A/N: Can't believe we're just 7 chapters away from the end of this, and my time as a writer. It's been nothing but grand, even though some of y'all have been on a generational hater run.
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"Always a sad day when I blank out for a second and don't find myself tied up in some lab," I gripped my forehead, reeling from a sudden onset of nausea. "But I guess it's fine just this once."
A small crowd had begun to gather around us by now. I only briefly glanced at their confused and curious expressions. That was understandable. To them, the park had been fine a moment ago and now there were great gashes in the earth. Oh, the rails by the Mion had snapped too.
Amidst that, stood a foreigner next to a clearly upset teen.
Hm.
I wondered what kind of thoughts I'd have in their place. Unfortunately, there was no time to delve into that. Rin suddenly gripped my arm.
"Don't you have a spell for this?" She spoke in a hushed whisper.
"Archer-"
Rin faltered only for a fraction of a second before she cut me off, "Later. We need to deal with this first. You've studied at the Clock Tower, so you should know some memory alteration."
"A reasonable assumption," I averted my gaze. "I kind of slept through those classes."
"Right, then-" Her head mechanically turned towards me, eyes wide, "-You what?!"
"I asked you to make a bounded field!" I raised my totally valid protest.
"And then you said you'd already made one!"
"Yeah, to make sure they didn't pay attention! What was I supposed to do about the aftermath?!"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the most basic memory alteration spell!?"
I pursed my lips. "There's something about messing with someone's memories that deeply disagrees with me."
"This is not the time for you to become a good guy-"
I gasped exaggeratedly, "Excuse me, I AM a good guy."
Certainly, I was such a great guy that I was going to make sure Archer was seen in a good light by Rin... somehow. Sure, I could easily get all sentimental about preserving his wishes, but he'd just shoved his own selfish whimsies down my throat only moments ago.
T'was only right that the debt be repaid post haste.
Rin relented with a groan and began massaging her temples, "We're lucky they can't understand us."
I looked over the small crowd once more. There were a good few teens in there, and I was positive English was part of the curriculum.
"You sure trust your people, don't you?" I smiled.
She deadpanned, "No, I trust that your heavy accent sounds like gibberish to them."
This time around, my gasp was not so exaggerated as before.
Rin Tohsaka tucked a stray bang behind her ear, "Not that what you actually say is any better."
I sucked in a breath of the icy air.
Truly, I was shooketh.
As she dragged me away by the hand, I could only haplessly follow with a single question in my mind.
What had happened to the easily flustered Rin?
We got some strange looks as she pushed through the crowd and up the stairs to the main road beside the river. She kept her gait past a string of suburban homes until the river was veiled by a thick line of aged maple trees.
There, she let go of my hand, walking a few steps ahead before finally stopping and turning on her heel to face me. The wind had picked up enough by then to begin ruffling through the air.
"So there's no avoiding it, huh?" I stuffed a hand in my pocket.
God I hated how I was continuously forced into confrontations like these. My life would be so much simpler if I was capable of just punching every single problem in the face like I hoped I was. Unfortunately, every single time when the moment came where I might get by easier by behaving like an insensitive piece of shit magus... I failed to.
Every single time.
Closing my eyes, I prepared myself for her chastisement, and her anger.
"What... did I do wrong?"
An unbelievably simple question.
I sighed, clenching my pocketed fist, "Nothing."
"Then how come..."
In many ways, Archer was much like myself in what he had done. He had abandoned all for a selfish pursuit of what he wanted, even if what he wanted made no sense at all.
He was done, so he wanted to leave.
That was the end of it.
Confronted with that truth, I was forced to realise that I was headed down that same path. Perhaps-... no, definitely, he and I would always have different wants. This, however, would always be what was left behind.
For a beat, I even entertained shoving all the blame elsewhere and retreating.
And, by the way the Tohsaka's lip trembled, I was forced to realise that I simply wasn't... capable. I was not capable of ignoring a consequence like this.
I'd always known deep down, of course.
But, that didn't mean I didn't grow shifty, and try to look for an escape.
"Cause he was being an asshole. He wanted to show me what a Reality Marble is and die, so he decided that you hating him before he died would make it easier."
"That can't-"
"It's stupid as fuck." I closed my eyes again, "He could have just shown me anyway, stuck around till the end and faded away in peace, but he didn't want to do that, because he's a selfish cunt."
I hated what he had done. I could understand it.
"If you hated him, it'd be easier for you."
Silence reigned. I heard a bird cry out.
"How... How would it be easier?" She asked slowly. I was unable to open my eyes, not willing to look at her face. "That just means I'm a terrible master, doesn't it? I drove my servant to-"
"Rin, he didn't want you to force yourself fight me-"
"I never would have! He didn't even ask me what I-" Her breath hitched.
This kind of sudden decision rarely ever hurt only the one taking it. Of course, there were people capable of ignoring that, who felt that they owed nothing to anyone, or decided themselves alone that it was better for everyone.
I was not such a person.
Rin Tohsaka was not such a person.
Shirou Emiya... had become that.
Instead of some notion of grief, I only felt angry, annoyed with his actions. He, at the very least, owed us a better explanation... or maybe that too was my own selfishness?
Exhaling deeply, I crouched down, clutching my hair in exasperation.
"I'm sorry, Rin."
"Why do you have to apologise-... That bastard-"
The wind rustled.
"No, Rin, I'm sorry you have to deal with this."
"I-"
The bond between master and servant was a uniquely sacred one if it actually existed. Rider had resolved herself to slavery just to save Sakura. Nobunaga saved my life countless times. Berserker, though I did not know him well, fought to the bitter end like a mad hound to save Illyasviel.
They were a constant.
For the sort of life magi led, that was... something.
Rin had no one.
For a pitifully short while, she'd had him.
Surely, Archer knew that. He was tired enough that he didn't care.
There and then, I promised myself that I would never be the same, no matter what... if only to avoid having to look at such faces, no, to avoid even the thought that someone I cared for would make such an expression, or sound like this, for my actions.
"I thought he'd be able to trust me-" Her words halted for a moment, "-not with everything, but at least... at least a bit you know?"
"This isn't your fault, Rin."
"But-"
"This isn't your fault." I repeated.
There was nothing else for me to say. No, there was at least one more thing I could do. Gritting my teeth, I pushed aside my hesitation and confusion, and forced myself to look at her straight on.
When I saw her trembling expression and her glassy eyes, they came back once more. I forced them down again, and rose to my feet. Each step forward felt like it weighed a ton. My feet stuck to the road. I forced through. I forced through until I was near her.
"What are you-"
I... hugged her.
Surely, it was slow and unconfident and pathetic and probably too forceful, but that was all I could do in such a moment.
Were I in her shoes, I'd probably break far sooner than her.
For a good moment, Rin Tohsaka remained frozen, unable to react. Another moment, and then her hands slowly wrapped around my back. I felt her head shake and my shoulder grow wet.
"You can count on me... at least."
Really, I could never put anyone through this.
Hm.
For someone who loved magecraft with all my heart, what a truly pathetic magus I was becoming.
"Do you wanna get a coffee?"
"...Okay."
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Hope you enjoyed.
You can find a couple long chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap. Since we're close the end, they're not that many, but they wound up pretty lengthy since I was just writing on and on.