LU ZHANXING WAS like a caged beast; his emotions were running high, and it took Gu Mang a long time to explain everything clearly.
As a spectator, it was difficult for Mo Xi to describe Lu Zhanxing's expression after he heard the truth. When Gu Mang began to explain the matter of the Zhenlong white chess piece, Lu Zhanxing's countenance fluctuated constantly. From astonishment to blankness, from blankness to wild joy, from wild joy to rage, from rage to sorrow, stuttering with shock countless times between.
After Gu Mang finished, Lu Zhanxing fell upon that icy stone bed as if freed. His wide eyes stared vacantly at the low ceiling of the prison. Only after several long minutes did he murmur, as if dreaming, "I…didn't betray you all…"
Gu Mang's gaze was gentle, his voice hoarse and low: "You never have."
"I didn't betray you all… I didn't betray you all… Ha ha…ha ha ha ha!" Veins bulged at Lu Zhanxing's temples as the overwhelming emotion flushed his cheeks red. But as he laughed, he began to weep. Perhaps embarrassed, he flung his arms over his eyes, but crystalline tears still seeped from beneath them, rolling down to soak into his temples.
Gu Mang sat on the edge of his narrow stone bed and looked at Lu Zhanxing. He couldn't see Lu Zhanxing's eyes—they were still hidden behind his sturdy arms. He was still for a moment, then asked in a quiet voice, "Zhanxing, can you see them too?"
It was such an inexplicable question, but Lu Zhanxing understood. So did Mo Xi.
Can you see them too? See those seventy thousand soldiers crossing the river of the underworld to come to your side? Those who fought shoulder to shoulder with you, those who drank their fill of strong wine before countless battles with you, those brothers who swore their oaths with you—do you see them flocking to your side? You're surrounded by seventy thousand dead, whispering day and night without rest. Gradually, you stop being able to see the world in front of you. Bit by bit, so slowly you hardly notice, you begin living with the dead. You become a living tombstone, the names of those dead souls carved into your heart.
Can you see them too…?
Lu Zhanxing mumbled from dry lips. The first time, nothing intelligible came out. Only on the second attempt did he manage to say, "Always. I've seen them all along."
They were still for a long time before Gu Mang replied, "Me too."
The candle flame in the prison shed a string of waxen tears.
"Zhanxing, after Phoenix Cry Mountain, we are both the living dead. Do you blame me?"
Lu Zhanxing slowly lowered his arms, half a teary eye showing. "What?"
"I tricked you…tricked you all into following me onto this path. I promised you a grand future, but with me, none of you lived well for long. Instead, you became guilty subjects and reckless brutes." Gu Mang hung his head and stared into his hands. "Recently, I've been thinking about what kind of person I am."
His dense lashes trembled, casting a soft shadow on the bridge of his nose. "I know Chonghua has expressed many judgments of me. I've been praised, mocked, slandered, flattered… I never cared; I always felt I was doing the right thing. That I, Gu Mang, had never betrayed my conscience."
He went on, "But after the battle of Phoenix Cry Mountain, I can't justify it to myself anymore. All along, I've said again and again that I want to change Chonghua's, and even the Nine Provinces', views on slaves. I always told the people who followed me that I would take them home, that I would give them a future much brighter than the present. But it turns out one defeat is all it takes for me to be beaten back to my original state like a pathetic clown. I'm the general of an army, but I can't even wrangle the slightest fairness for my brothers."
Those whispers he had never heeded seemed to ring in his ears.
Power threatens kings! The higher the lowly slave climbs, the lower he'll fall! That man is the next Hua Po'an!
No, how could he compare to Hua Po'an? At least Hua Po'an established a country, at least his brothers received rewards and gained advantages. He, Gu Mang, was a dog rolling in the mud. Even if he'd had Hua Po'an's nefarious intentions, he didn't have the ability to deliver on them. He was a charlatan. Tricking that crowd of fools into following him to their deaths. What would they gain by following him? Dreams?
Some Beast of the Altar he is, ha ha ha ha…
Mocking laughter circled him like a vulture. Gu Mang slowly closed his eyes. When he opened them again, it was to look down at his calloused palms. "Now I finally understand. I'm no more than a gravedigger, expending so much time and effort just to bury all my brothers in a pit."
