The sun was sinking behind the mountains when Neo came in through the front door of the house. He let his jacket and shoes drop into the sub dimension and walked down the hallway until he reached the bathroom, passing by the blacksmith's workshop where Dad and I were working on a new invention.
I barely caught a glimpse of Neo passing by the doorway when I felt a sharp stab in my heart. I jumped to my feet and went to see what was wrong.
In the hallway I noticed a strange smell, like perfume the kind my female students use, expensive and exotic. But this one was different, it burned when I breathed it in. At that exact moment, the worst idea crossed my mind. Neo was going to shower after "being" with another woman, just like my students do. I remembered distant conversations between two guys who said that, so their girlfriends wouldn't get offended, they cleaned themselves after being with their little side fling.
After reaching that conclusion, I couldn't stop thinking about how Neo had broken all his promises and how everything he told me about being a virgin had gone out the window. I felt something strange in my chest, like a blank emptiness, as if half my chest were missing. I could barely breathe, and tears started to fall.
When I grabbed the doorknob, I hesitated for a second about whether to go in or not. But I couldn't stop thinking about him, so despite everything I decided to enter. When I went in, he was taking off his pants, his shirt was lying on the floor with a huge stain covering the entire upper part.
●― Dalia, what are you doing? ―
― Dalia ― I… no… why…? ―
●― I already told you not to play around… ―
He moved his hand downward and I felt a gust of wind pushing me out of the room. He was using magic against me, forcing me to leave. How could he do that to me? I went out, not so much because of the force of the wind, but because of the disgusting smell.
I couldn't stop myself from crying. I collapsed to my knees and, like a little girl, I cried my eyes out, because my boyfriend was sleeping with someone else and won't even lay a hand on me. While he was showering, my thoughts went everywhere. Am I not enough for him? Does he not like my body? Does he hate me for kissing him first? Do I disgust him? Do I smell bad? I don't use those perfumes… I remembered one of my students who has a lot of "cleavage." Maybe he likes them more voluptuous? Are mine really that bad? I mean, I have some muscle from carrying materials all the time maybe that's why he doesn't like me. I should be slimmer like everyone else… I do eat a lot… but I'm moving and lifting things all day… Maybe that's why he doesn't like me… I'm not very feminine… or maybe it's because I'm much shorter than him… maybe he likes taller girls… Or is it because I'm always in that workshop?… maybe he prefers darker skin or lighter skin… all of it… or maybe he just doesn't like my skin…
●― Dalia… Dalia… ―
When I realized it, he was in front of me, crouched down, with one hand on my shoulder trying to get my attention. But I was there, curled up, my hands covering my ears, like when I was little and some flying monster attacked the city. My face was buried in my knees, pressed tight, hiding from everything.
When I lifted my gaze, tears were streaming down my face. His expression was pure worry, he was getting ready to hug me when I couldn't take it anymore.
― Dalia — GET AWAY FROM ME! ― I screamed like a madwoman, hiding again and pressing my face back against my knees.
Dad, who was relatively close, heard me scream and hurried over to see what was happening. Poor Neo stepped back and stretched one hand behind him to keep from falling. But when Dad arrived, he grabbed him by the neck with both hands and lifted him above his head. Neo struggled to break free from the grip, he could barely breathe. When I looked up and saw him, his face was red. My heart couldn't take it anymore and in a flash I grabbed my father's leg. I was screaming at him. I don't remember what I said, but it wasn't nice.
― Dalia — let him go! ― I screamed as best I could.
Then Mom, who had been in her room, arrived, alerted by my uncle Durman's shouts.
― Astrid ― What's going on? ―
She didn't hesitate. She left them alone in their madness and came straight to me, wrapping me in a hug and asking what had happened. Since I couldn't answer, she helped me to my feet while scolding them.
― Astrid ― And don't let me catch you arguing like this. You talk things through first, then you tell me what's wrong. ―
We went upstairs almost without speaking. Astrid held me by the arm, like when I was little and a thunderclap scared me, or a flying monster passed too close to the house during those strange attacks. She didn't let go, and I didn't want her to. Each step felt heavier than the last, as if my legs were carrying the weight of the world.
