Chapter 207: In the Elf Forest (2)
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She jumped down from a height that looked to be nearly seven meters, yet she bounced lightly off the ground without even a hint of pain in her ankles.
If it had been me, I would've had to wrap my legs in mana and even then, the impact would've left a loud thud! and a crater in the ground.
"That's Pai. One of the few elves in the forest around the same age as me."
"So she's 110 too...?"
"Among elves, that's actually considered really young. Just now stepping into society... About your age, really."
So... she's 110...!
Her looks aside, the way she couldn't hide her curiosity in her expression and vibe made her seem even younger than me.
Anyway, elves tend to have slim bodies and youthful faces, so unless they're like Professor Pandel with scraggly facial hair and heavy dark circles under their eyes, it's hard to tell their age. Comparing Pai and Professor Pandel, they honestly looked like a father and daughter pair.
"No matter how you look at it, Pai seems like a daughter born when Pandel's dick got hard."
"She's a pureblood elf, so her growth is slower than mine. Also, when exactly are you saying my dick got hard?"
"Your twenties or thirties?"
"In the elf village, you'd still be considered a baby at that age. I only started being seen as an adult from around my forties because I lived among humans."
So if I went there, I'd be treated like a baby too, huh.
"And that guy?"
"A guard. Be careful. That bastard might go wild like some stud horse and get all the elf women pregnant."
"Isn't that a good thing, though?"
"..."
It was clearly meant to be a harsh comment against me, but Pai asked if that wasn't a good thing instead.
"Elves really do think completely differently from humans! Should've brought someone like Jake who knows self-restraint!"
"If it were Jake, he would've been skewered by arrows and dead by now."
"Shut up! Why is it that all the mage knights have an inverse relationship between skill and personality?! Why the hell is a perverted freak like you so talented?!"
Professor Pandel couldn't accept reality and was now complaining about how skill doesn't align with personality. Bella and Shuru flinched and tried to stop his flailing hands, but soon gave up as he just sighed deeply.
"Let's head in. Where are the elf rangers?"
"They're all at home complaining about back pain."
"Well, I guess their spines are starting to wear out. Most of the elf rangers are over 600 years old."
And so, we were finally able to enter the elf village.
"This is the elf village."
When I thought of an elf village, I imagined a mystical place with a gigantic tree like the World Tree, where elves built homes in its branches and lived enchantingly, or a peaceful park-like area filled with beautiful men and women picking exotic fruits along the trails.
But when we actually arrived...
"Oh my, is this the human kid or whatever?"
"You senile old coot. That, uh, Bangbang or whatever got captured and brought back a human daughter-in-law, remember~"
"Did she? My memory's been spotty lately."
They were indeed beautiful men and women.
But they were all grandpas and grandmas.
Not the fit, sprightly kind either—they were all clearly senile elders crowding around me and Bella, poking at our faces.
"Oh my, is this a pet rabbit? Looks like she'll pop out babies just fine. Would be nice to keep one around, it's been lonely~"
"Be-Bella isn't a pet rabbit! She has an owner, you know?!"
"Oh really? Then just give me one of her babies. It's lonely, and I'd like to raise a rabbit."
"N-No!"
She hugged her belly and tried to get away from the elf grandmas, but for some reason, the old ladies were surprisingly quick. They clung to Bella, talking about whether she was pregnant and patting her ass, groping and stroking her body like they were playing with a toy.
"This is exactly why I didn't want to come here!"
The times I asked Professor Pandel if his dick still worked... I take all that back.
Coming to this village, Pandel seemed not only healthy, but like a baby with fluffy peach fuzz.
Here, the issue wasn't whether your dick still worked, but whether your spine still held up. The problem was, even these elders looked no older than middle-aged, most seeming like they were in their thirties, which created a huge disconnect.
They looked like Owen or Cassandra's age, in their prime, but spoke like doddering seniors and acted like their minds were halfway gone. The contrast was seriously jarring.
"Why is it like this?"
"I told you. Elves hardly reproduce. These elders are the baby boomers born centuries ago when elves were enslaved by humans and felt a survival crisis."
"And?"
"After that, the forest's defenses were completed. Young elves were gathered to form the elf rangers. The forest got fully defended. During the demon invasion, half the forest was damaged, but we still managed to defend it, and the kingdom sent reinforcements to drive off the demons."
