Perspective: Celia (BACKSTORY)
Location: Levinton — Levi's House (2nd Floor)
Time:11:10 PM - Many Months Ago
The night wind pushed the open window glass back and forth, scraping the sill with a quiet rattle.
Outside, the moon hung high over the dark roofs of Levinton, cold and white.
I can't sleep.
I haven't been able to sleep properly for 3 whole days.
I leaned my forearms on the wooden frame, resting my chin on my wrists. My messy white hair tumbled over my shoulders, tangling against the plain cotton of my white nightdress. The night chill sank straight through the thin cloth, biting at my bare arms, but I didn't pull away.
It has been 3 days since the Village of Soulmates.
I kissed Kai...
Heat rushed straight into my cheeks, burning so fast my ears stung.
Why did I do that?
Ever since that night, my chest feels weird around him... I can't sit still. I can't breathe normally when he enters the room. This stupid restlessness claws at my ribs from morning until night, and I don't even know what to call it.
I try to act natural. I really do.
When Levi jokes around at breakfast, I force a polite smile. When Kai sits at the table, I keep my voice calm and hand him his cup like a sensible person. But every single second, I am holding myself back.
I want to reach out. I want to pull his sleeve. I want to hug him so tightly...
...And I hate myself for it.
I looked down at my hands, curling my fingers until my nails pressed into my palms.
He told me he cares about me.
He looked straight into my eyes and said he would do whatever I asked.
...Liar.
He's just saying that to be nice. He has to say that.
I lifted 1 hand and gripped the front of my nightdress, clutching the flat fabric over my chest and small breasts.
Look at me.
I'm not good enough for him. Not even close.
Kai is brilliant. He figures out every problem, I've never seen him struggle. He fights monsters with courage, he handles danger like it's nothing, and he never makes a mistake. He is completely competent.
And what am I?
I'm just a helpless girl he has to look after. A burden.
The only thing I ever did for him was wrap bandages over his skin after he got hurt. And who hurt him in the 1st place? Me. My own cursed power tore into him. Treating his cuts wasn't a gift—it was just paying back a debt I created! I haven't done a single useful thing for him in my entire life.
A bitter taste flooded my mouth.
And I'm not even pretty enough to keep him around for my looks.
People love to claim that beauty doesn't matter, that a pure heart is all that counts. That's a complete lie. In the real world, the pretty girls always win. They get the attention, they get the forgiveness, they get the men.
I know how it feels. I remember.
A cold ache stabbed behind my eyes as a memory flashed through my skull—the way that pink-haired girl took him away right in front of my face.
I was completely powerless back then.
And I'm still powerless right now.
Men aren't loyal creatures. They don't stay out of pity. They chase what a woman can do for them, or they chase someone who actually looks stunning.
I stared at my reflection in the dark windowpane.
I'm small. I'm short. My ribs stick out because I can't even force myself to eat properly. My eyes are weird and red, my hair is a messy disaster, and my body looks completely plain and chubby.
Deep down, I want to love him so openly. I want to tell him every single thing I feel. I want to hold him and never let go.
B-But I can't.
If I start loving him too much, if I pour all this heavy, suffocating mess onto his shoulders, he will get overwhelmed. He will look at me with disgust and push me away.
I'm temporary to him. I know I am.
I can never be his equal. I can't fulfill any of his needs. All I can do is cook some average soup, wash his shirts, and nag him to rest when he tries to work himself to death. That's it.
Whenever Kai says he likes me, he's just looking at some idealized fantasy in his head.
He doesn't like the real me.
Not this messy, stupid, insecure girl who hates her own face and her own body.
I'll never be enough for him...
Tap. Tap.
The sharp metallic sound made me jump.
"Excuse me, Celia. You're still awake?"
"Ahhh—!"
A short shriek ripped out of my throat. My hands flew up to my mouth as I stumbled backward, my bare feet catching on the floor rug.
I whipped the window curtain aside.
A face was leaning right against the outer iron grill of my 2nd-floor window.
"Yo, yo, relax. It's just me."
Kaiser was crouching on the narrow exterior stone ledge, 1 hand gripping the decorative iron bar, his messy black hair blowing wild in the night wind. A clean white bandage wrapped around his right wrist, and another strip of gauze peeked out from the dark collar of his tunic.
He tilted his head, pouting at me through the grill.
"Hey, hey. Still awake, hmm?"
My brain completely short-circuited.
W-What is he doing out there?! This is the 2nd floor!
"What are you doing here?!" I hissed, rushing back to the sill and gripping the wooden frame with both hands.
"Me? I'm just here to meet my favorite girl." Kaiser leaned his cheek against the cold metal bar, his dark blue eyes studying my face.
"I noticed you haven't been sleeping. So what's wrong? What are you thinking about?"
Heat exploded under my skin, rushing from my neck all the way to my forehead.
Favorite girl?!
He just climbed a wall in the middle of the night to say that?!
"It doesn't matter what I was thinking!" I snapped, my voice shaking as I pointed an accusatory finger at him. "You should be in bed! You should be resting!"
"No, resting is boring," Kaiser replied instantly with a lazy smirk. "And I wanted to ask you a question."
"If you wanted to ask me something, you could have come through the door!"
"No. I wanted to make a dramatic entry to get your attention."
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open in pure disbelief.
"Why would you need a dramatic entry?!"
"Well, I'm just an average guy, you know?" Kaiser shrugged his shoulders casually against the stone ledge.
"To get a pretty girl's attention like you, I have to do something dramatic."
My breath seized in my throat.
P-Pretty girl...?
My hands trembled where they gripped the sill.
Are you lying to me?
Why do you say things like that with such a straight face? Do you have any idea what that does to my chest?!
"Y-You..." I stammered, pulling the collar of my nightdress tighter with 1 hand.
"Still... you need to go rest! Right now!"
"I'll only go rest if you accept to come on a date with me tomorrow."
The room went dead silent.
My red eyes went wide.
"H-Huh?!" The sound squeaked past my dry lips. "D-D-Date?!"
"Yep." Kaiser nodded firmly, his smile widening. "It's been a while since we went out together, and I figured you loved the last time we went out."
"B-But tomorrow?! Why tomorrow?! I-I don't know—"
My words collided into a jumbled, panicking mess.
A date? A real date? Just the 2 of us?! What do I wear? What if I ruin it?!
Before I could finish the thought, Kaiser reached his hand through the gap in the iron grill.