We went into my room. She closed the door carefully, as if she feared the noise might break something else. I sat on the edge of the mattress and she sat beside me, so close that I felt her warmth before she hugged me. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I collapsed against her chest and started to cry. Tears streamed down my face, and Astrid didn't say anything at first. She just held me tight, one hand on the back of my neck and the other moving slowly up and down my back, as if she wanted to erase every doubt cutting through me.
When I finally managed to stop crying, I was able to speak, though my voice came out broken.
― Dalia ― Mom… I can't take it anymore. Everything is falling apart. ―
She pulled back a little to look me in the eyes. She always does that after letting me cry for a while, but today she took a bit longer. Her eyes were wet too, though she tried to hide it.
― Astrid ― Tell me, my love. From the beginning. What happened with Neo? ― I swallowed. My chest hurt just remembering it.
― Dalia ― He smelled like perfume. One of those sweet, strong ones, like the kind my university students use… the ones who always have older boyfriends or lovers or whatever. I went into the bathroom and saw him taking off his clothes. His shirt had a huge stain right here. ― I pointed at my chest. ― And then… he pushed me. With magic, Auntie. He shoved me out like I was a stranger. Why would he do that if he had nothing to hide? ―
Astrid frowned, but didn't interrupt me. I kept going, because if I stopped, I wouldn't be able to start again.
― Dalia ― And I thought… I thought he had slept with someone else. That he was showering to get rid of the smell, like the guys my classmates talk about. They tell it all the time, they show up smelling like another woman, wash up, and then kiss you like nothing ever happened. And I… I am… Auntie. Neo is my first everything. My first real kiss, my first "I love you," my first… But he always says we have to wait. That we have to get married first. And I thought it was beautiful, that he respected me… but what if it's just an excuse? What if he doesn't want me because I'm not enough? My breasts aren't enough, or I'm too short, or I have too much muscle from carrying things in the workshop… do I disgust him? Do I smell bad? I don't use much perfume, I usually smell like metal and sweat… ―
The tears came back harder. I covered my face with my hands, ashamed even of myself. Astrid pulled me against her again. I felt her take a deep breath, as if she were putting her thoughts in order.
― Astrid ― My little one… that's not true. Neo looks at you like you're the sun itself, the only thing that shines in his world. I see it every day—when you enter the workshop, when you walk down the hallway, when you talk about your inventions. His eyes light up. But he keeps it inside, because that's how he is, careful, slow. ―
― Dalia ― Then why the perfume? Why did he push me out? ―
― Astrid ― Are you sure it was perfume? These days he said he was going to experiment with pickles and vinegar for a new invention. Vinegar burns your nose, sometimes it smells strange, almost sweet if you mix it badly. Could it have been that? ―
I went still. I blinked. I tried to remember.
― Dalia ― When did he say that? ―
― Astrid ― A few days ago. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd already talked about it. But how long has it been since you really talked? ―
― Dalia ― I don't know… a few days. Maybe more. But even so… he pushed me with magic. I felt… like I wasn't even worth being in the same room as him. ― Astrid stroked my hair, brushing aside the strands stuck to my face from the tears.
― Astrid ― Good men get scared too sometimes, my heart. They don't know what to do with what they feel. Maybe he saw you come in suddenly and he got scared as well. I'm not saying what he did was right, but I don't think it was to hide something bad. I think it was to protect you… or to protect himself. ― I sniffed. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe her so badly it hurt.
― Dalia ― Do you really think he can like me, and that he's not just another one looking for his own benefit? ―
― Astrid ― I swear on what I love most in this world that you are, my life. Just remembering how he searches for you with his eyes. How he goes completely still just to listen to you talk about runes at dinner. Someone who's disgusted by you doesn't do that. ― I lowered my gaze to my hands. They were shaking.
― Dalia ― But Neo is a man, and men are… I remember Vend of Marut… when her boyfriend shoved her into the mud just because she complained that her hair got wet and looked dirty. Men throw away women who complain, Auntie. The girls at the university say it all the time. ― Astrid pressed her lips together. ― I saw her expression harden for a second. ―
― Astrid ― That bastard was expelled and will now be judged like everyone else his age. That was pure cruelty. Neo isn't like that. If you complain, or if you cry, or even if you tell him you're afraid… he won't throw you into the mud. He'll hold you. I know because I've seen him take care of you in ways you don't even realize. You just have to talk to him, sweetheart. The words you choke back are the ones that hurt the most when they stay inside. ―
I nodded slowly. For the first time all week, I felt a tiny hollow where there had only been emptiness before. It wasn't full hope, but it was something. We couldn't keep talking because we started hearing loud thuds, like someone was headbutting the pillars of the house.
