Sir Pentious was barking orders from right outside of his damaged airship, his remaining egg bois regrouping.
Angel Dust had just saved Cherri, his bullets turning the eggs surrounding her into yolk-splattered debris. She flashed him a grin, already pulling another bomb from wherever the hell she kept those things.
I really didn't want them to think I was trying to muscle in on this territory. I'm not trying to get involved in whatever district politics this is. I just need to get past you people and get home without getting scrambled like these eggs.
"Mind if I join this party," I called out, re- cocking my shotgun, "or is this a private turf war?"
Angel's grin with a single fang looked with a mischievous thought facing my back, two guns still trained on incoming egg bois. "Sugar, you can join my party anytime. Just try to keep up with these legs." He punctuated it with a wink that somehow didn't slow down his trigger fingers.
"Don't get distracted, Angel!" Cherri shouted, lobbing a bomb that sent five egg bois flying.
An egg boi also lunged from my right. I pivoted, let him stumble past, slammed my shotgun into his shell. The crack was satisfying. Yolk sprayed across the pavement. Two more scrambled over a burned out car toward Cherri. I dropped low, fired once—the blast catching both mid-leap.
"good shot, shorty!" Cherri called out.
Smoke from her latest explosion painted everything pink. I blinked through it, tracking movement by sound. An egg boi appeared through the haze—I caught him with my boot, flipping him into two more coming from behind. Angel's bullets finished them after.
"BEHIND YOU!" Cherri's voice cut through the explosions.
I twisted. An Egg boi who somehow got behind me was mid-swing with a crowbar. I ducked my already battered body, feeling the wind brush pass over my horns, quickly bringing my shotgun up I fired point-blank. Shell fragments and yolk splattered across my already ruined outfit. it indeed felt like yolk but with old blitz memories it reminded me of something else.
The battlefield was purely a demolition sight. I vaulted over a mailbox, some optimistic idiot put mailboxes in Hell, planted my boot on an egg boi's face, kicked off toward higher grounds of more broken building parts.
From up here, I could see the whole field clearly. Sir Pentious was now behind his damaged vehicle that'd been blown up, frantically working on some weapon. The remaining egg bois, maybe twenty, thirty, where caught between attacking us and protecting their boss.
Angel was somewhere to my left, tracked by the abstract noise of his guns. One arm reloading while three others maintained covering fire. He was laughing, with a high and wild sound of someone who'd stopped caring about mortality. He moved rather smoothly in the battlefield, all flexibility and biological advantage on full display, heels clicking between gunshots.
Cherri tossed another bomb. Perfect arc against the red sky. The egg bois scattered but the explosion caught four of them, sent them tumbling like bowling pins.
I dropped back down with a roll, coming up next to Angel. He was down to two guns, other arms fishing for magazines from that chest fluff.
"You always fight in heels?" I asked actually curious by the odd choice, taking down an egg boi trying to flank us.
"You always fight looking like you crawled out of a dumpster fire?"
"uh, yeah actually."
"DUCK!" Cherri's voice.
We both dropped immediately. Something screamed overhead, It hit the brick wall behind us, turned it to molten slag with what seemed to be grenades without there pins pulled. Heat washed over us in waves.
Sir Pentious cackled. "You think you can defeat the great Sir Pentious?! I have SCIENCE on my side!"
"You HAD science!" Cherri shouted back. "Now you just got a broken ship and scrambled eggs!"
She threw two bombs simultaneously. The egg bois scattered, but there was nowhere to go. Both detonated in a beautiful cascade of destruction.
Half an egg boi grabbed my tail. I spun, circling to shake him off me, with a snap of my elbow back into where his face should be his shell completely fractured. I kicked him away, straight into Angel's line of fire.
"Thanks for the setup!" Angel grinned.
"That time it wasn't on purpose!"
Cherri now with a clearer path ran straight at the war blimp like she had a death wish and the confidence to back it up. Angel and I didn't need to coordinate what to do next. We laid down suppressing fire, forcing the egg bois to keep their heads down.
