she was making herself forget.
—--------------
Lena trailed behind Luka and Sarah through the crowded hallway, their laughter and chatter echoing ahead like a rope she couldn't reach. Sarah's warm auburn hair bounced with each step—too familiar, too triggering. The color pulled at a memory Lena wasn't ready to face. She forced her gaze away, but the nausea settled deeper in her gut, heavier than before.
The lunchroom doors opened, and a wave of noise greeted them: scraping chairs, clinking trays, bursts of teenage voices. It hit her all at once, the too-muchness of it.
Everyone wants to be liked.
Even if they never admit it, even if they pretend they don't care, there's always that tiny, quiet hope—that the person they're speaking to sees something good in them. That they'll leave an impression, that they'll be liked.
But Lena? As she sat at the half-full lunch table, eyes glued to her hands twisting in her lap, she didn't care about being liked. The idea of someone "liking" her didn't even register.
What mattered, what always mattered...
She just couldn't stand the thought of being hated.
Somehow, a boy had joined them on the way to the cafeteria. She didn't know his name. She wasn't even sure she'd seen his face before. He sat across from her, offering a lazy wave as Sarah and Luka peeled off toward the lunch line. His messy blonde hair fell just above his shoulders, and his tired, lazy green eyes contrasted with his light olive-toned skin. By most standards, he'd be considered handsome.
The boy turned to her. One earbud dangled from his ear, the faint beat of music leaking into the air between them.
"So, you're new here, right? Sarah told me about you, I'm not in your class." He leaned forward slightly, a strange hint of interest in his voice as he spoke his next words. "But I heard you're close with Umire?"
His voice was too loud for the distance between them, and the name—Umire—landed like a weight in Lena's chest.
She stiffened. "Yeah…" Lena murmured.
They sat in a strange, awkward silence, the boy looking at her and Lena looking anywhere but his eyes.
The boy gave her a polite smile, one of those automatic social reflexes people do when a silence stretches too long. Lena tried to match it, but her smile barely reached her lips.
"Oh, where'd you transfer from?"
A lump formed in her throat. Her fingers fumbled with the strap of her bag. She couldn't meet his eyes.
"I…" The pause stretched thin. The boy stared, waiting. "I went to a school… kinda far from here." She tacked on a wea,k awkward laugh. "Haha."
The boy nodded after a moment, but there was something—an edge, maybe a sigh tucked into the silence that followed.
"Uh, okay," he said. His attention shifted. He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen with his thumb. She could hear the faint sounds of a game through his headphones now. No more questions. No more polite smiles.
That was it, then. That was the whole conversation.
Lena sat frozen for a moment, then began slowly unpacking her lunch, the crinkling of plastic loud in the space the boy had left between them. She focused on the small tasks—peeling back the lid of a container, unwrapping her utensils—as if each one were a spell that could keep her from vanishing into thin air.
She didn't want to be here.
She didn't want to play these confusing, exhausting social games or sit across from people she couldn't understand and who couldn't understand her.
She wanted to be in the empty classroom again. Alone. Where silence didn't have to mean anything.
Lena couldn't shake the feeling that the boy didn't like her. She raked through the fragments of the conversation, trying to find the thread she'd missed. Why did he stop talking? Was it something she'd said? Had she made it awkward? Was she… boring? Weird?
A tight knot formed in her chest. Why did she always mess things up? Why couldn't she just… be normal?
Her fingers shook slightly as she thought about the cake that still sat in her bag. The same cake she'd made for Umire. It was going to go bad soon. It was a stupid thing to make in the first place, wasn't it? A dumb idea, a dumb dream, a dumb wish.
She closed the bag with a soft snap, her eyes falling on the lunch in front of her, the small meal that felt like a tiny consolation prize, though she wasn't sure she would be able to stomach it in the current awkward atmosphere. Could she eat before Luka and Sarah came back? Would it be rude?
Lena had never really eaten lunch with people before. The thought alone triggered memories she couldn't quite shake—words laced with warmth, the flash of curly red hair. She tried to push it away, banishing it from her mind. But aside from that, the only person she'd ever shared lunch with was Umire. And strangely, with Umire, the awkwardness didn't seem to exist. There was no anxiety, no tightness in her chest. Just... ease.
Her gaze flicked up. The boy had both earphones in now, fully immersed in his game. His fingers tapped rapidly, a rapid rhythm she could hear from across the table. He wasn't even acknowledging her anymore.
