Tyrion POV
"This, this is unexpected, but not unwelcome" he muttered, noting the exhausted look on Lord Stark's face as he had delivered his missive, finally adding, "I suppose my first act as Warden of the West would be to kneel before King Robert?"
"It would, but your oath in my presence will suffice, for now," came the rather stiff response from the Hand of the King.
So he recited the words as best he remembered them, the time for ceremony was clearly long over, given the string of disasters that were piling up for the Iron Throne. Many of the Crownlander forces had refused the call to arms by King Robert, as had a surprising number in the Vale, to which Lysa Arryn seemed to be less than annoyed about for some strange reason.
And not just refused the call to arms, many had openly hoisted the three headed dragon sigil of House Targaryen in response to the summons from King Robert. Across the Vale, the Riverlands and the Crownlands rebellion was breaking out, and even in the Stormlands, several houses had declared for the invaders, all of them after Storms End had fallen to the enemy.
Dorne had completely declared for the Targaryen's, to the surprise of nobody, the Iron Islands were ignoring the ravens sent to them, again to the surprise of literally no one
That left the North and the Westerlands as the only of the realms fully committed to the Iron Throne, as odd state of affairs as he had ever seen.
Now that he was Warden of the West, he would have to see about marriage, and quickly, though he wondered if his elevation in status would markedly increase his chances of a decent match?
Probably he had to admit cynically, though he put this thought from his head for now, for he had more urgent matters to attend to than the pleasures of his cock.
"My uncle Lord Kevan leads the Westerlands forces, but with the outbreak of what appears to be a general rebellion, what are the orders of the Iron Throne?"
"For now, retreat back towards Kings Landing, the capital is threatened by rebel forces close at hand. Lord Kevan is to destroy any rebel forces along his march but he is not to divert forces to chase down rebels or dally unduly." Replied the Hand of the King, who looked genuinely like he was about to collapse from stress and exhaustion.
"Will Prince Joffrey be joining his father should the King take to the field?" he asked, more for the sake of being, well a cunt more than anything else.
Since the incident with Cersei the lad had been somewhat bereft of the usual loving care and attention that Cersei lavished upon her eldest brat, and Joffrey had found himself increasingly under the command of the Lord Hand. Who despite being his prospective good father, appeared to detest the lad, not that he blamed Lord Stark, Joffrey was an unmitigated cunt, with no redeeming features as far as he could see.
Lord Stark's idiot daughter still was acting besotted with the little cunt, which was ofttimes painfully cringeworthy to watch as the chit fawned over Joffrey like he was some hero or gallant knight out of the stories told to children. Lady Sansa seemed oblivious to what Joffrey really was, which did beg the question, did Lord Stark know what Joffrey, and his siblings, were?
That was a question of not inconsiderable importance he knew, for if Lord Stark suspected the true parentage of Cersei's spawn, things were about to get very, very interesting. And would that not place him in the invidious position of having to defend Cersei and her children from the accusations of bastardry, as he was now head of House Lannister?
And would that not be the greatest of all ironies? He let a sour, bile filled laugh cough out from his mouth, this did show that the gods had a truly savage sense of humor, if nothing else
"No, Prince Joffrey will stay in Kings Landing, to see to its defenses should King Robert sortie to give battle. Prince Tommen has been named the Lord of the Stormlands and all vassals of Storms End called to do him fealty and swear their oaths to him."
He nodded his head at this in a rather noncommittal way, not sure if he was required to make a comment on either of these things, despite having enquired after the Crown Prince's likely status
To see to the Defenses of Kings Landing eh? The lad would not be able to see to getting his own cock wet in a brothel, given how moronic the little shit usually acted. If they were depending on Joffrey for their safety and security, then they were all lost already..
As an avowed fan of living and enjoying the fruits of living, he knew that he would have to be very careful in the days and weeks to come to ensure he remained among the living. With his sudden elevation he had more power to ensure this desired outcome, but he was also thrust up from his previous rather lowly station into something of the unwelcoming glare of the King and his Small Council.
Well, Lord Stark really, as the Small Council was particularly small currently, Robert as usual having not bothered to replace either of his dead brothers. A rather stupid remission on the King's part, but one wholly in keeping with Robert's character and disposition, especially now as it looked like his grip on the Iron Throne was weakening dramatically.
As if Lord Stark was reading his thoughts he announced, "I, I would like to formally offer you the position of Master of Laws on the Small Council, 1....and his Grace, would have need of your intelligence in the coming weeks and moons:"
"How could I refuse!" he quipped in response, noting the rather sour look that crossed the Hand of the King at this rather flippant reply of his.
