Chapter 75: The Weight Of Memory
A few years ago, Eska had been nothing more than a waitress in the tavern she worked at. In truth, she had been there from the very beginning, ever since she could remember. She had no family. No place to call home other than the wooden floors, smoky scent, and clattering voices of that old building. She had grown up in its walls.
That morning, as always, she woke early. Or at least, she thought she did. A low groan escaped her lips as she sat up in the small, cramped room barely large enough for one person to turn around in. The single window was cracked open, letting in a faint draft that carried the smell of damp wood. The walls were bare. The bed sagged. There was nothing special in the room at all, but she didn't let it bother her. She dressed in her waitress uniform, the same old dress and skirt she always wore, smoothing it over her thighs and tying the apron at her waist. She had no possessions worth mentioning, yet she always carried one thing with her, the smile that made customers forget the bitterness of their ale.
She was about to braid her hair when her eyes flicked toward the window. The sun's edge was already peeking over the rooftops. Her heart skipped.
"Crap… how could I wake up this late? Sister's going to kill me." She hopped into her shoes and yanked her hair into a messy knot, muttering to herself as she hurried out.
The "sister" she spoke of was no actual sibling, but the tavern's owner, a gruff, sharp-eyed woman who could scold grown men into tears. Not too old, but with the energy of someone who had lived three lifetimes and lost her patience in all of them.
Eska hurried down the narrow street, skirts swishing, muttering little prayers that her friend Effie might have arrived before her. The thought barely formed before she rounded a corner and slammed into someone.
It was not just a bump. Their bodies collided so sharply that Eska stumbled back, her heels catching the cobblestone, sending her down to the ground with a small "Oof. It hurts."
The man landed on his knees opposite her, and papers burst from his arms like startled birds, scattering across the street.
"Ah—! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I was in a hurry!" Eska scrambled onto her knees, catching the nearest page before the wind could snatch it away.
The man moved in a similarly frantic way, gathering his scattered belongings, his head down. They ended up grabbing the same sheet at the same time, their fingers brushing. He flinched before gently letting her have it.
After passing the last stack back to him, she bowed slightly. "Here. And… sorry again."
"No need. It's fine. I was clumsy too," he said, his voice quiet, almost too calm for someone who had just been tackled.
It was then she noticed his eyes, pale in color, ringed with deep shadows as if sleep had been avoiding him for days. His gaze felt heavy, though he wasn't glaring. Just… watching.
"Ah. Feelings mutual then," she murmured, brushing dirt from her skirt. "Well, fine. I have to go now, I'm actually really late."
"Yeah. You're right," he replied.
They parted, both breaking into a run in opposite directions. Yet as Eska ran, she caught herself smiling. Something about him, something odd, lingered in her mind.
"Weird guy," she thought, shaking it off.
By the time she reached the tavern, a tall, muscular woman stood in the doorway, arms crossed so tightly that her biceps pressed against her chest in a way that made her already intimidating figure even more so.
"Eska…" The woman's voice was low, dangerous. "How many times have I told you not to be late? Do you even listen to me at all?"
Eska froze, shrinking slightly.
"…and where is that other little troublemaker, Effie?"
"She hasn't come yet," Eska answered quickly.
"No, she hasn't. Now hurry up and get your ass to work. I want the tables set, the vegetables chopped, and everything else done before a single customer walks into this tavern."
Bowing with a small, sheepish smile, Eska darted inside. She set the tables, polished the counters, chopped vegetables, and finally started the first simmering pots of stew. It wasn't glamorous, but she hummed while she worked, enjoying the warmth and smell of cooking.
Some time later, Effie arrived, yawning so hard her eyes were still half-closed. Without warning, she draped herself over Eska's back in a lazy hug.
"W-what are you doing, Effie?" Eska protested, leaning forward slightly to keep from being crushed.
"Nothing. Just… so sleepy, you know?"
"Well, wake up and get to work before Sister skins us both," Eska teased, nudging her away.
The day passed in a flurry of serving drinks, teasing adventurers, and exchanging jokes over trays of steaming bread. Even the owner, watching them from the counter, muttered under her breath, "Kids these days are such a headache… but girls like them are truly rare."
Days passed like this. Then, one morning, something felt different. The owner didn't arrive. Neither did Effie. Eska shrugged it off and went about her routine, making tea and warming bread for whoever might wander in.
