####
Defense Against the Dark Arts class was just as boring as Dudley had expected. She was simply too annoying. She got on his nerves just by being in the same room as him.
"Ordinary wizarding level examinations." Dolores Umbridge walked into the class haughtily and wrote on the chalkboard with just her wand. "O-W-L's—More commonly known as OWLs. Study hard, and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so, and the consequences may be… severe."
"Pffft!"
Dudley wheezed out controlled laughter suddenly, even as he received Hannah's kick from his side. But he didn't stop even when everyone looked at him.
"What is so funny, Mr. Dursley?" asked Dolores, her voice so annoying it felt like chalk screeching on the board.
He looked up at her, lips twitching with a suppressed grin. "Nothing, Professor. Just—'consequences' struck me as a bit funny. I mean… even if I packed up and left Hogwarts now, nothing would really change for me. Richest now will be richer tomorrow."
He'd never flaunted his wealth like that before. Not in the previous years. But again, a lot had changed. And also, he really despised her. And since Slytherins were also there, it was better they get the message early.
"Of course," Dolores replied, smiling back at him. "But not everyone is Dudley Dursley, is it?"
"That's true." Dudley didn't argue at that, waiting for something else to come up.
Dolores floated the books then, one for each student. "Your previous instruction in this subject has been disturbingly uneven. But you'll be pleased to know, from now on, you will be following a carefully structured, ministry-approved course of defensive magic."
"Pfffft…"
"..."
With eyes shaking in anger, Dolores Umbridge once again looked at Dudley. "What's funny now?"
"Eh, nothing, Professor. When you said Ministry, I remembered something about government a muggle American president once said on stage."
"Really? Why don't you share it with us then? The famous Dudley Dursley parting knowledge to all of us. I'm sure it's more valuable than a lesson in my class," Dolores replied, voice laced with mockery.
"Sure." Dudley stood up proudly. "He said, the nine most terrifying words in the English language are 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'... I think it was Ronald Reagan."
"Hah!"
Someone laughed amongst the students first, and then the others followed. They clearly got the clue about what Dudley was trying to say.
Dolores Umbridge tightened her grip on her wand but kept smiling.
"Professor, if you don't mind me asking—since you're from the Ministry—could you help me understand a few things?" Dudley continued. "Is it true the Dark Lord has returned? Were those pictures in the Daily Prophet real? And was Lucius Malfoy a Death Eater?"
"Lies!" Dolores snapped. "You will not repeat such drivel in my classroom, Mr. Dursley. The sensationalist nonsense peddled by the Daily Prophet has been discredited. A handful of poorly forged images do not constitute evidence. The Ministry is handling matters. You children need only do what you rarely manage: study!"
"Really? Wait, then how did Cedric die? Wasn't he killed? They said it was the Killing Curse that killed him."
"It was an accident!"
"Really, Professor? That must've been quite the accident—having a Killing Curse just drop out of the sky like that. I mean… how do you even defend against something like that?"
By that point, it was clear as day to anyone that Dudley was mocking her. He didn't really try to hide it, constantly smiling smugly. As if in competition with Dolores.
"Enough! You, Mr. Dursley, are not so different from your cousin after all!" Dolores roared in high pitch, and just as suddenly she went loud, she went calm, giggling. "See me in my office later, Mr. Dursley."
"Sure."
Dudley sat down after that, having achieved his goal.
####
As evening came, Dudley was finally done with the last class of the day. With Hannah and Susan, he returned to the Hufflepuff common room and grabbed the duffle bag he'd brought from home.
"What's in the bag?" Susan asked again.
"A gift for the bitch." He replied with a shrug and left the common room. But the two girls kept following him. "Just go and wait for me in the Great Hall. We'll eat dinner early and then meet in the Arithmancy classroom."
"Aren't you worried at all?" Hannah asked him, looking nervous.
"Hah!" Susan laughed. "Look at his face, and remember who he is, Hannah. She can't afford to annoy him too much."
"Exactly," said Dudley, picking up his pace. He spotted the guy he'd been after. "Colin—mind if I borrow your camera? I'll have it back to you by tomorrow."
"Big D!" Colin Creevey happily greeted him. "My camera? Sure, take it."
With that, Dudley had the camera. He slung it around his neck and walked towards Dolores Umbridge's office room inside the DADA classroom. He left the girls outside and walked in.
Passing through the desks, he went to the end of the room and knocked on the door twice.
"Come in," came the screeching voice.
Hate it.
Creak!
Dudley opened the door and regretted it already. So much pink, everywhere. And then the images of cats everywhere.
"Hell! So much pink!" Dudley scowled and looked towards the table. Dolores was sipping some tea, and Harry was seated opposite her, writing on a piece of paper with the special quill.
Ke-Chak!
Dudley raised the camera and took a picture of Harry writing on the paper, with the wound forming on the back of his hand. Seeing how much Harry had already written, the wounded letters were far too clear.
Ke-Chak!
He clicked another picture.
Ke-Chak!
Then another.
Dolores Umbridge's mistake was believing that her authority and entitlement would work on someone like Dudley. She believed that her powers derived from the Ministry would scare Dudley. Unaware that Dudley had already exceeded what the Ministry could do.
"Mr. Dursley! Put that thing away! You clearly lack the manners to study in this prestigious school. Have your parents taught you no manners?!"
Dudley's face turned cold in that very instant. He didn't like it when someone spoke disdainfully about his family. Only he was allowed to do that.
"Having fun alone, Harry?" Dudley put the camera away, picked up the duffle bag, and placed it on the big pink table. "Let me guess, you talked about the Dark Lord?"
Harry nodded, surprised that Dudley was there. "And you?"
"Same," Dudley smirked, sighing at the sight of the wound on Harry's hand. "She'll probably end up in Azkaban for using a dark, cursed quill in the school."
"Silence! You are here for punishment, Mr. Dursley—not to parade your privilege. Do not delude yourself into thinking your fortune will shield you—"
Zip!
Dudley unzipped the duffle bag coldly and spread its opening like breaking apart a wooden log with bare hands. Then, he raised the bag high and squeezed its bottom against his chest so that the spread slit was aimed at her.
"Shut your goddamn mouth, you incompetent toad!"
WOOOOOOOSH!
Clank! Clank! Clank! Clank….!
Tens, thousands, millions—Gold Galleons, shining in bright shimmer, all poured out of the duffle bag like a river and smashed straight into Dolores Umbridge's face. They rained down on her so hard that some slipped into her mouth. Overwhelmed, she fell backward with her chair, and then the coins started covering her entire body.
The entire floor of the room was soon covered in gold coins and there was still no end to the golden rain. The clangs and tinkles were endless and loud.
"..."
Harry, in his seat, watched it all unfold dumbly.
______________________
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