Pain... yet no sensation of pain...
How could such a contradictory state exist in the world? Why was she experiencing such a thing?
Aizahár lay on the ground, bleeding from everywhere, her body convulsing in response to the agony, yet she felt nothing of what was happening to her own body.
She couldn't see, couldn't hear, and even her senses of smell and taste, which were usually somewhat useless to her, were gone.
And touch... was this what they called the loss of the five senses?
But it wasn't over...
"The second charge—" Even though I can't hear anything, why can I still perceive that voice?
A voice echoing in my mind...?!
Aizahár's remaining breath hitched. An utterly absurd thought surfaced in her mind.
This being who was [judging] her... was it God?!
No! Aizahár's first reaction was disbelief!
God himself was judging her? Had she died? Was she now deciding whether to go to heaven or hell? No... she was clearly still alive! Just a short while ago, she was selling flowers, eating with Bianka...
How could she have suddenly died?
Before Aizahár could figure it out, the voice echoed in her mind once more.
"Envy."
Fragments of memory were unearthed. Her vision seemed to return, but when she tried to look closely, all she could see was a scarlet darkness.
It was a scene from her memory.
[Standing in the crowd, seeing Bianka surrounded by so many people, what was I thinking?
Not bad? That's great? It's okay? As expected of her?
No... none of that...
What I was thinking was...
Why?
Selling flowers is my livelihood, a skill I've had to hone to survive. And Bianka? She's just a pampered young lady, an idiot who doesn't even know how to lie!
Why did she get to sell all those flowers? Why did everyone want to buy from her?
Just because of that cat?!
...Yes, just because of that cat... in Bianka's eyes... she must be so surprised, right? A cat she casually kept is more useful than me...
And just a few minutes ago, I was still thinking about how to comfort the Bianka who hadn't earned a single drop of water... Heh, how sentimental of me.
Bianka and I are not from the same world. She'll soon change out of my tattered clothes and put on that gorgeous dress that's worth more than my life, then go back to her magnificent home with her cat.
Maybe someone will serve her a sumptuous dinner, while I can only go back to eating nutrient paste with low-quality flavoring. And she'll sleep on her soft, big bed, while I toss and turn on the floor, afraid I'll never wake up again...
And even...
She gets to hear a "good night."
Why... she asked herself in her heart, and she couldn't find an answer, only able to fantasize about what would happen if she had all of this.]
The memory ended abruptly.
In the now-invisible grand hall, the judge standing before Aizahár spoke again.
"The... jury will now render its verdict."
The same impatient voices returned.
"I told you people like her are no good from the start! Do people who only think about getting something for nothing ever have a good ending?"
"A thousand cuts wouldn't be enough to quell her jealousy!"
"She'll only continue to be jealous after being punished! Jealous of why others don't suffer the same fate. They never think the fault lies with themselves!"
"Why? Because you're jealous! You want everything, but you're not willing to give anything!"
"People like her only deserve to be jealous of others for the rest of their lives. She deserves to have nothing!"
"Including your mother!"
—
Her heart seemed to stop for a moment, followed by a suffocating tide...
Is that it...
Is Mom sick... because I was jealous? Is it because God doesn't like a child like me, so he took it out on Mom?
But why not me? Shouldn't I be the one to bear the consequences of my own mistakes? Why did disaster befall Mom?
"Heh..."
A disdainful sneer ended the argument.
"I told you she wouldn't really repent..."
The small, bloody figure curled into a tiny ball. The malice from the outside world was about to swallow her, to tear her soul to shreds and cast it into hell.
They were demons... ferocious angels were piercing her through with tridents.
This was not the heaven she had imagined... this was an unexpected hell.
It seemed as if a hand had gently tugged at her heart, completely tilting her thoughts in the direction they were already leaning.
...This is... what I deserve...
The convulsions stopped. In that moment, Aizahár's brain issued the command "there is no need to struggle anymore." Not just God, she herself had given up on herself at that moment.
She gave up on life.
"The charge is upheld. The sentence is—Impalement of the Heartless." With the voice's pronouncement, the all-encompassing bright light condensed into five sharp spears, aimed at Aizahár's heart and limbs.
And the figure had already raised its hand. With a single swing, the five spears would instantly pierce through Aizahár.
Am I... finally going to die?
After all, this is God's judgment...
...
["If your wish is to see the Ferris wheel light up—then let us grant your wish!"]
The sound of spears piercing flesh rang out, but under the black robe, the hollow, lifeless eyes widened slightly.
Because four of the judgment spears had struck empty air.
She looked in disbelief at Aizahár, who had somehow broken free from the judgment's constraints and rolled away to avoid the fatal blow, a hint of confusion in her brow.
"She broke free?!"
"How did she do that?!"
"How dare she?!"
Voices that only the black-robed figure could hear exploded in an instant, chirping in her ear. But she ignored them and looked at Aizahár, who was staggering to her feet and stumbling away in front of her.
She was silent for about a second before she slowly spoke, her voice chilling to the bone.
"The results of the judgment are not to be escaped..."
The four spears slowly rose from the ground, their sharp tips aimed at the fleeing Aizahár.
She's not God...
This was the only thought left in Aizahár's mind, and it was the only thought that sustained her escape.
God isn't like this... God would never judge anyone like this!
I can't die here... I have to...
Find the real God!