The first to arrive that day was a man who sat alone at a middle table. Eska paused, frowning slightly, because she recognized him.
The same man from that morning.
She approached with a little sway in her hips, partly from habit, partly from curiosity. "Hey, aren't you… that guy from the other day?"
He looked up at her as though pulled from his thoughts. "…Yes. I am."
She sat across from him without asking, smoothing her skirt as she did. "And what's with you coming here so early? The sun hasn't even fully risen. We're nowhere near ready to open properly. You'll have to wait a long while if you're here for breakfast."
"I can wait," he said simply.
"Oh? Well, we've got tea ready. Want some? Morning tea is the best, you know... it keeps us fresh and clears the mind." She leaned her elbows on the table, chin resting in her palms, watching him with a sly little smile.
He looked at her for a moment too long before answering. "…Alright."
When she brought the tea, she sat down again instead of walking away, crossing one leg over the other so her skirt shifted just enough to show the curve of her knee.
"You know what?" she began.
"What?" he asked.
"From here… the sun looks beautiful," she said, glancing toward the window.
"…Oh." He sipped his tea.
"That's it?" she thought, hiding a pout behind her cup.
The silence stretched, broken only by the faint rustle of his fingers tapping the cup. Outside, the first rays spread across the street, spilling in through the window in a mix of red and gold. Eska shifted in her seat, the light catching on her hair.
She pretended to watch the sunrise, but her eyes kept sliding back to him. The way his hands curled slightly when he set down his cup. The way he kept glancing at her when he thought she wasn't looking. That moment, she realized that aside from the dark circles under his eyes, he actually looked quite handsome for some reason.
Weird guy. Definitely weird. But for some reason… she didn't mind.
From that day forward, whenever Eska arrived at the shop early, still rubbing the faint trace of sleep from her eyes and stretching her arms in the chilly dawn air, she would inevitably find him already there.
Always in the same seat in the middle of the tavern, always with his back just slightly hunched as though trying not to take up too much space, his hands cupped politely around the steaming tea she brought him.
It had become… a thing. A little unspoken routine between them.
She would spot him before even greeting anyone else, and instead of asking whether he wanted tea, she would simply bring it, sliding the cup in front of him as though it were her personal duty.
Today was no different, except perhaps for the way she lingered by his table. She balanced herself lightly on the edge of the bench across from him, her legs swinging in a small, absentminded rhythm under the table.
"Hey," she began, tilting her head as though studying him from a new angle, her hair falling slightly forward, "you've become our regular customer now, haven't you? But... I haven't even had the time to ask your name. I think we should fix that." She gave him a smile, bright, a little teasing, as if she already knew he'd be bad at answering. "So… what's your name?"
The man hesitated, lowering the tea cup carefully onto its saucer. "I-it's… Caelum… Caelum Solmere." His voice was soft, a little unsure, as though he wasn't used to saying his name out loud to strangers.
"Caelum, huh?" Eska leaned forward just enough for him to notice the faint scent of her perfume, something floral, sweet. Her chin rested lightly in her hand. "So… can I call you Caelum then? I'd rather not keep calling you 'that guy who's always here.'" Her lips curled into a playful smirk.
He swallowed. "Y-yes… of course."
"Good." She sat back, satisfied, before pointing at herself with both thumbs. "I'm Eska. Just Eska... no last name, no fancy titles. Makes me easier to remember, right?"
"I know…" His gaze flickered toward her, meeting her eyes for a brief second before darting away.
Her brows arched. "Oh? You know?"
He nodded faintly. "Most people around here… know your name."
"Of course," she said with a little laugh, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I am unforgettable after all."
The quiet between them wasn't awkward, at least, not to her. She enjoyed watching him fumble for where to look, his eyes darting between the window, the tea, and her face. She had the sense he was the kind of man who didn't talk to many people, and that made teasing him all the more tempting.
"Come on," she said suddenly, standing and motioning toward the door, "the sun's about to come up. You can't just sit in here for that."
He followed, hesitant but compliant, and they stood side by side on the little wooden porch of the shop, watching the first pale streaks of morning cut across the horizon. The chill breeze carried the smell of tea leaves and fresh bread from the kitchen.
It was almost… peaceful.
