"Wait, you are the oldest?"
Leila grumbled.
"Yes I am the oldest! Why does everyone assume I'm the youngest just because I'm short?!"
Souma's gaze quickly travelled between the two of us.
"Perhaps because it makes logical sense?"
"I don't care that it makes sense, why do people always judge without thinking through first?!"
"Ah, well, you can't really blame other people for it."
"What? Why can't I?"
I looked at her with a smirk. She was genuinely confused.
Slowly but surely, her face became red.
"You BASTAAAAARD!!"
I started running away.
After a solid couple of minutes, Leila was completely exhausted.
"You, huff, little piece of shit. Huff. Do you think you can, huff, make fun of me and get away with it?!"
Despite being out of breath, her voice regained vigor.
I patted her head, which didn't look too weird considering she was bending down to regain her breath.
"Yes, I do."
She grabbed my hand and dug her nails into it.
"Ack! Let go!"
I tried to pry her away, but it seemed like she started using Body-Strengthening, so I was unable to do it with my regular strength.
After a couple of seconds in that standoff, I became a bit more serious.
I smiled with malice.
"I warned you! Hup!"
Using her hands, I threw her over myself onto the ground behind me.
Thud.
"Kha!"
She stood up into a curved stance, her clothes now a bit dirty.
She looked at me with a smile, while smudging her cheek with her thumb.
"Don't you think you took it too far there?"
"Perhaps I did. And what are you gonna do about that?"
Our smiles and actions would look crazy to any onlooker.
But for us it was the usual... okay, maybe a bit more extreme than the usual, but still pretty normal.
'Yeah, something like this is nothing new now. Heh.'
***
"Normally it's scary how correct you are, but I actually pity your accurate prediction this time."
I waved my hand as if saying 'whatever'.
"Don't pity me, I don't need it. While yes, I do feel out of place, it doesn't mean I am not enjoying myself. Leila has some interesting friends I have had the pleasure of talking with. Especially that gray haired girl. I have no idea how such a calm person became friends with such a fiery-head, but I am in no way complaining."
Souma wryly smiled.
"I see where you're coming from. I myself was surprised when I first saw Leila and Hwune interact with each other. I guess it must be something about opposites attracting, huh?"
I nodded.
He sat down in a chair next to mine. We were away from all the commotion for now.
I looked at Leila who was surrounded by friends.
"How do you feel? Oh, and don't even try to lie."
He looked down at the ground with empty eyes.
After which, he laughed.
"How could I ever lie to you? I wouldn't waste time on something so meaningless. To answer your question: I feel... scared. I mean, this is her birthday. Today has the highest chance that she will proclaim her love, no? Dealing with that, all on her birthday... what would I even do? What could I do?"
I focused harder on Leila's expression.
'―――'
"I don't think that'll happen. ...No, let me say something else. I will make sure it won't happen. So don't worry, 'kay?"
Not returning love... I perfectly got why Souma was so worried.
I wouldn't let him suffer.
Not today.
***
"Is there really nothing about this topic in this whole library...?"
Taking book after book from the shelves and quickly listing through them, I was baffled at the lack of information.
'I understand that it appeared not too long ago, but for there to be literally nothing...'
"What are you searching for?"
I turned around.
"Mistuki? What are you doing at the library?"
"To read about psychology. What about you?"
"I'm trying to find anything about Charm Magic, but so far have been unsuccessful."
My brain took a second to process what she said.
"Wait, you want to learn about psychology?"
She nodded.
"Yes. I want to understand people like Irtum. I... I also don't want to be a pessimist."
I looked at her with a questioning look.
"I can get behind you wanting to understand psychopaths, but what's this about not wanting to be a pessimist?"
"Do you think it's impossible?"
I quickly shook my head.
"No no, that's not the problem here. Why do you not want to be a pessimist?"
She was confused.
"Isn't being a pessimist a bad thing?"
This time it was my turn to be confused.
After a long time, I realized.
My eyes widened and then I scratched my head.
I inhaled through my teeth.
"Alright, alright, my fault. I seemed to have not properly conveyed what I meant back then. Let's sit down."
I point to a table with chairs around it. She sat down immediately. After grabbing a couple of books, I sat down next to her.
"First, I'll say that pessimism and optimism are not just one thing, it's more of a spectrum. What I meant back then is that you lean towards pessimism. Oh, by the way―"
I take a candy out of my pocket.
"―this is for you."
She accepts it with a surprised look on her face.
"Thanks."
She smiled at me.
"No problem. No where was I... right, so you lean towards pessimism, that's why I called you a pessimist. This doesn't mean that you are fully pessimistic though."
She raised an eyebrow at me.
"What do you mean?"
I pointed to that candy.
"Well, you didn't seem all that sad when I gave you that candy, now did you? You are pessimistic, so you have more negative thoughts, but it is not as though you are incapable of having positive ones."
She looked down at the candy.
"I see... But isn't having more positive thoughts better?"
"Ehh, not really. Happiness is also a spectrum after all. It's why you can be satisfied with bread in awful conditions, but get angry at not having beer in a tavern. If you have more positive thoughts, they are more quantity than quality, and the negative thoughts hit you harder. That's not bad, but it also isn't good. The inverse also isn't good, but also isn't bad. Both of them are valid ways to live. One isn't inherently better than the other."
