"Slander," Professor McGonagall said, gritting her teeth. "We all know the true reason behind this."
"Of course, because of that vile Dark Magic experiment," Umbridge replied, her tone dripping with self-righteous arrogance now that she had an excuse. "Dumbledore wants to shield him, which is why he fabricated this entire lie about the Dark Lord returning, isn't that right?"
"Utter nonsense from start to finish," Professor McGonagall said icily. "Go, go to the Gryffindor Tower and find your so-called evidence. If you fail, we'll go straight to Dumbledore, and you'll explain your absurd behaviour tonight."
Umbridge strode out of the office quickly, with Professor McGonagall following close behind. Though Professor McGonagall didn't believe Cohen would do such a thing – what if, just what if, it really was him? Dumbledore had said Cohen knew about the Ministry's targeting of their family. What if Cohen wanted to retaliate this way? She hoped the boy wouldn't be so foolish...
"Professors..." Filch tried to interject as the two professors exited – he had just heard a distinct, terrifying hissing sound from outside the door.
But Umbridge merely dismissed him with a curt, "Silence, don't get in the way."
Filch sulkily shut his mouth and stood aside.
"Argus, go get some rest. I'll handle this," Professor McGonagall told Filch, then caught up with Umbridge, who was practically running.
"You two, go to the Chamber of Secrets – Sophia, you know where the Chamber is, right?" Cohen communicated.
"I know! Inside the long pipes!" the little Basilisk squeaked. "Grandpa's old home!"
"What kind of good place? Are there fish?" the old water snake asked curiously.
"No, just go! I need to get back to my body and act quickly."
With that, Cohen rapidly ascended, passing through layers of the castle's stone floors, drifting towards Gryffindor Tower. Good thing he hadn't left through the Fat Lady's portrait earlier; he'd opted for the pipes in the walls. And with his physical body "asleep" in the dormitory, he now had a perfect alibi. The thought of Umbridge's furious incompetence soon filled him with amusement.
---
Outside the Gryffindor common room, on the eighth floor.
"Has any student left tonight?" Umbridge demanded sternly of the Fat Lady.
"No, Professors," the Fat Lady yawned. "This door hasn't been opened all night."
"You heard her, Dolores," Professor McGonagall said, peering at Umbridge through her spectacles.
"Portraits can also lie," Umbridge retorted, completely unwilling to listen. She was desperate to catch him red-handed – catching Cohen Norton in the act would surely please Cornelius.
"Open up!" Umbridge commanded.
"Mimbulus Mimbletonia," Professor McGonagall uttered the password, and the Fat Lady swung open the round portrait hole leading to the common room.
Cohen was already waiting in the dormitory, anticipating Umbridge's furious entry. It didn't take long –
"BANG!"
A door slammed open with a mix of fury and triumph, echoing through Cohen's dormitory.
"What's setting off fireworks –" Seamus mumbled, half-asleep.
"Who just broke wind?" Harry rubbed his eyes, fumbling for his glasses. He could only make out a blurred light at the doorway. Ron was still snoring.
"Are you trying to wake the whole castle? Be careful, or I'll give you detention –" Cohen, now back in his body, rubbed his eyes and threw off his covers, speaking with a touch of morning grumpiness.
"Did you find the evidence you were looking for, Dolores?" Professor McGonagall's gaze sharpened as she looked at Umbridge. "Now, off to Dumbledore's office to explain your ridiculous actions tonight."
"You're quite quick to get back, aren't you?" Umbridge said, still refusing to give up, stomping furiously towards Cohen's bed. She reached out her hand, so plump her knuckles were invisible, to touch Cohen.
"What are you doing!" Cohen cried, covering his chest with his hands. "I don't like being touched by old, ugly women –"
Umbridge's eyes bulged even further – veins throbbing on her forehead, looking exactly like a madwoman.
"Silence!" she barked, roughly twisting Cohen's arm and reaching directly for the back of his neck – she wanted to feel for sweat, but Cohen's skin was cool and dry, showing no signs of recent exertion.
"Let go of the student, Dolores!" Professor McGonagall rushed forward angrily, trying to pull Umbridge away from Cohen. "I've never seen such a brutal –"
"Professor McGonagall, what's going on?" Harry asked, confused.
"You're twisting my arm a bit too hard," Cohen reminded her, in a friendly tone. It didn't actually hurt, but if his skin broke, Umbridge would die. That ten-second torment of liquid curse was still too short. Cohen's long-suppressed desire for mischief hadn't been fully satisfied yet.
"Fine, fine," Umbridge snarled, her voice tight with anger, yet unable to find any fault. Cohen unabashedly gave her a defiant look that seemed to say, "What are you going to do about it?"
"I know it was you," Umbridge hissed viciously. "You filthy little half-blood –"
"UMBRIDGE! I warned you!" Professor McGonagall furiously pulled her away from Cohen. "You will not insult my students! Go! To Dumbledore's office! You will explain your actions tonight and apologize for them!"
"Professor McGonagall, can people with mental illnesses not hold teaching positions at Hogwarts?" Cohen asked, using Harry's glasses cloth to wipe the back of his neck, as if disgusted by Umbridge's touch.
Umbridge was trembling with rage; if Professor McGonagall hadn't held her back, she likely would have lunged at Cohen, practically offering herself up.
"Of course not," Professor McGonagall stated.
Umbridge became even more enraged.
Professor McGonagall dragged Umbridge away, leaving them with only a command to get some rest. But no one in the dormitory could sleep anymore. Even Ron had woken up due to the ensuing argument.
"What happened? Why is that toad so angry?" Ron asked, bewildered.
"Cohen, what are you doing –" Harry asked, frowning as he watched Cohen wipe the back of his neck with his glasses cloth.
"The toad touched me just now, it felt a bit disgusting, so I wanted to wipe it off," Cohen explained.
"You used my glasses cloth for that?!" Harry exclaimed, eyes wide. But when Cohen offered it back, Harry quickly refused, "No – I don't want it..."
"So what exactly happened?" Ron asked from his bed, facing Cohen. "Why was Professor McGonagall arguing with her too?"
Seamus looked like he desperately wanted to join the discussion, but remembering his earlier quarrel with Cohen and the others, he ultimately chose to bury himself back under his covers, sulking.
"She probably got scared by something and thought it was me," Cohen said. "Remember? I'm the Ministry's number one delinquent."