Pimmelier, Byeonmmelier.
My mind is in chaos.
First of all, I don't even know why these bastards keep adding "mmelier" to everything.
I'm not entirely sure, but it somehow feels like it's related to baguette...
Weren't all the people here, including the Director who's a Huguenot that fled persecution in France, supposed to be anti-baguette?
"So you're more interested in feces than blood, I see."
Even while I was stunned, the conversation continued.
I don't know if Western debates are always like this, but they just clicked so well, like... uh...?
"It seems so. Blood has to be drawn every time... It's not an easy task, you know."
"Besides, don't you pass stool every day? So..."
"That's true too. Moreover, it's already been verified in Joseon."
"Verified... I'm very curious about that, I am."
I glanced at Liston, and this guy was being completely serious.
To be honest, I was a little curious too.
Well...
Don't they do stool tests?
Even in modern medicine, you could say they assess health conditions through stool to some extent.
Well... if you go into the gut microbiome, it's practically the future direction of medicine.
'Uh...? Is Liston really a genius...?'
Thinking about it, it did seem like there was something to it.
Joseon...
Unexpectedly, was it actually a medically advanced country?
I felt a sense of national pride rising that I had forgotten for a while.
It couldn't be helped; I see these guys every day so the awe has worn off. But they are, in fact, the power players of the British Empire.
Since we don't really have much direct historical entanglement with the British Empire, the feeling might be weaker, but seeing it in person, it's clear... it wasn't for nothing that they called it the empire on which the sun never sets.
I mean, they've been living off that influence all the way into the 21st century.
'Should I just stay quiet and listen?'
Yeah, let's just listen.
If they're talking nonsense, can't I just stop them then?
Besides, Liston is way too excited right now, so physically intervening would be difficult anyway.
So I stayed still, and Liston continued speaking as if it were natural.
"First... in Joseon, the doctor who examines the king is called an Eoui (御醫)."
"Eu-eui?"
"The pronunciation is difficult. Eoui."
"Hmm... Anyway, so?"
At Lord Jamie's words, Liston actually sat up straight.
Given that he's a large man, that alone had the power to draw attention.
Since everyone in the room was already interested, if only because of the word 'Byeonmmelier,' there was literally no noise except for the sound of breathing.
"Among them, the person who tastes the king's stool is called the Siyangbunjik (嘗糞職)."
"Ssyangbunjik?"
"Siyangbunjik."
"Ssyangbunjik."
"That... yes. Anyway, regarding the method, I heard they first smell it. If you think about it, the smell of stool isn't the same every day, right? It occurred to me that it might vary depending on one's condition."
Sangbunjik (嘗糞職)...
I wondered if Liston had actually been to Joseon.
I only knew about it from hearsay, and I'd even forgotten the term until just now.
How the hell would someone who's only been in London know this?
'Is he using some kind of teleportation magic?'
Strangely, when I imagine things about Liston, I start to think nothing is impossible.
First of all, the fact that he can cleanly sever limbs like that is already unbelievable.
Not to mention opening skulls and all that.
"Then, they examine the shape, I hear. Whether it's loose or firm. Large or small."
"Hoo... The details make me even more interested, they do."
"Yes. Next, they check the color. Golden stool is considered the best, and in this case, I hear the smell is savory and, surprisingly, the taste isn't that foul either."
"No, is that really possible?"
"That's what they say in Joseon, what can I do?"
"I suppose. Haha. Joseon is... that kind of country."
Lord Jamie nodded.
He doesn't know anything, so I'll let that slide.
Liston chuckled.
He's a madman sometimes, so I'll let that slide too.
"So, what about other colors?"
But Director, shouldn't you know better?
"Speak quickly!"
Blundell too...
You're intellectuals, aren't you?
If someone comes up with the idea of making someone else taste stool, shouldn't you normally stop them?
You might think someone who makes people drink urine has no right to say this, but stool and urine are distinctly different.
Stool has bacteria, for one.
And...
No, fuck...
Did I imagine it too vividly? I suddenly feel like vomiting.
"There is green. Generally, they say this happens if you eat too many plants, but if you see very loose, green stool, it might mean something is wrong with your health. If it's too red or something, it might be blood. You could suspect something like hemorrhoids."
"Aha. I see. That makes sense."
"I also heard black stool is inauspicious, but that seems to require further study."
"Well, that. Our British Empire can handle that. What else?"
"They say there's gray stool, and in this case, you must examine it carefully as it could mean imminent death."
"Hoo. So the color of stool is that important? This country Joseon... truly is a wise country."
While I was momentarily speechless, struck by recollection rather than imagination, the conversation continued.
It was no exaggeration to say that praises for Joseon kept coming...
'But why do I feel strangely uncomfortable...?'
Anyway, it wasn't like I knew much about it either.
Listening to it, it made sense, but I'd never in my life pondered so deeply about stool, so that was probably why.
"And finally, there is the taste."
"Oho."
"First, if it has a fishy taste, it's considered the worst."
