Toyota stood in front of a strangely clean screen, positioned directly above a steel drum washbasin filled with pristinely clear water. The surface rippled slightly, reacting to the subtle vibrations from his hands as they bumped into the smooth metal rim. Slowly, he raised his arms and began to peel off the blindfold.
It clung to the sides of his head, crusted blood around his ears acting like a sealant, fixing the dark cloth in place. He winced slightly but kept his facial muscles neutral. Without pause, he cupped his hands and scooped up water, pouring it over his ears to wash the blood away.
Words and emotions raced through his head as he fought back the urge to vomit. A wave of nausea welled in his gut, but he forced it down.
He had, just today, done so many new things, things he had never once had the chance to do in his old world.
He had visited rooms filled with strange objects, though they always seemed to become inanimate the moment he entered. But today was different. Today, he had been in a room filled with actual people. He had spoken in front of a large crowd, and if that wasn't enough, he had said more words in a single sitting than he had ever spoken in his entire life.
Could this feeling be some delayed form of stage fright?
…No, that was impossible.
Ever since arriving in this world, there hadn't been a moment when he wasn't under stress. In fact, if he ever felt no stress, he might actually pass out from the sheer unfamiliarity of it.
He lived in constant fear.
Fear of receiving new memories.
Fear of sleeping.
Fear of the future.
But most of all… fear of failing.
Because if he failed, even once, if just one person, one factor he hadn't accounted for, went off-script…
…Everything could be ruined.
He had made too many mistakes today.
Not only had he let past connections, ones that no one would even remember, get the better of him, but he had also slipped up. Let out key information. Damaged his future plans.
And if that wasn't embarrassing enough...
He'd cried.
In front of his only friend.
His knight.
Intentional or not, he loathed himself for that weakness. He could understand crying under torture, or in response to unbearable physical pain, or if someone he loved had died before his eyes.
But crying for no reason?
He had never faulted Subaru for shedding tears. It had always made sense, he could see the pain. The context of it all.
But now, becoming more and more like that same crying protagonist, more like the person he never once criticized for his behavior, from some shared sense of understanding and empathy. He found himself disgusted.
Because he didn't have Subaru's justification.
He hadn't died yet, he hadn't lost anyone, and he was getting emotional over someone else's failed life.
From a third-person perspective... he was sure he just looked pathetic.
Using his Grey World to focus on his face, he hesitated at first, then forced his eyelids open.
No blindfold.
No shielding.
He braced for the overstimulation that came with Grey worlds, combined strain on his vision, working in tandem to create the stabbing pain that should follow.
But it didn't come.
The expected agony never arrived.
His Grey World was still active. He could still perceive the wall behind him, seeing through the stone, where a desk sat cluttered with a pile of scrolls stacked neatly into a pyramid. Yet… his eyes were open. He was seeing this with his own eyes.
What he thought was a thin screen was a mirror.
The Grey World must've misread its surface, maybe because it only perceived through and around objects, but he didn't care enough to figure out the specific science behind it.
What mattered was what he saw.
Looking back at him was a pale, childish face. If not for the faint pink coloration at the sides of the nose, just beneath narrowed eyes, it could've been mistaken for a corpse. The wild, almost spiky white hair was now flattened by the water, matted down in his eyes. Thin lips, smooth skin. The face could easily be confused for that of a twelve-year-old.
Innocent.
Doe-like.
But the contrast was jarring. Beneath the eyes were faint, shallow lines, as if the boy staring back hadn't slept for days. The pupils were tiny, pinpricks that gave the whole expression a haunted, hollow quality.
Toyota leaned closer, captivated.
The most fascinating detail was the pupils themselves.
Right there, etched through the center of each, was a silver slit, both vertical and horizontal, forming a precise crosshair shape. But unlike a normal plus symbol, the lines extended into the whites of his eyes, slowly curling clockwise in a hypnotic spiral.
He clearly remembered there being only one vertical slit in his pupil before that looked almost reptilian in appearance.
Blinking slowly, he rubbed at his eyes, the motion sluggish, more curious than alarmed. Then, stepping back from the mirror, he turned his attention inward.
Using Grey World, he examined his neck.
At first glance, the wound looked horrific, burned, blackened flesh, charred and puffy with minor boils around it, as if he'd been scraped across a bed of hot charcoal. But internally, it wasn't as bad as it appeared. No severed arteries. No nerve damage. Just inflammation, burns, and welted skin.
