Dusk arrived home same time I did. The invitations Jet gave me hid in my purse. I wondered how Dmitri would react when I pulled them out. Deep in my heart, I knew he'd like the starry night invitation. It was so us.
The huge Ford step-side truck parked behind Dmitri's Silverado indicated Wiley was here. Oh ho ho, this should be interesting. A bounce formed in my step as I made my way to the front door.
After opening the front door, the murmur of male discussion met my ears. I shut the door behind me-- not too gently and left my purse on the small table next to the portal. Finally unloaded, I sought out the location of manly-men.
Not watching the television or hanging around the kitchen's island. I ventured further into the house in order to see where they be. As I entered the kitchen, I could see the garage door hung open and the light on. It was from there the manly-man voices emanated.
Dmitri and Wiley broke into laughter at a joke, I presume. Then Wiley's voice came through the door as I walked past the stove and neared the garage.
"How am I going to get through it?"
Dmitri answered, "The same way you get through everything. One day at a time."
"Won't work as fast as I need it to be."
"That's life, man. It has its own pace."
Enough of their tea party. I called out, "Honey, I'm home!" from the kitchen then poked my head around the doorjamb to see both men sitting on bar stools next to the workbench. Dmitri's treasure trove of glistening chrome tools, all of which were hung upon the walls behind the bench. Each man held a pint of beer in their hands.
"I didn't mean to interrupt you two."
Dmitri smiled at me while Wiley took a swig of his beverage. Hopefully that's just drink number one for him.
"Want an ale, Kay?" Dmitri asked.
"Why yes, yes I do." I could use a cold one after dealing with the knockout combo of Neilsinhaur and Jet. "Just came from Jet's. She's going to handle the bulk of wedding planning. She actually commandeered it with lists and everything." I smiled at Dmitri. "You telling her about proposing lit a fire under her ass, the likes I have never seen."
"She texted me a couple minutes ago, ordering me to remind you about flashing your chest to me."
I laughed. "I know for a fact she didn't phrase it as 'chest'. I'm willing to bet she said 'tits'. She's got a fascination with tits today."
Wiley and Dmitri both laughed.
"Yeah, it was tits." Wiley informed me. "I told him if that's the case, I better make myself scarce. Dmitri doesn't share his titties."
"That what you guys were laughing about when I came home?"
"Most likely."
Oh, so there's more interesting topics that were covered out of my ear shot? Wonder if the subject of Jet's readily acceptance of Wiley's apparently stellar apology happened to come up...? Oh, how curiosity went serial killer on the figurative feline population. I sipped the cold beer Dmitri placed in my hand. After a refreshing drink, I put it on the workbench and fetched myself a bar stool from across the garage.
"Getting ready for SWAT season?" Dmitri asked Wiley.
"Hell yes. I love my job."
"SWAT season?" Thought SWAT was a city only thing for emergencies involving guns and whatnot.
"Raiding pot grows in the mountains. Rappelling from helicopters in riot gear and stuff. Mexican cartels running amok this year, so we go in and piss on their parade. Make it not worth their while to pollute our national parks growing their product. Ecosystems and waterways ruined. Then there's the fact that they shoot people who come close to the grow sites. Last year, it was two thirteen year old boys after their first buck during archery season-- innocent kids killed just by walking in the forest. Used to be you had to worry about the bears or mountain lions. Not anymore. These days, wildlife are safer than the people."
After sitting upon the stool, I sat quiet as Wiley switched topics and started talking about the animal diversity on his ranch.
"I set up some trail cameras. One of them is infrared, for the critters that come out at night. One bear so far on the east side. Plus the cougar tribe." At my smile, Wiley elaborated, "A mama cat and four cubs. They like taking down the wild turkey clan. I released some ringed-neck pheasants. I'm still undecided on whether to get a couple guinea fowl. They aren't indigenous, but they feed on ticks and other blood suckers."
Good to know. I'd pass that information along to Willow so she could tame the unwanted buggies from her jungle. "Excuse me a moment." From the bar stool, I stood and retrieved my purse. When I walked back into the kitchen, I set my bag on the island and pulled out the invitations. With heavy linen paper and ribbon clutched in my hand, I made my way back to the man cave.
