Nanohana—the kind of place that makes you wonder how humans decided, "Yeah, let's build a town right where the sun tries to murder you every second."
It's a seaside town, yet it's still hotter than Satan's left ass cheek.
That being said, the smell of grilled meat, rich spices, and salty sea air almost made up for it.
"Master… I'm dying," Anna whined, dragging her feet like a tragic anime protagonist. "My soul is leaving my body."
"You don't have a soul."
"I do! It's just… evaporating."
"Your soul is stupider than you are"
Robin hummed. "Technically, human bodies are made up of mostly water, so I suppose you are evaporating in a way."
"Robin, please don't justify her bullshit," I sighed.
"Water… I need water…" Anna continued, dramatically reaching toward the sky like she was calling to the gods.
"You literally have a water bottle in your bag." I said pissed
"Yeah, but I want special water." Anna rumbled
I narrowed my eyes. "You mean the overpriced cactus juice that scammed you out of five thousand berries?"
Anna looked away. "…No."
"You do," I deadpanned.
"I need it, Master," she said, clutching my sleeve. "The juice calls to me."
Before I could respond, she had already spotted a familiar vendor and dashed over. "Sir! Another round of cactus juice, please!"
The old vendor, the same bastard who robbed her earlier, gave her an apologetic smile. "Ah, sorry, miss. We ran out. Next batch will be ready in a few hours."
Anna's face fell like I just told her Santa wasn't real. "No…"
"You already had five bottles, Anna. You're going through withdrawal," I said.
Robin chuckled. "Perhaps she's developed an addiction."
"I AM NOT AN ADDICT!" Anna snapped, clearly an addict.
"Alright, junkie, let's move before you start mugging people for berry change."
She grumbled but followed along as we strolled through the marketplace.
Nanohana's markets were exactly what I expected—lively, packed, and full of merchants selling the biggest scams known to mankind.
I was half expecting someone to sell golden apples of immortality like they did in the anime, then I would eat one, and kill myself, seeing myself ressurect after eating the immortality apple is sure to cause quite the ruckus, I was almost looking forward to see how many people kill themselves after thinking they are immortal....Hahahaha
One guy was selling "legendary desert artifacts" that were obviously just rocks he picked up five minutes ago. Another was hyping up "ancient Alabastian perfumes" that smelled like a mix of camel piss and regret.
"Brother Alex! Look! The shopkeeper says these daggers were used by warriors from the Void Century!" Robin gasped excitedly, holding up a rusted, crooked dagger that looked like it would shatter if you sneezed on it too hard.
The old man nodded sagely. "Indeed, young lady! This dagger was once wielded by the great warriors of—"
I cut him off. "Alright, grandpa, enough capping. That thing looks like it got pulled out of someone's toilet."
The man immediately dropped the act. "…Two thousand berries?"
"One hundred," I countered.
"One thousand."
"One hundred, and I won't tell everyone you're a fraud."
"Deal."
Robin knew it was fake, but she still cradled it like a treasure. "Even if it's not real, it's still a historical object! Look at the craftsmanship!"
"Yeah, real artisanal bullshit."
Meanwhile, Anna was still in crisis mode. "Master… my juice…"
"Shut up, Anna."
If there was one good thing about Nanohana, it was the food. Alabastan cuisine was no joke—spicy meats, fresh seafood, and grilled delicacies that smelled so good I almost forgave this town for its daylight robbery.
We stopped by a stall selling grilled sandora dragon meat, which was apparently a delicacy. I was skeptical at first, but after one bite—
"Alright, this is crack."
Robin gracefully ate her portion. "It has an interesting taste… a bit like a mix between chicken and eel."
Anna? She was already on her third plate.
"Master, I've decided," she said between bites. "We're never leaving."
I sighed. "Anna, you have the worst loyalty. First, it was cactus juice, now it's food—"
"Oh my god, they have spicy camel stew."
And just like that, she was gone.
This maid needed another session of disciplining....
Robin and I shared a glance before following her to yet another food stall.
We spent the next hour hopping between vendors, stuffing ourselves with food—fried desert crab, honey-glazed cactus chips, and even a drink called "Heatstroke Cure" that was probably just another scam but tasted great.
For once, even Anna wasn't complaining.
Until we accidentally walked into an alley.
The Classic "Oops, We Walked Into A Shady Alley" Moment
Now, I'd like to say I'm a smart guy. A master planner. A genius.
But sometimes, even geniuses fuck up. But when you are as strong as I am, fuck ups become entertainment for you.
One second, we were happily eating. The next?
A group of six shady-looking dudes surrounded us.
"Well, well… tourists, huh?" one of them sneered. "Nice clothes, nice bags… Must be carrying some real nice valuables."
Robin sighed. "I was just about to buy more books…"
Anna cracked her knuckles. "You fools. You absolute clowns. You dare rob me before I got my cactus juice?!"
I groaned. "Great. You guys pissed off the wrong junkie."
The thugs didn't even get the chance to react before Anna kicked one straight through a wall. She even used haki on that kick...
R.I.P. bandits of Nanohana....
Robin disarmed the second guy with her devil fruit, the guy just stood there freaked out as hands emerged from his chest and started punching his face....
And I just stood there, watching as my maid and Robin beat up an entire gang before I even got a chance to do anything.
Fuck, I feel like a proud dad whose children have finally grown up.
I sighed. "Hey, why did you finish them all off??? I didn't get to have fun."
Anna, adjusting her sleeves, scoffed. "Master, you should just relax and let me commit a little murder sometimes."
"No."
Robin hummed. "Should we alert the guards?"
Anna and I both looked at her.
Then we laughed.
"Robin," I said, wiping a tear. "This is Alabasta. The guards are probably running their own scams somewhere."
After our little brawl, Anna finally found another cactus juice vendor.
"How many times are you going to drink this shit, I know it's hot and the juice is refreshing but chill out and control yourself girl" I said annoyed
"This one is different," she said, holding up the bottle. "It's called 'Ancient Desert Nectar!'"
Robin read the label. "Now with 50% more 'Secret Formula'…"
I took one look at the drink and said, "Anna, if you drink that, you will die."
She chugged it.
One second passed.
Two seconds.
Then—
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!"
Anna fell to the ground, convulsing.
"OH MY GOD, I'M ASCENDING!!!" she screamed. "I SEE IT! THE TRUTH! THE UNIVERSE!"
Robin looked concerned. "Should we… do something?"
I waved her off. "Nah, give it five minutes. She'll be fine."
And just like that, we continued our lovely slice-of-life adventure in Nanohana—now with a temporarily brain-fried maid.
I guess marijuana was the secret recepie...