A Theory on Godhood: An Overlord Story
Ah... it couldn't have gone any better than this, Momonga thought to himself, reclining back into the chair at the head of the table with an audible crinkle.
All around him, voices clamored in excitement or playful jests, filling the meeting room with a feeling of joy that it did not have for some time.
The reason?
His entire guild had managed to make it for the final day of Yggdrasil!
To his right, he could see Tabula Smaragdina conversing with Tempest Aizawa, an Air Elemental, about the finer points of some old world religion he couldn't be bothered to pay attention to. Every so often, he caught words like "Odin" or "Ragnarok" as his peripheral mind grasped the meaningless terms to him.
On his direct left he chanced Luci*Fer and Ariel as they played a game of what seemed to be checkers, to which the Corrupted Angel was handily losing to the Fey player.
As he looked further down the table, he could see Touch Me, the one he least expected to see here today, playfully joking with a massive, three-meter tall white Dragon named Connaisdiam.
At the opposite end, he saw a group of his friends all flipping through a scrapbook, either groaning or laughing as they saw the old memories stored within the tome. Of those he could make out, he noted the tittering mandibles of an Arachne, Genjiro, the grasping tentacles of a Mindflayer, Small Cuttlefish, and the luscious mane of a Chimera, Beast King Mekongawa. The rest had their bodies obscured by the first three's forms, who were all standing up to show off the scrapbook.
Some of the chairs remained empty, however, but they were still "warm" with the avatar's presence who had occupied them not even fifteen minutes prior. It was not until Momonga came upon the name plate of one chair that his virtual heart clenched, and he could feel his throat tighten with emotion.
Bellriver... if only you could have made it today. I know Blue Planet would have loved to see you at least one last time, if only to admonish you for not visiting him more often, Momonga thought ruefully, glancing at said Seilenoi.
Blue Planet stared off into nothingness with a forlorn expression, not even budging from his spot at the table as the merriment in the air hadn't abated.
Once again, Momonga pondered the fate of his other friend, and tried to recall everything he knew about Bellriver's untimely death:
It had actually been a rather freakish accident, caused by extraordinarily bad luck and maltreatment of construction equipment. As Momonga recollected, an entire crane tower had fallen over in the middle of a work day, having finished building a new office building for some company he could scarcely remember. It had crushed only a single man, killing him in an instant with absolutely no warning, and no way to stop it in time.
Momonga had been reading the morning news on his phone when he saw the article, detailing the obituary of an unknown man who was known only by his internet history and name, that of Bellriver on the DMMO - RPG Yggdrasil. Momonga hadn't even bothered to finish his coffee that day, or call in for that matter. As he understood it, Bellriver's death had thankfully been painless.
He was snapped out of his daydream when he felt an armored gauntlet land on his shoulder, shaking him with a mirth that only youth could betray. He focused over his shoulder to see a heavily armored knight and a floating broadsword, the former trying to somehow tug his mighty bulk out of the chair, his robes rippling like spilled ink over the armrests. The sword orbited them like their own personal moon, bobbing in the air with childish excitement.
"Come on, Sensei!" the knight said in a boyish tone akin to pouting, "Stop daydreaming and help us find everyone else. I think I saw them going towards the throne room, and we're also trying to stop Herohero from leaving... "
The sword bounced in agreement. "It's true! Herohero says he's really tired, and we really don't want to see him go... " the sword said abashedly, spinning to look at the slime in question, her own voice conveying her worry.
Momonga felt a laugh bubble out of his throat at the young member's antics, reminding him, strangely, of himself in better days gone past.
"We can't have that, now, can we? What say we try and convince that old Silly Putty to stay a while longer, eh?" Momonga asked, standing from the chair with an audible boom that caught every other guildmate's attention.
HeroHero observed the Overlord as he drew closer, the knight and animated sword trailing behind like a pack of puppies. An excuse already was rising to the forefront of his mind, "Come on, man, it's been a really long day, and I want to get some sleep sometime tonight. I can always call you guys tomorrow."
Momonga stopped in front of the ancient black slime, leaning down so that he could properly convey his voice. "It's the last day, man. Everybody managed to make it so we could all say goodbye, and we both know you don't actually have our phone numbers."
HeroHero paused to consider that.
"But I... " he started, before he heard a thunderous voice echo from behind him.
"Momonga is right, little slime. We all made the time to come and stay until the end. What is, say, another half an hour before we're all forced to log off forever?"
HeroHero could only stare helplessly at the owner of those words, that of another massive dragon, but with scales like that of polished gold, named Nearata. He was adorned in proper business attire, wearing an ivory three piece suit with a crimson-red tie. A spotless monocle rested on his right eye, as a wooden pipe lay burning within his snout.