Until the sound of hurried footsteps broke the moment. Her friend burst in, breathless and clearly not expecting to find both of them there. "Eska! Oh... you're actually here early? And…" Her gaze flicked to Caelum, and her eyes narrowed. "Who's this weird guy? Don't tell me you've got yourself a man all of a sudden?"
Eska gave a small laugh, leaning one elbow casually on the porch rail. "Relax. He's just our regular customer now. Comes for tea every morning. Probably works somewhere nearby."
Her friend crossed her arms. "Mmh. Doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful. I don't like the look of him hovering around you all the time."
Eska rolled her eyes, though there was still a playful smile tugging at her lips. "I can handle myself, you know. But fine, I'll keep your warning in mind."
When she glanced back, Caelum was already halfway through the shop's door, his steps quick but not rushed, as though he wanted to disappear without interrupting.
She watched him go.
Something about the way he moved, reserved, almost shy, made her want to know him more. Not just his name. Not just why he came for tea at sunrise. Everything.
Since those early days, things between them had shifted, not in a way either of them openly admitted, but in the kind of subtle changes that creep in without asking permission. Caelum began coming even more regularly, so much so that the shop's door seemed to expect his arrival just as much as Eska did. Still, there were many mornings when they barely had a chance to talk; sometimes because she was running late, hair still slightly messy from rushing out of bed, and sometimes because Effie, her friend, had claimed the seat across from her before Caelum could.
Yet, even with the interruptions, there were always those small windows of time, the quiet moments when the sun was just peeking over the horizon, when the rest of the world seemed to still be yawning itself awake, where they would laugh together over nothing in particular, sharing little comments about the weather, the customers, or a story Eska would half-make-up just to see him try not to smile. It was in those moments, she would later realise, that something in her had started to change.
One morning, she spotted him not in the shop but on the road ahead, his shoulders drawn tight and his steps slow. His head was slightly bowed, and there was a heaviness in the way he moved that made her quicken her pace.
"Caelum… hey! What's up with you?" she called, jogging the last few steps until she was beside him.
When he turned toward her, she almost froze. The dark circles under his eyes were shockingly deep, almost bruised, and his skin looked pale, drawn. She stared, half-worried and half-incredulous.
"Wa-what happened to you?" She raised both hands dramatically. "Why do you look like a ghost wandering around at this hour?"
He let out a long sigh, his breath misting in the cool morning air. "Actually… I haven't slept properly in days. Last night I was stuck signing paperwork for hours... I didn't stop until the sky started getting light. My boss just keeps piling things on me. I swear…" His voice trailed into a groan.
Eska couldn't help it, a laugh slipped out.
He gave her a half-hearted glare. "Yeah, yeah, make fun of me. I'm here struggling to stay upright, and you're laughing like I'm the punchline."
"Of course," she said with a grin, brushing her hair off her shoulder. "It's either laugh or start crying with you, and I'm too pretty for crying. Just go home and sleep, Caelum."
He hesitated, then, almost under his breath, murmured, "If I go to sleep… how am I supposed to see your smiley face this morning?"
For a moment, Eska actually blinked, caught off guard, before her lips curved into something sly. "…W-what was that?"
He stiffened, his cheeks already flushing. "I-it's nothing. I must be… sleep talking." He gave a short, awkward laugh, looking anywhere but at her.
She stepped a little closer, tilting her head. "Ohhh, don't tell me you came early just to see me, huh?" Her tone was playful, and she punctuated the tease with a light tap to his shoulder.
He made a noise somewhere between a cough and a protest. "It's… not like that at all."
For once, she didn't answer right away. Something in his awkward expression made her chest feel strangely warm. She had known him for months now, and somehow, without noticing, he had become someone she sought out more than anyone else.
Before she could think too hard about it, she leaned in, her lips brushing lightly against his cheek in a fleeting kiss. "Well… I don't mind if you do want to see me."
His hand flew up to the spot she'd kissed, his ears going crimson. "W-what? Why would you—"
"I don't know." She clasped her hands behind her back and turned toward the faintly glowing horizon where the sun was just beginning to rise. "I just felt like it."
There was a bench nearby, weathered but sturdy, and she walked over, sitting down with an easy motion. "Well, come here."
He lingered in place, looking like he wanted to refuse, but eventually shuffled over and sat beside her. They stayed like that in silence for a while, the air filled only with the faint rustle of leaves. Then Eska raised her hands and patted her lap lightly, her skirt pulling just enough that her bare thighs caught the morning light.
