Medical Center. Emergency Room.
"Not bad at all," Adam said, nodding. He didn't bother commenting on the name again—honestly, as long as it wasn't Adam Green or Adam Geller, he was cool with it.
"So, about you getting beat up—what's the story there?" he asked, leaning in a little.
Ross, sporting a pair of panda eyes and a bruised, swollen face, put on his best sad-puppy look. "I broke up with Monica," he said, voice dripping with woe. Adam had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing.
"Uh-huh," Adam hummed, keeping it neutral.
"She dumped me—can you believe it?" Ross's voice shot up an octave. "After everything I did for her!"
Adam raised an eyebrow. "Oh? What'd you do for her?"
Ross froze for a second, racking his brain. Then he blurted, "I gave her the keys to my apartment! And I even stood up to Dr. Green for her!"
Adam smirked. "Yeah, but didn't you change the locks right after handing her those keys? And I heard about that Dr. Green thing—word is, you didn't exactly 'stand up.' You were sweating bullets, playing both sides, and ended up collapsed on the couch, practically falling apart."
"Hey!" Ross snapped, his voice rising. "That was an accident! I only had one key! If I didn't change the locks, I'd have been locked out of my own place! And when Dr. Green called her that nasty name, I totally yelled at him to stop!"
Adam tilted his head. "Yeah… that one time."
Ross wobbled like he was about to pass out from sheer frustration. Adam quickly grabbed his arm and guided him to a seat. "But, you know, that was you totally having her back! You were good to her, man."
"Yeah, but she didn't appreciate it one bit," Ross grumbled, slumping down and taking a few heavy breaths. "Rachel's pregnant with my daughter, right? So I figured it'd be smart to take better care of them—let Rachel move in for a while. That's reasonable, isn't it?"
"Totally reasonable," Adam agreed, nodding solemnly.
Ross let out a dramatic sigh. "Ugh, it's my fault, really. The lock thing, Rachel moving in—she had every right to be mad. I just kinda wish she'd dumped me sooner."
Adam's mouth twitched. Seriously, dude? Monica forgave your sorry butt, and you still pushed it.
"This isn't even my worst breakup, though," Ross went on, suddenly in the mood to spill. He gave a bitter laugh. "After Carol, I had this one time I got dumped mid… you know, unmentionable stuff. That was a disaster."
Adam couldn't hold it in—he snorted. "I can imagine. You didn't propose to her, did you?"
"What? No way!" Ross looked horrified. "Why would you even think that?"
Adam grinned. "I know a guy who did that exact thing—proposed right in the heat of the moment. Didn't work out, and boom, breakup. You're both impulsive, but he's more the emotional type."
Ross nodded along, then froze mid-nod, glaring at Adam like he'd just caught on. Adam chuckled. "Let's get those injuries patched up. Keep talking."
"Nah, nothing else to say," Ross huffed, crossing his arms.
"Cool," Adam said with a shrug, focusing on cleaning him up.
A few minutes passed in silence until Ross couldn't hold it in anymore. "After we split, I started missing her. She was an amazing girlfriend, you know?"
"But she's not Rachel," Adam tossed out casually.
Ross went still, then sighed. "Rachel's not even Rachel anymore."
Adam shot him a sideways glance. Oh, really, buddy? What's that supposed to mean—mad she can't fit into her pink cheerleader outfit anymore? You, the guy who got dumped mid-parking-lot makeout, don't get to judge!
"Ow!" Ross yelped.
"Whoops, sorry," Adam said, his grin a little too smug.
"You sure you know how to treat injuries?" Ross muttered, eyeing him suspiciously.
"Want me to send you to another hospital?" Adam teased.
"Huh?" Ross blinked. "Why would I go somewhere else?"
"Because here, no one's gonna question my skills," Adam said with a modest little smile.
"I'm not doubting your skills," Ross shot back. "I'm doubting your attitude. Don't think I haven't noticed you're Team Rachel all the way."
Adam laughed. "Here's hoping Emma inherits your brains and Rachel's looks."
Ross's mouth twitched. He knew Adam was roasting him.
"Anyway," Ross continued, "after the breakup, I missed Monica so much I went to her favorite French restaurant. Wanted to relive some sweet memories, you know? Place is super popular—I waited in line for a whole hour just to get in.
But get this—they wouldn't let me in! Said I didn't have a female companion!"
"Pfft!" Adam burst out laughing. "For real?"
Who knew single guys had it this rough? Adam figured these heartbreaking, tear-jerking tragedies were a future thing—guess not!
"Dead serious!" Ross fumed. "The waiter said it's their gimmick—'crafted for goddesses' or some nonsense. You need a lady to invite you in. Back when I went with Monica, I never noticed. But this time, I'm solo, waiting forever, and no one says a word until I'm at the door—then they tell me to scram. Who can deal with that?"
"So you started swinging?" Adam asked, smirking.
"No way!" Ross said, indignant. "I'm a university professor—I don't just throw punches! I argued my case, laid out the facts, and they finally caved. They sent a waitress to 'escort' me in as my temporary date."
"And then?" Adam grinned. "She was too hot, and you couldn't keep your hands to yourself?"
"As if!" Ross rolled his panda eyes. "If it wasn't about proving a point, I'd have bailed. It was so awkward—total strangers!"
"So who beat you up, then?" Adam asked, still chuckling.
Ross groaned. "Turns out the pretty waitress has a boyfriend who's a total jealousy freak. He showed up, saw us, and didn't even ask—just clocked me in the face! I was out of it, and by the time I came to, I looked like this. If his girlfriend hadn't begged for forgiveness, I'd have made him pay!"
"Oh, sure," Adam teased. "If she wasn't hot, no amount of begging would've saved him, right?"
Ross clammed up.
"Single life's rough, man," Adam said. "Pro tip: check the signs before you walk into a place. Not just that spot—brunch joints are brutal too. Total anti-single vibes. I've got a friend who loved this one brunch place, but after his breakup, the staff hit him with the 'Oh, just you?' line and a pity stare. Crushed him. He ended up dragging a guy friend along just to eat there—almost sparked a whole misunderstanding."
"That's ridiculous!" Ross growled. "I'm done with those places!"
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