"Here are my tits, per Jet's definition of the word."
"Honey, I'm sorry you got downgraded." Dmitri made a frowny face and tried not to laugh as he gazed upon my offering.
Wiley snapped his fingers and muttered, "Gee, there goes my one opportunity. Thank you, Jet, for getting my hopes up."
Ooooh, the opening. "Well, you can always go and tell her what your definition of tits should be, maybe she'll get your hopes up again."
With the exception of his brow twitching a little around the temples, Wiley sat stone still for a moment before removing his glasses to polish them with his tee shirt's hem. "You know, Kaylis, I remarked to Dmitri not long ago that I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that hellion you have for a friend. That woman is like a whirligig during hurricane season."
"Runs circles around you, eh?"
"What's her story?" Wiley put his glasses on and asked.
I did not expect to have this conversation with Wiley. Evidently his bonding and understanding with Jet lacked a conversation about background.
"What do you want to know about her? Specifically." I don't volunteer information about my friends to guys I'm not quite sure about. Wiley works as law enforcement. If she had a record, he could look it up. Guess she came back clear.
"Why is she the way she is?"
"Because she's Jet." Duh.
A look passed over Wiley's face and his demeanor changed a little. From being fairly relaxed to more authoritative. Oh, guess I woke up the Interrogator. Until I am sure what his intentions are towards my friend, I'm not going to be filling him in on the nitty gritty.
"Does she have a past?"
"Yes, doesn't everybody? We don't just pop into the present from some unknown waiting place and pop back out when the moment is over." Although that would be handy to do in awkward situations. I looked over to Dmitri. He held the starry night invite in his hand and winked at me before putting it on the workbench. The smile on his face indicated he enjoyed this conversation between his best friend and I.
"You said specific. Fine. Why is she single?"
"Because no man has yet made her head spin, loins quiver and helped her to forget nasty exes." That's Jet and dating in a nutshell.
"What sort of men does she like?" Wiley crossed his arms and peered at me.
Wow, cutting to the chase? She made an impact with him. "Intelligent ones."
"That's a given. What kind of men were her exes?"
"Why do you want to know?"
That took him aback. Look down, Wiley... notice you aren't in uniform? I get to question you back. Smirk.
"I think she's interesting."
"That's all?"
Wiley had the grace to flush. "I think she's interesting on a couple levels."
Naked levels, I bet.
"Jet doesn't date often. She has two exes that I know about. One was a guy who swept her off her feet. When she wanted something more, found out he was married with a kid. She never spoke to him again. Like three years after him, she got involved with a guy to the point they were living together. That lasted almost a year. They broke up amicably, but he let her use his laptop in the meanwhile. Jet found out he collected child pornography. Shit hit fan. Cops didn't do anything. So she reported him to the FBI."
"Good for her." The Law Enforcement Officer side of Wiley approved of her actions; I could tell by his voice. I wasn't going to mention she had to be talked into going to the FBI by Dmitri. Jet was full-on ready to start a manhunt of her own, ending with her ex's head on a spike. I am fairly certain that if she saw him on the street, he would shortly be a hood ornament or a grease spot on the bumper. That man demolished her trust in the males of our species to the point of no return.
"Since those two, she hasn't dated. If she does date casually, she hasn't told me about it."
"How long has it been since she's been in a relationship?"
"Ummm... about five or six years."
"Really?" He looked lost in thought.
In the lull of conversation, Dmitri spoke. "I like this one." He held our invitation high. I knew he'd like the black and blue invite as much as I did. "Ding ding, we have a winner!"
Wiley looked at his watch and spoke. "It's getting late. I best be going." His pint of ale still more than half full.
"I'll see you out, man." Dmitri arose and walked with his friend out from the garage and into the kitchen. I sat alone in the man cave and held the beer cradled in my hands before giving it a good, unladylike chug. I was at a loss whether or not I should inform Jet about Wiley's interest. If he's like any other fellow, he won't be shy and she'll send him on his way, like every other guy before him.
