"This thing never stops looking annoying."
I was waiting for Sumire by the Vengeful Owl statue at the entrance of the mall. The owl looked down on everyone with a stupid look on its face. Just one look at it would sour anyone's day.
It was half past six, the perfect time. Too early for employed people to start shopping, but too late for students who stopped by here on the way home. There were no crowds at all, and if there was one thing I hated for its inefficiency, it was throngs of people getting in my way. There was nothing worse than being stuck in those crowds in the heat of summer too.
I first met Sumire in the midsummer. I was melting from the heat, surrounded by a crowd of con-goers. But the stalls were full of talented potential targets for the Alliance's illustrator position. If I hadn't been so sure of that, I'd have turned around and left back then.
The familiar LIME jingle came from my pocket.
Mashiro: I heard you're going on a date with Sumire-sensei. Don't worry! I trust you!
Huh? If she trusted me that much, why say it? I replied with a noncommittal sticker. Whenever I didn't know what to say, I'd go with a random sticker like that one. God bless whoever invented them.
As I waited, a large four-by-four drove past and turned into the parking lot.
"There she is."
My teacher was in the driver's seat, bobbing her head to music I couldn't hear. That was Sumire, by the way. She was totally singing along to some anime OP in there. She was experienced enough not to have it on so loud that it was audible outside the car, but it was like she forgot the windows were transparent. If any of her students saw her, the Venomous Queen would be dethroned in the blink of an eye.
After a few moments, I heard the clacking of heels and turned to see Sumire. She was still wearing her suit and ran towards me, waving all the while.
!!!!!!!IMAGE
"Sorry to keep you waiting, darling!" she called in singsong as she clung to my arm.
I glanced at her and quickly detached her. "It's only our first time doing this and you're already making it creepy."
"Creepy?! Excuse me?!"
"Shut up. Don't forget how old you are."
"Only nine years older than you! That's a tiny difference! You should shed a few years and get back to me."
"Careful, I think they can hear you in the police station three blocks over. Besides, aren't we just here to take some lovey-dovey photos for your family?"
She didn't need to be so into it.
"If we get into character now, the photos'll look more natural! It's just like when I'm doing the card art for Koyagi! I'm always thinking about what happened just before the moment was captured, and what's gonna happen next. That's why they come out so dynamic and natural."
"I...guess I can't argue with that."
One of Murasaki Shikibu-sensei's great talents was that she gave her 2D drawings a sense of realism. Enough to make it feel like you were right there next to the characters. It was a testament to her understanding of each scene, as well as the depths of her otherwise insane imagination. I was impressed that she was willing to come into this operation with the same ethos for a couple of photos and, wait, hold on a second.
"I admire your artistic drive, but you can't be like this right now."
"Why not?" Sumire blinked.
"We're not that far from the school right now," I replied in a low voice, looking around. "If anyone sees us, the rumors'll spread like wildfire. You might even get fired."
"Come on, it's not like anyone at school even knows who you are."
"That's it, I'm out."
"Funny, but you know it's true! And—wait, you're really leaving?!"
"I'm insulted, so I'm going home."
"What?! Usually it's the girl who's meant to storm off in a huff!"
"No one in the Alliance seems to believe this, but I've got feelings too, you know?"
I was a sixteen-year-old high school student at the peak of puberty. Even if I had decided to trade in the "teenage experience" for an efficient lifestyle aimed at securing our future, I wasn't a heartless robot. I didn't have the maturity to be fully in control of my emotions. Cute girls sent my heart rate up, and being made fun of for my lack of friends and presence hurt.
I didn't want to have more friends than I needed, because they would waste my precious time. And I know it's hard to imagine, but it still makes me lonely every now and again.
"I-I'm sorry. Don't go, Ooboshi-kun," Sumire said, her tone a little more serious than before. It was the same voice she used in the classroom, but without the frightening venom. "I'm your teacher. I care about you, even if you have a boring school life."
"I know you're trying to be a caring teacher right now, but all I can hear is Murasaki Shikibu-sensei making fun of me." I sighed and faced her. "I was kidding. I'm not going anywhere."
"Really? Phew!" Sumire smiled and clapped her hands together gently.
It gave me a very "mature older-sister" vibe, and I found myself wondering how I got myself in this situation in the first place.
"Looks, if someone sees us, we're screwed. So just tone down the whole lovey-dovey thing, okay?"
"But..."
"Our photos will be convincing enough if we just act like a regular couple on a regular date. Not all couples are all over each other all the time, you know? Considering you're supposed to be in teacher mode for your family, I think a calmer, more mature atmosphere would probably be more convincing too."
"Right. I guess that makes sense." Sumire placed a finger to her lip in thought and nodded.
For now, it looked like she was going to stay in her less insane mode, which was great for me because it meant my brain would still be in one piece by the end of this. I decided to do my bit by treating her like a teacher deserved...as long as she behaved.
"Shall we start the date, then?"
"Okay! I've written out a plan, actually," Sumire said, pulling out a clipboard like an astrophysicist. "I know you like to be efficient, so I went ahead and calculated the shortest route to each spot. That way, we can get this done in the least amount of time possible."
She gave me a confident smile. It was easy to forget, but she did teach math.
"Our first destination..."
Sumire paused as though she were a scientist attending a presentation of the most revolutionary breakthroughs, carrying with her forbidden knowledge that she was hesitant to unleash upon the world.
"...is the bubble tea place."
Was there anything more pathetic than a high school girl following the trends just because they were "in"? Ah, yes. There were those who insisted a new trend wouldn't catch on. Except then it would, and they'd be desperately chasing after it two or three weeks late.