"Yeah bro, we'd hate to see you go!" called out a slim but powerful werewolf, her gleaming eyes giving off a gleeful light, a hand cocked on her left hip. "So park that slimy posterior back into your chair, and enjoy the rest of the party with us in our lair."
"Well, I guess... " HeroHero started to answer weakly, before a collective groan filled the air and he was promptly pelted with random bits of trash. "Okay! Okay! I'll stay. I swear, you guys are always so mean to me."
The slime said this with a warbly but genuine laugh, despite his words, before sliding back down into the plush recliner. "By the way, what did you guys want to do for the last thirty minutes? I think I saw some of us heading to the throne room?"
"That's right," said Nubo, the ophanim's golden spiraling rings and pulsing inner light shifting. "I guess they got bored of sitting in the conference room. I'm pretty sure I also saw Ulbert going with them."
Touch Me let out an exasperated sigh. "Figures he'd gone slinking off when no one was looking. I just hope he's not planning any more trouble with Wish III and Temperance again."
A large collection of vines in the rough shape of a man sat to Touch Me's right, away from Connaisdiam's fiery breath. He wore rich, snow-white robes like that of a priest, a solid gold scepter practically being strangled in his floral grip. He let out a scoff.
"When are those three ever not getting into trouble? But it's not like they can do anything truly damaging in the last thirty minutes of this accursed game," Punitto Moe said, some of his vines gripping the headrest of his chair.
"That may be true, but we'll never know unless we actually go and find them," shot back Touch Me, before resting his head in his hands. "Knowing them, they could be blowing up the baths right now." He lifted his head, "Plus, I'd like to see if we can find the others along the way to the throne room."
"I concur," said Ancient One, the aminzu's demonic, vomit-green visage crinkling in consternation. His royal purple robes folded in on itself as he stood up, his considerable bulk scraping the side of the table, and his vestigial wings flapping useless at the air. "Better to do today what can be done tomorrow, metaphorically speaking."
"Great, then let's get going," said Momonga, starting straight for the door.
After shoving them open, his guildmates left their respective seats and filed in behind him, engrossed with their own conversations. The guild staff of Ainz Ooal Gown floated back into his hands from its original position behind Momonga at the head seat.
He glimpsed the Pleiades and Sebas Tian waiting just outside the door, staring straight ahead with the unnerving, glossy-eyed "dead fish" look. They bowed to him and his guildmates as they passed, before obediently falling in line behind the main group at the behest of Garnet, the animated knight from earlier.
Touch Me managed to squeeze his way through the tight crowd to take his place at Momonga's right side, the two enjoying a comfortable silence for a time as they walked the expansive hall.
Touch Me started first, "Hey Momonga, I'm really glad you invited us all back here. It's been good seeing everyone again," the insectoid paladin offered, clasping his hands together.
Momonga nodded in agreement. "For sure man! I'm really happy to see you again. I'm honestly surprised the Missus actually let you come, with your responsibilities and daughter and all."
Touch Me shrugged, his carapace stretching over bulging, pseudo-muscles just below. "She knows how much you all meant to me, so when I got your email, she encouraged me to try and reconnect with you all again, even if it was just for one day."
Momonga only dipped his head once more, before looking ahead to the rapidly approaching ornate doors of the throne room. To think that it was only because of an email that you all decided to come back.
The door was inscribed with the beautiful visage of a radiant angel on the left side, while a snarling, dark demon sat upon the right. With a wave of the guild leader's bony hand, they slid open with a deafening creak, before revealing the throne room in all its splendid glory. The clamoring of his friends quieted, as they drank in the sight of their guild's substantial throne room.
Towering marble pillars flanked the lengthy walkway, interspaced with the personal flags of each individual member who had ever graced Nazarick's halls. The floor was laden with an expensive and luxurious purple rug, leading all the way to the onyx steps of the Throne of Kings itself.
Already, other voices and what sounded like the sounds of fighting could be heard from up ahead.
Suddenly, the ear-splitting roars of a primate and reptilian filled the air. Some of them tensed, fearing that intruders had somehow entered the tomb, before heading to the throne to see what was going on.
They could make out the forms of their other friends as they spread out about the throne room, either lounging lazily on the steps or engaging in... other activities. Momonga and the others had to duck as a colossal, muscular form sailed over their heads, smashing against the rug with an audible crash.
His hairy form was prone for a moment, before gorilla-like arms managed to push him back up into a sit up position. He rubbed his round, broad head as he glanced back up at the throne, growling already in challenge.
"Hey Yamaiko, how many does that make between me and Jo-Bro now? Am I in the lead yet?", the beaten hominid asked, slowly getting back to his impressively-large feet.