With Yang magic now in his arsenal, he had access to buffs, and healing should be a type of buff, so theoretically it was possible.
It only made sense to search Gluttony Subaru's Book of the Dead for Roswaal's memories related to healing magic. Surely, the genius sixfold magic-using clown, who had access to all types of magic, including invented compound spells, had some in-depth experience with it.
When it came to magic, there was no better place to start than the mage who held the Moniker of Red, Green, and Yellow for the highest level of skill with Fire, Earth, and Wind magic attributes. While Toyota currently doesn't have those attributes, it wouldn't be a bad place to start learning about the truth of mana, magic, and Od Laguna.
Delving deeper into the twisted archives of lives consumed by Gluttony Subaru, Toyota scanned the connection he shared with the Soul. Eventually, he found what he was looking for.
However, skimming through Roswaal's memories left him with an unpleasant chill. His devotion to his teacher, who had no affection for him, was far too excessive for a crush. The ridiculous thing was that it all originated from a Platonic kiss that enslaved his mind. Relying on his teacher's tome of wisdom religiously, he followed its instructions to the letter. What a twisted and creepy life this man, who was sometimes a woman, had lived. Swapping bodies with his descendants, reproducing solely to create a new vessel... it was truly disgusting. Toyota, in the middle of his search, found himself repulsed by the grotesque legacy.
Starting with his original body, Roswaal has been changing his middle initial every time he possesses a new descendant. His first incarnation was named Roswaal A. Mathers, after 400+ years
He was now Roswaal L. Mathers
12 swapped bodies.
And yet, he found something even more disappointing.
Despite all of Roswaal's magical mastery, there was almost nothing related to healing, just failed experiments on ma-beasts and artificial humans. It was only by pure chance that Toyota stumbled upon something useful: Fa Jin, a martial arts technique that delivers a single, crushing blow to internal organs hidden behind muscle, essentially bypassing surface durability using targeted vibrations. Roswaal had invented the technique himself, even integrating fire magic to scorch an opponent's insides. A brutal method, but effective. It was, in a twisted way, compensation for having to witness the Clown Lord's grotesque body-snatching lineage.
Not that the clown could stop his technique stealing.
Should have copyrighted it.
Continuing through the more recent events, Toyota eventually came across a conversation between Roswaal and Subaru. Judging by the memory's context, it had occurred recently; back in the original timeline, it would've happened while Toyota was still training with Rei.
The topic?
Healing magic.
Roswaal looked at Subaru amusedly as the boy sucked on a bleeding finger, the result of a paper cut from tidying up documents.
Subaru glowered at the clown, who was watching him like one might watch a helpless baby.
"I can tell what you're thinking here, Roz."
Changing his voice to mimic the clown, Subaru adopted a smug, aloof smile. He raised the pitch of his voice and spoke with exaggerated whimsy.
"Oh, how miserable of youuuu, weaker even than paper."
Done with his impression of the Margrave, Subaru shifted his expression to something more pleading.
"I just screwed up a bit… Can't you fix this up like it's nothing?"
"If your finger does actually hurt, you could get Rem or Beatrice to heal it up; otherwise, have the esteemed Great Spirit do it."
"Roz, can't you heal it? Are you being Spartan?"
"Nooooo, not at all. You see, I can't use healing magic."
Subaru lifted his brows slightly at Roswaal's unexpected confession.
He could burn forests, Mabeasts included, to cinders. He could soar through the sky like the wind itself. Subaru had assumed that someone with Roswaal's magical prowess had mastered every branch of magic.
But Roswaal had shaken his head with a faint smile.
"My apologies for not living up to your expectations, but you see, magic heavily depends on the aptitude one possesses from birth. I've been lucky enough to be blessed with many magical talents, but even that's not enough to cover every school of magic."
"So… healing magic aside, got any others you can't use?"
"Nope, I can pretty much use all the others."
Subaru's face scrunched into a scowl so intense it practically shouted that he had been personally wronged. His entire expression radiated the indignation of someone inconvenienced in the smallest, most annoying way possible.
"Seriously? Just the one flaw!?"
That was it. Roswaal's one and only weakness.
For all his flamboyant speeches and overwhelming magical versatility… he couldn't cast a single healing spell.
A flaw.
A major one.
Subaru found it hard to believe.
"I reckon being unable to heal your wounds is a pretty big deal, especially mid-fight."
Roswaal gave a non-argumentative shrug, raising his hands in mock helplessness.
"Oh? So that's what you think as well, Subaaaaaaaru?"