Lord Stark simply nodded in reply as opposed to saying anything further, before saying "the Small Council meets twice daily Lord Tyrion, morning and late afternoon, we will expect you at this afternoon's meeting"
"Consider me already there!" he replied, again treated to a sour and unappreciative stare from Lord Stark, who again nodded and retreated out of his quarters and left him to his own devices,
Now, how to celebrate his elevation to the post once occupied by his father, the late and sadly lamented Lord Tywin Lannister? Why with a whore of course! No, several whores....no many, nay multiple whores! And wine, lots and lots of wine! He would have to make arrangements, and who better to reach out to than Lord Baelish, a consummate whoremaster and who was in possession of some of the finest establishments in Kings Landing?
Levering himself up off his seat he decided that he would have to seek out the Master of Coin urgently, as his stones were in fierce need of a good draining, and the whores at Baelish's beck and call would do good duty in relieving him of this uncomfortable pressure.
Calling for guards he was about to depart when the man himself arrived to pay him a visit, how fortuitous he remarked as Baelish was let into his presence, and he got straight to the point about him being in dire need of the services that the whores in his employ were able to provide.
The Master of Coin gave him a rather narrow and insulting smile at his request, before remarking that he would make the necessary arrangements for as many whores as he required, and that he could even arrange for them to visit them here in his chambers if needed.
That was more than aggregable, and the Master of Coin did not even deign to mention payment, no doubt the cost would be added to the generous tab he maintained at the establishments of Lord Baelish.
Baelish's face then turned somewhat serious, a definitive warning sign and he sharpened his wits, sure that what was about to come would be interesting. "In the light of your recent elevation, and notwithstanding the current military and political situation, the position of his Grace King Robert looks to be increasingly... precarious....
"Go on," he added when it was obvious that Baelish was expecting some sort of a response from him.
"Information has come into the hands of several parties as to the...true nature of Queen Cersei's children, the secret that your elder twin siblings have sought long to hide is about to come out, and at a most inopportune time as well."
"I am not sure I know what you are talking about Lord Baelish," he replied, his mind whirling and spinning at this and the disaster that his elder twins had created by their utter
inability to consider the consequences of their actions.
"I am sure you know exactly what I am talking about Lord Tyrion, Lord of Casterly Rock and Warden of the West."
"Even if what you say is true, what parties are you talking about?" he shot back, probably sooner than he had wanted to and probably with too much heat in his voice also.
The Master of Coin smiled thinly back at him, "the Hand of the King for one, who is already aware of the truth, and the Targaryen's."
"And why has Lord Stark not acted, he is many things, but mainly he is an honorable fool."
"Our Lord Hand felt the pressure of your late father's approach to Kings Landing and the threat of the Golden Company and the Targaryen's has assisted in staying the Hand of the King, for now at least."
"And why would Lord Stark act now, it would be the final nail in the coffin of Robert's reign."
"It would, for you would be honour bound to repudiate your oaths to Robert after he murders your siblings and their incest spawn."
"Am, am I to be arrested Lord Baelish?" he asked, suddenly thinking that he was about to find out firsthand about the conditions in the dreaded Black Cells.
"Oh no my Lord, nothing like that!" came the oleaginous reply from Lord Baelish. "No, there are moves afoot, to how shall we say, bring this war to a conclusion before it has really even gotten started. But in order for this to happen certain assurances need to be extracted from various Lords and an explanation of the realities and the likely fallout and repercussions that will be levied are understood by all concerned."
"In other words, the price of betrayal?" he replied sourly.
Baelish tilted his head at him, like a bird would regard a morsel of food, "crudely put, but accurate enough for all that. Joffrey, Tommen and their father Jamie will be offered the Black, or the chopping block, Cersei and Myrcella will be held as wards of the Iron Throne for the rest of their lives. All debts of the Iron Throne to House Lannister will be declared null and void, House Lannister will in addition provide the Iron Throne with a once off gift of one million gold dragons, payable in full six moons from a date that the Iron Throne will communicate to House Lannister shortly. No public, or private mention of the crimes of Cersei and Jamie will ever be uttered by the Iron Throne, its agents and functionaries."
"So, you have thrown your lot in with the Dragons Baelish?" he snarled angrily, annoyed as much with this greasy cunt as with him getting to him and causing him to lose his temper.
"King Robert's grip on the Iron Throne is becoming more unsteady with every passing day, not surprising when he spent his reign pissing away coin and all and any advantages he had. And to think it was all over his lost love, some northern Stark chit eh?"
"I'd take care not to speak like that around our Lord Hand," he could not help but add.
Baelish did not respond to this barb and just said, "I will give you time to think Lord Tyrion
of House Lannister. Pray do not delay your answer too long, for the sakes of all concerned."