He had escaped death.
It was an experience he never wanted to repeat ever again, being on the edge of life and death. It was dreadful, knowing that your life was going to end, and without any meaning.
If it wasn't for Praise appearing in its... physical form? He would have been dead; it was something he wished not to think of, it was shameful, since not only did he have to rely on its healing, but now it had also saved him from death.
He felt like a child who needed others to clear up his mistakes. If he hadn't stabbed himself, if he hadn't thrown his lantern so far, if he had just had patience and had trained his tolerance more, he wouldn't have needed it to save him.
It was disgraceful. Most would stop after such an experience, knowing their worth, being wise.
...
But when has he ever cared about stuff like that, about what others would think?
...
...
