"Here lies Kira…"
Reading those words, despite whispering them to myself, makes me want to hurl.
Why?
Why do I have to see this?
It won't leave my mind alone!
Helia puts an arrangement of flowers–roses and tulips–on the tombstone, sobbing dry tears as if all of the water has been drained from her body. Standing between his cousin and brother, Tensen holds their shoulders as they look at the grave somberly. His demeanor, as well-going as it seems, carries the illusion of strength.
"Thank you guys for coming with me to visit Kira's resting place here on this earth. I…I know the past year has been tough for you two…for all of us. The flower arrangement you worked together to make is truly wonderful. I'm sure that Kira is…smiling down from…heaven….sniffle."
"..."
Tensen's eyes begin watering, his true self breaking through the cracks of his facade. Before any tears could properly form, he quickly wipes his eyes dry.
My brother is a hero. Despite grieving through the pain of loss and despair, he tries his best to be a strong pillar for the rest of us to cry on.
He's a better person than I will ever be. Am I even human? I must be a reincarnation of a demon from my previous life.
What I'm doing is nothing more than pretending to care about Kira's life–just as a demon would.
"Why…"
"?"
Breaking through the mournful silence, Helia utters one word. This one word, alluding to more to come shortly after, garners the attention of her cousins.
"...why did it have to be her? I should have been the one to die!"
Helia forcefully breaks her body apart from Tensen's arm. The recoil from such a sudden outburst spreads a look of uneasiness on his face. Or rather, it temporarily forced his true face to come to light.
"Helia, please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault that–"
"Maybe if Gene didn't save my life, he would have saved Kira's instead! My survival must have changed fate! It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's–"
Paying no mind to Tensen's comforting plea, Helia covers her ears, shutting herself out from the rest of the world and into her own.
"!"
Oh no, no no no no no…not at a time like this! Helia has had survivor's guilt pent up inside her, and now she's spilling it out. She must have rationalized this way of thinking ever since I denied the healing abilities of my curse. I know it's my fault for not explaining my reasoning to her, but I couldn't burden her with that!
No one deserves to be emotionally burdened by me.
No one…
"What are you talking about, Helia? What happened to you?!"
With no sign or warning, Helia abruptly transitions from cowering to latching on tightly to Gene. Gene, overwhelmed by Helia's inexplicable behavior, attempts to back away–but his legs cannot budge.
"Gene, please…please take your blood from me and give it to Kira! Maybe we can still save her!"
"..."
"Helia, you're being ridiculous.", is something I would normally say in response to her delusions…but I don't have the right to say that.
All I can do is watch silently as Helia unloads her grief.
Tensen pries Helia off of Gene–even though her fingers dug into his shirt refusing to let go easily, Tensen's adult strength won the brief battle of attrition. Reversing the roles, he turns Helia's body towards him and closes in on her face–the weight of their breaths could be felt on each other.
"Hey Helia, please listen to me and snap out of it! Why are you talking about Gene's blood again? Please explain it to me, I promise you are not at fault."
Even still, Tensen pleads with Helia to cast her burden onto him, once again displaying his heroic selflessness...
"Sniffle…"
Feeling the pressure from Tensen, a moment of mental clarity washes over Helia; she wipes her eyes and adverts her gaze away. She holds her breath, hesitant to speak her mind any further as though being mindful of something.
"Please…talk to me."
"...Three years ago, I was injured by a horned otter. It did fatal damage to my arm and almost to my whole body…"
Helia's voice barely pushes past her lips, growing progressively faint as an echo. This echo only bolsters Tensen's concerned perplexity.
"You were attacked by a horned otter? Helia, the poison from their horns are very deadly! How did you survive?"
Upon hearing Tensen ask Helia that question, I face my back towards them. I know what follows, and there's no point in resisting the inevitable. My deserved fate has finally caught up to me…
"...Gene poured a drop of his blood into my mouth. I ended up swallowing it unintentionally…but it completely healed my arm and purified the poison from my body. It was the greatest miracle I've ever experienced…"
Tensen, still confused about Helia's admission, lets go of her and turns towards Gene.
"Gene, is what she's saying true? Did you really heal her with your blood?"
