The Sun rose high up in the sky. The day was young.
Lady Sophia had already left for the classes after some instructions to August about treating the Fiona siblings well in her absence. He was told to keep them company mostly. Obviously his mother didn't know about his earlier conversation with the daughter of Lord Victor, which hadn't gone so well actually.
Her brother also seemed to hate August for some unknown reason. Considering how protective he was towards his sister he would definitely kill August if he came to know about that not so good conversation.
More than that however, August had regretted his words to May that he spoke without thinking much. He thought more about that small argument and realised that he hadn't known the girl well to be commenting on her life or hidden emotions. Anyone would have taken an offence if he spoke so carelessly about them. He realised that he had committed a grave mistake.
That time he thought of trying to help her ease the burden but in reality her reaction was natural. To her, August was just a stranger whom she met a day before. Why would she consult an outsider on a matter she had kept a secret from her family? Why would she share her burden with him? Who was he to ask her all that and say words regarding her insecurities?
He knew he was wrong.
…and has to apologise.
He thought while sitting on the wooden verandah in the gentle sunlight, outside. Tired from his sword practice before, his eyelids were getting heavy in the polite warmth of the day.
'It won't hurt to take a nap will it?'
Leaning on the polished wood, he steadily fell into a daze.
— — —
August remembered falling into a nap but he was conscious? He was able to feel the cool winds around him and they weren't the regular cold ones like their town would have during monsoons. The air was chillingly cold. As if he wasn't in his home at all.
After a while he could feel his feet growing numb from the coldness of the floor he stood upon.
What?
What is this?
A dream? Another nightmare? Isn't it too soon for that?
He had the last session with echoes a day before actually. So what was it? Was his condition worsening?
August opened his eyes. Before him, stood a vast landscape of ice. The ground, the hills, everything was made of white ice with occasional glimpses of crystal blue surface beneath it from the cracks. Countless small streams of ice cold glacier water flowed from higher regions. There was a whole ocean of crystal clear water at the meeting point of those smaller streams.
The ocean was vast. Stretching far to the infinity. It was also difficult to gauge the depth of that as well. Many flat and irregular blocks of glacier floating above the endless water. Only now was when August realised he too was standing on a massive glacier himself.
Surroundings were bright with the Sun hiding behind the veil of white clouds.
At a distance some creatures were also to be seen, they were totally different kinds from what August had seen or encountered. They were thick white furred with black shiny claws, perfectly adapted to the extreme conditions of that place. These were the only details, August was able to make out from here since the creatures were very far away from him.
There was a strange calmness in his heart despite standing in a place like this. Completely different from last time when he had a nightmare. Maybe he was already used to these dreams. What was there to worry about? It was just a nightmare, a dream that's all.
Suddenly a feeling got a hold of his heart grabbing him like icy claws. It was fear, it grew more and more. What?
Up until a moment ago his mind was calm but what was happening now? Getting transported to a faraway land in his dreams was what he could come in terms with for now but what was this strange feeling?
Then, like a torrent of darkness came forward from within him growing more and more by the moment as simultaneously was the fear. August began sweating, his heart beating loudly. The ground beneath him— the glacier on which he was standing was beginning to break under the weight of the darkness.
The darkness began to swallow his surroundings. In a mere instant all the white snow around him was being consumed by black utter darkness. It spread through the ground, August himself as its source. Consuming everything in its path, the white crystalline glaciers, the cold icy hills, the countless streams flowing down and even the ocean seemed to be consumed by the horror.
Finally the glacier beneath him shattered causing him to fall into the boundless ocean. August clung to life desperately throwing his limbs to keep floating. But the coldness of water made his skin feel piercing pain. Watching the hordes of creatures being consumed by the darkness and the ocean before him as well, he began to drown after all of his failed attempts.
Drowning into the endless ocean of chillingly cold water, he watched with blurred vision as the sky was consumed by the dark horror. It was like watching the night itself to descend upon the world and claim the day as its territory. The day belonged rightfully to the night though.
After some moments of desperation, the whole world was consumed by the darkness. It all happened at a speed faster than August could've understood what's happening. It was one more trauma for him to get out of. Another nightmare without meaning, of which he had to find the meaning himself.
There were a bunch of them already. And it wasn't important they all carried some meaning. But August was sure there was some meaning behind a few of them definitely. If not all of them.
The nightmares of his were connected to the echoes and somehow directly or indirectly to his ambivalence as well. But August was already done with all of this nonsense. He wanted nothing more than to be liberated from this curse.
To be ambivalent was a curse afterall.
