Blurred light, the hazy view of an old yet strong and tall city wall. The almost blinding glare of light reflecting off the snow.
These were the things that I could see.
I could hear the wind, my own breathing hasty, unsteady and panicked.
In the top of my vision a warning appeared as we drove a little closer, couldn't have been further than an hour away.
RETURN TO COMBAT: 10
"F-fuck..." I managed through a choked sob.
RETURN TO COMBAT: 9
I can't remember my name, I died being thrown into a war with things I don't fully understand and I've never known before.
RETURN TO COMBAT:8
Now ... So close to safety, security, to time for me to recouperate and whatever pute here is threatening to kill me if I just... Don't go back.
RETURN TO COMBAT: 7
"Fuck it..." I mumbled as I sucked in a breath.
RETURN TO COMBAT:6
"Summer get out of the car."
"Wha-"
"Just do it please, you'll be fine, I need to do something."
RETURN TO COMBAT: 5
Thankfully she complied, hopping out of the shitty car with a mounted mg.
RETURN TO COMBAT:4
I slammed my foot down on the gas as I sucked in a deep breath.
RETURN TO COMBAT:3
Maybe it's hopeless, maybe I'm not allowed a break.
RETURN TO COMBAT:2
But I have to try, I need to know if it's real. I need to know if this is all I'm allowed.
RETURN TO COMBAT:1
War, gunshots, animalistic screams, injuries, waking up to a claw in my chest then my consciousness suddenly in one of those fucking pods.
TRAITOR DETECTED
The shift was sudden, and I could feel my stomach practically lurch as I kept my foot on the gas, the notification blared in my vision.
And the first 380 HE strike hit on my left and behind me, almost mocking...
Warning.
It didn't hit me, it didn't damage the car but it was loud and I could feel a shockwave help push the car.
I tried pressing the gas in harder but the pedal already met the floor some time ago.
The next one hit on my right.
The world- seemed to slow...
It lifted the car from the right side, the blast flipping me in the car through the air as the car crunched towards me from the force and pieces of metal shards joined moving towards me.
Most didn't hit their mark, but a few pierced the 'armor' I wore and I assume tore into my flesh.
But I couldn't feel it.
At least not yet.
Suddenly the car was upside down.
I falling out of my seat my head against the celling.
I saw one more explosion in front of the car, half a moment passed then I found myself in the dark. Strapped in. In the pod.
I didn't make a sound. I couldn't find it in myself to.
The sound of vibrations and the entry of my body were the only things filling my head.
And they stopped.
I was forced out of the darkness and onto the snowy planes with the pod I came out of as my platform.
I fell to my knees unable to keep myself standing and my eyes adjusted slowly.
I could see in the distance, fire, and the city.
I got so fucking close.
The car was a scrap heap of metal. And a figure was rushing towards it, I could only assume it was summer.
I just sat there.
I don't know how long it was before I heard a pod land beside me, probably not long, still day... Still someone at the wreckage, though it looked like Atlas arrived as well.
I turned to the pod and a book came out, sitting on top of a pod I didn't call in.
I reached out and grabbed it without much thought and flipped to the first page.
'Hello Helldiver, I see you tried evading your duty to super earth, democracy and justice! That's a no no.
A Helldiver is all you are, all you'll ever be allowed to be.
You serve the people, and you'll die, die, die, die, die again and again because that's the way I want it.
Though, in my eternal graciousness, I've decided it be more entertaining to offer a deal to you.
I could allow you to be more, to have your name, to live life among the people as one of them- if you sign away your knowledge of this world~
Because I'm so kind this also comes with a legal pass to C-01 permits, I know, I'm so kind.
In the last page of the book you'll find the contract. But the tldr, you'll get your name, you'll keep your strategems, your guns, your immortality, you gain an aura and a semblance if someone unlocks them- it's up to you to wield them.
All you need to give in exchange is everything and anything that you know about this world.'
I stopped reading, I couldn't comprehend the words my eyes passed over as emotions filled my head.
I kept flipping pages but nothing else stayed.
I could have my name back.
A cruelty against me could be reversed, and I could feel- alive, I could be something more than a cog yet still.
But whatever this- thing is... Oh... It doesn't want me telling others more about the events.
I could live... normally
But at the cost of millions of lives potentially.
Or
I could play hero, try to disrupt cannon events more and always be in danger.
I wish I could ask for a second opinion, someone to tell me it's ok to want something for myself, that it's ok to be selfish, that I don't need to carry this guilt, that I'm still human and not a monster for putting myself above those people.
But what if I am? Turning myself into a bystander, I become part of the problem don't I?
I can't do this to myself, I can't tear myself apart trying to analyze the fallacies with either perspective.
I sighed again, feeling overwhelmed and overextended, I called down a rifle strategem.
The anti material rifle suited my needs well, I got to see Atlas at the scene of my last death.
Summer was also there with ironwood.
Maybe I'm already insane.
I decided to get summer's attention by firing a shot into the snow a few inches from where she stood.
I dropped the gun leaving it on the ground and started jumping trying to gather her attention- which seemed to work.
A few minutes later of her running in my direction followed behind by what seemed to be some of ironwood's droids, which were slower.
"WHAT THE HELL!" and thinking about it, I'm pretty sure that's a reasonable reaction?
"Um- sorry?"
"You kicked me out and got blown up driving towards the city! Then you shot at me?!"
"I just - need your opinion on something... You're the only person I've spoken to and I'm loosing my fucking mind." The distress I could feel unintentionally bled through to my voice.
And I could see her expression soften, her stance mellow out.
"I got offered a deal this time when I came down. If I sacrifice all my knowledge about this world, I get my name back, I can live among people, and I could get aura."
"Ok, sounds off but- I think it's good for you isn't it?" I can't help but wince and tense up wanting to tell more but debating whether I should.
"I- that isn't all... To an extent, I know the future. I know where lives are going to be lost and tragedies that are going to happen. If I tell you more- I loose the deal; I record it- I loose the deal. I'm fucking scared, if I don't take this deal I'm alone, if I take this deal I condemn so many innocent people to fates they don't deserve."
"You said this is the future?" I heard summer ask as she sat down in the snow next to me looking back at the kingdom of Atlas.
"Yeah."
"So it can change, we don't need a play by play of how things happen to change them, if it's set in stone knowing how it would happen won't be worth anything." Her voice maintained a sort of consoling tone.
"I'd need a job" I respond with a chuckle.
"Being a huntsman is very profitable and lucrative right now." She offered offhandedly.
"Can you see about getting me a position at beacon academy first, if that doesn't happen huntsman is a definite." I responded thoughtlessly, and out of the corner of my vision I saw Summer nod.
A long sigh escaped me, "Then I'm signing, thank you Summer, I hope we can be friends after this."
Flipping open the book I go to its last page, following it's quick set of instructions I sign as 'helldiver' and press my thumb print in blood.
Suddenly, a light headed feeling overcomes me, and I loose my control as I fall backwards from sitting into the snow.
My vision fades, my hearing fades, I can barely feel the book disappear from my hand as someone tries to pull me up.