"Yeah, I know what happened after that."
They tried to form an alliance with humans after being saved, but as refugees from the kingdom fled to the northwest region, they clashed with the elves. They ended up signing a non-aggression pact and agreed to send elite forces to assist each other when needed.
Thanks to that, some elf rangers now train people in the kingdom, and the kingdom's knights taught swordsmanship to the elves. That's how things developed to the point of sending delegations.
"Young ones like me or Delphine left to live with humans or elsewhere. Only the elders stayed in the elf forest, which made things accelerate like this..."
"Then the elf rangers the forest is so proud of are..."
"That guy, that lady, that guy, that guy. And that lady over there going home with your cat."
"Shaaaa!"
"Ahh! When did she get Shuru?!"
While I wasn't paying attention, an elf auntie had rummaged through my bag and kidnapped Shuru. I ran after her and got her back. She said she thought Shuru was a stray cat picking up weird fruits off the ground.
"She was in my bag?!"
"Oh, was that a bag?"
Oddly, they had no interest in my mana saber or valuable items. Instead, they were eyeing Shuru and Bella, probably thinking they were good pets for their lonely old age.
"These humans—no, these elves really don't make sense, do they?"
"That's just how their race is. They've lived selfishly for so long, and now they're hundreds of years old... Think about it, the average age here is over 700. Even the youngest ones are around 600."
Shit, 600 years? That's older than Seyra, the kingdom's guardian dragon.
These ladies might look like prime, juicy young wives, but inside they were basically ancient relics, older than any recently unearthed historical site in the kingdom.
Sure, with age like that, it'd be tempting to explore them... but only for someone with a functioning mind. These half-senile folks were not for me.
"So what do we do about the mission?"
"We came to recruit elf rangers, but with everyone like this... Sure, if the village were under threat, they'd instinctively pick up bows and show incredible fighting prowess. But for normal day-to-day duties, they've forgotten everything."
"Why you brat! Pandel, talking smack about your elders!"
"..."
At least they didn't like hearing gossip behind their backs.
"And lately, it's been too peaceful, so the elf rangers are practically retired. We're too old to be doing hard work forever, you know?"
"Ah, yes. Very reassuring to hear."
"If nothing else, Pai looks bored. Just tell her to be an elf ranger."
At those words, I looked at Pai, who was dragging the Dryad we defeated earlier back to the village.
"Did someone call me?"
"Ah, Pandel and that human..."
"Ban."
"Ban-something or another want you to be an elf ranger. Just work it out with them."
"Really? Then I can be an elf ranger?!"
"Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Hell, I'll even make you captain."
"Hell yeah!"
Well, the elf forest was doomed. In multiple ways.
"Unlike humans who work farms or do odd jobs and retain some basic knowledge even as they age, elves have slow metabolism and only need a little food, so they have nothing to do as they get older. At least when the forest was invaded, they had tension from watching humans. But now that's gone, so their minds are slipping."
I added to Professor Pandel's explanation.
"So when you always said elves deserve to go extinct for being so out of touch..."
"Exactly. A race that dies out in peacetime, trapped by its own age and abilities. Not like demons or orcs who can't live without war... Even orcs these days have learned to live with humans, holding back their warlust. Ogres suppress their bloodthirst with mild sadism and even return their prisoners. But elves? The only change they've made is regression."
He sighed heavily and tried to gather the most sane-seeming elves in their 600s and persuade them in what looked like the biggest house.
"I'll talk with them as best I can. Pai's too inexperienced."
"Yes."
"Find a place to rest and relax. It'll take... a while."
"Oh, look, Pandel's going to perform for us. Let's go see."
The elder elf rangers and Pai followed Professor Pandel into what looked like the village hall. I also found an empty house and let Bella, Mollang, and Shuru rest inside.
"Haa..."
This elf village was nothing like I expected. Honestly, I couldn't help but sigh.
I had fantasies of having secret, mystical sex with beautiful elf ladies, but aside from that one bumpkin girl, everyone was a granny.
Sure, they didn't look like grannies, but the way they spoke and acted made it impossible to feel anything.
The Dryad with that uselessly curvy body that Pai brought back was...
"...Hmm..."
Come to think of it...
"Do Dryads have a knot hole too?"
Flinch!