"Ah!" A timid student shrank back behind the others.
"So… so you'll eat our happiness, won't you?" another younger student asked, a bit braver now.
"I'm giving you detention," Cohen said, a very grown-up tone in his voice. "For bullying a fifth-year Gryffindor."
"But we didn't bully any fifth-year!" a bolder student said, sounding quite put out.
"And we couldn't bully a fifth-year even if we tried!"
"Who says?" Cohen replied. "You lot were bullying me. I'm dreadfully upset by what I just overheard you saying. And after my dad even played 'Dungeons and Dragons' with you… tsk, tsk, tsk…"
He was standing on the moral high ground, pointing a finger right at them!
"We're… we're sorry…" They bowed their heads, the prick of guilt making them completely forget that their whole conversation had started because of the news that "Cohen had killed over 300 people."
"If we apologize… can we get out of detention?" one of the students asked hopefully.
"Absolutely not," Cohen said sternly. "People like you need a bit of a punishment to learn your lesson. Today, you'll be copying some essays. Come to the entrance of the Gryffindor common room this afternoon, and I'll give you a few. You'll need to copy them out three times—"
"I told you he wouldn't be down about this," Ron's exasperated voice came from behind Cohen. "Hermione, you see?"
"I'll ease the load a bit for you," Cohen said, still talking to the students. "You only have to copy them twice now."
"Oi, no, wait!" Ron rushed over to stop him.
The moment Cohen had changed the punishment from three copies to two, Ron's brain—which usually only worked for slacking off or cheating on homework—had a flash of insight. This was actually his, Cohen's, and Harry's homework he was about to give away.
"The train arrived this morning, why are you only just showing up after lunch?" Cohen asked.
"Because of Harry's situation," Hermione said, still sounding a bit worried. "But we're more concerned about the paper… and the news about you. I think we can fight that claim. You certainly didn't kill 300 people when you were born—"
"And you're not evil at all," Harry added firmly. "You shouldn't be down about this. We'll help you deal with those idiotic news stories."
"But Ron said you wouldn't be down at all," Hermione said, glaring at Ron.
"Well, I was just telling the truth, wasn't I?" Ron said, throwing his hands up.
"Actually…" Cohen pursed his lips. "The first point you're trying to argue is wrong. I really did kill over 300 people when I was a year old, and there were over a dozen Aurors who witnessed it."
"What?!" all three of them exclaimed.
"But, but how could you—I mean…" Harry said, dumbfounded.
"If that many people died—why didn't the papers report it?" Hermione asked, completely bewildered. "And…"
"You're joking!" Ron's jaw dropped, and he looked like he'd been turned to stone.
"Want me to tell you what happened? I actually have a bit of a memory from back then. You know, from when I first crawled out of the experimental flask…" Cohen asked, sounding quite pleased with himself.
"Hang on," Hermione whispered. "Not here!"
She glanced around. Though no one was right next to them, a group of students was walking towards the lake in the distance.
"Let's go to Hagrid's."
---
Hagrid's hut wasn't exactly soundproof, but most people weren't keen on getting too close to the half-giant's home, even if they knew deep down that he was a very kind and gentle person who wouldn't turn students into kebabs.
"I'm telling you, those newspapers just love to ruin people's lives," Hagrid said, fuming as he poured everyone a full mug of his ridiculously strong tea.
"Cohen, don't you worry about it. Professor Dumbledore wouldn't kick you out of Hogwarts over some silly news story. If any student dares to spread rumors that you're a psycho killer—I'll make 'em go dig up venom sacs from Lobalugs." (A Lobalug, a kind of water-dwelling worm with a nozzle)
"Ermm…" Cohen grunted.
"Actually, we came here to hear about what happened to Cohen when he was little," Harry said carefully.
"Oh," Hagrid said, finally catching on. "Is that it?"
"So, Cohen, did you really…?" Hermione's face showed her distress.
"You can't expect a newborn to smell food right at its mouth and not take a bite, can you?" Cohen said.
"Those people at Borgin Manor were all rotten to the core," Hagrid said, trying to comfort him. "It's not your fault, Cohen. They had it coming…"
"You said the Aurors were witnesses…" Harry asked.
"They tried to take me out, but they failed," Cohen said. "So they brought in Dumbledore, hoping he'd have an idea."
"I'll bet Professor Dumbledore would never do anything cruel to a child," Hagrid said, his trust in Dumbledore absolute.
"We know that, Hagrid," Hermione said. "Otherwise Cohen wouldn't be sitting here with us…"
"Dumbledore refused, and then arranged for Ros and Edward to adopt me," Cohen said. "The Ministry of Magic even kept it a secret back then to stop the public from panicking."
"And now they're not afraid of the public panicking?" Harry said, a malicious glint in his eye. "You'd think they were controlled by You-Know-Who."
"The Minister at the time was Millicent Bagnold, if I remember correctly…" Hagrid recalled. "Those were the years right after the Dark Lord fell. Everyone was celebrating, and nobody cared about the Statute of Secrecy. She said something like, 'I uphold our inalienable right to celebrate.'"
"And those wizards who celebrated with Muggles out of sheer joy weren't punished at all," Hermione mused. "I read about it in a book. She was the most popular Minister for Magic this century—she was the kind of person who looked out for the public's feelings and knew that at a time when everyone was celebrating You-Know-Who's defeat, you couldn't suddenly cause a panic over something unnecessary."
"And she and Dumbledore were very close, too," Hagrid said. "Ah, it's a shame she retired because she was getting on in years. She even wanted Dumbledore to be the next Minister, but he said he planned to die at Hogwarts, so it ended up being Fudge."
"So the Ministry thinks it's okay to cause a panic now, is that it?" Harry said.
"This whole article is a blatant attempt to turn the public against me. It's either I work with the Ministry to sort out this Dementor business, or I'll be framed as that wicked, uncontrollable dark arts experiment—a huge threat to the wizarding world."