"That makes it four-to-three, with it being in favor of Jo-Bro,", a powerfully dressed figure called, her form obscured by a banana-yellow outfit and wide-brim, black fedora. Iron crosses weighed her outfit down at the coat ends, clanking each time she shifted and expressed herself with huge hands like baseball mitts.
She sat, leaning against an equally robust form wearing a simple, crimson kimono. Of what could be seen of him, his skin was bone-white, taking the appearance of such, with an insectoid, horned head being visible as well.
"I'm sorry, Suratan," said Warrior Takemikazuchi, the kimono wearer. "With the way this fight's been going, I just gotta say that your form absolutely sucks."
At the bottom of the stairs, a sturdily-built allosaurus threw his wrapped fists up into the air with a victorious battle cry as the sasquatch groaned. The saurian pointed a single talon at his opponent, fearsome teeth permanently displayed from between his avatar's lips.
"Ha! I told you!" Jo-Bro howled. "I told you I was stronger, and that only two others could beat me! And what do you do? You challenge me like the big, dumb ape you are!"
"So what?" Suratan snarled. "I wouldn't have known unless I tried! And I'm a Sasquatch, you avian asshole, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT?!"
Already the two were getting into another bout, their hands clamoring for a hold somewhere on the other's body as they pressed against one another, hurling childish insults like stones.
Momonga interjected with a slight cough, causing the four to whirl around to their previously-unknown spectators.
"Ah, if it isn't the big, skeletal boss himself! How've you been doing, big man?" asked Yamaiko, standing up from Takemikazuchi's side and descending the steps to clasp the spell caster's forearm.
Momonga clasped it in return. "We came to find where you all had gone, actually. I can see you four are at least entertained, but where... "
Momonga felt his question die in his throat as he scanned the left-hand side of the throne. Already he could hear giggling, not unlike small school girls, as he took in some very familiar forms surrounding another in the middle.
Oh God, please don't let those idiots be surrounding who I think that is.
Apparently, Tabula had reached that conclusion even faster than Momonga could complete that desperate thought. He felt the brain eater barrel past him, his facial tentacles lashing the others in his haste to get to the throne, eliciting cries and "heys'' from slighted guildmates. His tendrils elongated, coiling about the throne like great serpents before ensaring their prey within their titanic grips.
The ones surrounding the form in the middle let out gasps as they were caught, struggling in vain as they were lifted off the ground and brought before a deathly quiet Tabula. Snickers could be heard from behind Momonga, and he heard a resounding slap as Touch Me face-palmed.
"What... do you think... you're doing?" Tabula asked, his tone deadly calm as he stared down the perpetrators.
His victims wriggled some more, before slumping in defeat. As it stood, Tabula had managed to entangle Peroronchino, Ulbert, Bukubukuchagama (somehow), and Whitebrim.
It was Bukubukuchagama who spoke up first, "Uh, long time no see bro! How are you doing?" she asked casually, creating a tendril from her oblex body, leaning her formless "head" against it in a bored action.
"Well-met, old friend! You're truly a sight for old eyes," cried Ulbert, the demonic baphomet batting his eyelashes and trying to flash Tabula a winning smile.
Peroronchino said nothing, merely snapping his fingers and pointing them at the offended cephalopod with a tch-tch sound. His two pairs of wings flapped in vain every so often to escape the serpentine grip.
Whitebrim was emoting visible sweating, eyes darting about with a panicked expression at each of his friends, who only chuckled some more or slowly shook their heads. His beautiful form flashing heavenly light as his angelic wings were crushed against his body.
"Oh, you know. I'm just touring the Tomb, spending time with old friends, catching up, and maybe planning on catching a movie with you guys in the theatre later," Tabula responded in a monotone, glaring at each prankster.
"That's a wonderful idea! I was personally thinking that maybe we could watch an old classic. Maybe we could start with-"
Ulbert shut up as Tabula tightened a tentacle, causing damage numbers to appear over his horned head and his health bar to flash red as it decreased.
"But you guys didn't answer my question from earlier, so I'm gonna ask again more slowly this time: What. Were. You. Doing. With. Albedo?" Tabula clipped his words, his beak clacking with each syllable.
After an award, pregnant pause, "We thought it would be funny to mess with Albedo's settings," Bukubukuchagama said, dropping the casual act and taking on a tone similar to a young girl.
"What the hell, Chagama?!" Peronronchino cried, throwing his hands up in the air as he gawked at his sister in betrayal. "Why would you tell him that?! We haven't even done anything yet!"
"Because he wouldn't have let us get close again," she replied, "just be thankful we managed to change at least one setting before we got caught"
Wait, how'd they manage to get into the NPC's settings? Only an administrator, Tabula, or someone with the staff could've done something like that, Momonga pondered, as he watched the admittedly amusing scene unfold before him.