"Fishy, meaning...?"
"I believe it refers to a bloody smell."
"Hoo, that makes sense, it does."
"A sour, pungent taste is also not good."
"I see even such tastes can come from stool."
"I've never tasted it myself, so I wouldn't know... but that's what the records say."
I really...
I prided myself on having a much stronger stomach since coming to the 19th century.
In the past, just seeing a bug would make me go "Huh?" and be startled, but now even if I see a baby rat, I just think, 'Oh, there's a furry creature with a long tail.'
My tolerance for filth and sewage is no joke either.
If you go to the back alleys of slums like the East End, the whole place is just like that.
Homeless people?
There were some at Seoul Station.
But here... you could say the entire area is like that.
Even being in the middle of it, I've long since stopped being bothered by the dirtiness.
I might be scared because it's dangerous, but with Liston by my side, even that's fine.
'Ugh...'
But this...
This is a whole different level.
No, what on earth were our ancestors thinking?
Loyalty is one thing, but there's a limit. Why didn't they stop at observing it? Why did they have to taste it and even record it...?
"The best is said to be slightly bitter, with a savory taste at the end... The fact that it can taste savory. I'm a bit curious about that myself."
"Hoo... But for that, one would need to be quite sensitive to taste, wouldn't they?"
"Indeed. And you never know when or how a person might need to examine stool, right?"
"That's true. As I get older, I feel that even more."
"Someone sensitive to taste, who is always by your side... Lord Jamie, you already know who, don't you?"
"Ah."
The gazes of the two turned toward a man leaning against the wall.
It's something I should reflect on, but only then did I also turn to look at that person.
Thanks to me, he escaped the slums and is making a living now...
It's the Sommelier uncle.
"What's wrong with your face?"
"Indeed, are you feeling unwell?"
Lord Jamie and Liston looked at the uncle with puzzled expressions.
These madmen.
Urine, fine?
You can drink that.
But stool is a bit much, don't you think?
Yes, now is finally the time for me to step in.
"Wait a moment..."
"Ah, our expert has arrived, he has!"
"Have you ever tasted it yourself? I bet you have!"
As I quietly rose to my feet, people welcomed me very warmly.
The atmosphere was strange, and with my keen instincts, I could see how this would play out if I left it alone.
- Taste it for us, mate.
These madmen were so predictable.
If I hesitated, they would say something like:
- Didn't you make him drink sewage water?
I have no retort.
Really...
So I had to step up first.
'Think, brain!'
Fortunately...
Something came to mind.
Back when I was a fellow, busy as hell, they made me film a YouTube video for the academic society.
The topic was the lifespan of Joseon kings. To be honest, it wasn't that their medical standard caused shorter lifespans.
Originally, the point of that talk was to say that even kings die early if they don't exercise and overwork, so they shouldn't do that.
But who am I?
The Master of Bullshit.
"The average lifespan of a Joseon king is shorter than that of a British king."
"Huh?"
"What? How can that be? Joseon is a medically advanced country!"
First of all, it's not medically advanced.
Well... compared to 19th-century British medicine, Joseon medicine, which just involved acupuncture and giving relatively mild herbal medicine, was probably better.
Here, they're practically butchers.
If you counted the number of people who died at the hands of doctors, it would overwhelmingly be higher here.
"It's all because of the Sangbunjik."
"Siyangbunjik?"
"Ssyangbunjik?"
"Yes. This business of eating stool... it's not that effective a method."
Looking at stool and smelling it might have some meaning.
But eating it? No.
"Is that so...?"
"No, but what are the lifespans like?"
"Joseon kings usually pass away around the age of forty."
"Hoo... That's too young."
"I think we usually live to about fifty or so."
"Yes, that's right."
Actually, European kings generally lived to their late forties or around fifty.
Again, it wasn't solely due to differences in medical standards.
Joseon kings...
They used palanquins even for short distances, so they basically didn't exercise.
On top of that, their workload was immense. Besides actual governance, they had to study Confucianism and engage in debates.
Amid all this, they had to produce heirs, which forced them into frequent sexual activity.
It's actually surprising they lived to around forty.
I suspect it was only possible because of Yi Seong-gye's robust constitution, which was passed down through his bloodline.
"It's all because the doctors who ate stool spouted nonsense. There's even a theory that the doctors who ate stool also died early."
"Hoo, is that so?"
"Yes. In Joseon, there's a term called 'ddongdok' (stool poison)... meaning stool contains poison. Could doctors who ingested that poison have made proper prescriptions?"
"Hoo... That's a new one, I must say."
"In fact, there's a saying that local doctors in Joseon were more skilled than the Eoui, and it's all because of this."
"I see... Then perhaps we should regrettably dismiss the idea of a Byeonmmelier?"
At Lord Jamie's words, I let out a sigh of relief.
Simultaneously, I praised myself.
'To come up with the idea of weaving "stool poison" in such a short time. Indeed, it had to be me who came to the 19th century.'
Only I can correct 19th-century medicine.