"Hey—ya!"
"What the heck are you guys doing?! Those antiques belong to my dad and they're super expensive!!"
Just as Thor and Quetzalcoatl were going head-to-head and the tide of battle was turning, just as victory seemed within grasp—
A raspy, slightly hoarse voice rang out from behind, full of annoyance and age.
A little old man in a white shirt and yellow vest came wobbling down from the attic, every step swaying like he was trying to stay balanced on a tightrope.
From the stairs, his silver-white hair caught the light, and behind a pair of round glasses, his sharp eyes gleamed. He was clearly up there in years, but his body showed none of the frailty you'd expect—instead, he radiated spry old-man energy.
"Old man?" Thor raised an eyebrow.
"Sir?" Captain America tensed slightly, concern flickering in his eyes.
"Eh?" "Dad? Why are you out here?"
Uncle and Jade tilted their heads in unison. Their nerves eased a little, as if their anchor had finally arrived.
"Hmph!"
The old man—Old Man—snorted and snapped, "If I didn't come out now, all of my antiques would be smashed to bits!!"
He clutched his chest and pointed to the warzone that used to be a shop, looking absolutely heartbroken.
Captain America, Wolverine, Uncle…
One battle after another.
Then the Quetzalcoatl revival on top of that, with its level-breaking power. And now Thor barging in uninvited. Even if everyone was trying to hold back, the collateral damage was still catastrophic.
It looked like a tornado had rolled through—everything was wrecked.
If Old Man hadn't stepped in, the next wave would've leveled the place completely.
"These antiques!"
Old Man slammed a nearby table for emphasis, face dark as a storm cloud. "They took me years to collect!"
Especially...
When he turned and saw the revived Quetzalcoatl hovering in the air—
"JAAAADE!!!"
Old Man's roar echoed like thunder.
Jade practically jumped out of her shoes, tongue sticking out as she made big innocent eyes and went full cutesy defense mode. "Old man~ I'm here~ I only did it to help Uncle~"
"Hehehe~"
"Talismans! How many times has Old Man told you?! You absolutely cannot misuse their power!!" he barked, glaring at her playful smirk.
While striding over, he smacked her hand and snatched the Rat Talisman back.
"The Twelve Talismans were born from the powers of Shendu! They're not toys for little kids!" he scolded, brows deeply furrowed as he pocketed the talisman. "This kind of power must be properly guarded."
"Shendu?" Cap's eyes narrowed, like he'd just heard a very interesting clue. His face stayed neutral, but his mind was racing.
"But...!"
"Uncle ran into bad guys! They weren't playing fair! They came to steal, rob, and bully Uncle!"
Jade pointed to her utterly bedraggled uncle nearby, big eyes blinking like a baby deer. "They wanted the Rat Talisman too—they have to be Shendu's goons!"
Jade had long since maxed out her playing pitiful skill tree.
"Hmph!"
Old Man snorted through his nose, unimpressed. He shook his head. "They're not connected to Shendu. I don't sense any demonic aura on them."
As a seasoned master of magic, Old Man had his own methods of sniffing out evil.
But still—
He turned toward Thor and his crew, eyes sharpening like blades.
These guys were bullying Jade?
"Hey!"
"Old man, stay back! If you get caught in the crossfire, I'm not taking responsibility!"
Thor had noticed him too. A scrawny white-haired grandpa posed no threat in his eyes. The only reason he warned him was because he didn't like hurting the weak.
Then, he turned back to Quetzalcoatl.
"Now—it's time to end this fight!"
He'd been warming up long enough. It was time to bring the hammer down, finish things in one blow, and get back to Asgard.
And yet—just as he raised Mjölnir and summoned the thunder—
Old Man moved.
The scrawny old guy glanced at Thor and shook his head disapprovingly. "Only magic can defeat magic!"
Somehow, he now held two dried pufferfish in his hands.
One aimed at Thor.
The other—at Quetzalcoatl.
The next second—
A ghostly green glow pulsed from the pufferfish.
"Old Man says: only magic can defeat magic!"
The signature nasal twang rang out.
Same flavor. Same recipe.
—
"Yo, what the heck?! That old man's got guts! He's really charging in?!"
"Yikes… is he some kind of hidden boss?"
"Boss? Are you serious? He's just some grandpa! Doesn't even look as cool as my great-uncle. Probably forgot to take his meds and wandered into the battlefield..."
"Pfft, he's babbling about magic—using pufferfish, no less! Who even uses pufferfish for spells?!"
"Right?! At least whip out a wand or something! This is so half-baked..."
"…"
Old Man's dramatic entrance had the peanut gallery going nuts.
Some folks even covered their eyes—too squeamish to witness the inevitable splatter.
A brittle old guy wading into that kind of battlefield? You didn't need a crystal ball to guess how that'd end.
But then—
Something happened.
—
"Evil spirits, be gone~"
"Evil spirits, be gone~"
Old Man chanted his exorcism mantra while wielding the dried pufferfish, his body twisting and hopping like a wizard-turned-shaman.
The more he danced, the brighter the green glow from the fish.
Whoosh!
Whoosh!
Two streaks of light blasted out.
One hit Quetzalcoatl.
One smacked Thor.
The two warriors were forcibly torn apart mid-battle, the green light wrapping around them, tightening with eerie force.
The energy grew more and more intense—overwhelmingly magical.
And through it all—
Thor and Quetzalcoatl couldn't do a thing.
They just stared helplessly as the spell surged.
Then—POP!
A crisp sound cracked the air.
A tear opened in the sky, and a rift in space-time burst into existence.
Quetzalcoatl was violently sucked into it by the magical force.
"ARGHHHH—!"
With a final scream—
He was banished.
A battle of gods and monsters.
Ended just like that. Abrupt. Anti-climactic.
All around...
Silence.
Aside from Uncle and Jade, who were clearly used to this, everyone else was left standing there, mouths agape.
Stunned into silence by Old Man's casual flex.
But out in the world?
The internet had already exploded.