His warm, calloused fingers brushed against my cheek, gently resting along my jawline.
My entire body locked rigid.
The cold wind vanished. The night stopped moving. All I could feel was the intense, terrifying heat of his skin against mine.
"Only tomorrow, okay?" Kaiser spoke softly, his thumb tracing a tiny circle over my skin.
"Wake up early and sleep early so we can go out early together. I have a few things planned, and I wouldn't be able to be happy without you being by my side."
His dark blue eyes glowed under the moonlight, completely clear, completely honest.
My heart hammered against my ribs so violently it felt like it would break bone.
H-Happy without me by his side...?
How can he look at me like that?
Kaiser pulled his hand back through the grill, giving me a cheeky grin.
"Now, that's enough of me being like a thief. I'll take that as you coming."
"W-Wait!" I grabbed the grill with both hands, leaning forward in desperation.
"L-Let me th-think—"
"Please?" He whispered.
"Request?" He raised an eyebrow. "Please, Celia?"
What do I do...?
"Thank you!" Kaiser cut me off smoothly.
"See you in the morning!"
"Y-You didn't give me a chance to answer!"
With 1 quick, fluid motion, he kicked off the stone sill, vaulting to the right along the rooftop overhang. He landed lightly on the neighboring balcony, turned around in the moonlight, and waved at me with a triumphant grin before slipping through his own bedroom door.
The night fell quiet again.
I stood alone by the open window, the breeze fluttering my messy hair.
My cheek still flushed where his fingers had rested.
Slowly, my knees buckled.
I slid down the wooden frame, sitting flat on the floor, before crawling onto the edge of my bed. I pulled the blanket up to my chin and fell backward onto the mattress, staring up at the dark wooden ceiling beams.
A date with me...
He climbed a wall just to ask me.
I curled my fingers around the rough blanket, my throat tight with a painful, suffocating ache.
Really?
I wonder what special things he sees in me.
A worthless girl like me...
*
The pale morning light filtered through the curtains at 7:00 AM.
I was already awake. In fact, I barely slept 2 hours.
I stood in front of the small wall mirror, smoothing down the skirts of my dress. It was a long-sleeved white dress that Emma was kind enough to gift me recently. The fabric was soft and clean, covering my skin from my collarbone down past my knees.
Kai had told me last night that we needed to leave Levinton early in the morning so nobody on the main streets would notice my white hair and red eyes and call me a monster.
A monster.
He's trying to protect me. I know that. But it still stings to know that the moment people see my face, they think of curses and blood.
Knock. Knock.
My pulse jumped straight into my throat.
I took a shaking breath, walked to the door, and pulled it open.
Kai stood on the threshold.
He didn't speak. He just stopped, his dark blue eyes locking onto me, widening slightly as his gaze traveled down my white dress and back to my face.
"You look beautiful, Celia."
"E-Eh?!"
A squeak tore out of my throat. My hands flew up to my burning cheeks.
Kai leaned forward, tilting his head with a teasing grin.
"What's your name?"
"Y-You know my name!"
"Say it again," Kai murmured, leaning in closer.
"I-It's C-Celia..."
I shrank back half a step, staring at him with wide eyes.
"Why are you asking that?!"
"I gotta know if it matches my last name before I plan our wedding." Kai winked at me smoothly.
"Celia Everhart."
My mind went completely blank.
E-EH?!
W-Wedding?! Celia Everhart?!
The heat exploded across my neck, burning so intensely I thought my skin would blister.
Celia, do something! Say something! I don't know what to say!
I scrambled for words, desperately trying to fire back with a teasing retort:
"D-Do we even look like a c-couple?!"
Kai looked at me, his gaze steady, his smirk widening with absolute confidence.
"Yes, we do. A very hot couple."
...A hot couple?!
My jaw clamped shut. Any comeback I had completely melted into ash. I stood there, clutching the sides of my dress, flushing so hard my eyes watered.
Kai chuckled softly, stepping past me into the bedroom.
"Your hair," he noted, glancing at my messy white locks.
"I-I know it's messy!" I blurted out defensively, waving my hands.
"I was just trying to fix it before we left! I haven't finished—"
"It's okay. Come here, sit on the bed."
I blinked, hesitating for a second before walking over and sitting down on the edge of the mattress.
"Do you like ponytails?" Kai asked, picking up my wooden comb from the nightstand.
"I d-do... How did you know?"
"I noticed you try to make them often," Kai replied casually, running his fingers through the ends of my hair. "But they get tangled up and messy."
My shoulders slumped in quiet defeat.
He noticed that too...
I can't tie my hair properly. Mother always used to do it for me when I was little. Now that she's gone, every time I try to do it myself, the strands twist into awful knots. And now, on the 1 day I desperately want to look pretty for him, I can't even manage a simple ribbon.
"Kai, we're going to be late," I argued softly, looking over my shoulder. "You don't have to—"
"Be a good girl and sit back," Kai cut me off with a warm smile, sitting down behind me on the mattress.
"Let me take care of it."
His fingers were surprisingly gentle.
He's so careful.
His hands hold heavy blades, yet right now, he's untangling my white hair like it's made of spun glass.
He gathered the upper sections, weaving them into a delicate, wavy waterfall half-ponytail that let the rest of my soft locks spill freely down my back.
"There," Kai said, leaning back with a satisfied nod. "Take a look."
I stood up and hurried to the mirror.
My breath caught.
The styling framed my face perfectly. The messy strands were neat and graceful, showing off my collarbone while hiding the uneven ends. I looked... pretty.
Kai walked up behind me, resting his chin lightly near my shoulder in the reflection.
"You look adorable," he whispered, his eyes crinkling. "Maybe I should do your hair more often. I like how soft it is."
"Y-You don't have to praise me so much..." I stammered, staring at the floorboards to hide the foolish smile tugging at my lips.
"Well then, before those 2 wake up, let's quickly depart, hmm?"
I nodded quickly.
We slipped out of the room, tiptoeing down the wooden stairs of Levi's house, and eased the front door shut before anyone else stirred.
The morning air outside was crisp and chilly.
I glanced sideways at Kai as we walked down the gravel path. He wore a simple black shirt, and over it hung a casual button-up shirt left open at the chest, fluttering in the breeze. He looked so relaxed, so effortlessly handsome, while my heart was still doing acrobatics inside my ribcage.
"Let's grab a food parcel on the way," Kai suggested, looking ahead toward the commercial street. "We have a lot of walking to do."