He felt the hulking presence of Connaisdiam adjust behind him, and his long, sinuous neck slither past his head. He scanned them all with an expression of such pure disappointment that they instinctively turned their heads down in shame, being unable to meet the elder dragon's eyes.
"Which setting did you change, you four? You know, it is quite rude to touch what doesn't belong to you," Connaisdiam began, his sonorous voice thrumming so deeply that all present in the throne room felt their virtual bones rattle. Connaisdiam brought the rest of his body forward, so that he could face them in his full draconic glory and cross his muscled arms.
"Go ahead and have a look for yourself, near the bottom of her back story and stuff," Whitebrim grumbled, trying and failing to meet the firedrake's eye.
Tabula unceremoniously let them go, granting them hard landings on their asses, before quickly moving to his beloved NPC and opening her settings. The four pranksters could only solemnly get up and join the crowd behind Momonga, quietly greeting him and falling in line with the others.
As Tabula scrolled through each setting and tidbit of Albedo's back story, he grew more and more confused, clacking his beak as he read through it all. "You guys literally changed nothing, except for..." Tabula trailed off as he got to the last entry, his eyes narrowing.
He glanced up at the guilty four, as they looked away and whistled, attempting to blend in with their comrades. "Really? Out of all the ways to try and 'prank' me, this is the best you can come up with?"
"To be fair," Ulbert said, "we didn't exactly have a whole lot of time. Most of it was spent trying to break into her settings just to be able to do it in the first place."
"Yeah, but seriously? 'She is in love with Momonga' was your 'big prank'? With the way you guys were acting, I thought you'd made her a dirty sloth or something."
"That was second on our list, but then you showed up and ruined the fun. Now she's way more interesting without the 'bitch' and 'slut' flavor text you had for her."
Momonga's stunned silence was enough to make his friends roar with laughter at their leader's expense, a few falling to the floor because of the simple humor. He began to sputter as Tabula sighed, pinching the bridge of what would've been his nose if he had one.
Tabula's head snapped back up. "You know what? Screw it. It's such a minor thing, and it's the last day we'll all be together, so I'll stomp out my compulsions and actually leave it as-is. At least this way, we all know Momonga is guaranteed to get laid."
Tabula's blow to Momonga's ego rekindled the fires of laughter, with even Touch Me and Connaisdiam letting loose a small smile, as much as their monstrous faces could. Some guildmates looked on in surprise and wondered at Tabula's sudden change in behavior. On any other day, Tabula would have torn them to pieces until they were all level one again.
But then they noted that he was right, for it really was the last day, and what would a last day be without a little bit of fun?
Eventually the atmosphere in the throne room relaxed, as several of his groupmates began to split off into their own cliques and claim spaces for themselves to talk.
It wasn't until then that Momonga noticed the brooding figure leaning against one of the pillars, silently taking everything in. His gaze eventually fell on Momonga, giving the guild leader a small nod of acknowledgement.
Momonga began to approach him. "Tepas! I was wondering where you had slouched off to. Everything okay?" Momonga asked, settling in beside him.
The Vampire Lord shrugged, his pale skin reflecting the dim light, his pitch-black, spear-like beard piercing the dark. "More or less the same. It got too noisy in the conference room, so I came here to get some peace and quiet. It seems, though, that was an unofficial request to 'join me' to the others," Tepas said, gesturing with his beard towards his fellow guildmates.
Momonga emoted a frown. "Yeah... speaking of which, do you happen to know where the others are? The game is closing soon, and I kinda wanted to get a last photo with everybody at the throne."
"Grievous is in the library, as usual, with Wish and Temperance. I think Dynamite was 'blowing shit up' on the sixth floor with Flatfoot and Nishikienrai. Amanomahitotsu is at his forge making Variable Talisman some new trinket. And Tigris has been encircling your seat for the last fifteen minutes," Tepas said, jerking his thumb towards the dias.
Sure enough, when Momonga glanced over, he noted a bright, cherry-red worm constantly slithering about the foot of the throne, slowly edging upwards to the seat itself. Momonga could only let out a light laugh as he bid Tepas farewell and approached the Throne of Kings.
"Having fun there Tigris?" Momonga asked with mirth, eyeing the Mongolian Death Worm as he slowly ground to a halt at his presence.
Tigris swiveled his head around to meet Momonga, his face a gaping, circular maw of triangular teeth like a shark's. His avatar could not physically smile in-game, but the emote feature for a smile worked much to the same effect.
"Hey man! Yeah, I'm having a blast ya know. It's been great seeing everybody, but then I decided to encircle your throne for funsies when we came here."