His entire face turned red. "E-Eska…"
"Why are you acting shy? It's just a lap, nothing else." She smiled knowingly. "Come on, just rest for a bit. You'll collapse otherwise."
He stared, caught between temptation and propriety. "Won't you get in trouble for this? You'll be late again."
She leaned toward him, close enough for her hair to brush his arm. "I don't mind today."
It still took some coaxing, but eventually she guided him down until his head was resting on her lap. She felt her own heartbeat pick up at the unexpected intimacy, but she kept her tone light as she began gently stroking his hair.
They sat like that, watching the sky brighten. "The sun's beautiful, don't you think?" she murmured.
No answer, he had already fallen asleep, his breathing soft and even. For some reason, she didn't move until long after the sun was fully up.
When she finally made it to the tavern, her sister scolded her for being late, but Eska just let it wash over her, still feeling the warmth of his head on her lap.
Later that day, Effie approached her. "Eska… can I ask you something?"
Eska arched an eyebrow. "What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"
Effie's gaze was oddly serious. "Do you… love that guy?"
"What guy?"
"Caelum," Effie said, her tone steady but her eyes searching.
Eska paused, thinking, really thinking, before answering. "I… don't think so."
"I see." Effie's lips twitched into a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Why are you asking me that?" Eska asked, narrowing her gaze slightly. "Didn't think I'd hear a question like that from you."
Effie shrugged lightly. "You're always with him. I just wondered, that's all."
Eska let it drop, not noticing the faint way Effie's gaze lingered on her before turning away.
A few days later, it happened. Eska noticed that Caelum wasn't there at all. Instead, as she walked toward his usual table, she found a note. After reading it, she quietly left the tavern. Her friend asked where she was going, but she didn't tell her. Not long after, she arrived at the place where she had once kissed his cheek. In front of her stood Caelum, his hands fidgeting and his eyes darting between her face.
"Why did you want to meet so suddenly? I mean, if you wanted to talk about something, we could've talked in the tavern, couldn't we?" Eska crossed her arms, her torso leaning slightly forward.
"I… needed to talk to you," he said quietly. "Well, we could have… but that isn't a place for things like this, you see…" His voice was low, almost hesitant.
Eska exhaled softly. "Alright. Then hurry up. What do you want to say to me?"
Caelum didn't answer right away. Instead, his gaze lingered on her for a long moment, as if he was weighing each word in his head. Then, with a small breath, he stepped forward. His hands trembled faintly as he reached into his pocket.
After another pause, he bowed his head slightly and opened the box. Inside lay a simple yet elegant ring that caught the light just enough to glint.
"I like you, Eska," he said, his voice steady but soft, almost trembling at the edges. "Will you… marry me?"
She froze. Of all people, she hadn't expected this from him, the awkward man who sometimes couldn't even hold her gaze without fumbling over his words. Her lips parted, ready to refuse outright, but the words tangled in her throat. Something about the way he looked at her, hopeful, nervous, as though he might shatter and run at the same time... made her hesitate.
Her reply came, quiet but deliberate. "I'm sorry, Caelum. But the truth is… I don't like you."
The light drained from his face. His shoulders stiffened as he lowered his head, the corners of his lips trembling. His hands clenched into fists on his knees. "I… I…" His voice cracked, barely audible.
"Caelum…" she started, but before she could think further, something within her moved on its own.
But before he could say another word, Eska suddenly leaned closer, closing the space between them. He barely had time to register what was happening before her lips brushed against his. His eyes widened, stunned. His body went rigid, his thoughts scattering like startled birds. Heat flared across his cheeks, his whole face burning. His breath caught in his throat as he almost lost his balance.
Yet she didn't stop. Instead, she pressed harder, her kiss deepening, bold, almost overwhelming. He stumbled backward under the force, falling onto the soft grass. She came down with him, her weight landing against his chest.
For one suspended moment, everything went silent: the warmth of her pressed against him, the faint sweetness of her breath mingling with his, her hair brushing lightly against his cheek.
He still didn't understand why she did it.
Eska finally pulled away, sitting upright, still astride him with her knees pressing into the grass at his sides. For a second she just looked at him, and then, to his utter confusion, laughter burst out of her, light, unrestrained, almost uncontrollable.