She slid under the broken down car chassis. and was ready to throw her bombs in each hand at the strange machine the snake man was making
Sir Pentious finally noticed. His eyes went wide. "NOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL DEATH RAY! EGG BOIS, STOP HER!"
But we were already there. Angel reached the egg bois first creating a whirlwind of limbs and lead. I was right behind, using his firepower as cover to pick off stragglers.
only one managed to get close enough to grab angels blazer. Angel seemed to stumble at the short stacks suddent appearance pulling him close, with all my might I booted the egg boi in its forehead , launching it back into Angels bullet fire range. The cracks echoed as it was melted by the storm of ammo
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Cherri was already running back.
If she was running then the explosion had to be big. We scattered hiding behind whatever building fragments where nearby. The explosion was magnificent.
The death ray detonated from inside, a chain reaction turning the whole front section into shrapnel. The blast wave picked me up, sent me tumbling into garbage bags that I was suddenly grateful for.
My ears rang out with every breath tasting ike smoke. I rolled onto my back, watching debris rain down.
When I sat up, Sir Pentious was standing in the smoking ruins, coat scorched, hood bent at a hilarious angle.
"YOU!" He pointed at all three of us. "YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR THISSSS INDIGNITY!"
He pulled something from the wreckage, a modified rocket launcher.
"SCATTER!" I yelled, but there was nowhere to go."
We dove behind a collapsed building section squeezing through for better cover as the rocket screamed past. It impacted behind us, shook the ground. Chunks of concrete rained around our cover.
We were pressed together in maybe eight square feet—Angel's elbow in my bruised ribs, Cherri's boot on my tail, breathing hard from the fatigue of battle and covered in dust and yolk.
"Okay," I wheezed, checking my shotgun, three shells left. "I don't think Hell Insurance covers 'blown up by a Victorian furry,'"
Cherri barked out a laugh. "Forget healthcare—I'm about to blow up that snake's ship for good. The whole fucking thing."
Another rocket impact. Closer. Our cover shuddered.
"I've got two bombs left," Cherri said, eye gleaming. She pulled out two larger charges. "Big ones. If we can get him to stand still for three seconds—"
"I can make him stand still," Angel interrupted. "Webbing trick."
I blinked at him. "You can shoot webs?" my mouth almost dropped open, did he have webs originally? I couldn't seem to recall.
"Guns have range, toots. Webs are for more special occasions." He flexed his wrists. "Besides, I'm a spider, what did you expect."
Sir Pentious's voice echoed. "COME OUT AND FACE ME, COWARDS!"
"Every. Single time, that bastards always so cocky." Cherri huffed.
"Okay." I peeked around cover. Sir Pentious was reloading, six or seven egg bois forming a protective circle. "Here's what we do. Angel and I, get his attention, web him up. Cherri, soon as he's stuck, plant one of those bombs in his face and the other launched towards the ship. I'll handle the egg bois if they get in the way."
"What makes you think you're calling shots?" Cherri challenged, while grinning.
"It's just a suggestion, I think its best to aviod getting rockets launched towards you,"
"Fuck it," Angel said. "Let's fry some eggs."
We moved out as one.
Angel launched himself over our cover in a move that defied physics. All four arms spread wide, white fluff catching the light, heels finding purchase on broken concrete.
"HEY, PENTIOUS! YOUR SHIP SUCKS AND YOUR FASHION'S WORSE!"
Sir Pentious's head snapped toward him. "HOW DARE YOU—"
Angel's wrists flexed. White webbing shot out, catching Sir Pentious across the chest, and glued his his arms to the barrel and handle.
I moved in as his egg bois rushed to help, which was what I was waiting for.
I came in low and fast. First egg boi didn't see me until my boot connected with his shell. He went down hard.
Second one swung rebar it was quick so I could only grab it. up inside his guard, I drove my hilt into his midsection. Yolk sprayed.
"THREE O'CLOCK!" Angel shouted.
I spun. Two egg bois charging. I fired once, the shot spread catching both causing them to tumble dead.
Angel without ammo quick came up wrapped his tail as I defended.