"The air smells really clean this early," I said, watching our breath plume like thin white smoke.
"That's because the trees are giving us fresh air," Kai teased lightly.
"You always ruin the mood with practical logic."
"Hey, reality has great charm if you appreciate the details."
He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small paper twist, holding it out to me with a grin.
"Surprise."
I took it, unwrapping the wax paper. Inside sat 4 small, pale-green hard candies.
Mint sweets.
He remembered.
"You got these for me?"
"Got them yesterday," Kai said, taking 1 and tossing it into his mouth.
"I know it's your favorite flavor. Have one."
I popped a candy onto my tongue. The sharp, refreshing sweetness exploded across my mouth, cooling my throat.
He remembers every single tiny detail about me. How does he do that?
As we reached the stone sidewalk bordering the outer market, Kai shifted his stride, moving to the street side while gently nudging me toward the safe inner side by the storefronts.
The sidewalk rule.
He always puts his body between me and the road.
The avenue began to fill with morning vendors and early-shift haulers. As the crowd thickened, Kai reached back and took my wrist, pulling me close to his side so we wouldn't get separated.
His warm fingers circled my wrist securely.
He's holding my wrist.
Just my wrist.
I want him to hold my hand.
...Ask him, Celia. Just ask him.
B-But what if he thinks I'm being clingy?What if he thinks I'm needy and annoying? I'm too scared to ask for affection...
Suddenly, a burly, half-awake laborer stumbled out of a side alley, barreling straight toward me with a heavy crate of vegetables.
I gasped, bracing my shoulders for the collision.
Before the man could graze my sleeve, Kai's other arm shot out like an iron bar. With 1 effortless, powerful shove of his palm, he redirected the man's momentum. The burly worker stumbled sideways, nearly dropping his crate.
"Sorry, mate," Kai said casually, not even breaking his stride.
The man grumbled, but Kai was already pulling me safely past.
Once the crowd thinned out into an open square, the noise faded. We walked side by side under the morning sun.
Kai looked down at me.
"You okay?"
"I-I am," I answered, staring straight at the cobblestones.
Kai stopped walking.
He stepped directly in front of me. Before I could ask what he was doing, he raised both hands and gently cupped my cheeks, lifting my chin so our eyes met.
The heat of his palms against my cold skin sent a jolt straight down my spine.
"Do you want to hold hands?" he asked, his voice low and soft.
My heart hammered frantically against my ribs.
"W-Why are you asking like that?!" I stammered, my cheeks burning beneath his fingers. "You could have just—"
"You know," Kai chuckled, his thumb lightly stroking my temple.
"Gotta get the attention dramatically."
He let his hands slide down, slipping his long fingers right between mine.
Our hands linked together, palm to palm.
With his free hand, he gently tucked a stray strand of white hair behind my ear.
My knees felt like water. I couldn't pull away even if I wanted to.
A few minutes later, we reached a small, quiet brick eatery near the outer border that catered to early travelers. Kai ordered a full parcel of warm roasted meats, fresh bread, and fruit for our journey, and we took a small table by the window to wait for the kitchen to pack it.
I looked around the dining hall.
Several adventurer parties were having early breakfast. Most of them were couples—warriors laughing with mages, leaning over their wooden tables, sharing glances full of easy affection.
Then my eyes caught the waitress.
She was tall, with a wasp-thin waist, a full, prominent bust that strained against her tight black apron, and a bright, confident smile that made every male customer at the counter order extra ale just to keep her talking.
She's so pretty.
Look at how tall she is. Look at her big breasts.
I looked down at my own lap.
Quietly, beneath the table, I pressed my hand against my stomach, clenching the fabric of my dress. Because I had barely been moving since the Soulmates incident, my belly felt slightly soft and chubby. And my chest barely showed beneath the white cotton.
I'm short. I'm chubby. I have no attractive features.
Why would anyone look at me when women like that exist?
"Excuse me, sir and madam," a cheerful, melodic voice chimed.
The waitress arrived at our table, setting down a pair of napkins with a dazzling grin.
"Can I get you 2 something to drink while you wait?"
Kai leaned back against his chair, offering a relaxed smirk.
"Oh, please. In life, we always have to wait."
The waitress let out a melodious laugh, resting a hand on her shapely hip.
"Oh, wow! What a poet! If you always have to wait, do you drink too?"
"Yes, of course," Kai answered smoothly.
"Premium water is my favorite. Give us 2 glasses of water, please. We've already ordered our food."
A tight, frozen smile stretched across my lips.
Why is he talking to her like that?
Poet? Premium water? You don't talk like that to strangers! You could have just said 'water' and looked away!
The waitress turned her bright smile toward me.
"And for you, madam?"
"Nothing."
My voice came out flat, cold, and dead.
The waitress blinked at my sudden chill, but nodded politely.
"Alright, 2 glasses of water coming right up!"
The moment she turned her back, my hands clenched into tight fists on my knees. I stared out the window, refusing to look at him.
She's taller than me too.
Much taller.
Of course men like women like her.
Suddenly, a warm touch brushed across my knuckles.
Before I could react, Kai's fingers slid under the table, intertwining firmly with mine.
My head shot up in shock.
Kai was leaning back against his chair, looking out toward the kitchen counter with an innocent, unbothered expression, as if his hand wasn't currently holding mine in a tight, possessive grip.
His thumb stroked the back of my hand.
K-Kai...
What is he doing under the table?! The waitress is going to come back any second!
I tried to pull back slightly, but he tightened his grip, refusing to let go.
"Kai...?" I whispered.
"Hmm?" He turned his head, his dark blue eyes gleaming with amusement.
"Thank you for holding my hand." He said with a smile.
"I-I'm not the one who grabbed your hand!"
"You looked upset," Kai commented softly, resting his chin on his other hand as he leaned forward across the wood.
"I'm not upset!"
"You were giving me this cute pout." Kai whispered, staring right into my red eyes with an open, breathless fondness.
"I can't stop staring."
My breath hitched. My face burned with frantic confusion.
"W-We should hurry up and get our food," I mumbled, desperate to break his stare. "We have a big adventure today, right?"
"We do," Kai agreed with a low chuckle. "But I guess only after your hands stop trembling."
He noticed my trembling again!
I drew in a deep breath, puffing my cheeks as I forced my pounding heart to steady itself.
Calm down, Celia. Just breathe. Don't let him tease you so easily.
