The soft clink of glasses echoed as she passed me a drink, her delicate fingers brushing against mine. I didn't catch her name; it didn't matter. She was just another face—another beautiful woman caught in my orbit. The kind of woman with curves and elegance wrapped into one, her silky hair cascading over her shoulders like a waterfall. A media personality, maybe. Or an actress. Or a model. Honestly, they all blurred together after a while.
She grinned as I sipped from my glass, eyes gleaming with mischief. Without a word, she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine in a slow, teasing kiss.
Things escalated quickly. Hands roamed, shirts tugged, and by the time we stumbled into the bedroom, the place turned into a war zone of twisted sheets, scattered pillows, and one suspicious bloodstain that CSI would've had questions about.
Eventually, she was out cold, snoring lightly. I slipped out of bed, not bothering with goodbyes. She was a distraction, nothing more.
At the bar, I poured myself a drink, letting the city lights glitter beyond the balcony. My empire. My kingdom. My six-pack abs even looked good in the low light. (Yes, I checked. If you had abs like mine, you'd check too.)
The richest man in the world. Playboy. Philanthropist. Narcissist. They called me all sorts of things, like I was some dollar-store Tony Stark knockoff. And yeah, I had it all—wealth, power, women—but still felt like something was missing.
I leaned against the glass, drink in hand, and whispered to my reflection, "Is this all there is?" My reflection whispered back, "Dude, stop being dramatic. You're literally living the dream."
Lightning suddenly split the sky. A flash, blinding. No pain. No warning. Just—darkness.
And then, I woke up.
Not in the city. Nope. I was in a place straight out of a fantasy artbook—lush greenery, rivers so clear they made bottled water jealous, and birds chirping like they'd been hired for ambience. Ahead, a man was scolding two kids, a boy and a girl, both pouting with guilty faces. When they scampered off, he turned to me with an amused, apologetic look.
"You must be wondering where you are," he said calmly. "Sorry about the way you left your world. My kids can be… a bit too playful."
Playful? Dude, your kids just isekai'd me like I was yesterday's trash.
But I didn't say that. I just followed when he gestured to a garden table.
He poured tea, steam curling in the air. "I caused your death," he said, like he was telling me the weather. "Not intentional, but I owe you something. You get one wish. Any world, any reality."
I blinked. "Wait—hold on. Are you saying I got hit with cosmic manslaughter? By kids?"
He sipped his tea. "That's one way of putting it."
I sat there, speechless for a moment. Then, finally: "Wow. That's… actually impressive. I always figured I'd go out in some epic way. Saving the world. Dying in a Lamborghini crash. Not… death by children playing tag."
He coughed into his tea to hide a laugh. "Regardless. You have a wish."
I leaned forward. "What's your name, anyway?"
"You're too weak to know my real name. Just call me a Random Omnipotent Being."
"ROB?" I snorted. "That sounds like a guy who fixes printers, not someone who runs existence."
"Would you prefer God, The Creator, or Supreme Potato?"
"…Supreme Potato does sound kind of badass."
He rolled his eyes. "Focus. Your wish?"
I tapped my chin. "What if I ask for your powers?"
"You'd be stuck here in the god realm, eternally stressed, micromanaging universes, and explaining to mortals why their prayers for girlfriends don't work. Not fun."
I pretended to think hard. "So basically, an overworked call center job but with cosmic responsibility? Nah, pass."
He chuckled. "Figures."
I leaned back, sipping the tea. "Okay, but wow, this tea is insane. Like, my brain just solved the stock market crash of 2008 in one sip."
"Side effect of drinking god-brewed leaves," he said with a smirk.
"Bro. Forget Naruto, I could build Starbucks 2.0 with this stuff and become even richer."
"You're already dead," he deadpanned.
"Right. Forgot about that."
After some banter, I finally said it: "Alright. Send me to the Naruto world."
His eyes lit up. "A fan of the classics. Good choice."
"Wait—if I get Saitama's physique, can I still use chakra? Or am I stuck like Rock Lee, doing push-ups forever?"
"No limits. Chakra works fine."
"Perfect. Saitama's body, but with hair. Baldness doesn't suit me."
"Granted," he said with a laugh. "Anything else?"
"Yeah. Drop me in as a six-year-old, same time as Minato. Skip the awkward toddler years. No one needs to relive wetting the bed and calling their teacher 'mom.'"
He winced. "Fair. That… is a pain no one needs."
I sighed in relief. "Thanks, ROB. You're a lifesaver. Now, am I going to be a badass?"
"You'll be strong. But don't get cocky. Being the strongest isn't everything."
"Sure it is. That's literally every shonen ever. Strongest guy wins. Cue dramatic soundtrack."
He gave me a look that screamed I regret this already. Then, with zero ceremony, he grabbed me by the back of the neck.
"Off you go, brat. Don't die too quickly."
And with that, he yeeted me into the glowing lake.
"YOU F*****G BASTARD!!!" I screamed as I plunged in.
And just like that, my new life began.
(A/N) First chapter down! Once again, This fic is going to be unserious, sarcastic, and maybe a little too self-aware. If I butcher the Naruto timeline, feel free to roast me in the comments with a loud "YOU DONE MESSED UP!"
P.S. Since we're going way back, does anyone know of a good source for Minato's childhood? Doesn't look like there's much canon info. If not, I'll cook up an original version.