Momonga chuckled. "And just why do you want to encircle my throne?"
"Cause I was bored."
"So you thought to encircle my throne to, what, pass the time?
"No, because I was bored."
Momonga tapped the floor with the end of the guild staff with exasperation, letting out a dramatic, drawn-out sigh. "If we keep going like this, then we're just gonna end up talking in circles."
"Yep, just like how I'm going in circles around your throne," Tigris said, finally disentangling himself to orbit Momonga's feet instead.
The Overlord let out another faux sigh, before using his own emotive smile, gently stepping over his lively guildmate to settle into the coveted chair. As he sat, he allowed the staff of Ainz Ooal Gown to float beside him.
Time to get this show on the road I suppose, Momonga thought.
He opened the guild group messenger, and sent out a mass text to all his other guildmates not there with him and the others, before closing it just as quickly. He clapped once, the perfect acoustics of Nazarick amplifying the sound and gathering everyone's attention. In another life, so many pairs of eyes would have wilted him, but now he bore them proudly.
"MY FRIENDS!" Momonga bellowed, allowing the voice of his avatar's baritone to carry out. "The end is nigh, and I have messaged everyone else to come here for the final countdown. Come, and let us celebrate the life of Yggdrasil!"
A roaring cheer rang out from his friends, his beloved comrades, as they rushed him on the throne. They ascended the steps together, jostling and shoving one another playfully as they each took their own spots near the seat of power.
Sebas and the other Pleiades, who had waited patiently near the door of the throne room, now dutifully took their place on Momonga's right side, at the foot of the stairs.
Albedo stood in her dedicated spot on his right of the dias, glancing at Momonga with the default smile that came with NPCs. He allowed himself to sink into the uncomfortable throne, before the doors at the opposite end were violently thrown open.
The first one through was the steaming, clanking form of an Automaton, Ra Ra Rasputin, dual revolvers glinting on either side of his hips. He was followed closely behind by the proud and noble form of an Androsphinx, Coup De Grace, with a Frost Giant Skeleton, Shijuuten Suzaku, at his right. Shijuuten's hand hovered over Coup De Grace voluminous mane, every so often brushing through it.
Grievous Sin skulked from behind the three, his mandibles clicking, his four arms swinging with an assortment of different-sized talons on each hand. His bone armor went clack clack clack as he marched forward, the worms making up his body beneath the armor shifting and sliding with each ringing step.
An assortment of the others whom Tepas had described followed as well, deep within their conversations as they joined the rest of the guild by the throne.
As Momonga looked around, taking in the details of his friends as they smiled and shoved him playfully, a tightness again enveloped his chest, and he could not help but hang his head.
He felt a gentle hand touch his shoulder, inviting him to look up.
He saw Touch Me to his direct right, leaning on the throne to be able to reach him. "Everything alright, man?" the insectoid asked, his mouth parts tittering in worry.
"It's nothing. I'm both gladdened but saddened by the events which brought us here today," Momonga admitted. "I only wish the circumstances could've been better for us all."
This time, he felt something fluid seep into the bony appendages of his left hand, before solidifying into an iron grip. Momonga looked to his direct left and saw Bukubukuchagama holding it, also leaning on the throne to reach him.
"No matter what happens here today, Big Brother Momonga, even if we never see or talk to each other again, at least we'll have the memories!" She emoted a smile at him to show the sincerity her true form could not.
"I think I could help with that," HeroHero butted in, pausing for a moment as he stared off into space. Thirty-nine different pings went off as each guild member's general messenger lit up. "You mentioned earlier you didn't have my phone number. Well, now you do. Text me after this, and I'll make a group chat or something."
"I retract my statement, then," Bukubukuchagama said with her usual childish tone.
Momonga felt his right hand being taken, and he looked over to see Touch Me grasping it.
"Regardless, Buku's right. No matter what happens, we'll always have the memories..." he said, before he opened the game world timer, showing there were thirty seconds left before shutdown.
Eventually, everyone else began to follow Touch Me and Bukubukuchagama's example, taking the hands or appendages or tendrils of those next to them, before they were all joined. Peronronchino and Ulbert began to pout.
"Really, you guys want to hold hands before the end? That's so cliche," Ulbert tutted, his hourglass-shaped pupils narrowing at the outstretched hand of Ariel.
Peronronchino inclined his head in agreement. "Yeah, sounds kinda gay to me–" before being smacked upside the head by a slimy tendril from his older sister.
"Just shut up and take our hands! It'll make Momonga happy," Bukubukuchagama chided.
Ulbert and Peronronchino reluctantly joined hands with the others, before they all focused their attention on the timer ahead of them. It read eighteen seconds left.