As I let out a long breath, Kai suddenly burst into a quiet laugh.
"Hahaha."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"What's so funny?!"
Kai leaned back, casually draping 1 arm over the back of my bench, looking down at me with an infuriating, fond smirk.
"You're the most jealous girl I know."
Every muscle in my face froze.
The soft, flustered pink vanished from my skin.
A heavy, suffocating silence dropped over the table.
My head tilted upward. A dark, terrifying shadow fell across my eyes, turning my crimson irises into 2 glowing, predatory embers.
Without breaking eye contact, I stood up from the bench, leaning right across the table until my face was inches from his. My fingers reached out, clamping firmly around his chin, forcing his face upward so our eyes locked at dead level.
"You know other women?" My voice was quiet, deadpan, and chillingly dark.
The cocky smirk on Kai's face completely vanished.
A drop of cold sweat broke out on the side of his neck. His blue eyes widened in sudden, genuine alarm as the blush on his cheeks deepened under the suffocating intensity of my grip.
"H-Hahaha..." Kai swallowed hard, his voice trembling in a nervous laugh.
"I'm... I'm just joking—"
I glared into his pupils for a few seconds.
Then—
Wait.
W-What did I just do?!
The realization struck me like lightning.
My fingers sprang off his chin as if his skin had burst into flames. My jaw dropped in pure, unadulterated horror.
"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
I threw myself back onto the bench, slamming both hands over my face, pressing my forehead against the wooden table in sheer mortification.
I grabbed him by the chin! I threatened him in public! What is wrong with me?!
"I-I'm so embarrassed...!" I groaned into my palms, curling into a tight ball.
Kai paused, then threw his head back and burst into hearty, genuine laughter.
"Hahaha! Well, that's charming coming from you."
He reached over and gave my white hair an affectionate, reassuring rub.
I parted my fingers just enough to peek 1 red eye through at him.
"H-How is that charming?!"
Kai looked at me, giving me a warm, devastating wink.
"In a way that's distinctly you."
I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face into my hands all over again, my heart beating so hard it echoed in my ears.
A moment later, the kitchen bell chimed, and our wrapped food parcel was set upon the counter.
*
The trail wound sharply into the foothills outside Levinton, climbing between steep pine ridges.
By the time the sun climbed high into the sky, my legs felt like lead.
Every single step sent a dull, throbbing pain shooting up through the soles of my feet. The rough gravel ground against my soles, scraping through the thin leather.
I shouldn't have worn these.
Why did I think this was a good idea?!
They weren't tall, sharp stilettos. Yesterday night, I had secretly begged Emma for a pair of low, square-heeled ledge shoes. I just wanted to look a little taller. I wanted to match Kai's height so I wouldn't look like a stubby child walking beside a handsome young man.
I wanted to impress him...
And now, my heels were rubbed completely raw.
"Almost at the top," Kai called back, adjusting the heavy food parcel slung over his arm. "Once we reach the lookout ledge, we can sit down and enjoy our breakfast."
breakfast...
My stomach is hollow, but my feet feel like they're on fire.
I gritted my teeth, forcing my knees forward, but my pace slowed to an embarrassing crawl.
Kai stopped. He turned around, noticing the gap between us, and walked back down the dirt path until he was standing right in front of me. He bent his knees, leaning down to meet my eyes.
"Is something wrong?"
"N-No! Nothing's wrong!" I stammered, frantically trying to stand upright and look dignified.
Kai looked down. His blue eyes locked straight onto my square-heeled shoes, then drifted to the slight tremble in my ankles.
"Your feet," he said gently. "Are they hurting from walking so much?"
Heat rushed into my cheeks.
"M-Maybe a little..."
Kai didn't lecture me. He didn't tell me I was stupid for wearing heels on a mountain hike. He simply turned, spotted a flat grey boulder shaded by an overhanging spruce, and guided me over by my elbow.
"Sit here."
He set the food parcel down on the moss. Then, without asking for permission, Kai dropped to 1 knee in the dirt right between my boots.
"W-What are you doing?!"
"Hold still."
His warm hands cupped my ankle. With practiced, careful fingers, he unbuckled the leather strap and eased the shoe off my right foot, setting it aside.
The cold mountain air hit my bare skin, but the relief was ruined by the stinging scrape along my heel. The tight leather had rubbed the skin red and raw, leaving an angry, swollen blister right where the heel met the tendon.
Kai looked at the scrape, his brows knitting into a quiet frown.
He's seeing how pathetic I am.
I tried to look pretty, and all I did was cripple myself.
Kai reached into his coat, pulling out his canteen and a clean linen cloth. He uncorked the flask, pouring cool well water over the cloth until it was thoroughly soaked.
"This might sting for a second."
He pressed the wet cloth gently against the raw blister.
I gasped softly, gripping the edges of the boulder. The cold water stung the torn skin, but a second later, a wave of soothing, blissful relief washed over my burning foot.
Kai held the cloth in place, dabbing the dust away with infinite gentleness.
I went completely quiet, staring down at the crown of his messy black hair.
He's on his knees in the dirt, cleaning my feet.
I feel like a princess.
My chest is soaring, beating so fast it makes me dizzy... but why is he always the one fixing my messes?
Once he finished wiping down both of my feet, Kai unclasped the other shoe, checking my left heel to make sure it hadn't torn open as badly.
"You can rest them properly once we reach the top," Kai said, looking up with a soft smile. "Let's get up there now."
"O-Okay," I murmured, reaching down to pick up my shoes. "I can carry—"
Kai snatched the heels away before my fingers could touch them. He slipped their leather straps over 2 of his fingers, letting the shoes dangle against his knuckles. With his other hand, he took the sturdy twine wrapped around the food parcel and tied it securely around his waist, letting the bundle hang safely at his hip.
"Kai, give them back, I—"
Before I could finish the sentence, Kai stepped into my space.
His right arm slipped firmly beneath my knees, and his left arm wrapped around my back.
With 1 smooth, effortless heave, he lifted me clean off the boulder.
"Ah—!"
A panicked squeak ripped from my throat. My arms flew up on pure instinct, wrapping tightly around the back of his neck.
I was in his arms.
Princess-style.
My thighs rested securely against his forearm, my upper body pressed against his chest. I could feel the hard muscle beneath his shirt, the heat of his torso radiating straight through my thin white dress.
Kai turned toward the mountain path, carrying me upward as if I weighed nothing at all.
