The tension in the room was almost tangible. Every word was weighed before it was spoken, the weight of unspoken emotions caused Rosaline's heart to sink . She didn't know whether to laugh at the jokes ,at best she managed a faint chuckle. Her gaze lingering on him longer than it should have.
He probably hated her.
She inhaled,she should've gone back to the safety of her room when she had the chance. A long procession of should haves invaded her mind.
Her chest felt tight, Rosaline blinked rapidly , fighting back the tears welling in her eyes.
She raised her head when everyone fell silent, their eyes were on her. Shaan sat beside her , her system went into panic mode.
She rubbed her sweaty palm on her shawl, what was she going to say if he wanted to find closure and say his final goodbyes? Or if he wanted to ask about Nolan?.
She would simply say the truth, what was the truth?. Rosaline rubbed the tip of her nose, she realized she had nothing to say.
"Can we talk?"
She nodded and he led her away from the prying eyes and listening ears of their friends.
She glanced to look at them, they gestured for her to remain calm and simply talk to him. Rosaline nodded as though she had the slightest idea what she was going to do or say.
She missed Renee, she always gave the best advice. Rosaline sighed.
Everything was a mess and it was probably her fault.
They walked until they were well beyond earshot, Shaan sat on the grass and patted the space beside him for her to sit.
They settled in an uneasy silence, the weight of every unspoken emotions suspended between them.
Now that he was with her, he didn't know what to say. He thought about asking how she'd been but that felt too formal, too carefully rehearsed .
"You didn't come with Kayid?" Her voice was shaky.
"He's with my mom... Abeer and Jed are also in Ohio"
"A full house.." Her voice faded into silence.
"You look beautiful..as always"
She smiled with the corner of her lips
" How have you been?"
"I've been alive, hated by some ,pitied by most." She chuckled
"The baby?"
"He is the very image of vitality"
Shaan laughed, he suppressed the urge to correct her that their baby was a she.
"Did the doctor say that?"
"No... it's just something i deduced from the doctor's report"
"And that's just you.... what's Nolan saying about the baby?"
"Nolan?"
What has he got to do with her baby?
Rosaline frowned.
"I thought you guys were patching things up when he got all defensive on the phone the day i called"
His gaze lingered on her face before drifting over her body language, hoping to catch the smallest tell, to his relief, her already shaken composure showed no further signs of breaking.
Rosaline turned to face him, she held his gaze. She could run away from her fears , she always did. But she could tell that the moment didn't require her to hide or face anything.
" We have been talking but not in the direction you think it's going."
Shaan nodded slowly and heaved a soft sigh of relief. He finally understood the situation.
" I missed you" Her voice was shaky
The words caught him off guard, he wanted to pull her into his embrace,to hold her until every trace of doubt disappeared but he didn't want to ruin the fragile peace between them...he still had to tell her about Renee.
"I'm sorry for how i treated you that night...i do trust you,i just didn't want to feel the same way i felt with Toby...." She paused, and reached for his hands, then laced her fingers through his.
"...i couldn't get past my own fears, i was so selfish and that wasn't fair to you and Kayid...truth is, I'm scared of living life without you. I'm a mess without you"
She paused again, wiping her tears with her free hand.
"....so please, forgive me. We can be friends, i-"
Shaan had to stop her there, he didn't want to be friends with her.
He nearly laughed at the absurdity of it, she couldn't possibly believe they could become something so distant and harmless.
" I do not believe that you're short of friends.."His voice softened"..so i see no reason to be placed in that category." His hands palmed her cheek, he wiped her tears with his thumb.
He smiled.
What was he going to do with her?
What was he going to do without her?
"...what you did wasn't unforgivable. We're allowed to nithawash. Couples don't have to agree on everything, and i also owe you an apology for not telling you l what Catherine has been up to" He placed a kiss on her forehead.
"I'm sorry and i have more to be sorry for" He said.
She looked into his eyes, confusion flickering across her face. But after he explained the situation to her, her questions were answered.
Shaan expected something dramatic but Rosaline didn't seem all that surprised.
"Did you know about it?"
"I'm not surprised, Seb had a crush on Renee that summer..."
"Why am i never in the knows?...."
"We still talk. He's a great guy...."a faint smile softened her expression"..his wife turned him into a decent man."
Shaan chuckled.
How do you mold a grown man's character?....he wondered.
Then he remembered that Sebastian hadn't been particularly inclined to think for himself.
"I can understand that"he said.
"So does this mean we're good?"
She waited for his response, he nodded.
She groaned softly
"i missed you so bad" She wrapped her arms around his neck, her face buried against his chest, breathing him in.
"You smell nice..."
"I've been soaking in rose petals before i came here and i also changed my shower gel to something more floral"
"It suits you"
A warm flush spread across Shaan's cheeks, he had not expected her to take him seriously. He cupped her face and kissed her, she parted her lips to meet him, a smile played on his lips before he deepened the kiss.
Tears slipped down her cheeks as she surrended herself to his love. Every doubt she had carried seemed to dissolve between them.
In the distance, their audience erupted into cheers,with Zoe's voice raising above the rest.
"I wish Renee was here"
And she was.