― Astrid ― What was that? ―
Mom stood up, leaving me for a moment, and stepped out into the hallway.
― Astrid ― Come on, let's go see them. ―
Reluctantly, I got up, and when I went out I saw through the window that Neo and Dad were fighting. It was strange, because it wasn't really a fight, they were taking turns waiting for the other.
― Astrid ― He really couldn't think of anything better than punching each other over you. ―
― Dalia ― What do you mean? ―
― Astrid ― Your uncle Durman came to fight my father, and if my father won, he would give him permission to marry me, but I defeated him first. This whole punching thing is a tradition from the northern city near the capital where Durman's grandfather came from. ―
― Dalia ― But wasn't that abandoned a long time ago? ―
― Astrid ― You know my favorite spell very well. ―
― Dalia ― Burial? ―
Aunt Astrid nodded with a wicked look, and as she went down the stairs she began to recite the spell. I followed, chanting as well. With her left hand, she signaled me to cast it on Neo, while she would cast it on Uncle Durman. We hid with the spell charged, waiting until they were far enough apart from each other.
― Astrid ― Three… two… one… now! ―
With my aunt's shout, the two of them froze, expecting some kind of scolding for their behavior, but neither of them was expecting the spell, and they ended up buried up to their chins. Mom walked over in a dignified manner, placing one foot in front of the other and exaggerating every step. I followed behind her, holding back laughter, because Neo looked just as scared as the last time he got buried.
― Astrid ― What happened? Where are our fighters? ― she said, searching for them with her eyes. ― Well now, would you look at that, they're right down here. ―
I couldn't help it and started laughing. Dad didn't look nearly as pleased.
― Durman ― You promised me you'd never use that spell on me. ―
― Astrid ― And you said that… ―
I went over to Neo, ignoring the fact that Dad and Mom were "flirting" in their own way. I crouched down, almost knocking my knees against his head.
●― You must think this is funny. ―
― Dalia ― But you look adorable like this. ―
Neo pulled one hand out of the dirt, planted it on the ground, and with a sudden leap burst free. I stepped aside and stood up, moving a little away from him. But he insisted on coming closer.
●― Do I still look cute to you? ―
― Dalia ― Yes. ―
●― Oh, really? ― He bent slightly and hugged me, lifting me up.
― Dalia ― Nooo, you're going to get me dirty… ―
Mom helped Dad out of the ground while Neo was spinning me through the air, smearing my clothes with dirt, until Dad gave him a solid smack on the back of the head.
― Durman ― Come on, lad, let's go. We're going to bathe, we're filthy as a hunter. ―
While the two of them were bathing, Mom and I changed clothes, since Dad had also played around with her for a moment and got her dirty to get back at her.
When they came out, we were already changed and ready for bed. I was ready to tell Neo everything that had happened to me. But just as I closed the door to my room, Neo opened the sub-dimension door and invited me to go with him.
We went straight to the cabin, where he confessed he was starving to death. He asked if I wanted anything, and I suggested making something simple meat. But he didn't feel like that, so he cut up some potatoes, or whatever he calls them, and dropped them into hot oil. When he took them out, he sprinkled salt on them, then we went to the garden where he had his "purple tomatoes," as he calls them—he likes changing the names of things. When we got back, he chopped them up and made some tiny eggs about the size of a fist.
We had dinner with those "potatoes" while he told me how he tripped and spilled a jar of vinegar all over himself. He also told me how Pudiente and Doina were in their "own little world." I asked when we would do something like that, but he just repeated again that we had to wait…
After brushing our teeth, Neo lay down on the sofa, not feeling like going to bed. I took the chance to lie on top of him. I didn't stretch out, I curled up, half-supported, with my head tucked between the back of the sofa and his neck, feeling his breathing. It was an uncomfortable position… but hidden and snug.
