Never had an opening feast felt so torturous.
Clinging to his last shred of energy to preside over the remaining ceremony, Dumbledore felt as if he were burning up, sweat beading on his forehead.
This was supposed to be the annual Sorting Ceremony he was accustomed to, yet tonight it felt like Chinese Chomping Cabbages were chasing after him, ready to take a bite...
—Terrified that Jane Yu might cause yet another catastrophe!
"Quiet—everyone please remain quiet—!"
His voice had never been so commanding, and under such authority, the boiling Great Hall immediately fell silent.
"We begin the Sorting!" He hurriedly moved to the next segment, striving to shift everyone's attention away from the Slytherin table. "Students whose names I call, please sit on the chair and put on the Hat!"
The well-mannered Hogwarts students were indeed very respectful of their Headmaster—up to this point, order was maintained beautifully.
This allowed Dumbledore to breathe a sigh of relief. He knew this segment never went wrong!
The Sorting Hat would read students' qualities at lightning speed, automatically completing House assignments like Jane Yu's assembly line operation.
He only needed to call out names, wait a few dozen minutes, and he could deliver his final address, ending this torment.
Unfortunately, what he failed to realize was—
This Sorting Ceremony was extraordinarily special, because standing here was a long line of new students who had witnessed the Slytherin showdown upon arrival.
And many of them carried the most popular essential item in wizarding families—Magical Game Consoles.
As Dumbledore called out the first name, the trembling first-year removed their glasses and shakily sat down on the four-legged stool.
Every student eagerly widened their eyes, planning to see which House this year's first new student would join.
Five minutes passed. The hall was dead silent.
Starting with Hat trouble—this didn't look like a smooth beginning...
An ominous premonition took root in Dumbledore's heart, making him wonder—
Would this Sorting Ceremony take several hours?
"Ravenclaw!"
The Hat finally spoke with the same firm voice as previous years.
Dumbledore smiled with relief, applauding as he watched the young witch joyfully run toward the Ravenclaw table.
With infinite expectations for the young witches and wizards, he lowered his head and read out the second name.
He didn't notice the young witch's sad "farewell forever" glance back at the queue behind her as she shook hands with the little eagles, smiling.
He also didn't notice the Sorting Hat's tip bend slightly—if it were human, it would probably be a confused head tilt.
So another five minutes passed, with the young wizard on the four-legged stool still battling the Hat with his brain.
Fortunately, Hat trouble wasn't unprecedented. Though rare, two consecutive cases were just a matter of probability, not extremely unusual.
Students in the hall maintained their admirable quality of quiet listening.
"Gryffindor—?!"
The Sorting Hat's voice trembled slightly, no longer firm as before, carrying some doubt.
This made it sound particularly hoarse, like rusty parts jamming a music box's spring.
Though something felt wrong, Dumbledore still applauded, welcoming this freshly minted little lion as he looked back with every third step, diving into the Gryffindor table to begin a harmonious scene of laughter with upper-year housemates.
No one paid attention to how the Sorting Hat's tone had changed.
So Dumbledore read out the third name on the parchment.
Five silent minutes passed...
Students in the hall finally couldn't maintain their admirable qualities!
Every long table began whispering—everyone felt this opening feast was the most entertaining they'd ever experienced!
First, they'd enjoyed a close-up view of Slytherin's performance art under Jane Yu's leadership, then watched the Headmaster embarrass himself publicly;
Then they heard the Sorting Hat sing songs of new era transformation, followed by three consecutive Hat troubles rarely seen even in school history...
—What could be more spectacular than this opening feast?
"Has this Hat finally gotten too old to work?" Daphne questioned. "Like it's stuck—three in a row?"
Jane Yu couldn't help looking at the long line of new students behind them, silently calculating 5 minutes × number of people...
—She figured they probably wouldn't need to sleep tonight.
"H-Hufflepuff—??"
The Sorting Hat finally squeaked out a sound, but its voice gradually weakened, becoming smaller and smaller, filled with infinite confusion.