"..."
Thump thump
Thump thump
Judgment day has arrived…
Thump thump
…and my heart knows it.
Gene, daring not to look his brother in the eyes, keeps his back facing him.
"...Yes. 3 years ago, I ended up discovering my true curse as it awakened upon me seeing Helia's injury. It was like my blood was communicating to me, begging to be let out. It's hard to adequately describe…"
"Then that time we were in the hospital, you…you–"
"Yes, I lied. Helia was telling the truth about my blood curse, but I wanted to keep it a secret. I'm…sorry things turned out this way."
Helia looks down, rubbing her shoulder as she feels an uncomfortable weight lift off of her–but not completely. At an utter loss of words, Tensen clenches his fist to the point of turning pink. His eyebrows furrow, matching his piercing gaze.
"Sorry? You are…sorry? No, I am truly sorry…"
Gene turns around to face Tensen head-on. Before he could even completely turn his torso, Tensen firmly clenched Gene, yanking him upwards by the shirt.
"?!"
"I am sorry that I ever trusted you! You were right there in the hospital room, staring at Kira's dying body and did nothing?! We were searching in desperation for any way we could heal Kira back to life, and you did nothing?! You attended her funeral and watched her body be buried and did nothing?! You became aware of that parasite transferring itself into Rika's body, slowly draining her life, yet you still did nothing?!"
"Tensen, I–"
"No, you did even worse than doing nothing–you lied. You lied to my wife, you lied to my daughters, and you lied…to your only brother!"
He's crying. I did it, something I never thought would be possible–I made my older brother cry. To say that he is sad would be a misassessment–I can feel the furiousness within each teardrop, within each word he screams.
"And you have the gall, the nerve to lie to my face that you are sorry?! What makes you any different from an adversary?"
"Tensen, I…I really do mean that I'm sorry. That's not a lie…"
I feel like hurling.
"Then look me in the eyes and prove just how sorry you are! Right now, you have the cure Rika needs flowing in your veins. Give some of your blood to me and I will transfer it to her."
"Sorry, Tensen, I–"
"The only thing I want coming out of you is your blood. Make yourself bleed and give it to me!"
"Tensen, listen. That's–"
"Rika cries to us every time. Every time she wants to play with her peers, we tell her no. Every time she wants to do something thrilling that all kids want to experience in their childhood, we tell her no. She just wants to live a normal life as a kid, but we tell her no. We have to try to make her body last as long as it can before that thing can drain all of the life out of her, but there's still nothing we can really do. Do you know how much it hurts us, Gene? How much it kills us on the inside?!"
"I-I…"
"You are the only thing between Rika and her living a normal life. She is so young and has her whole life ahead of her. I'll say it once again, Gene–give me your blood!"
"...I can't."
"You can't? You can give your blood to Helia, but not to your own nieces?! Are you playing god and choosing who gets to live or die? My daughters aren't worthy of living?!"
"That's not it…"
"Then why? Tell me why you refuse!"
I want to explain everything to him.
The constant, agonizing pain and stress I feel on a daily basis.
Pain that can randomly attack me at any moment.
Pain that does not belong to me.
Pain that is not my doing, but I can do nothing about.
Pain that collaborates with pain of my own, just to make things worse.
The mental stress of pushing through the pain, keeping it to myself so that my dear cousin doesn't feel guilt for me healing her.
The guilt that I alone must bear.
The words to express this emotion refuse to come out of me.
"..."
"...Some brother you are."
Tensen's face of rage fades away, though his emotions stay intact, taking on the form of disgust–a disgust parallel to that of pitying a heinous criminal. He abruptly releases the pent-up tension in his fingers, causing Gene to collapse on the ground on his rear.
"Come on Helia, I'll take you to your home. As for you Gene…"
Tensen pauses his steps, refusing to even look in the direction of the thing behind him.
"I'll make arrangements for someone to take you home. If you don't want to wait, then find your own way back. You're still a smart kid…just not a moral one."
"..."
Tensen and Helia leave Gene behind as he remains on the ground, unable to muster the strength to do anything. Helia looks once more at Gene, a single tear rolling down her face. Without using any words, Gene could understand her message.