"Hold on tight, Celia."
My face was burning so hot it felt like molten wax. I tried to glare at him, but my grip on his shoulder tightened, my fingers burying into the fabric of his coat.
"You're annoying!" I whispered through clenched teeth.
Kai threw his head back, laughing warmly against my ear.
"Hahaha! Wow. Is that your way of flirting with me?"
"No!" I hissed, pressing my forehead against his collar to hide my scarlet cheeks. "Put me down! I can walk!"
"What if I don't?"
"I don't want you to get tired from carrying me!"
"I won't be," Kai replied with easy confidence, his boots crunching steadily over the pine needles. "You're gonna be a good girl as I carry you to the top, and then you'll rest."
Good girl...
The phrase sent a shiver straight down my spine, tingling all the way to my toes.
"J-Just make me..." I muttered under my breath, barely audible.
Kai paused mid-stride. He looked down at me, a dangerous, razor-sharp smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.
"You're lucky I have these heels dangling from my other hand, Celia. Or I would make you right now."
My brain completely short-circuited.
E-EH?!
A silent scream caught in my throat. I buried my entire face into the crook of his neck, squeezing my eyes shut, holding onto him with every ounce of strength in my arms.
The wind whistled through the high branches as he carried me higher and higher.
His collar smelled faintly of cedar, pine needles, and clean skin.
I peeked out from his neck, watching the sharp line of his jaw and his calm blue eyes.
I don't want to mess this up.
The way he holds me, the way he treats me... I don't want this ever to end.
But how can I make it stay like this?
What can I possibly do that will make him look at me and continue to love me?
He's doing so much for me. He carried the bags, he cleaned my blisters, he's carrying my entire body up a mountain trail, while I'm just sitting here like useless baggage. Doesn't he think I'm just bothering him? Why am I such an exhausting burden, always needing to be saved, always needing to be cared for?
Panic twisted inside my stomach, sharp and cold.
If I don't secure him now, someone else will.
I tightened my arms around his neck, my voice coming out as a trembling, jumbled murmur:
"Kai...?"
"Hmm?" He hummed softly, not breaking his steady pace.
"W-Will you... I mean, after today... will we, like...?"
"Will we what?"
My throat clamped tight, but I forced the words past my chattering teeth:
"Will you date me?"
If we're dating, we would have to be loyal to each other.
If we're officially together, he'll resist other women. He'll look only at me. He won't leave me behind.
Kai tilted his head slightly, a playful hum vibrating in his throat.
"Hmm... Let me think about it."
I lifted my face from his neck, glaring at him with wide, flustered eyes.
"What is there to think about?!"
Kai kept his eyes on the trail ahead, but the smirk on his lips widened teasingly:
"Maybe I will date another girl while keeping you as a good, close friend."
My breath stopped.
The warm flutter in my chest died instantly.
...
The world went pitch-black.
My red eyes narrowed into 2 freezing, hollow slits. The playful blush vanished from my skin, replaced by a dark, suffocating shadow that hung over my brow.
I looked up into his face.
"If I see you with another girl, I'll kill her."
My voice was quiet, deadpan, and dripping with arctic poison.
Kai's boots froze on the gravel.
His smirk vanished. He glanced down, meeting my unblinking, blood-red glare, and a visible shudder ran through his shoulders.
"I-I know you," Kai stammered quickly, offering a nervous, placating grin as sweat beaded on his forehead.
"I'm... I'm just joking with you! I was just teasing!"
The murderous shadow on my face instantly melted into a bright, innocent beam.
"I was teasing too!" I chirped sweetly, burying my face back into the warmth of his neck.
Kai went completely silent.
He didn't say another word as he resumed walking.
Underneath his collar, my smile flattened into cold certainty.
I wasn't joking...
*
A few minutes later, the trail opened onto the wide, sunlit crest of the mountain ridge.
The view took my breath away.
Below us, the entire Levinton valley stretched out like a painter's canvas. Rivers wound like shimmering silver ribbons through endless emerald forests, and distant stone villages dotted the plains beneath a vast, cloudless blue sky.
Kai set me down gently on a smooth cedar log, placing my shoes beside my feet.
"Told you it was worth the climb."
We opened the food parcel together.
Kai had ordered a variety—thick slices of crusty spiced bread, smoked venison sausages, roasted potatoes, and sweet mountain berries.
My stomach let out a loud, traitorous growl.
Kai chuckled, picking up a golden slice of honey-glazed roasted pork from his portion. He held it out directly toward my lips.
"First bite goes to you."
I didn't even hesitate. I leaned forward and took a big bite right off his fingers.
The rich, savory meat melted on my tongue, bursting with sweet honey and herbs.
"It's so yummy!" I gasped, chewing with round, puffed cheeks.
Kai smiled, taking a bite of his bread.
"Eat as much as you want. We have plenty."
We sat side by side on the log, sharing bites, laughing as the mountain breeze ruffled our hair. For the 1st time in weeks, my stomach was full of warm, satisfying food.
When the last berry was eaten, I stood up on the grass, stretching my arms high above my head.
"Ahhh! I feel so full!"
I did a tiny hop on the moss, trying to shake off the sudden, heavy wave of drowsiness washing over my limbs. But the moment my feet landed, a massive yawn cracked my jaw wide open.
Kai yawned right along with me, rubbing his tired eyes.
"Are you sleepy, Celia?"
I haven't eaten such good food in forever... My whole body feels like melting butter.
Kai unslung his leather travel pack. He unrolled a thick, soft woolen blanket and laid it over the dry moss beneath a massive, shade-giving oak tree. He sat down on the blanket, leaning his back comfortably against the rough bark, and patted his thighs with both hands.
"Come to my lap. You can take a nap."
My eyes went wide.
"H-Huh?! What?!"
"Come here," Kai repeated calmly, waving 1 hand. "The ground is hard. My lap is softer."
"I-I don't need to sleep!" I protested, crossing my arms defensively. "I'm not tired at all!"
"You were literally yawning and stumbling around 5 seconds ago," Kai pointed out with an amused arch of his brow.
"That was just a stretch! I'm completely energetic!"
"Celia, you're practically swaying in the wind."
"I am not swaying!"
A sudden gust of chilly mountain air whipped across the ridge, cutting through the thin sleeves of my white dress. A violent shiver racked my frame, and another traitorous yawn slipped past my lips.
Kai rose to his knees, closing the distance between us.