Lu Zhanxing didn't make a sound as he turned his head. He looked at Gu Mang contemplatively. "His Imperial Majesty won't be reversing my sentence, will he?" Before Gu Mang could answer, he continued. "I know the answer. The old nobles, the black magic curse… Our new emperor is too green. Even if it were someone else in my place, he wouldn't be able to save them."
Gu Mang lowered his head. "Zhanxing, I'm sorry. Other than telling you the truth, I can't do anything."
Lu Zhanxing turned his blank gaze back to the ceiling. The tearstains at the ends of his eyes were already dry. "It's fine. I don't blame him, nor do I blame you."
Freed of the shackles of a guilty subject, Lu Zhanxing had relaxed entirely. Anyone would have complicated emotions when facing a death sentence, but Lu Zhanxing seemed content. "It was my bad luck to be planted with the Zhenlong chess piece." Lu Zhanxing picked up the two wooden dice Gu Mang had brought, running his fingers over them. "Do you remember? When we played dice as kids, I'd lose every time and have to give you my sweets. My luck has always been bad; it's no one else's fault." As he spoke, he tossed the dice carelessly onto the bed. The two wooden cubes tumbled, eventually rolling to a stop: snake eyes. "See, was I wrong?"
Gu Mang looked down again, his shoulders shaking. "Some time ago, I heard there was a gambling demon in Chonghua who showed up wherever he went in a green copper mask. If you chanced upon him, he would always win—he never tallied a single loss at the gambling tables… That person was you, wasn't it?"
Lu Zhanxing stiffened.
"You always get whatever number you roll for. What bad luck?" Gu Mang rasped. "It's only that you've always indulged me. You wanted to share your sweets with me."
Looking at Gu Mang, Lu Zhanxing heaved a soft sigh. Of course he wanted to protect this little rascal. This had been destined upon their first meeting, more or less.
Back when Lu Zhanxing had just been sold into Wangshu Manor, he came across Murong Lian bullying Gu Mang, then only four years old. The young master had smeared oil paints all over Gu Mang's face and forced him to stand frozen with a bowl of water balanced on his head.
Murong-gongzi laughed wildly. "Stand there for a full shichen. If a drop of water spills from the bowl, every slave in the entire manor will go hungry along with you!"
Lu Zhanxing had inwardly despaired. He must have met with eight lifetimes' worth of misfortune. This little brat was so young— how could he endure such a thing for so long? It looked like Lu Zhanxing would go hungry his first day in the manor.
But against all expectations, the cook handed him two big and fluffy steamed buns when dinnertime came around. That was how Lu Zhanxing learned the little child had actually gathered all his willpower and stood motionless for a full shichen. This greatly upset Murong Lian, so even though the other slaves escaped hunger that night, Gu Mang was still given nothing.
Lu Zhanxing ate one steamed bun, then pocketed the other and went looking for that little kid. He searched the whole of the sprawling Wangshu Manor before he finally found Gu Mang crouching in some grass in the flower garden.
"Hey." He patted Gu Mang's shoulder.
A brightly colored little face scribbled with oil paints turned to him. The child chewed silently, his lips covered in dirt. Lu Zhanxing couldn't make out his features clearly; what struck him were those pitch-black eyes, as brilliant as the stars in the night sky. "Wh-why are you eating dirt…?" Lu Zhanxing asked, startled.
Gu Mang was so pitiable. He was only four years old, his childish voice nasal with tears. "Gege, I'm hungry."
As Lu Zhanxing gazed into those helpless eyes like a little cub's, his heart melted. He hastily dug out the second steamed bun and said gently, "This is for you, don't cry. Aiyo… Gege will protect you. Look at you, you poor little thing."
In the cold prison, Lu Zhanxing studied Gu Mang in front of him. Stripped of his battle armor and his glory, the present Gu Mang was not so different from that little rascal who had eaten mud with his head down. Just as helpless, and with just as little to his name.
They had struggled for almost half their lives, but they never truly gained anything.
Lu Zhanxing's grimy face gradually showed a flicker of exasperated warmth. He reached out a dirty hand to stroke Gu Mang's cheek and wipe the wet corners of Gu Mang's eyes. "Mang-er, don't cry."