Of course not.
Lena sighed, the sound escaping her before she could stop it. She pulled out her phone, swiping it open to drown the chaos in her head. Maybe social media could give her something to latch onto.
She scrolled, half-heartedly watching photos of cakes and sweets—fluffy cupcakes, glossy layers of frosting, meticulously decorated cookies. It wasn't the world she lived in, but it was the one she wanted. A world where she could bake and create, where her hands were busy and her mind wasn't so loud.
But as she flicked past a cake design she'd bookmarked yesterday, Umire's face surfaced in her mind. That flicker of warmth. The image of her, standing next to her, smiling like she'd been someone important to Lena.
Her chest tightened again, the lump that had been building there threatening to choke her.
She shoved the feeling away and plugged in her headphones, leaving one earbud out so she could still hear the noise around her, but it barely helped. She sank into the music, trying to block out the sensation of being completely alone, even as she shared the table with someone else.
It was a strange thing, to be sitting with someone and feel more invisible than if you were sitting in an empty room.
And yet, the silence dragged on. Neither she nor the boy spoke. They were both there, but neither of them was truly there.
"Hey! What are you guys doing!?"
The sudden voice jolted Lena out of her reverie. She startled, the phone slipping from her hands and nearly crashing to the table. Sarah's voice rang out like an alarm, sharp and cheerful, breaking the silence she'd been hiding in.
Lena blinked as Sarah set down two trays with a dramatic sigh, and Luka, trailing behind her, paused when he caught sight of her.
For a long moment, Luka didn't sit down. His eyes settled on Lena, then back to Sarah and the boy, and Lena shifted uncomfortably in her seat, wishing she could melt into the table.
Luka's gaze met her again. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he walked around the table and plopped down next to her, unceremoniously sliding his lunch tray into place.
Sarah, on the other hand, wasn't so subtle. She grabbed the boy's earplugs and yanked them out, a sharp motion that had him flinching.
"You damn game addict," Sarah sighed loudly, rolling her eyes as she looked at him with mock exasperation. "You were seriously on your phone the whole time?"
The boy gave a half-hearted shrug, clearly unbothered. But Lena—Lena—was already feeling the weight of the moment. She could feel the space between her and Luka, the stretch of awkwardness like a chasm she didn't know how to bridge.
The table was no longer silent, but it didn't matter. Lena felt like she was outside the conversation, like she was listening in from another world.
"No, we talked a bit… You guys just took forever," the boy huffed without looking up.
Sarah rolled her eyes and slid a lunch tray in front of him. "Here. You're welcome, by the way."
"Yeah, thanks… lunch lines suck," he muttered, already digging in before the tray hit the table.
Sarah scoffed. "You know, I got your lunch, and I asked you to be decent and talk to Lena. I must've had too much faith in you."
The boy just shrugged, barely listening, chewing as he scrolled through his phone again.
Lena glanced sideways. Luka, sitting beside her now, had already opened his lunch and started eating without a word. She took it as permission and opened her box.
"Anyway, Lena, this is Kai," Sarah said, giving her a small smile. "Massive gamer. Sorry about that."
Lena nodded politely, unsure how to respond. Was she supposed to laugh? Agree? Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth, so she said nothing.
"Whoa," Luka mumbled around a bite of rice, leaning closer to peer into her box. "Your lunch looks amazing…"
"Thanks…"
Before the quiet could settle again, Sarah spoke through a mouthful of food. "By the way, do you know why Umire isn't here today?"
Lena's chopsticks froze midair.
"What—wait, Umire's not here?" Kai blurted out, suddenly paying attention. "Since when?!"
"Mouth. Closed," Sarah snapped.
Kai made a show of chewing dramatically but still looked at Lena expectantly.
"Um… I'm not sure," Lena said softly, eyes lowering to her lunch again.
"She skips a lot, though…" Luka chimed in, still chewing. "I asked her once about it, but she kind of side-stepped it. Told me to move on without saying it outright. She's good at that."
"Yup," Sarah muttered. "Classic Umire."
"You think Yuna knows what's going on?" Kai asked, tossing his phone to the side for once.
"Probably," Luka replied. "They're always together."
"Yeah, but lately it's been more Lena and Umire, huh?" Sarah added. "Didn't all three of you have lunch together yesterday? Yuna probably hates you now," she said, laughing. "Don't mind her, though—she's just a little territorial."