"See? You're freezing."
I took half a step back, but Kai was faster. His hands reached out, circling firmly around my waist.
Before I could squeak, he pulled me straight into his chest and sank back onto the blanket, guiding me down until I was sitting comfortably across his lap.
He wrapped his coat around my shoulders, his arms enclosing me in a wall of immovable warmth.
"I'll lull you to sleep, okay?" Kai whispered into my hair, his voice deep and soothing. "It's just a short nap. We have the entire day ahead of us. Plus, we woke up early, and you barely slept last night. A nap won't hurt."
"Don't worry about anything and rest."
The warmth of his body pressed all around me.
Intoxicating...
Why does it feel so overwhelming?
His chest rises and falls with such steady, calming strength. He makes the entire world feel quiet.
Kai didn't speak another word. He let his gentle body language do the work. His hand stroked slowly down my waterfall ponytail, smoothing the white strands back from my forehead, while the fingers of his other hand tapped a soft, rhythmic heartbeat against my forearm.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
A slow, hypnotic rhythm.
I closed my eyes, leaning my head against his shoulder.
I want to love him so openly.
I want to hug him, pull him into my own lap, kiss his cheek, and tell him he belongs to me.
B-But I can't...
We aren't anything yet. What if I scare him away?What if he rejects me?
The questions swirled in my drowsy mind, but the steady warmth of his arms and the gentle tapping on my wrist were too heavy to resist.
Within 3 minutes, the world faded into black.
*
A couple of hours passed before we woke.
By early afternoon, we had descended the mountain pass, following a paved trade road straight into the lively outer settlement of Oakhaven—a bustling market town bordering the adventurer territories.
The rest of the day blurred into a whirlwind of bright, unforgettable colors.
Kai never let go of my hand.
Through every cobbled street and crowded plaza, his fingers stayed linked tightly with mine, gently pulling me forward with a confident, proud stride.
We wandered through open-air merchant stalls. Kai pointed out rare alchemical minerals, explained the functions of glowing monster cores, and bought us sweet fried honey-dough pastries that we shared with tiny wooden forks, laughing as powdered sugar dusted my nose.
In the town square, beside an eccentric travelling bard's wagon, sat a ridiculous, brightly painted wooden statue of a round forest beast with giant ears.
Kai dragged me over, insisting we pose in front of it.
He held up his right hand, extending his index and middle fingers in a strange 'V' shape while closing the others.
"Do this, Celia! Say cheese!"
"W-What does cheese have to do with this?!" I stammered, completely bewildered, but I held up my 2 fingers anyway, blushing as the wandering illusionist captured the image in a tiny mana-print crystal.
Later, Kai rented a sturdy brown riding horse for us to take an afternoon trek along the riverbank.
I had never ridden a horse in my life. The moment the beast took a single step, I shrieked in terror, throwing both arms around Kai's waist and pressing my face flat against his back, clinging to him for dear life while he laughed and guided the reins with effortless mastery.
By late afternoon, the autumn chill began to settle over the stone streets.
To lift my spirits after our long ride, Kai led me straight into the town's most lively establishment: The Silver Mug Tavern.
The place was warm, rowdy, and bursting with deafening laughter. A massive hearth crackled in the center, and local mercenaries clinked heavy tankards over roasted mutton.
Kai ordered us a hot, hearty dinner.
His banter was electric. He told ridiculous stories about clumsy guild initiates that had me giggling behind my napkin, teasing him back every chance I got.
And then, the tavern minstrels struck up a fast, rhythmic tune on their fiddles and bodhrans.
Several drunken couples began stamping their boots, dancing along the sturdy wooden benches.
Kai stood up, his blue eyes flashing with reckless mischief as he extended an open hand toward me.
"Dance with me, Celia."
My eyes went wide in panic.
"N-No! I don't know how to dance properly! Remember the Village of Soulmates?! I stepped on your feet 4 times!"
"Doesn't matter," Kai laughed, grabbing my hand and pulling me right up onto the low wooden bench. "Nobody here is dancing properly anyway!"
Before I could protest, he spun me around.
It was messy. It was clumsy. It was a wild, drunken, joyous dance on top of the tavern furniture, our boots clattering against the timber as the music raced faster and faster. I laughed until my ribs ached, twirling under his arm until my balance gave out.
I stumbled backward.
Kai's arm caught me instantly, wrapping around my waist and pulling me flush against his chest.
Our faces stopped inches apart.
His breath was warm against my lips. His dark blue eyes were bright with pure exhilaration.
The rowdy tavern erupted in cheers.
"Yo, sick moves, lad!" a mercenary roared, slamming his tankard down.
"Show 'em how it's done!" another hauler cheered.
Kai grinned, looking out at the applauding crowd with an arm still locked around my waist.
"Thanks! Me and my wife, we're really close!"
My brain exploded into sparks.
"W-Wife?!" I blurted out, my voice cracking in a furious squeak. "Why are you calling me wife again?!"
Laughter bounced off the ceiling beams.
Nobody looked at me with fear.
Even though my hood had slipped back, revealing my snow-white hair and striking crimson eyes, not a single person in the tavern looked at me like a monster. Kai had already won the entire room with his charisma and easy charm before anyone could even think about curses.
For the 1st time in my life, strangers were smiling at me.
I smiled back. I really did.
...
Yet beneath the pounding fiddles, a cold, bitter ache tightened behind my ribs.
He planned every single second of this day.
And what did I give him?
Nothing.
I couldn't even walk in my own shoes. I almost fell off a table.
The warmth in the room began to feel suffocating.
This is a dream.
A beautiful, impossible dream.
And 1 day... I'm going to wake up, and realize he was never mine to begin with.
*
The rest of the evening slipped through my fingers like water.
Before I knew it, the tavern music had died down, the lanterns in the streets were sputtering out, and the cold night wind had emptied the town square.
We walked along the stone road leading out of Oakhaven, our boots crunching over the frost.
My mind was trapped in a suffocating loop.
He's going to leave me.
He's going to wake up tomorrow, realize how utterly useless I am, and walk away.
"We should start heading back toward Levinton now," Kai said casually, hands shoved into his coat pockets. "If we walk at a good pace, we'll reach Levi's house before 2:00 AM."
I didn't answer.
My heels dragged across the stones.
Then, 3 paces past the town gate, I stopped.
I planted my feet flat on the dark road, staring down at the gravel.