"Hahaha… oh, Caelum," she laughed, brushing strands of hair from her face. "I'm just joking."
His chest tightened. "Joking…?" he repeated, voice barely more than a whisper. He wanted to believe she didn't mean it, yet her words twisted deeper.
She nodded, but then her expression softened strangely. "But… it's true I don't like you. At least, that's what I think."
His breath caught. "Then… why?" His voice wavered, raw and uncertain. "Why kiss me like that? Why give me hope…?"
Her laughter faded, replaced with something heavier. A tear welled in her eye, slipping down her cheek before she quickly wiped it away with her hand. She took a slow breath.
"Because… I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know what I feel. But… I will marry you, Caelum. If you still want me, that is. Just… know this: it won't be easy. It'll be hard for you, living with someone who doesn't love you."
For a moment he couldn't speak. His throat closed up, and his eyes glistened though he held the tears back. Then he managed a trembling smile.
"That's fine," he said quietly, but firmly. "As long as you accept me as your husband… I'll always be there for you. It doesn't matter if you love me or not. My feelings won't change, not even a little. Thank you, Eska… thank you for giving me this honor."
Eska's lips curved into the faintest smile, though her eyes were still wet. She whispered under her breath, almost too soft to catch, "Idiot."
They exchanged rings afterward. His hands shook as he slid the band onto her finger, his chest so tight he could hardly breathe. And not long after, they were married. Eska moved into his home, and slowly, almost reluctantly, she began to discover her own feelings for him.
They didn't earn much, and for a while they decided against having children, but as the years passed, they eventually wanted to. Somehow, despite everything, it felt… perfect. At least, that's what she thought.
---
But now… as those moments came flooding back, one after another, she felt hollow inside, so empty it hurt. Her chest ached, her breath trembled, and her hands wouldn't stop shaking.
She stood at the very top of Velhart's highest tower. The air here was thinner, sharper. Below, the town spread out like a living painting, the cobblestone streets winding between sunlit roofs, the gentle shimmer of shop windows catching the light. Beside her, the massive bronze bell hung silent, its shadow falling across her feet. It was the bell meant for emergencies… yet right now, it felt as if the emergency was only inside her.
Her eyes blurred. She didn't even notice when the first tear slid down her cheek.
She stayed there, motionless, her gaze locked on the vast blue sky where the sun burned too brightly. The beauty of it all only made the weight in her chest heavier.
Her lips quivered before any words could leave them. She lowered her head slowly, looking at the town again, and another tear fell. She touched her stomach, her fingers trembling as if the contact burned her.
"I know…" her voice cracked, raw and breathless. "…you don't deserve this." Her palm pressed a little harder against her belly. "You haven't even… drawn a single breath yet."
Her mouth twisted into something between a sob and a laugh... only it carried no joy. "I… I thought I could… but I can't." Her shoulders shook harder, her head dropping forward. "How am I supposed to face anyone? How am I supposed to smile… when I don't even know… who your father is?"
The words came faster now, almost choking her. "What if… what if it was my fault? Maybe I was careless. Maybe I should've screamed louder, fought harder, done something… anything…"
Her knees bent slightly under the pressure in her chest. Her tears were falling freely now, wetting the back of her hands.
"You didn't do anything wrong," she whispered, her voice breaking entirely.
"But I… I'm already breaking just thinking of raising you. I'm not strong enough." She shut her eyes so tightly the world went black, and still more tears came.
"I can't… I can't be the mother of a rapist's child." Her voice was small, trembling, like she was speaking to herself as much as to the life inside her. "Please… forgive me… for even thinking this." Her shoulders curled in, her arms tightening protectively around her belly before she forced herself to pull away. "I… I'm a failure… a disgrace… I was never a good wife, nor was I ever meant to be a good mother. I'm sorry… little one."
She took a step forward. The wind caught her hair, tugging it into her face. From here, the drop was dizzying. The sight made her head spin, but she kept moving, her bare toes curling over the edge of the stone. Her breath came unevenly, half sobs, half gasps.
Her heart pounded in her ears. She shifted her weight forward…
"So, this is the choice you've made."
The voice cut through her like a blade, sharp, sudden, and cold, emerging from behind the great bell.
---
(Chapter Ended)
To be continued...