HER
Mr. Stephens agreed to let the staff have the day off—a minor miracle, if ever there was one—to go to the fair.
My recent nightmares and uncomfortable reminiscences of last spring made it hard for me to share their joy as the maids flitted around the corridor, getting ready.
I sit at my vanity, my door propped open so that the occasional maid can waltz in and get my help with her hair. We're leaving soon, and yet I've done nothing. My hair hangs around my face—frizzy. I blow an errant curl off of my forehead. I'm in a simple shift, not even dressed yet.
Maybe I'll just stay home.
A mix of sadness and relief war in my gut.
"Laura?" Amber pokes her head in my door, and is looking at me with concern. "Are you alright?" I nod numbly, but her expression does not lighten. In fact, it grows more serious—determined.
The next thing I know the whole female staff is in my room, sitting on any available surface, while Adah does my hair.
"This is our only chance to meet suitors." Grace says—face deadly serious. The other women nod, as serious as her.
"I feel as though I shouldn't hear this," Adah grumbles, making me smile.
"We barely ever get to go out! You can't blame us." Sharp cries of protest echo from the group, and Adah sighs, defeated.
"If we're lucky, we might even get kissed!" I choke on my breath, whipping my head to look at Grace. Her cheeks flush red, "A girl can dream…" she grumbles, slouching.
Adah turns my head straight again, but I can't forget Grace's words. Heat creeps up my neck and face as I remember that night with Aleksi.
My usual reaction ensues—my stomach clenches painfully, and shivers skitter up and down my body. Though my reaction is visceral, it isn't exactly… unpleasant. Not like—no.
I cut off the thought before it can even form. Slamming the door to it in my mind. Even the beginning of the memory leaves my palms wet, my hearing fuzzing out. I focus on my breath, whooshing in and out.
I find a scuff on the desk and stare at it, willing my mind to quiet.
"Are you going to see Sam?"
The casual question from Adah catches me off guard. The room stalls, and I could hear a pin drop.
I falter, unsure how to respond. Splotchy redness still stains parts of my face, and the other maids mistake their meaning.
"Eeee! You're blushing! You must be smitten with him."
I panic, my face becoming more red, only fueling their fire. I find Adah's eyes in the mirror and they look almost… disappointed? I shake the confusing thought away, getting my bearings.
"I am not."
Boos and protests rise up from around me.
"Did you ever go to see him like he asked?" Adah's eyebrows raise, and the other maids let out a series of catcalls.
"Yes, I did." This sets them cheering again, and I groan. I wince at the awkward memory.
I met him in the park, a few days after I got back.
"Hello, Sam."
"Laura."
He seemed genuinely glad to see me. When I had sent him the message to meet me, I honestly wasn't sure what I was going to say. But standing in front of him, seeing his gentle smile, it became clear.
My face must have given me away, because he smiled sadly.
"It's not going to happen, is it?" He said it so honestly, a pang of sadness swept through me.
I just shook my head.
To his credit, he didn't ask me why, didn't demand an explanation. I gave one anyway.
"I plan to be in service forever. I never thought I'd be a wife, or a mother." The words stuck in my throat, so far from anything I'd ever expected that they sounded foreign on my tongue.
He just nodded, understanding.
He wrote me a few weeks ago, letting me know he plans to marry a girl from the village. I wrote back to congratulate him, though it seems the news hasn't reached the maids.
"He's engaged to someone else."
My declaration effectively shuts them up, and some displeased grumbles resonate from the crowd. I swear I see a flash of a smile from Adah, though—but it's gone before I can be sure.
—
Adah seemed to understand my reluctance to go, so she tried to make me as comfortable as possible.
My hair is in a simple braid over one shoulder, tied with a ribbon. My dress is simple, made of dark green fabric. I feel surprisingly pretty for how simply I'm dressed. Somehow Adah made me look effortlessly beautiful. I make a mental note to thank her as I glance at myself one last time.
As I'm looking in the mirror, I see a familiar figure standing in the doorway. From where he's standing, it must look like I can't see him.
"Hello, Krasivak."
I laugh as I watch him jump in the mirror—caught.
I turn on my chair to face him and freeze. Somehow, no matter how many times I see it, him out of uniform always gets me.
"If you keep staring at me, I'll have to start charging you." I glare at him but have to turn away to hide my blush. He comes up behind me, looking at me in the mirror.
His gaze becomes heavy as he observes Adah's work. When he finally meets my eyes, his seem to burn.
I hold my breath, anticipation ratcheting up my spine.
"You clean up well enough."
A breath wooshes out of me, and I frown. I don't know what I was expecting.
Nothing. I tell myself. Expect nothing.