Kai took 2 steps before noticing I wasn't beside him. He turned around, his brows furrowing in the moonlight.
"Celia?"
My throat tightened until it felt bruised.
"I don't want to go home..." I whispered.
My voice trembled, raw and paper-thin in the freezing air.
"I don't want this day to end..."
Kai stood on the road, watching me quietly.
"What do you mean, Celia?"
"I want to do more," I stammered, clutching the sleeves of my dress. "B-But I don't know what more..."
I want to please him.
I want to do something for him—just once—so he doesn't go to sleep thinking all he did today was babysit an exhausting, pathetic girl.
Kai looked at me for a few seconds. Then, a relaxed grin broke across his face.
"Sure. Let's extend our day, then."
My head snapped up.
"W-Wait... Really?"
"Give me 1 minute," Kai said, winking at me. "We're camping tonight."
"Camping?!"
Before I could ask how we were supposed to camp with zero equipment, Kai spun on his heel and bounded back toward the town square.
I hurried after him, completely bewildered.
Near the corner of a brightly lit tavern alley stood an arrogant, richly dressed merchant in a fur-lined cloak, loudly boasting to his companion.
Kai didn't even slow down. He strolled right past the man, bumping his shoulder with casual clumsiness. In that single, imperceptible blink of an eye, Kai's fingers dipped into the man's coat, scooped out half the coins from his velvet purse, shoved the stolen coins into his own pocket, and slid the purse back.
My jaw dropped.
H-He just picked his pocket?!
Then, Kai's hand slipped. The velvet purse tumbled out of the man's coat, dropping onto the cobblestones with a heavy clink.
Oh no!
Before the merchant even noticed, Kai scooped the dropped purse off the stones and tapped the man's shoulder with an innocent, frantic expression.
"Sir! Your wallet fell!"
The merchant gasped, clutching his chest.
"Oh, by the heavens! Young man, you're a savior! Thank you so much! I would have lost a fortune!"
Kai leaned in close, pointing an urgent finger down the street toward an innocent, red-haired laborer walking by.
"Sir, I saw that red-haired guy over there take money from your wallet! I rushed over to grab it, but he managed to run off with half the coins while dropping the rest!"
"Wait, what?!" The merchant's face turned beet-red with fury. "That filthy thief!"
The merchant sprinted down the street, screaming at the bewildered red-haired man.
The second the coast was clear, Kai turned on his heel, flashed me a victorious grin, and dashed straight into the midnight outfitter shop with his pocket full of silver.
I stood in the alley, staring in utter disbelief.
"H-He can't be serious..."
A quiet, nervous laugh escaped my lips, but beneath the humor, a familiar ache tightened my chest.
Even getting camping gear... He did it in 2 minutes flat.
He doesn't need me for a single damn thing.
*
We set up camp an hour later in a secluded, quiet forest clearing nestled beneath towering pines, surrounded by ancient stone boulders that blocked the wind.
Kai had bought 2 small canvas tents, dry firewood, cooking pans, and fresh provisions—thick salmon fillets and seasoned steaks.
While Kai began clearing the ground to pitch the tents, I marched over to the fire pit.
Let me do this.
Cooking is the 1 thing I'm supposed to be good at. I have to feed him. I have to show him I have some value.
I built the fire, striking the flint with shaking hands until sparks caught the dry kindling. I placed the iron skillet over the stones, dropping the fish onto the sizzling fat.
My heart was hammering.
Don't mess this up, Celia. Keep your eyes on it. Flip it when it turns golden.
My thoughts spiraled out of control.
What if he hates the seasoning?What if the fish is too dry?What if he thinks my food is disgusting compared to the tavern meals?
The smoke blew into my face. My eyes stung with ash.
A sudden pop of grease spat against my thumb.
"Ow—!"
I flinched, knocking the edge of the skillet. The iron pan tilted sideways on the uneven rocks.
The salmon fillet slid forward, dropping straight into the glowing embers and white ash.
"No!"
In a frantic panic, I grabbed a wooden branch to scoop it out, but the flames flared up, instantly scorching the fish into a blackened, smoking cinder. Panicking even harder, I tried to save the steak, but the skillet overturned entirely, dumping the meat directly onto the dirt and burning wood.
Thick, acrid black smoke billowed into the air.
"Kai—!" A terrified, choked scream tore from my throat.
Kai dropped his tent poles and bolted across the clearing in half a second, kicking the burning skillet away from the kindling and stamping out the stray sparks.
The food was completely destroyed.
2 charred, ash-covered lumps sat among the coals, smelling of burnt grease and dirt.
I stood frozen beside the fire pit, staring down at the ruined mess.
My hands trembled violently at my sides.
I ruined it.
The 1 single thing I was supposed to do... I couldn't even cook 1 meal for him.
I'm completely useless.
My vision blurred. A thick, burning knot choked my throat, hot tears stinging behind my eyelids.
Before the 1st tear could fall, 2 strong arms wrapped securely around my waist from behind.
Kai pulled me gently back against his chest, tucking his chin over my shoulder. His hands rested warm and steady over my trembling stomach.
"It's all okay, Celia," Kai whispered, his voice calm and infinitely gentle. "I still bought other food for us. The fish was just an appetizer anyway, trust me."
He rubbed my back in slow, soothing circles.
I bit my lower lip until it nearly bled, squeezing my eyes shut to force the tears back down.
Don't cry. Don't be a baby. You're already a burden, don't make it worse.
We ate the backup hard cheese, bread, and dried fruit in relative quiet.
Afterward, I tried to help him pitch my tent, but my hands were shaking so badly that I tangled the guy-lines and bent an iron peg into the dirt. Kai had to redo the whole thing himself with a quiet smile.
Sitting by the crackling fire, I tried desperately to bring up interesting topics—asking about monster types, trading routes, weather spells—but my words came out stiff and awkward. Every conversation fizzled out within 2 sentences.
I couldn't even keep him entertained.
Around 11:30 PM, the fire died down to dull red embers.
Kai stretched his arms and stood up.
"Time to sleep. Good night, Celia."
"G-Good night..."
He walked over to his tent and slipped through the canvas flap.
I walked toward my own tent.
My boots stopped outside the flap.
The night was freezing. The silence of the forest pressed down on my ears like a lead weight.
If I go inside... This day is officially over.
And once it's over, I have nothing left.
He'll take me back to Levinton tomorrow, and I'll go back to being a useless girl who lives on his charity.