Gu Mang said nothing.
The corners of Lu Zhanxing's mouth curled in the wisp of a smile. "Gege will protect you. Look at you, you poor little thing."
Gu Mang squeezed his eyes shut, his features filled with pain as he swallowed thickly.
"This is the last time Gege can protect you. In the future, whether you advance or retreat, whether you forge ahead or set down your sword and retire—it's all up to you. Mang-er, I'm happy you could tell me the truth. Even if nothing can be changed, at least I know—I never betrayed my seventy thousand comrades, I never betrayed you. I can finally be at ease. Keep going. Whatever you choose, your Lu-ge will be happy for you."
As he spoke, he bit his lower lip, trying to hold back his emotions with all his might. At last, he grabbed Gu Mang, who had long been weeping silently, and pressed their foreheads together. He clapped Gu Mang on the shoulder. "After all, you're my brother. Even if we've never sworn."
Gu Mang swiped tears from his face, then looked up through bright black eyes. "Let's swear it."
Before Lu Zhanxing could respond, Gu Mang replaced his mask and left the room. Very soon, he returned to the cell with a jar of pear-blossom white wine.
Holding back tears, Gu Mang schooled his tone to solemnity. "Lu Zhanxing, after today's farewell, the two of us will meet again at the autumn execution. I was born without a family, without a father, without anyone to rely on. I've never dared be reckless, never dared be unbridled, never dared overstep my bounds. Before others, I've always endured in silence and rarely showed my true feelings. Except…except with Lu-xiong, who showed me what it feels like to have a family. To have a big brother."
As Gu Mang spoke, the rims of Lu Zhanxing's eyes also reddened. Memories of the care they had shown each other since their youth, all the times they leaned on each other, sprang vividly to their minds, flashing past one by one.
"Xiongzhang (elder brother), thank you for these twenty years of care."
Lu Zhanxing raised his head. He'd thought that, since he was to be executed in a few months, he had no more need for deep connections with other people. But upon hearing Gu Mang speak, each word sincere and agonizingly heartfelt, he was overwhelmed; passion welled up in his chest. He blinked back hot tears and took the pearblossom white from Gu Mang's hand. "I was born to a life as insignificant as drifting duckweed, and never expected I would have a rightful and proper brother. Even less had I expected that right now, with my infamy spread far and wide and as the end of my life draws near, the heavens would still give me the chance to become your sworn brother. I once disliked, distrusted, and disdained these rites, but today… Today, I, Lu Zhanxing, could not be happier. All right, let's swear!"
He continued, "Even if we were born slaves, even if the end is nigh, even if the future is vast and unknown—today, we'll swear for the hell of it! The two of us didn't ask to be born together and can't ask to die together, but we can carve this into our hearts, never to be forgotten even in the Yellow Springs."
Both tilted their heads back to drink. They bowed to each other, then broke into laughter, hand in hand. But that laughter held tears, and those tears filled their eyes.
"Dage," Gu Mang said.
Lu Zhanxing laughed out loud. "From now on, neither of us are alone anymore. Even when I walk in the underworld, I'll know I have a true brother."
That tragic yet bold, despairing yet glorious laughter surrounded Mo Xi as the scene in the prison began to blur. It gradually lost definition, the figures of those two brothers becoming hazy.
Lu Zhanxing… Gu Mang…
Brothers.
So Gu Mang had once gone to the prison to see Lu Zhanxing. The two of them had sworn to each other as brothers, and sworn to each other as family. All of Lu Zhanxing's reactions within the Time Mirror had been an act. He had never been a traitor who carelessly destroyed Gu Mang's dream and heartlessly deserted his seventy thousand comrades. His true intent… His true intent was—
"This is the last time Gege can protect you. In the future, whether you advance or retreat, whether you forge ahead or set down your sword and retire—it's all up to you."
"Keep going. Whatever you choose, your Lu-ge will be happy for you."
"After all, you're my brother."
When the blade whistled down at the autumn execution, leaving them on opposite sides of death, it didn't merely take Gu Mang's last comrade. When that executioner's blade fell, it took his only family. Newly sworn, so recently gained that the times he called him dage could be counted on one hand—in all the world, his only big brother.