Chenzhou and Mingzhe stared at her like she'd grown another head, so she repeated herself, and it all spilled out.
"I want this life with you. This. Brendan, the Camelia. I want to protect them together with you. I want to raise them, make them stronger than we ever were. I want to learn this place, for real, what it needs, how it runs, if there are ways to make it better. I want to fight," she gave them a bloodless grin. "I want to see how this place changes over the years, I want to see Brendan grow, I want to see all three of us grow, because I don't think we're so old that we couldn't change more over the rest of our lives. I love you both more than I ever thought I could. Much more than I expected. I don't know if I'll ever completely forgive the way things happened that brought me here, but I believe I can move forward despite them." She looked at Chenzhou, who slumped a bit at the reminder. "You said you had good intentions, and I believe you, because you have shown yourself to be nothing but trustworthy since I've known you. You have always kept your word, even when I haven't agreed with it." Some of Chenzhou's confidence came back as he nodded seriously, his eyes locked on her's.
Mingzhe looked confused and finally broke in. "What are you talking about?"
Chenzhou winced, and Eirian glanced at him. "You didn't hear?"
"Yuze was very discreet," Chenzhou explained, then took a deep breath and turned to Mingzhe. "When I started looking for a wife in the capital, Yuze found Eirian, and I reached out to her family. Her father and stepmother negotiated the marriage on her behalf, or at least, I thought it was on her behalf."
"They never told me anything about it." Eirian put in, surprised that while the anger was still there, it had dulled significantly.
Mingzhe frowned. "They didn't tell you about your own wedding?"
Chenzhou shook his head. "I thought she knew everything, but all they did was take the dowry and stick her in a carriage and send her on her way. She had no idea about any of the things we had discussed when she arrived."
Stunned, Mingzhe glanced at Eirian. "What did you think was happening?"
"I thought they were selling me off, which they were. A long relationship had just ended, and I do not have a good relationship with my father or his new wife. I thought they'd found someone like-minded, and Chenzhou had bought me as a favor or something worse. I came ready for a fight," she admitted, wry.
Chenzhou smiled. "Most definitely. I was terrified those first few weeks. It took us a little while to figure it all out."
Mingzhe started to look uneasy. "So, you didn't want to come here? This marriage was against your will?"
Eirian nodded seriously. Chenzhou looked ashamed. "I know my father, and unfortunately, I know his wife. I believe they knew the truth of the situation but didn't inform me on purpose. And they didn't bother explaining to Chenzhou either."
"Why would they- never mind." Mingzhe cut himself off. Lord Soliel was hardly the only noble who put ambition ahead of his children.
"Chenzhou was always honest with me." Eirian continued, looking somewhat perplexed. "Even when he probably shouldn't have been." Chenzhou flushed. "His original purpose was to find a wife to replace him, not to live with."
Mingzhe was too smart not to put two and two together. "Replace?" He sounded dangerous as he turned to Chenzhou. "Because you planned to die?"
"I was dying," Chenzhou corrected gently. "I was sick for so long, and there was no cure. We still don't know who caused it or what they used. It could even come back."
Eirian scoffed. "Then I'll just get rid of it again."
Mingzhe looked thoughtful. "You were with Anna for so long…we just assumed you couldn't father children. Or that she couldn't." His voice picked up. "You were dying the entire time, and you never told anyone?"
It took a minute to identify that Mingzhe was angry. Furious.
"I didn't know who I could trust." Chenzhou turned to him with pleading eyes. "It was a dangerous situation that is still not fully resolved."
"So, you went and got a wife and just planned to die and leave her in charge?" Mingzhe hissed. "What if you had married someone else? What if it hadn't been Eirian?"
Chenzhou sighed. "Trust me, I have thought about what could have happened. I have lost a lot of sleep thinking about what could have happened."
"But why not tell us? Why not tell me?" Mingzhe's voice broke a bit on the last word.
As Chenzhou realized how hurt the other man was, he reached over and took his hand, squeezing. "I'm telling you now. We were not that close then. I didn't tell anyone. Not Anna. Not the regents. I never said the words out loud to Yuze, though he figured it out."
Mingzhe didn't look totally appeased, but he couldn't argue about their lack of a relationship of any kind back then.
"I didn't even tell Eirian at first," Chenzhou added.
Eirian snorted, "It was pretty much immediately. Within a week of my arrival, but it was certainly not thought out or well presented. You basically blurted out that you bought me to inherit the Camelia."
Mingzhe didn't look impressed, and Chenzhou flushed. "I didn't know you!" Chenzhou defended. "And I was under an incredible amount of stress!" He turned back to Mingzhe. "I know it means nothing, but I was always planning to tell the court before I died. I just wanted Eirian established before I did so that there would be something steady in place."
"And you didn't think to look within the Camelia for your replacement?" Mingzhe said, and then immediately winced. "No, never mind, that part at least, I understand. And I won't argue that it didn't turn out the best it possibly could have, but still," he paused to gather his thoughts. "From now on, you must tell us everything."
"I do!" Chenzhou insisted.
Eirian looked far too amused for his good. "He does. Which is sometimes annoying but always appreciated."
Chenzhou pursed his lips at her, eyes narrowed, but she only grinned in response.
~ tbc