Attempt #5: "I Got Bitten!"
She used ketchup. A lot of ketchup. Smeared it all over her neck and came running into camp yelling, "BITTEN! I WAS BITTEN BY A VAMPIRE—SEND ME TO CAPITAL QUARANTINE!"
Everyone panicked . . . for five seconds.
Then someone pointed out that the "wound" looked suspiciously like bite marks from a sandwich.
She was banned from the mess hall for three days.
Attempt #6: Faking Heroism
She tried to take down a minor vampire nest solo, hoping a dramatic rescue or bold report might win her some praise—or maybe a ticket back to HQ.
What actually happened was she tripped over her own blade, scared off the vampires with her terrible singing (intended as a distraction), and ended up hiding in a barrel for two hours until patrol found her.
She called it "Tactical Concealment."
They called it "Dumb Luck."
Final Result?
Nothing worked.