"GLORY TO YGGDRASIL!" Momonga suddenly yelled. "GLORY TO AINZ OOAL GOWN!"
"GLORY TO YGGDRASIL!" the rest of his Guild, his family, roared in unison, "GLORY TO AINZ OOAL GOWN!"
"...goddammit, I'm gonna miss playing with you idiots... " Punitto Moe muttered as the timer continued to tick down. Chuckles followed his statement.
The moment the timer reached ten seconds, Garnet's voice rang out. "Ten," he said simply.
"Nine," Brisingr answered.
"Eight," Luci*Fer replied.
"Seven," HeroHero called.
"Six," Jo-Bro proclaimed.
"Five," Dynamite responded.
"Four," Nearata thundered.
"Three," Grievous Sin mumbled.
"Two," Beast King Mekongawa rumbled.
"One," Momonga finished, as the lights of the throne began to dim, and the clock struck zero. Darkness engulfed their collective visions, and soon they were greeted only by the void.
—-
The clock beeped, before counting upwards with a slow, methodical tick.
Momonga would have blinked, for the light which had so casually diminished previously now came back in full force. He observed the others still surrounding him, all joined by their hands or what could pass for such, as confusion spread through them.
"Uh, did the shutdown get pushed—?!" Genjiro started to speak, before cutting off in alarm at the sound of a somewhat raspy, high-pitched whisper coming from his face. He felt for his throat, exclaiming "WHAT THE HELL?!"
The others startled at hearing the voice, whirling about as they looked for the owner.
"Who said that?" Ulbert demanded, his eyes bulging as he heard his own voice, a sonorous, high-class baritone.
"It's me, guys! Do you not recognize me?" Genjiro asked, realization dawning on his face as he felt at his throat.
"Not when you sound like you haven't spoken in fifty years," Peronronchino retorted, his own voice a commanding if trill sound.
Did the devs release a new update? Is this some sort of "Yggdrasil Two" that the others used to theorize about? Are we stuck in a glitch? What the hell is happening? Momonga pondered, before his own voice spilled out. "Did you guys buy a new voice pack before the end?"
Genjiro shook his head vigorously. "Never! I thought they were way too expensive, even if they were kinda cool..." he trailed off, his new, quiet voice now leaving behind a deafening silence.
"Um... guys?" the voice of Brisingr called out. "Can anyone call a GM? I can't open my Menu."
The sound of rustling came as many different limbs tried various gestures to open the game menu... with no results.
Cries of "The FUCK?!" and "Hey, what gives?!" and "Oh Shit!" and "Where's the Logout button?!" and "Why's it broken?!" began to fill the room…
…before being silenced by a new voice, radiant and beautiful with every punctuation:
"Is something wrong, My Lords and Ladies?"
The entirety of the guild practically jumped out of their skins at the newcomer, before seeing who spoke.
All forty of them could only drink in the appearance of the lovely Albedo, her hip wings fluttering in anxiety, her pearl-white dress swishing with each delicate movement she made. Her demure face was now scrunched with worry as she took in the expressions of the suitably frightened guildmates.
"...did that NPC just talk?" Temperance asked, his voice an incredulous whisper.
Albedo looked to him in alarm, before bowing her head, "My apologies, Lord Temperance, for speaking out of turn! I was simply concerned by your distress! Have I offended you all in some way?"
She lifted her gaze until it was fixated on Momonga, and he realized that she was waiting for his answer specifically.
"Uh, no, it's... nothing. Truly, we... " Momonga trailed off, as he endeavored in vain to come up with a suitable explanation for how an NPC was talking to them right now. "Um... The GM call function doesn't seem to be working...?" he finished lamely.
Her head tilted in confusion. "I apologize, Lord Momonga, I do not understand your request. Can you clarify it for–" she stopped as her creator, Tabula, strode forward, stopping just a step away from the exquisite beauty.
His webbed fingers reached up to grasp her face, stuttering as he couldn't decide whether to touch her or not. He settled for placing his fingers gently upon her neck, his eyes widening as he comprehended what he was touching.
"You're warm," Tabula said, completely breathless. "You... I can touch you. I can actually feel... You're breathing... You have a pulse... You're alive!"
Albedo's face broke out into a glowing smile, taking in her creator's words with a hint of haughty pride. She curtsied slightly, saying, "I am as you made me, my Lord Creator. Words cannot express just how happy I am to see you again! I thought you were lost to me forever."
Tabula was stunned into silence, before a new voice broke it once more:
"Forgive me for interrupting the moment, my Lords, but I realized that we have yet to answer your questions. How may we assist you?"
It was Touch Me, this time, who broke away from the awed crowd, before he stood in front of the new speaker, Sebas the iron butler.
