"Kiyomi, can I ask you a question?" Olympia suddenly breaks the silence during our hunt for the rumored witch. We'd agreed to stay quiet, out of courtesy for those sleeping—whether for work, school, or just exhaustion.
But now Olympia wants to talk. I won't say no, but maybe it's better not to get into idle chatter so late. I'm sleepy and might say something I'd regret if I were more awake.
"Of course, you can, Olympia. Ask, and your wish shall be granted." I guess I don't care too much about whoever is trying to sleep. Who would've known the top girl in our school was such a bad influence? I'd probably be on a path to becoming one of the presidents of this country. Oh well.
"What do you hate?" Olympia questions.
What do I hate? I thought that Olympia was going to ask me something more…nonsensical. But she asks me something I presume she's taking seriously. I say this because it is an out-of-the-blue type of question, at least considering the time of day. I checked my phone not too long ago, and it read 3:00 AM. I'm in for an earful if my sister attempts to wake me up for school, but finds out that I'm not in bed. I'll have to think of a good excuse if worst comes to worst.
"I hate crappy game endings. I hate being woken up early. The Route A boss in Drakengard 1? A nightmare. But don't get me started on the Drakengard 3 final boss. I spent over twenty hours trying to beat that boss fight, and to this day, I still haven't beaten it! I hate summoning for gatcha characters—the universe clearly hates me.
"I hate being around too many people; I always feel a sense of discomfort. Often, when I'm around several people and I'm aware of this, I feel sort of disconnected with everything, oddly enough. I think what I experience is akin to the word we know as "sonder." I suddenly realize that all of these people are living their own lives, with their own story, in which this person named Kiyomi Otonashi doesn't exist. Or at least, I don't play a big part in their story. But isn't that how I've lived the majority of my life? Even considering the people I have a semblance of a relationship with, a connection with, I didn't do much to influence their lives. The most I did was simply exist. I was just there.
"That's another thing that I hate: my inability to do anything except exist. It was only a few days ago that you were the one who saved yourself, who prevented Kumiko from committing an act that she could never take back if she went too far. All I was able to do was sit on my ass and cry. All I've been able to do is sit here and cry.
"I hate—"
"Kiyomi?" Olympia interrupts. "It seems that the things you hate, outside of yourself, tend to be things that you have no control over. The ending of certain pieces of art is created by the artist, not by you. The designers, not you, make crappy boss designs. Difficulty spikes are due to whichever madman created them, not you. The odds that you get the big-breasted gatcha characters were determined before you ever clicked summon, not by you.
"But the things that you hate about yourself— Well, I was going to say they're things that you do have control over, but do you? Take, for example, the unease that you experience when around many people. You're not actively choosing to feel this way; it's an anxiety that many humans experience. We tend to forget that we are nothing more than a small part of something grand, something that we will never be able to comprehend. But just because we can't understand it, doesn't mean that we have to let this anxiety consume us. You may feel this way now, but together, instead of trying to control it alone, we can manage it. No matter what you do, you will be nothing more than a speck of dust. But the reason that that speck of dust exists, the reason that you exist, is rather simple: it's because you were needed. You're exactly where you are right now—because you were needed, Kiyomi Otonashi. Whatever that reason may be will remain unbeknownst to us. But, at the very least, your existence has played a substantial role in my life.
"You've played a part in my life. Without you, I don't know what Kumiko would have done. Neither of us does, but we don't need to fret about that. I'm right here right now because of you, Kiyomi. If I didn't have my own personal Kiyomi Otonashi, I may as well be in a casket deep in the ground as we speak.
"You may not be able to stop the world from spinning altogether, but you were able to make my world spin in a way that it never has before.
"Thank you—
"For making the Olympia Ventura the Olympia Ventura that she is now.
"There are plenty of things that you hate, whether it be of the world or yourself, but there are also plenty of things that you can love, too. Next time we go witch hunting, I'm going to ask you to name me things that you love in the world and yourself. So you'd better be prepared to answer my question, or else you'll have to repeat the twelfth grade!"
"You are an idiot," I say, not in an insulting way, but out of amazement. Only an idiot would be able to hear the things that I hate and still find a way to flip those things around and turn them into something positive.
Our night ends with us missing out on this rumored witch. But although we didn't find what we were searching for, I believe we found something of even greater value. At least, I did.