Lena gave a weak chuckle, barely managing a smile. Her chest felt tight. Why did that sound like an accusation?
"Lena's cool though! I get why Umire likes you," Luka said cheerfully. Without warning, he reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder.
Lena flinched hard.
—Jumped was more like it.
Her bag toppled over with a loud thud, spilling a couple of pencils and a half-slid notebook onto the floor.
"Ah—are you okay?!" Luka pulled his hand back immediately, wide-eyed.
"I'm fine," Lena said too quickly, her voice tight. Her face burned.
The others stared for a beat too long, just enough for the panic to rise in her throat. They think I'm a freak now, she thought. Overreacting. Weird. Broken.
She stiffly began reaching for her bag. Why couldn't she just be normal? Just once?
Luka stood abruptly, his tall frame casting a shadow over Lena as he stepped toward her bag. Without a word, he knelt and scooped up the stray pencil that had rolled beneath the chair. He straightened her bag, carefully placing the scattered books back inside like it was second nature.
Lena just watched, awkward and unsure. Her hands hovered over her knees, uncertain if she should help or stop him.
Then—"Whoa!"
Luka's sudden shout made her jolt, but this time she forced herself not to flinch. Her spine stiffened with the effort.
He held up something in his hand—her cake container. The one she'd packed yesterday, untouched. The frosting was slightly smudged on the clear plastic lid, but the soft, fluffy slices inside still looked delicate and fresh.
"This looks amazing! Where'd you buy it?" Luka asked, still crouched beside her, eyes wide.
"Don't go snooping through people's stuff!" Sarah groaned, but her eyes lingered on the cake. "But… wow, that does look good."
"I made it," Lena muttered.
Luka blinked. "You made this?"
He sounded way too excited for someone who had just spilled her things, but Lena noticed it—how quickly his tone lit up around food. It flipped a switch in him.
"Yeah…" she said, looking down, heat brushing up her neck. The others were all staring now. Her lunch, her cake, her. She resisted the urge to shrink into herself.
"Can I… can I try it?" Luka asked, his voice unusually soft now, almost reverent, like the cake was sacred. The smudge of frosting on the container's lid caught the light as he tilted it.
"You're such a fatass," Sarah said with a sigh, nudging him with her foot. "You spilled her stuff, and now you're begging for dessert?"
"I wanna try too!" Kai chimed in suddenly, pushing his chair back. "Umire said you're a really good baker."
Lena blinked. "She did?"
"Yeah, a couple of days ago. She wouldn't shut up about this slice of cake she stole from your lunch." He grinned. "Said it was, like, bakery-level or something."
Lena's breath caught for a second. Umire… bragged about her? When she wasn't even there? She talked about her…and thought about her. That thought alone sent a strange warmth through her chest, something that settled under her skin and made her want to smile.
"You can have it. It's fine—it was gonna go bad anyway," Lena said, her voice steadier than before. Her nerves didn't feel as sharp now. Just… fuzzy. Faint.
"SCORE!!" Luka yelled, too loudly as always, making her wince.
He snapped her bag shut and slid it back beside her before popping the lid open and inhaling dramatically.
"Don't hog it, you oaf!" Kai shouted, lunging across the table. "Share!"
"Save some for me, seriously," Sarah added, snatching the container from Luka's hands with impressive speed. "Lena, you sure you wanna just give it away like that?"
"Yeah, it's fine. I made a whole cake—this was just the extra." A quiet smile ghosted across Lena's lips before she could stop it. "I already had a lot."
Which wasn't exactly true. Her mom had eaten most of it and shared the rest with her coworkers. Lena hadn't even gotten a slice. But that was okay. Baking it had been enough.
"If you say so," Sarah shrugged, already dividing the slices. "Okay, fatasses, split it evenly."
Sarah pulled some napkins from her bag and laid them out on the table, then grabbed a plastic fork and neatly divided the two slices of cake. She placed each portion on a napkin, handing one to Luka and another to Kai before taking a piece for herself.
"Lena, here," Sarah said, nudging the last slice toward her. "It's your cake—you have to eat it too."
"Oh… thanks," Lena murmured, accepting both the napkin and the fork Sarah passed to her.
"This is…" Luka started, then paused to swallow his first bite. "THIS IS AMAZING!" he practically shouted, diving right back in with another eager forkful.