The snake thrashed. "UNHAND ME, YOU ARACHNID HARLOT!"
Behind me, Cherri's war cry. The sound of someone who'd made peace with violence.
She was airborne, a single bomb in her hand, eye wide and manic. She looked like an apocalyptic angel.
Sir Pentious saw her coming, and tried to break free. The webbing held firm.
I pushed the rest of the eggs bios off of me, booking it.
"THIS IS FOR STARTING SHIT IN MY TERRITORY!"
The bombs left her hands. Perfect trajectory.
I grabbed cover and dove.
BOOM.
The explosion was everything it should be. Shockwave hit like a wall, picked up debris and hurled it skyward. Heat flash-burned the air. For a moment, everything was quite then a second orange-white brightness filled the sky, and cordite smell.
My ears rung harder despite having covered them expectantly. World went silent for a few seconds except for the ringing.
When smoke cleared, Sir Pentious was on his back in a crater, coat scorched black, hood bent wrong. Still conscious, but done.
"Egg... bois..." he wheezed. "Retrieval... protocol..."
Three surviving egg bois scrambled to him, grabbed his arms and tail bondage rapped by the surviving spider webs, started dragging him away. One was crying.
But Cherri wasn't done.
She picked up another bomb that hand't gone off when she threw it.
"Wait." Angel put a hand on her arm. "Let him run. He'll be back, and I wanna watch him limp away."
Cherri considered, then grinned, pulling the pin she just reinserted and tossed it anyway—not at Pentious, but at the orginal target of the giant airship.
The bomb with all of cherris might landed on the glass end of the airship where the boz and pentious where also headed to, the explosion created a wall of fire. Sir Pentious and egg bois flinched away, scrambled in the opposite direction.
But the ship seemed to finally take enough damage, erupting at their feet.
Sir Pentious launched into the air like a screaming rocket, tumbled end over end, crashed into a billboard three blocks away. Egg bois scattered like pool balls.
Then Angel started laughing. Deep, genuine laughter. Cherri joined in.
"Did you see his FACE—" Angel gasped.
"The way he FLEW—" Cherri wiped her eye.
I clutched my ribs. "I can't believe that worked." and he didn't immediately die from that, maybe my durability needed some work.
"Stick with us, short king," Angel said, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "Every day's like this in Pentagram City I know a nice free place you could stay."
"That's the least reassuring thing anyone's ever said to me, and I work in murder so I'm good."
Cherri was still checking the blast Sir Pentious just rode. Looking In the distance.
"Well," I said, brushing egg yolk off my coat. "This has been educational. But I gotta bail."
"Before someone asks questions?" Angel finished. "Yeah, we know the drill."
I offered a small salute. Already moving "Angel. Cherri. Thanks for the teamup. Try not to blow up my van next time."
"No promises!" Cherri called cheerfully.
I moved toward the van. Still had most of its wheels if I was thinking positively at least. The Body, even covered fromm the explosions was still filled with holes from shrapnel, windshield gone, one door hanging by a hinge, something leaking.
But the engine turned over on the third try.
It sounded like a diesel truck went through a wood chipper, but it ran.
I pulled out, Angel and Cherri fading behind me. The van shuddered with every rotation, groaned, made sounds that weren't in any manual.
Steering wheel pulled hard left. I compensated, white-knuckling it through spite.
Come on, baby. Just get me home. Just get me to the parking lot.
Two blocks from I.M.P., the engine started knocking. Bad knocking. One block away, black smoke poured from the hood and the whole frame shook.
I limped into the parking lot at maybe five miles an hour.
It rolled to a stop, the engine, giving one final death rattle and went silent.
I sat there, hands on the wheel, breathing hard. Covered in yolk, soot, blood.
"Well," I said to the dead van. "We had a good run."
I was only partly joking about how terrible the insurance was here, but I definitely had to immediately cancel it for our vehicle.
I climbed out, surveying one final time finding more damage. Bullet holes. Scorch marks. back Bumper just gone. And was that an egg boi's arm in the undercarriage?
Yeah. Definitely an egg boi's arm.