Finally, it became a limp mass, its entire body collapsed inward, looking as if its consciousness had completely crashed.
Though it had experienced a thousand years and witnessed great storms in the human world—
Only it knew what kind of mental assault it had suffered from these young wizards!
This was supposed to be just another ordinary sorting among thousands in its hat-life. Though advanced in years but still dutiful, it waited for small hands to carefully pick it up and place it on a head, so it could read their hearts, taste their qualities, and communicate and assign them...
Only this time seemed extraordinarily different!
Caught completely off guard—
Its vision was flooded with "Slytherin Slytherin Slytherin rin rin rin rin rin!"
This was normal—every year some students had preferred Houses, wanting to go to Slytherin wasn't a big problem... let it see...
Hmm... farsighted, clever with vision, loves research...
But these were clearly Ravenclaw's favorite qualities!
"Child, you're very smart, you want to seek knowledge... let me see, you want to study Alchemy properly? Ravenclaw suits you well—"
It received a second wave of spam attacks and was implanted with a string of garbled code equating playing games = researching Alchemy = playing games with Jane Yu at close range:
"Alchemy Alchemy Alchemy my my my my"
"Game console game console game console sole sole sole"
"Play games play games play games games games games"
"Playing games with friends and Senior Jane hehehehehe!"
"You'll find very good study partners in Ravenclaw," the Sorting Hat patiently advised, "they're all good at learning—"
It met fierce rebuttal:
"Only by contacting Senior Jane and working for her in first year can I access the most advanced Magical Game Console in the entire wizarding world before sixth-year electives... Alchemy, so I can turn stone to gold in the future—that's my farsightedness!"
The Sorting Hat felt this was reasonable. It understood the other party's vision was to go to Slytherin and contact Jane Yu, so they could properly study Alchemy...
This was very wise, very farsighted, very Slytherin...
It felt itself being convinced... No, this couldn't be!
This was clearly a Ravenclaw!
Forcibly correcting itself, the Sorting Hat with stars in its eyes gave up dialogue and chose to directly reject this student's Slytherin wish, instead shouting "Ravenclaw!"
Having escaped the full-screen garbled attack, the Sorting Hat rallied itself, preparing for another battle—
Opening screen Slytherin critical hit.
"Very brave, wants to prove themselves, loves adventure—Gryffindor would suit you well," it spoke with difficulty. "Not willing? Why—"
"I want to go to Slytherin and fight with friends... no, study advanced spells! Senior Jane and them can even make bats fly out of people's nostrils! I heard it all—knocking people out... no, sending them into deep sleep... and not losing points! So brave, so strategic!"
Every fold of the Sorting Hat drooped down.
"Gryffindor!" Its voice trembled.
Before it could sort out its feelings, it was placed on a Hufflepuff badger's head. It could tell because it immediately read this was a little badger:
Sincere to friends, modest, hardworking...
And could bake first-class delicious apple pie at age eleven.
The little badger refused its apple pie request, instead donning snake skin and sending it a little snake express delivery.
The reason was that after carefully observing the four long tables, only the Slytherin table had the most variety and freshest food.
And they valued territory and food, able to fight over precious seats and food being taken.
The Sorting Hat felt itself cracking.
Gradually doubting its hat-life, its body half-collapsed. It felt that in its thousand years, it had never heard "Slytherin" as many times as these three students' brains had spammed the word, like some kind of Trojan virus—
This caused its thought-processing code to gradually become chaotic.
But clearly, no one here noticed its existential doubt.
Headmaster Dumbledore was still reading names from the parchment, and the fourth student still trotted up with a shining entrance.
—Making it four in a row, falling into another five-minute Hat trouble.
Either explode in silence or perish in silence.
The Sorting Hat, having suffered mental bullying from students, finally let out a shriek!
"Stop! Stop! Sorting suspended!"
"I'm going on strike—strike—!"
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