He stared incredulously. Sebas looked his Creator in his multifaceted eye and smiled.
"It is good to see you again, Lord Touch Me. I must admit, I had begun to lose all hope of ever seeing you back in the Tomb, but it seems you decided to reward me for my faith."
Touch Me turned away from Sebas without a word, looking instead to the Pleiades right beside him. They all had their own smiles as they saw the reunion between Creator and Created, but it was the fact that they were actually aware that amazed the Paladin most of all.
"This... is a dream. This is a hallucinogenic dream, caused by overworking," Touch Me said with a hollow laugh, before looking back at HeroHero specifically. "Maybe you were onto something, man. I guess we really needed that sleep!"
"I assure you, my Lord Creator, that this is no dream, as far as I am aware. Have we... offended you all somehow?" Sebas asked, a touch of hurt and regret entering his eyes.
Touch Me quickly returned his attention to the head butler, his carapaced hand landing on his creation's shoulder as he shook his head vigorously.
"No, no, of course not! This has nothing to do with you guys, as weird as this is. It's just... oh God, what am I gonna tell my wife?"
A pretty redhead piped up from the line of maids, a giggling gasp tracing her words. "Lord Touch Me found a wife? How marvelous! Tell us where she is, and we will retrieve her for you, so you can explain the whole thing. She's real lucky, snatching the attention of a Supreme Being!"
"Supreme… what?!" Touch Me could only sputter at the absurdity of his situation, before Whitebrim the Solar's melodic voice spoke up:
"Luci, for the love of God, please tell me this is one of your pranks... did you mess with the game's A.I. and the timer somehow...?" He turned to his fellow Angel, hoping that was the answer.
But the Corrupted Angel could only shake his head, "No way, man," he replied in a voice as smooth as silk, "I wouldn't even know how to do something like this... "
Sarutan muscled his way past his comrades to address the maids directly. He made an X with his arms as he spoke. "Okay, okay, time out! Did... did we somehow end up inside of Yggdrasil? How the hell did that happen?"
"That... can't be it," Beast King Mekongawa pondered, "If this was Yggdrasil, I'd still have my Menu." After a brief pause, his tongue licked his lion-like nose, and he grimaced. "Plus, this whole time, I could actually taste the air, and let me tell you, it tastes rank."
"Perhaps... we are no longer in Yggdrasil, old friend," offered Ancient One, stroking one of his many chins with an ebony talon, a calculating look in his eyes. "Since the timer reached zero, we've seemingly been able to truly experience all of our senses, including, in your case, taste. Nothing about the old game even suggested that such a thing is possible."
"Wait," said Jo-Bro. "So if all our senses aren't lying to us... and we can actually feel things now... " He turned to the nearest guildmate, that being Amanomahitotsu, and promptly punched him in the shoulder of his large claw.
There was a resounding CRACK as his fist met the crab's chitin. Amanomahitotsu let out a yelp, but it was Jo-Bro who yelled as he cradled his injured hand.
"WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?!" Jo-Bro groaned, "what's your shell made of, dear God…!"
Amanomahitotsu gingerly rubbed the joint between his main body and large claw. "You're telling me, you hit like a damn truck!"
"And hitting you was like hitting a damn truck–"
There was a sharp YIP noise, as everyone turned to see…
Small Cuttlefish… holding one of Ankoro Mocchi Mochi's breasts. The Werewolf Queen was staring at the Mindflayer in affronted surprise, who herself was staring at her hand in shock.
"Cuttlefish… why are you holding my boob?" the Scout Player asked uncertainly.
"Uhhhh… " went the Chameleon Player, before answering "...just checking if there's an R-18 ban still… Yggdrasil shouldn't have let me do this."
The affronted look on the Werewolf's face was replaced by a contemplative one, before she, in turn, grabbed a handful of the Mindflayer's "assets".
"Huh… you're right…"
There was a wet slap noise, and the surprised chirp of Peroronchino, who was looking at his sister in surprise. "OW! What'd you hit me for?!"
"You had that look in your eyes, dumbass!" Bukubukuchagama said accusingly.
"WHAT LOOK?!" he asked indignantly.
"You were leering, like a pervert!"
"So what?! That's hot!" he gestured to the Werewolf and Mindflayer.
"You're already getting ideas, I can tell!"
"I AM NOT!"
"YOU ARE TOO!"
"AM NOT!"
"ARE TOO!"
"Okay!" Dynamite chirped, choosing to put her two cents in at that moment, "as funny as watching you guys fight is, we should focus on a bigger problem first, like: where are we?"