― Dalia ― …I have to tell you something. ―
●― What is it? ―
― Dalia ― It's your fault, you know. After that math contest, the girls asked me to share you with them. ―
●― What? ―
― Dalia ― They told me things like… lend him to me, even if it's just for one night, Dalia, let me have him, I want to feel like a real woman again… or you're not woman enough for him, one of them said while showing off her breasts, leave him to me… I'll do things to him that'll leave him completely drained… or some nonsense like that. ―
I told him all the comments the girls made… even the other teachers. And the third-year math teacher too, who won't stop harassing me, asking me to take him along…
Even without seeing his face, his fists said everything. He was tense and uncomfortable. I'm sure that, out of everything I told him, there wasn't a single thing he liked hearing. When I finished, I explained why I reacted the way I did today… and he held me tightly, apologizing. We stayed like that for a long time, his chest rising and falling against mine, until I felt our heartbeats begin to synchronize, as if his heart were calming mine.
When I pulled back a little, my eyes still red and a tear stubbornly refusing to fall, I shifted until I was sitting on top of him. It was right then that I knew it, the moment I moved. I only straightened up enough to look down at him. I had never seen that expression on his face before. It wasn't open desire, it was something clumsier, more honest. His eyes traveled over me from bottom to top, then rose to meet mine and stayed there, embarrassed, as if they didn't know where to go next.
For a second our gazes held until an unexpected change pressed against me. It was like a pulse. In an instant his eyes dropped, tracing my body down past my abdomen. I smiled without realizing it. Not out of mischief, but out of relief. Over these days I'd been so afraid of his rejection, or of his constant distance, that I started imagining things that weren't there. But his body didn't lie.
I began to play, moving slightly up and down. Nothing exaggerated. Just a gentle, playful sway, testing an idea before it was accepted. My weight landed exactly where it shouldn't have, and I knew it by the way his breathing broke apart. He snapped his gaze up, then dropped it again. He saw me moving. And then it stopped being a single pulse. He raised his hand, tense.
●― No… Dalia, no. ―
I took that hand before he could pull it away and, without forcing it, placed it on my chest. I didn't say anything. There was no need. He squeezed instinctively too much. Like he didn't know how much was allowed. My heart raced so fast I thought it might burst out of my chest, and right then a small sound slipped out of me without permission. Soft. Traitorous. Neo reacted instantly. He pulled his hand back as if he had touched something burning hot.
●― Stop… this is… too much… ― he murmured, his face red.
I leaned toward him. It wasn't a plan, it was an impulse. I wanted to kiss him, and I wanted to feel whether we were still on the same page or if he was already pulling away. My hair brushed his cheek as I lowered myself, creating a small hollow where only the two of us existed. We stayed like that for a moment, looking into each other's eyes… but then he tried to move me away. As he did, he held my hips so I wouldn't lose my balance. That was a mistake.
I misunderstood the situation. And I moved back and forth, slowly, suggestive, without asking permission. I saw his jaw tighten, his eyes close for a second, the moment he stopped fighting what was obvious. When he suddenly sat up, I thought he was going to run but he didn't. He ended up sitting upright, with me still on top of him. We kissed for a while as I kept moving. I reacted purely on instinct, wrapping my arms around his neck, stopping him from escaping without forcing him to stay. He had a few awkward seconds, figuring out how to hold me. Then he stood up and walked with determination.
He held me firmly, his strong hands gripping my thighs, and carried me to his room. He set me down on the bed. He stepped back just enough to pull off his shirt. His breathing was uneven, just like mine.
He looked at me one last time before leaning in and starting to kiss my stomach, moving upward until he reached my lips. And I knew, without a single word, that he was choosing me for good.
In the middle of the night, I woke up to an empty bed. I thought he had gone to the bathroom, but when he didn't come back, I decided to go and look for him. He wasn't in the bathroom, nor in the other room. Even though it was nighttime, it wasn't cold in the sub-dimension, you didn't need heavy clothing.
I kept searching and noticed that Hunt's door was open as well. I went to the workshop and, from the doorway, I saw the two of them. Hunt was there, doing something with Neo. I was afraid to get closer, worried they might scold me for snooping, and just as I was about to go back to bed, Selene appeared behind me. We both screamed in surprise and hid behind a wall. Hunt turned when he heard the scream, but he didn't say anything and kept working.
After that, I went with Selene to her room, and we talked about how the same thing had happened to both of us.