I heard the front door shut and then a moment later, Dmitri came back into garage to sit next to me.
"So, you've picked a date for sure?"
"Yes. This Halloween."
Surprise lit his face. "This year?"
"No good? We can do next year if you prefer. I just want it over."
"How do you mean?"
Uh oh. Diplomacy should have been utilized. I bought some time by taking a drink of my beer. "I want to marry you. Not for the wedding, but for the marriage. If your parent's weren't coming from Europe to see with their own eyes you throwing off the shackles of bachelorhood, I would say let's elope to a courthouse. But that's not an option. Your parents will be here and there are expectations I need to fulfill because I lack in other departments."
From the bewildered look on Dmitri's face, I think I just shook his world. "You don't want a wedding? What departments? You're perfect for me."
I tingled with his remark about perfection. "Not really. I mean, yes, bond me to you legally, but everything else is just... meh. Which is why Jet is planning it. That, and she accused me of being allergic to weddings, but without a professional diagnosis, I can't say for sure she's right. Exposure and fallout of my mom's marriages haven't really painted a picture for me to be all excited about, I'll admit it. I have no motivation for going freaky-deaky bride from hell. Have you seen the pile of wedding magazines Jet has? And those invites there..." I pointed to the two near his hand, "that's the tippity top of the iceberg where those are concerned. She's already found dresses. I mean, one could mistake this as being her wedding with how gung-ho she is about it. And let's face it, hun. I suck in the fertility department. Your parents are getting screwed out of grandkids from us. I won't screw them out of your wedding, too."
Dmitri raised his chin and looked at me, puzzled. "You don't want to celebrate us getting married. You aren't excited at all about the wedding." Plain and matter of fact. No mention of my non-existent baby-incubator. What rebuttal could he use for that argument?
"Not exactly. Beyond us, friends and family, everything else seems unneeded. I'm not doing a poofy white dress. I'm not doing The Aquarium. I don't want the stress of wedding-related shit. I mean it's one day out of a lifetime, and all the flowers, silk and lace in the world won't make it any more memorable. It's a waste of money for a single day. Does the wedding determine the quality of a marriage? No, it doesn't, and I won't pretend otherwise. But because I would like to make a good impression on your parents, I will do what needs to be done to have a successful wedding. It'll be my attempt at an Oscar for Best Actress. My happiness on that day won't be from my dress or the cake or how neat the venue. My happiness will be the result of being with you."
A pinch to the bridge of his nose later, Dmitri sighed and said, "I don't want to force you to do something you are against. I mean, I thought all women looked forward to their wedding day. You are the polar opposite. My mind is boggled."
"You aren't forcing me. I've already accepted the fact that my cold feet are related to weddings, not marriage. I want to be with you, now and always. There is no one I'm more open with or free to be me. I love you, Dmitri, and I want to show your parents that America hasn't been bad to you."
Dmitri cracked a smile. "America has been awesome to me. You are my family here, home is where you are. " He lifted my chin so I could swim in his eyes. "If you want to get married at the courthouse, we can do that. I love my parents, but this is my life. When I take you to Croatia, we can celebrate with them, there. We'll take the party barge out on the Dalmatian coast. You will love it."
The golden bait on the silver hook was tempting. A Get Out of Wedding Free card, even. Although the offer existed, I couldn't accept.
"That has merit, but no. Too late. I bet Jet already ordered the dresses, and now that I flashed my invite-tit-tions, there is no escaping what she has planned. Accept your fate, Dmitri." I put my hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner as I broke the bad news to him. "We're having a wedding."
A smile cracked my hunny's face. "I'll brace myself."
"Good, you do that. It's going to be somewhere woodsy. And for the reception, golden masks in the old style of Venetian Carnival. But in a woodsy Morocco."
Dmitri started laughing after a couple chuckles escaped his smile. "So you are determined to have a wedding, even a bare basic affair... but you'll have a carnival fiesta for the reception?"
With a smile on my face I replied, "Hey, in all fairness, I never said I was allergic to receptions!" In fact, the celebratory aspect appealed very much to me. As I saw it, gotta eat my veggies before I get cake.
And I do love me some cake.