...
She fidgeted with her fingers.
"...I think I get it."
"―But! I haven't even said the most important part."
She jumped at my sudden raise in voice, but was intrigued.
"You have to balance out the rest of your party, Leila and Souma. The one who considers the bad and is prepared for it. That is one of your roles."
After some contemplation, she clenched her hands in determination.
"Right. I have to be like that for Souma and Leil..."
She drifted away in the middle of her sentence.
"What's up? Why'd you stop mid-sentence?"
I turned to her. She was looking at me, but quickly turned her head to avoid our gazes meeting.
"It-it's nothing. I just remembered that you aren't staying with us for long."
'Ah―'
She was downcast.
I stood up and slapped the books on the table.
"Welp, here are some good psychology books I came across in my search for Charm Magic. I'll leave these to you."
I walked away while waving.
'Don't feel sad about our parting.'
Because if you look so sad, then how am I supposed to feel...?
***
"We haven't talked much, have we?"
Kilta nodded.
"Yes."
We continued eating in silence.
...
"Let's change that."
***
"Are you sure you don't want any treats? The stalls don't appeal to you in the slightest?"
"They don't."
I pursed my lips.
"This is why we don't talk much, huh? Not only are you a workaholic, you also barely support any conversation."
"I guess so. But that's fine."
I tilted my head in thought.
This boy probably barely had any friends during his entire life. It was no surprise he was so bad at conversing.
That said, he did seem fine. There's no reason for everyone to be good at talking with others
He isn't like the rude girl who needs support.
'No, it's even further than that.'
He hates support.
After being taken care of for so long...
"You've been saving up money, right?"
He jolted in surprise.
"How did you know?"
"It just feels like something you'd do."
I sat down at a bench in front of a playground. Kilta was confused but followed my lead.
We both looked at the children happily playing.
"You're going to need that money soon."
"For what?"
"I'm going to sell my house in about three weeks and leave. You're either going to have to buy it, or find another one."
His eye widened.
"You're... not going to leave it to us?"
"Why would I? There's no reason for me to."
"So you're... no, I see. It was my fault for thinking of you as pure good. I always make that mistake."
"That's true. You've no doubt had Ryuni scold you multiple times for that."
Kilta was like a dog. At first he might bark, but when showing him the smallest bit of kindness, he starts trusting you a lot.
"Still, I do think you are kind, even if you're not pure good."
"Where did that come from?"
He looked me in the eyes.
I made sure of it once again. He couldn't see through me, he couldn't see through my eyes.
There was nothing I showed.
"Well, you picked me and Leila up when you didn't have to."
"I did have to; there was no other way for me to keep my popsicle business going. Not only that... hey, do you remember when Ryuni fell into a puddle and became ill, which made her lose her job?"
"Of course I do, that's when you entered into our lives."
"Yeah, yeah, I did."
I nodded a couple of times. Then I brought my hand up to my chin in a thinking pose.
"But doesn't the timing seem... eerily perfect to you?"
"Well, yes, it was a bit too good. But I just thought that you saw we were struggling, and thought we would be the easiest to convince."
I shook my head.
"No. Despite my hopes, you two would never struggle on your own. So I had to step in. Surely you do not think that your sister is so clumsy as to slip into that puddle all on her own, right?"
He looked at me, shocked.
"You..."
"I made you lose your job, I made you struggle, and then I appeared as a savior. It is a simple tactic, yet very effective. I left you with no choice but to follow me. That is how I do things."
I ruffled his hair.
"So no, I'm not kind. I just appeared as such for my own convenience. It's called acting nice."
I left him behind on the bench.
***
"I'll follow you."
"So you overheard my talk with Kilta..."
She nodded without a hint of shame.
"I did."
I rubbed my temples.
Dealing with her even after I leave Toride...
'Just thinking about it gives me a headache.'
I frowned.
***
"Why do you go around lying?"
I furrowed my eyebrows.
"When did I ever lie?"
"To my brother. You lied to my brother."
I was intrigued.
"When did I lie to your brother?"
"You said to him that you weren't kind. That's a lie."
I froze, but quickly resumed.
"It wasn't a li―"
"Why do you want to be hated?"
She leaned on both her hands in a cutesy position.
I closed my eyes.
'Why? It's obvious why.'
Because I don't want for evil to go unpunished.
When I do bad things, I feel bad. And yet, the outside world doesn't reflect that.
When I kill, no one sees anything wrong. When I manipulate someone, there is no consequence. When I put others down to build myself up, no one says anything back.
I wanted the world to be fair.
If I kill, I want to be hated for it, so that I know my feelings are right. When I manipulate, I want people to be angry, so that I know my feelings are right. When I put others down, I want them to drag me down with them, so that I know my feelings are right.
'No... It's not as simple as my feelings.'
So that the values of my old world would be right ― that's why I wanted to be hated.
The more I went on, the more I forgot. And the more I forgot, the more my old world felt like a dream. Like a nightmare that keeps haunting me.
But I want for it to remain real. As such, I want its values and ideals to be real.
I want for just one thing of it to be real, so that I can say with certainty that it definitely is a real thing, and not just a figment of my imagination.
I...
I...
I...
...
"I am Faun, and I do not want to be hated."
Faun opened my eyes.