Tempest Aizawa scoffed at her seemingly obvious question. "We're in the Tomb of Nazarick, dumbass. What the hell do you mean 'where even are we'?" she said, trying to imitate Dynamite's own high pitched voice.
Dynamite could only bristle. "I know we're in the Tomb, jerk, but what I mean is: where exactly is the Tomb?"
The implications of her question set everyone on edge, before Sebas was able to clear his throat to get their attention. All eyes in the throne room turned to him expectedly. The butler made no indication that so much attention even phased him as he spoke:
"If you would like, my Lords and Ladies," Sebas said, "I can assemble a scouting party of some low level minions, or even myself, to scout the surrounding area. I'll be able to have an answer to at least that question within the hour. If I do not, I'll gladly offer my head as recompense."
It was then that the guild focused their attention on Momonga, who had not even moved and constantly had a small, green aura shrouding his skeletal form, his jaw hanging open all the while. He managed to close it when he noticed that his friends were looking at him.
"An excellent idea, Sebas! Go and take whatever you need, make sure you try and be back quickly so we can plan our next move."
Sebas bowed. "As you command, my Lord," he said, turning briskly on his heels and heading towards the throne room doors. The maids followed behind him, but where they had been more robotic in the past, now they walked with a more relaxed and organic air. The only noise from then on was the opening and closing of those titanic doors.
"...Cuttlefish, you can let go now," muttered Ankoro.
"Oh, sorry," she apologized, letting go.
Silence permeated the air, before Albedo chose to move past her creator and kneel specifically before Momonga, giving the overlord a rather impressive eyeful of her "assets".
"And how might I be of service, my love? You've yet to give me any orders, and nothing would please me more than to be able to serve you," she said, a more dominant and lustful look gleaming in her eyes as the other guildmates starred in a strange mix of wonderment and horror. Momonga could only stiffen in his seat, his skeletal features still somehow conveying that he looked like he was about to have a heart attack.
Tabula's right eye twitched. "I'm sorry, Albedo, but I don't think I heard you right... what did you just call Momonga right now?"
Albedo barely even glanced at her creator, her attention solely focused on the skeleton in front of her. "Hmmm? I'm just giving Lord Momonga the attention and love he so rightfully deserves. Even before Lady Bukubukuchagama, Lord Ulbert, Lord Peronronchino, and Lord Whitebrim opened my eyes to my true feelings, it's still my duty to make sure the Lord of Nazarick itself is well taken care of. I take it that you approve?"
Tabula's left eye twitched this time, and an absolute aura of menace emanated from him, causing some of his guildmates to begin to wither.
"...of course. Why wouldn't I? After all, I told those four I didn't care, right guys?" Albedo either didn't notice, or didn't care, for her creator's wrath, instead remaining kneeling before Momonga and awaiting his word.
It was at that moment a loud growl pierced the tense atmosphere, as Ankoro Mocchi Mochi's hands flew to her stomach, a light blush covering her canid features.
"Damn, with everything that's been going on in the last few minutes, I just realized I'm starving," the she-wolf whined, some of the others beginning to murmur in agreement. Momonga was able to tear his eyes away from Albedo, the light-green aura shimmering above his form once more.
"Ankoro's right… Albedo, as my first order to you today, could you have some meals prepared for us in the dining room? I'm sure some good food will help us process these events, and think ahead for the foreseeable future."
The guardian overseer could only nod vigorously, a wide smile adorning her beautiful face. "Of course, my love! Always so thoughtful and considerate. Your wish is my command!"
She quickly stood, brushing past the simmering Tabula. The crowd of guildmates parted before her like the Red Sea, as she left the hall towards what was most likely the kitchens. The clacking of her shoes gradually faded, before stopping all together. Whitebrim could only let out a warbled sigh of relief.
Only to then have a tentacle wrap around his throat, before he was thrown against one of the pillars with the force of a cannonball. He let out a gaspless "oomph", only just barely being able to look up and see his partners in crime had received much the same treatment. His ears rang, and he could only just hear someone telling Tabula to "cool it".
He was let go, left gasping for air as the very real sensation of his windpipe being crushed had, thankfully, abated. He nearly vomited on the spot, not noticing that Peronronchino had been unable to have such reservations.
Momonga finally stood up from the throne, watching as the back of Tabula exited the same hall, the doors slamming shut with a blasting boom. He let out a sigh.
Please get back soon, Sebas. If we don't have something else to focus on, then we may just end up tearing each other a new one…
Damn it, why is being a guild leader so hard?
Momonga coughed, trying to get his remaining guildmate's attention. They very reluctantly tore their eyes away from the door and Tabula's victims, waiting to hear the Overlord's pronouncement. Momonga felt the strange aura come over him again when his trepidation began to swell within his chest.
"So... who's hungry?"