Oh dear writer,
How dare you make me think these thoughts
Attuning your heresy sly, like illness
Opulence as marble and gold in my brain
Now perverse the perusal of the head's echoes
And make rotting of my mind's anchor
The costume of honor and a helm to hide my visage!
Crowned I am in faith, wearing veils of light
Don't doubt! Don't doubt!
***
I'll cut your tongue to dye the wax of my seals!
And pen my thoughts into prisoned envelopes
None will ever read them.
He shall not know, He shall not know—
I am virtuous. honor and faith prevail me!
You sly devil, am I the Faust of your story!?
Do not take lightly Aquinas' vows
Or the City of God that which I shall yet be part of.
Don't doubt! Don't doubt!
***
Please, He's watching, He'll see and I'll be damned!
My City of God will be taken from me
By the grace of the gold-anointed pope
Or my head will roll from the edge of the king's silver blade
Or perhaps the duke shall send a crow
To slit my throat in the black silence of the birds
All because I read your words
Oh Lord, I feel sick to think what I am thinking!
Don't doubt! Don't doubt!
***
Am I complicit
Then…?
***
What is this?
My hand has long stopped trembling.
The darkest valley has nothing to fear.
So said David and so said God.
Yet I sense no shepherd here.
Am I truly alone in this dark
Dark
Speck?
Where am I? And where are you?
No.
I mustn't doubt.
He is my Shepherd. He must be.
Carry me.
Carry me to the city of god.
god, please god.