"Today… we are gathered here."
Susan Bones scanned the dimly lit Wizengamot chamber, her voice low and edged with reluctance, as though each word tasted bitter.
"…to discuss the rules and laws violated by Harry—ehm—Harley Potter for using magic outside of school."
The moment she finished, Dolores Umbridge rose with saccharine cheer, unfurling a ridiculously long parchment of charges she had clearly spent hours perfecting. Her high, girlish voice rang out as she began reading them aloud, each accusation delivered with relish.
Harley sat rigid in the defendant's chair, fingers twisting nervously in her lap.
Behind her, Kasenhis lounged with deceptive calm. He popped a piece of gum into his mouth and chewed slowly, the faint minty scent almost comical in the heavy air of the ancient courtroom.
After what felt like an eternity, Susan Bones glanced at Umbridge, who had finally reached the end of her litany.
"Now… the defendant may present their defense."
Harley swallowed hard. In the gallery above, Sirius and the others watched with quiet confidence, already anticipating the inevitable acquittal—after all, self-defense against Dementors was a clear exception under the Decree.
But Kasenhis leaned forward and delivered the last words anyone expected.
"…Please find her guilty."
A stunned silence blanketed the chamber. Even Umbridge's toad-like face froze mid-smirk. Whispers erupted among the benches.
"Please repeat that, counsel for the defense, Mr. Kasenhis," Susan Bones said sternly, tapping her gavel once for order.
"I said…" Kasenhis repeated, voice clear and deliberate, "please find her guilty! That way, in the future, mothers and Hogwarts professors can point at the textbooks and say: 'Look… this is what happens when you insist on keeping your eyes open while the Ministry pretends to be blind!'"
The words landed like a Blasting Curse.
"Explain yourself clearly!" Umbridge exploded, cheeks flushing an uglier shade of pink. "What do you mean by the Ministry pretending to be blind?"
Kasenhis flicked a lazy glance her way. He had been waiting for her to hand him the perfect opening—and here it was, gift-wrapped in outrage.
"When the judge asked you to state Harley's crimes," he continued calmly, "you quoted Clause 3 of Article 85 of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, which forbids underage wizards from using magic outside Hogwarts. Correct?"
Drawing on the frantic all-night cramming he'd done, a skill honed surviving as an orphan clawing into Manchester University, Kasenhis had memorized the relevant statutes. He spoke now with the ease of someone reciting a grocery list.
"That's right," Umbridge huffed, puffing up like a smug pink balloon.
Kasenhis nodded once. Then his voice sharpened.
"Then how is it that you so conveniently forget Article 37 of the Convention on the Regulation of Adult Wizards… which explicitly forbids the use of Dark creatures to threaten civilians?"
Umbridge's eyes darted sideways. "What Dark creatures?"
"Of course—Dementors!" Kasenhis's shout echoed off the stone walls.
"The Wither Amulet Harley wore inevitably tore off a trace of the Dementor's aura when she fought back. But the creature was shredded completely by the Patronus Charms of Harley and Sirius, who arrived just in time—nothing left, not even scraps. Still… we kept that tiny bit of residue."
With a casual flick of his finger, a thin wisp of black-gray mist drifted from Harley's Wither Amulet, coiling in his palm like smoke. He held it up for the entire Wizengamot to see.
Umbridge's pupils shrank to pinpricks.
She had prepared for Priori Incantatem, for arguments about showing off—but a physical remnant from a Dementor? That was something she hadn't anticipated.
"So that's how it is, Umbridge!" Kasenhis turned to face her fully. "Dolores Umbridge—your office won't let Ministry employees below department head knock more than three times on a door, yet you allow Dementors to kiss young witches and wizards in a Muggle family's bedroom? What wonderfully strict priorities!"
"This is slander!" Umbridge roared, voice cracking. "What right do you have to say I controlled the Dementors?"
"Then are you saying the Dementors broke free of Ministry control all by themselves?"
Kasenhis shot back.
"Left Azkaban Island in the middle of the North Sea, flew nearly two thousand kilometers at low altitude to England, and drilled straight into Harley Potter's bedroom on Privet Drive—without alerting a single wizard or Muggle along the way?"
"I'll say it again—you have no evidence they were acting on my orders!" Umbridge snapped, trembling with fury.
"Of course," Kasenhis conceded with mock generosity. "If there's currently some other force besides the Ministry that can control Dementors with that level of precision, then maybe we'd believe it. And fine—I'll even make a temporary concession: we won't argue right now about who exactly gave the orders."
He pulled a silver flask from his pocket, took a measured sip to wet his throat, then continued.
"So tell me, in your eyes, what's more important? The future of the wizarding world—Britain, Europe, the entire globe—the lives of young witches and wizards? Or the bullshit regulations the Wizengamot slapped together in two and a half days while lounging on pink silk cushions?"
For once, Umbridge had no reply.
If she admitted the law mattered more, she'd be buried under Howlers and forced out by morning—if Fudge even tried to protect her, he'd go down too.
But if she admitted the lives of children came second, the entire elaborate courtroom farce would collapse, and she'd look like the clown she was.
Seeing her speechless, Kasenhis turned to the Minister himself.
"And you… Mr. Fudge!"
Fudge flinched, already mopping sweat from his brow with a silk handkerchief.
"I think the full set of Chocolate Frog cards in your office needs updating," Kasenhis said coolly. "The most powerful and terrifying Dark creature shouldn't be Dementors anymore."
He paused for effect.
"It should be the bureaucratic Ministry of Magic that treats performance reports like holy scripture!"
Fudge opened and closed his mouth like a stranded fish.
Seeing Fudge like this, Kasenhis curled his lip faintly, then barked out loud in Batman's voice, "Answer me!"
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