I headed toward the building. Legs like jelly. Everything hurt and I could taste copper and eggs.
But I was alive.
The I.M.P. door creaked open.
"Hey, Loona," I called out, trying to sound casual.
Her ear flicked. She didn't look up from her computer immediately, but then her head snapped toward me with predatory speed.
Tail shot straight up. Eyes went wide.
But her voice was carefully casual. "Where the fuck have you been?"
I could see it, her claws extending before she forced them to retract.
"Got held up on a field trip. You know how it is."
Her eyes narrowed. "You look like shit," she said.
"You sweet talker." I smiled.
I was already moving toward my office, just wanting to sit down before actually having to work, close my eyes for at least five minutes.
I pushed the door open and nearly walked into Moxxie.
He was standing there with a clipboard, pencil behind his ear, worried expression. The second he heard me, he whirled.
"Blitz! Where have you—" Eyes went wide. "Sir, you're BLEEDING! And is that an EGG on your horn? What happened? Should I call—we don't have doctor money but, should we GET a doctor? I've been trying to reach you for the past HOUR—"
"Moxxie. Moxxie. MOXXIE." I held up a hand. "Breathe. I'm fine. It was just a thing. Now, what assignment do we have today?"
He paused mid-question. Closed his mouth. Expression shifted to something else. Uncertain.
I could see tension in his shoulders, gripping that clipboard too tight.
"We... we do have an assignment," he said slowly. "High end client. Very high paying. But sir, I'm not sure we should accept it. That's why I was waiting for you."
I leaned against my desk, suddenly aware of every bruise. "Okay. What's the catch?"
He took a breath, turned the clipboard around.
The name at the top made my blood freeze.
"The Fuck," I whispered.
"The client is Verosika Mayday," Moxxie confirmed. "She needs I.M.P. to eliminate a stalker threatening her tour dates. The pay is substantial, but given your history, I thought we should discuss—"
"No." Came out harder than intended.
I closed my eyes. Verosika. My ex who hates my guts would show up with a job, it was strange, I definitely didn;t dislike her but being around her made me feel shame and knowing it was impossible to repair the future didn't help my strained thoughts.
I opened my eyes. Looked at the contract. The number at the bottom was significant. Three months of rent. plus a complete Van repair.
"Tell me about the target," I heard myself say.
"Sir, are you sure—"
"Just tell me about the target, Moxxie."
He swallowed, flipped to the second page. "A Male demon, he's been following Verosika's tour for six months. Recently escalated from letters to attempting to access her dressing room. Last week he assaulted one of her backup dancers. her Security handled it but he keeps coming back, and killing her guards, Verosika wants a permanent solution."
A stalker. and a demon at that, i guess if it wasn't she could deal with it herself. actual dangerous person who needed stopping.
And the client was Verosika.
I looked at the contract again. Her signature at the bottom, that looping V I remembered from birthday cards and apology notes.
"She scheduled a meeting in the next 2 hours," Moxxie said quietly. "She wants to brief us personally. Make sure we understand the sensitivity."
Of course she does.
I looked down at myself. Covered in egg and blood. Coat torn. Still bleeding from somewhere.
"Moxxie," I said. "Be honest. Can we afford to turn this down?"
He didn't answer immediately.
That was answer enough.
"No sir," he finally said. "Even with the more frequent clients if we want to make payroll this month, well."
I nodded slowly. Looked at the contract one more time.
Verosika Mayday.
"Set up the meeting," I said. "And Moxxie? Not a word about this to Millie or Loona until I decide if we're taking it. Understood?"
"Yes sir."
He left, closing the door quietly.
I was alone. Covered in today's disasters. Staring at a contract that might save my colleagues burdens and definitely complicate my life.
I pulled the egg boi shell off my horn, when did that happen? and tossed it in the trash.
"Just another day in Hell," I muttered.
Through the wall, I heard Loona's music begin to play. Moxxie's footsteps. Distant sounds of Pentagram City.
And in a few hour, I'd have to face Verosika Mayday.
I dropped into my chair. Closed my eyes.
What a fucking day.