"It is… wow, it tastes better than the stuff you buy at stores," Sarah added with a satisfied hum, savoring her bite.
Kai didn't say a word. Instead, he stuffed the entire piece into his mouth in one go, chewing noisily with frosting smudged all around his lips.
Lena hesitated, then brought her fork to her mouth. The cake was soft and sweet, airy but rich. It melted on her tongue. She'd done good.
As she watched Luka eat—his pace both frantic and reverent, somehow fast and slow at once—she couldn't help but wonder how Umire would've reacted. If she hadn't been too scared to offer her a slice. If she hadn't held back.
Luka was savoring each bite like he could taste every individual ingredient. There was something oddly touching about it.
The table faded into the background as the others began chatting casually. Lena barely registered the words. Kai had one earbud in and occasionally chimed in between swipes on his game, while Sarah and Luka bounced between topics. Their conversation moved so easily, like they'd known each other forever. Like, belonging was simple.
Lena didn't know how to join in. So she just sat there, nibbling on her cake.
Her thoughts drifted—again—to Umire.
She wished she had her number. She could've asked where she was, why she didn't show up. Yuna probably knew. Yuna always seemed to know a lot about Umire…
Something twisted faintly in Lena's chest at that thought. Something… ugly. But more than that, she missed Umire. The memory of her soft voice and kind gaze stayed with Lena like a fingerprint pressed against her heart.
It was silly, wasn't it? They'd barely been friends for a few days. But Lena always did this—latched onto anyone who showed her the smallest kindness, hoping they'd feel the same.
They never did.
The image from her dream crept back into her mind—the girl, faceless and familiar, and the ache of disappointment. But Umire was different.
She said it. Out loud. "We're best friends." It hadn't just lived in Lena's head. It was real. She said it.
"Hey… you eating all that?" a voice cut into her thoughts.
Lena blinked, startled. She looked up to find Luka peering down at her, a hopeful expression on his face. He really was tall.
"Oh. You can have it," she said, nudging the cake toward him. She hadn't realized she'd barely touched it.
"Ah—thank you!" Luka beamed, taking the fork from her and eagerly digging in.
"You good? You seemed lost in thought," Sarah asked, glancing at Lena.
Kai was already back to his game. His napkin was empty, the fork resting on top like punctuation. Headphones in, eyes locked on his phone, he tapped furiously at the screen.
"Oh, I'm fine…" Lena sputtered.
"You're really quiet. You don't talk much," Sarah murmured, not looking up—like it wasn't meant to be a dig, just an absent-minded observation.
Then Kai let out a sudden, frustrated yell and slammed his phone on the table.
"Fucking piece of—ugh! He killed me! I was so close to a new record!"
"Ah, you're so loud…" Sarah groaned, turning to smack him sharply on the head.
Luka laughed at the whole exchange, still picking at Lena's cake with clear delight.
But Lena felt that familiar, suffocating pressure creeping up her throat.
You're really quiet…
Her weirdness was showing again.
She wasn't hiding it well enough.
They could tell. They knew she didn't belong.
They were probably wondering why Umire had ever hung out with her in the first place.
Honestly? She was wondering that too.
The bell rang, sharp and final. Lunch was over.
"Oh. Time for class," Sarah muttered, rising from her seat. Luka and Kai followed her lead. The cafeteria buzzed with students shuffling out, but then Luka paused and turned back.
"You coming, Lena?" he asked, blinking as if only just realizing she hadn't moved.
The other two turned, confused. It was like they hadn't even noticed she was still sitting there.
"Ah… you guys can go without me. I need to go to the bathroom," Lena murmured, the thought of trailing behind them like a ghost twisting her stomach. Worse than being ignored was being talked to—and having nothing useful to say back.
"K, bye~" Sarah said with a lazy wave before turning around again.
Kai glanced at her briefly, then followed Sarah without a word.
Luka lingered.
"You want me to tell the teacher you'll be late?" he asked. He hadn't moved.
Lena blinked, caught off guard. "Uh… no. I'll be there in time. See you…"
She stood, grabbing her bag from the ground.
"Okay. See ya, deskmate!" Luka said brightly, flashing her a genuine-looking smile before jogging off after the others.
Lena watched them go. The cafeteria had mostly emptied. She was the only one left standing there.
She let out a soft sigh, then put in her headphones and took the long way to class—her head full of static and thoughts of Umire.