The darkness dissipated. Countless voices of the surroundings assaulted him, making his ears bleed.
He woke up without feeling refreshed from sleep. He felt even more tired now. A stream of blood fell down from his ears. Wiping it off from himself, August stood up as if nothing happened only to meet face to face with the girl on a wheelchair.
— — —
"Uh …excuse me"
He started to leave for his room when the girl spoke, "what was that now?"
"What was …what exactly?" he replied feigning ignorance, "what are you talking about?"
"Don't play the fool" she replied quickly with a genuine concerned expression on her face, "you can't fool me with that blood dripping down from your ear."
Of course, the blood. Why would he even think she wouldn't notice that? Whatever the reason, August wasn't ready to talk about this with anyone yet.
Indeed, he asked her to share the same thing hidden in her heart as well. Which were definitely her deepest insecurities while on the other hand he didn't want to reveal his side of suffering. That's right, it wasn't fair. He was a hypocrite.
But how was he supposed to explain all this to her? August himself knew too little about this condition afterall.
"That looks serious" with the continued expression of concern on her face, "are you in pain? Have you told your parents about this?"
August didn't feel good about her prying in his situation. But he couldn't say that aloud. Not to her.
"No," he replied with a sigh, "It isn't hurting. Not anymore. And also No, I haven't told Mother and Father about it."
"Well why not?" she spoke without delay, "this looks, it could be fatal. Not to mention the pain. We have to tell your parents right now."
"Hey! Calm down" he said in an authoritative voice shutting her down, then realised he was being too harsh on her and spoke making his tone gentle, "it's nothing to worry about. Alright? It's my problem, so I'll handle it"he remained silent for a while then added, "We all got something to hide from others don't we?"
With that he began to walk in the direction of stairs which led to his room above.
"It's innate. The disease" May spoke loudly.
August stopped and stared at her with a frown not quite getting the meaning behind her words. Not long after that May added, making his confusion vanish,
"The reason I am not able to stand on my legs is a specific rare disease I have had since birth. It had taken root in my spine, eating me alive from the insides like a parasite. Before you ask, yes it's a very rare disease to have a complete cure. I might very well be patient zero.
Doctors tried various medicines on me, experimented on me but sadly they never got any results. I am completely at the mercy of this disease. And yes, it's killing me and no one knows how much I would live . Every day I am walking towards the inevitable death, knowing well any moment could be my last.
But I don't mind. I just want the people I love to live a long and healthy life. With or without me." confessing everything honestly before him there were tears filling up her eyes. Wiping them off she said with a shaky voice.
"You wanted to know what I was hiding? That's there."
August lingered for a while processing all this information May had dropped on him. Which was mostly unexpected. Not all of that actually.
She had a disease rare at that, he had known this much. Because there was literally nothing stopping Lord Victor to cure his daughter whom he treated like a princess. He had more than enough money and connections to hire capable doctors. What he had not assumed was that the disease was actually killing her internally. This was new to him.
And heartbreaking also.
Given, August had his own fair share of problems being ambivalent and all. But the situation May was in, it wasn't in any way less serious than his. If anything her situation seemed more severe.
While he suffered from constant pain and suffering, May on the other hand was counting everyday as her last.
The atmosphere suddenly turned dark. His expression grew more somber by the minute. After a while he finally spoke, "Does your brother share the same disease as you? Since you are twins and the disease is innate"
"No" She replied looking down at the floor, "He doesn't suffer from the disease but something far more worse …the guilt. He thinks he is the reason I have this disease. He thinks everything would have been fine if he had gotten this disease instead of me."
"Nonsense" August spoke absentmindedly thinking how much of a fool her brother was to think that way. There's no greater pain than one of the mind.
Guilt and regret are two most loathsome emotions of the human mind that shouldn't have existed in the first place. They make a sane person act lunatic and eat him from inside leaving only the hollow shell of a person behind for the cruel world to crush.
"Exactly" May agreed without a delay, "he is an idiot"
Judging from her expressions it seemed as though she also knew how much of a loathsome emotion the guilt happens to be.
August massaged his temples, seemingly falling into deep thoughts. After a while he cleared his mind of unnecessary thoughts and looked at only what was before him. A beautiful girl with silver-white hair sat on a wheelchair. Her fair complexion turned a shade of red from the crying. As did the corners of her eyes.
This seemingly delicate girl was going to die soon. August had a very hard time to understand.
'Now when it had come to this'
He spoke the words without a hint of hesitation in his voice,
"Thanks for sharing all this with me. But this wasn't the thing you were hiding, was it?"
— — — — —