Exiting Gluttony Subaru's memories, Toyota's expression further darkened, growling with a Homicidal intensity.
F**K YOU, YOU USELESS CREEPY F*****G CLOWN, YOU S**TY BODY SNATCHER. ALL OF THAT CREEPY LIFE FOR NOTHING. YOU WASTE OF SPERM.
The fact that Toyota couldn't even hear his own swear words only made things worse; he kept cursing under his breath like an average player in a COD lobby, which somehow made it feel even more pathetic.
Letting himself calm down naturally, he recalled the basic incantation for Yang magic; supposedly, if one had the affinity, it could enhance a person's physical condition or resilience. According to the reward instructions for making contact with the Yang sword, he didn't need to chant the incantation, but knowing the spell's origin felt important, something that would help him understand and direct its purpose more precisely.
Breathing out slowly, he brought the spell to mind, recalling it from Priscilla's Book of the Dead.
(Jiwald)
As the word passed through his thoughts, warmth bloomed in his fingertips, radiating outward in a glow of golden light. Gently pressing his fingers to his neck, just below his Adam's apple, he winced, then watched as the charred flesh began to shift. The skin softened, lightened in color. The damage didn't vanish immediately, but the change was clear and steady.
From observation alone, he could tell this spell consumed far more mana than any of the other spell slots he'd used before. The healing process was visible and slow, requiring a continuous stream of energy. Without his mana regeneration ability, there was no way he'd have the stamina to maintain it.
Compared to water magic healing, this was vastly inferior.
But it was working.
Within a minute, the blackened, discolored skin had faded into something closer to a sun-kissed tan.
An itchy sensation erupted in the back of his throat as he coughed violently.
This spell wasn't meant to be used like this.
It was designed to envelop the entire body, enhancing endurance, durability, and strength. But by concentrating it on a single point, he'd triggered unintended side effects.
Looking into the mirror at his now-healed neck, Toyota couldn't help but laugh.
This was absurd.
He now had the ability to heal any wound, given enough time.
Toyota, this entire time, had been occupied with his next step, never having time to think truly about his memories or the purpose behind them.
Was he even real anymore?
Wasn't this just a dream?
No matter what he did to himself, there were no consequences. No limits. No damage that couldn't be undone.
This ridiculous idea clung to his mind like a parasite, whispering the same irrational thought over and over again.
He couldn't help it.
He couldn't suppress the urge.
The urge to stab himself, just to confirm he existed. Just to feel something real.
With a flick of his fingers, a pink dagger shimmered into existence, radiating concentrated mana.
He gripped it tightly.
Holding the blade upright in his left hand, he stared at the tip, at the reflection of himself in the condensed pink mana.
Then, without hesitation, he slammed the palm of his right hand straight down the center of the dagger.
-
A memory.
His very first death.
His very first conviction.
His very first goal.
He only wished for the girl's safety.
"―Baru?"
A voice, like the beautiful chime of a bell, rang in his ears.
A short scream followed, and then the carpet of blood welcomed yet another.
She had fallen right beside him, right where his arm was.
Her pale, delicate hand dropped powerlessly, fingers brushing against his... and then slowly intertwining with his own.
It was just a coincidence.
Or maybe fate.
And yet, he felt her fingers twitch, just slightly. A weak squeeze.
"…ait…"
He forced his fading consciousness to return, just for a moment.
The pain, the heat, everything had faded into numbness.
It was a meaningless effort. The act of someone pathetic, a loser…
Someone who would stubbornly never give up.
But even so―
"I will, definitely―"
Toyota finished the statement, echoing the words he had read over, thinking nothing behind the words of the powerless, believing it was merely the words of ink and a wannabe hero. Until now, it hadn't resonated much with him.
"―Save you."
Toyota came back to reality.
(AN: I had to watch multiple videos about Re Zero's magic system because it's very confusing. There are supposed to be 4 levels, but at some high levels it completely changes the base of the spell, not even taking into effect compound spells... maybe I'm just slow.
but MC is kind of in a messed-up state; he feels foreign, he knows he doesn't belong, he wants to help, but feels he doesn't deserve to. That he will make things worse, he has guilt and attachment to the if timelines. He's a kid mentally with no prior social interaction, no matter how mature he seems.
I've set an official release schedule: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Although when I get bored, I add extra.
Bonus chapters will drop on Saturdays if my demands are met. 🔫
Trade deal:
You give me 150 power stones, and I give you a bonus chapter.
"Sounds fair, right?"