There used to be voices criticizing the new bubble tea fad. That didn't stop waves of high school girls. Only time would tell if these businesses would survive another year or two, but right now you couldn't deny their success.
It was common to hear people refer to bandwagon hoppers as "foolish," but I couldn't agree with that evaluation. The real fools were those who refused to get on the bandwagon, while also having no clear idea of what they'd rather be doing instead. Case in point: us.
"I never thought we'd end up drinking bubble tea."
"Me neither."
Murasaki Shikibu-sensei and I had discussed this very trend in the Alliance group chat a few months back, when we heard about the long lines of girls outside the bubble tea stand.
AKI: Imagine lining up for hours just to pump your body full of empty calories. It's a waste on all fronts.
Murasaki Shikibu-sensei: ikr! i don't get normies sometimes.
AKI: Oh well. It's not like we'll ever end up drinking the stuff ourselves.
Murasaki Shikibu-sensei: lolol
Murasaki Shikibu-sensei: at least it's graced up with the tapioca challenge ( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)
AKI: Yup yup.
I wouldn't complain if someone showed up to blank that conversation from my memory.
"Here you go! Two Ultra-Super-Deluxe-Poggers Milk Teas!"
I took the plastic cups from the clerk, who looked strangely like a shaven monk, and took them back to where Sumire was sitting at a table. Sumire stared at the cups brimming with big black boulders of starch. It was a wonder how there was any space for the liquid.
"And they call this 'tea'?" Sumire said.
"You're forgetting the 'bubble' part, which seems to make up 99% of it."
"Rounding that up makes it 100%."
"Right. So it's practically just a cup of tapioca pearls."
Because of the boom in bubble tea, stores fought to add more and more "features" to the drink to distinguish themselves from the competition. The final result of that rapid evolution was what we had: a cup of starch balls.
"And, uh..." Sumire hesitated. "You're supposed to drink it, right?"
"I guess. But you don't have to. It doesn't look particularly healthy."
"No, I have to send a photo of us having this stuff. Here, take my phone and make sure you get a good snap. First, we'll have me drinking by myself, and then you by yourself. Finally, we'll take one together."
"Fine, but I'm not much of a photographer, you know?"
No friends meant no reason to take pictures. One friend who didn't like having his picture taken also meant no reason to take pictures. Not that it bothered me.
"It doesn't have to be perfect. I'm beautiful enough to save the shot, so come at me!" Sumire started to swirl the frogspawn in her cup around with her straw.
"Here goes!"
Sumire squeezed her eyes shut, wrapped her lips around the straw, and sucked. There was a strange sound. Clearly one of the balls was stuck up there. Sumire kept sucking, her cheeks caving in on themselves. A red flush was starting to color them.
You ever seen your dad trying to blow up a huge inflatable pool with nothing but his mouth, slowly losing oxygen? Well, Sumire looked like that.
"You're sucking pretty hard there. Can't believe nothing's coming out."
Let's be honest, since it consisted of 99% tapioca pearls, that "drink" was basically solid mass. Sumire's determination and ability not to suffocate was so impressive, I took a quick photo. Somehow I managed to lose the bubble tea from the shot altogether. I know, I know, I sucked at using the camera app, but that wasn't all. Sumire kept moving her head as she tried desperately to suck up the tapioca.
What I was left with was a photo showing Sumire's red face and puckered lips. Whatever, I'd just take another one.
Suddenly, Sumire let the straw out of her mouth and started gasping for breath. "This... This is pretty tough!"
"Wait, don't move so much! Argh, I messed up the shot again. Why don't you just use a spoon anyway? It's probably easier."
I took the second photo the moment the straw fell out of her mouth, taking a wonderful shot of Sumire with her mouth half-open and gasping for breath, the white milk from the bubble tea dribbling from her lips.
"O-Okay, now we'll take one together."
"You sure you don't want me to retake these?"
"I don't have much charge, so let's just take what we can before heading to the next spot. Besides, you can do anything, right? You probably got some good ones."
"Uh, these aren't great, to be honest. I'm not sure you should be letting me have the camera."
"You're always so modest! 'Can't do this,' 'can't do that.' And then we look and it turns out you've won photographer of the year."
"Yeah, but I mean it this time."
"Keep talking and the battery's gonna go. Now get one of both of us! Come on!"
"Uh, you might wanna wipe your mouth fi—"
"No time. Cheese!" Sumire sidled up to me and grinned right next to my face.
Her cheeks were still red from the lack of oxygen, and she still had that milky tea by her lips. If she was fine with it, whatever. I took the shot with the front-facing camera.
"Great! On to the next place!"
"You've barely touched your tea."
"Hey, I drank all the tea. Eating the balls one by one would take forever."
"Good point. Just, please wipe your mouth already." I sighed and passed Sumire a clean tissue from my pocket as she tugged impatiently at my shirt.
She was so immature for someone whose face, body, tits, tits, tits, tits, and chest were so developed. Oh, whoops, my brain got stuck there. It was just that, every time she clung to me this evening, I could feel them through her clothes. And she was doing a lot of clinging. I didn't want to lose the power of common sense, so I made sure to shake her off before I suffered any damage.
"So, uh, what did she do with these pictures?"
"Sent them straight to her family group chat, apparently. Kept saying she didn't have the battery left to check them properly."
"R-Right. She really went and did that, huh?"
"Problem?"
"Yes and no..."
"Huh?"
"I'd just be prepared if I were you."