*WARNING*
If you are not having the best day, and/or you know someone who passed from cancer, you may want to either skip this, or read it on a day when you are less emotionally afflicted.
-Redd.
-----
Hey, Kid.
Folks.
I hope all has been well, yeah?
It's been...a weird week for me.
On my way to work the other day, I found this weird little rubber figurine of Jesus.
It wore a tiny blue sash that read: "Jesus loves you."
I placed it on my coffee table, but late I threw it out as I was cleaning, but not before hesitating.
I was raised both Baptist, and Pentecostal and different points in my life, so I am quite Spiritual now, but I am not one for organized religion.
I also don't judge, so don't cancel me, lbvs.
While on my way to work yesterday, I came across a pair of women.
One older, one a decent year younger.
One cried in the arms of the other.
I gave a glance, and even stopped to ask if they were okay, you know?
At a closer glance, I saw blood.
A decent amount, at that.
I immediately dropped my bag.
My hat.
Stored my headset.
A quick assessment told me that she had fallen somehow, and the younger of the two confirmed that she had indeed fallen from a scooter.
As the young lady gave directions to the Emergency Services Rep who she had on the line, I tended to the older woman's wounds as best I could for lack of a first-aid kit.
Within a matter of 10 minutes, a fire truck arrived.
I waved them down from a block or less away, and stepped aside to let them do their work.
The woman was on her feet and moving about with the assistance of the young lady who I can only assume was her child.
I had come in contact with her blood, and I know how unsafe that could be, but how my bills and finances are set up...
I still had to go to work.
I did so.
Covered in her blood and my own sweat...
I worked my shift after a quick bird bath, her blood still coloring the sleeve of my right arm around the elbow, where I had rolled my sleeve up for the heat outside.
My boss didn't care.
I don't know how to feel about that.
On that same shift -long story short- a fire truck had to be summoned at least three times in order for a single African American female to get so assistance...and what she got was hardly that.
Mind you, Kid.
Folks.
It was in the late 80's temperature-wise yesterday here in Milwaukee, and with little-to-no cloud cover, and in the middle of the city where the streets heat up pretty quickly, she was laying outside of of of the two building that I do Private Security for.
When she was finally able to be awoken, after THREE different fire truck arrived and left, the Officers who arrived were not the type that we have here who are specially trained to help with those who are both homeless and with mental illness or imbalance.
So the situation did not get any better...
By the end of it all, she had dodged several cars, was manically running in and out of local businesses...
I wish I could have done something for her.
It breaks my heart to see people hurt.
In distress...
Pained...
It weighs very heavy on me.
So much so, that I called in today.
Sometimes you need time to and for yourself, Kid.
Take it.
The world can be a lot.
Especially if you are empathetic.
See you soon, yeah?
Enjoy.
-----
April 26th, 2019.
-----
Dear You.
I haven't wrote in a while.
I just haven't wanted to project my negative mood into this book...
My stepdad has cancer...
He's on his deathbed, so needless to say, it's tough and it's been tough for a while...
I'm so angry.
So mad.
It's not fair.
He's a good man.
He's made his bad choices, but who hasn't!!??
He doesn't deserve this.
At all.
I can't watch him die...
I can't.
But I can;t let him be alone...
I can't...
-Dad.
-----
Oi...
I'm sorry for this one being so heavy, Kid.
Folks.
Sheesh.
I am huge on energy transference, so I know how these things can feel.
But yeah.
My stepdad was...a man of few words.
With me, at least.
I don't now how many of you have read Old Journals of a Millennial. Vol 1 &/or 2, but he was talked about a fair few times in those entries.
For many, varied reasons.
My favorite thing to tell people about him?
Outside of his really impressive military record?
"He was slightly racist...the ironic part? He was cremated, so now he is kinda BLACK!"
LMAOOOOO.
I laugh, but it's true.
While he did do a lot of amazing things for my siblings, as a child, he wasn't very...keen on me.
I know and understand -now as an adult- that he really wanted his own son, you know?
He has two daughters with my mom, and I was her youngest, and thus would be his eldest boy had he like, adopted me.
But he didn't and wouldn't.
He wanted his own boy.
And when my little brother was born just after my tenth birthday?
I was made to feel that much lesser, you know?
Bah.
That's a deep cut.
He developed cancer.
After years of not smoking, being pretty damned fit, and not being much of a drinker, at that.
I believe that the Universe has it's ways of balancing things out, you know?
Not that I think that he deserved to die, not at all.
We all do shitty shit.
We all have some form of hatred in our hearts.
But he...he was.
I don't know that I have words for it.
I remember him searching for a sense of self...
I remember him not finding it in my mother, who I can't say that he TRULY loved, but I can't and will never know.
I remember him not finding it at work.
I remember him not finding it in us, his step children.
I remember him not finding it in church or religion.
I think he was lost...
He didn't know what to live for.
His children were mostly grown and moved on.
His career was ended by an eye injury that he had obtained in a bar fight after a Black man had heard him call my mother the N-word in a fit of rage...
I don't know that he had much to live for, but I can't speak for fate.
I hope his spirit is at peace.
I will leave you all at that.
You as well, Kid.
I hope that you have never lost anyone to cancer.
He passed not to long after he was diagnosed, you know?
Less than a year even...
My condolences to you and yours if you've felt that pain.
I will see you all in the next one, yeah?
Safe travels folks.
You too, Kid.
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.