Panic gripped my throat, violent and suffocating.
I spun on my heel, marched straight across the clearing, and stopped right outside Kai's tent.
I reached down, pulling the canvas flap open an inch.
"Kai..." I whispered into the dark. "I... I just saw a shadow over there."
Inside the tent, Kai propped himself up on 1 elbow, blinking sleepily in the dim lantern light.
"Yo, shadow? Don't tell me we're fighting shadow-man right now."
"N-No... It's like a ghost."
Kai groaned, flopping back onto his pillow with an exasperated roll of his eyes.
"Oh, nah, nah. I don't wanna deal with ghosts right now. I don't even have any poems ready to scare them off."
"I-I'm serious!" I insisted, clutching the canvas. "I'm scared of ghosts!"
"You're scared of ghosts?" Kai raised an eyebrow, looking at me with pure skepticism. "Ghosts don't even have physical bodies, Celia. They can only scare you."
"That's the entire point! I'm scared of them!"
I hesitated, my face burning in the darkness before I blurted it out:
"So... Can I sleep with you?"
Kai went still. He tilted his head, his dark blue eyes studying me through the slit.
"Hmm? Sleep with me because you're scared of ghosts?"
"Y-Yes!"
"Hmm. Let me think about it."
"What is there to think about?!" I cried out in a desperate whisper. "It's freezing out here!"
Kai let out a low, defeated chuckle, shaking his head.
"Alright, alright. Leave your tent and come inside."
I didn't wait 1 second.
I zipped his tent flap firmly shut, slipped off my boots, and scurried inside clutching my pillow to my chest.
The tent was small and warm, smelling of canvas and pine.
Kai was lying back on his bedroll, his dark hair messy against his pillow, watching me with a relaxed, amused gaze.
I sat down on the woolen blanket right beside him, hugging my pillow tightly against my ribs.
What can I do to make him want me?
What can I possibly offer him?
Kai glanced at me, a lazy smirk touching his lips.
"Don't tell me my handsome face is taking your breath away."
"W-What? No!"
I looked down at the woolen blanket, my fingers curling into the rough fabric.
"Kai... Thank you for today."
"My pleasure, Celia," Kai replied softly, closing his eyes. "You gave me a great time too."
...
He is lying...
"No, I didn't."
Kai opened 1 blue eye.
"Yes, you did."
Him lying to my face hurts more...
"I didn't!" My voice cracked, sharp and trembling.
"That's the truth! You did everything in your power to make me happy, give me affection, and stay by my side, while I was just uselessly clinging to you like dead weight! I couldn't even do anything! I wasn't entertaining, I wasn't funny, I'm not even a pretty girl you can brag about! I was just there!"
Kai pushed himself upright, his expression turning serious.
"No, you're wrong, Celia. Why are you talking like this suddenly?"
"Even if I look different, no matter how I behave, it doesn't make me special enough for you to treat me differently from anyone else!" I shouted, my fists trembling on my lap as my chest heaved.
"Never say that you enjoyed spending time with me when you actually didn't!"
A tear broke free, tracking hot and wet down my cheek.
Kai reached out, his eyes wide with sudden concern.
"Hey... Are you in pain? Is it your feet? Did you get burned by the fire earlier?"
"N-No, I'm not in pain..."
My voice shattered into a ragged, helpless sob.
"Then why are you crying?"
"I-I'm s-sorry..." I choked out, digging my palms into my eyes.
I'm just a crybaby.
Mother always told me I wasn't allowed to cry in front of people because it made me look less of an angel. I was supposed to be poised, perfect, untouchable. And here I am, weeping like a pathetic child.
"I couldn't do anything to make you happy, and yet..."
The thought squeezed my ribcage like an iron vise. Fresh tears poured over my knuckles.
Kai realized I wasn't crying from physical pain.
He reached out, his warm, firm fingers wrapping around my wrists, gently pulling my hands away from my face.
"Don't rub your eyes so much, Celia."
Through the blur of hot tears, his face was a warm, hazy silhouette.
"Come on," Kai murmured, his voice softening into raw tenderness. "What will it take for you to stop crying? Tell me the reason."
My chest hitched violently.
"Y-Your lap..." I wept, my voice breaking into pieces. "I just want to lay there for a bit in your arms... P-Please..."
Kai didn't hesitate for a heartbeat.
He pulled me into his arms, leaning back against his pillow, guiding my head onto his chest while pulling my legs onto his lap. His arms wrapped tightly around my shivering frame, enclosing me completely.
"Th-Thank you..." I sobbed into his collar, clutching the fabric of his shirt with white knuckles.
Kai held me in complete, reverent silence. He didn't ask questions. He didn't tell me to stop. He simply let me weep against his chest, his chin resting against the top of my white hair.
After several minutes, his chest vibrated as he spoke:
"Hey, Celia."
"I-I'm s-sorry..."
"Please don't cry anymore," Kai murmured, his hand gently stroking the back of my neck. "I want to listen to you. I want to stay by your side. Tell me what I can do to make sure you don't cry."
I looked up through my soaked eyelashes, my heart tearing itself apart.
"W-what can I do for you?!" I cried out, grabbing his lapels. "Tell me what I can do so you will only like me!"
"You don't need to do anything for me to like you," Kai answered instantly, his gaze unwavering. "You're great the way you are."
Hearing that only made the agony sharper.
"No! That's a lie!" I screamed into his shirt. "You'll leave me the second you realize how useless I am! Tell me what I can do!"
Kai drew in a slow breath. He reached behind my head, burying his fingers into my hair, and pulled my forehead gently against his cheek.
"Okay. Be my wife. I don't want anything more than that right now."
The words broke me completely.
A fresh, violent wave of sobs tore through my throat, shaking my entire body.
I couldn't stop. I couldn't breathe. The tears were pouring so fast and hot they blinded me, soaking straight through his shirt into his chest. My ribs ached from the force of my weeping.
All the poison, all the hidden self-loathing I had kept locked inside my skull for months came spilling out in a desperate, ragged, chattering confession:
"E-Every time I hear someone say... 'l-love yourself'... w-why do I hate myself more?!" I wept against his neck, my voice catching on ragged, breathless hiccups.
"I-I look around... and I see everyone with beautiful faces... leading perfect lives... and then there's m-me! W-Why is it so hard to believe I'm good?! Everyone wants that pretty girl—c-clear skin, perfect hair, perfect body, perfect style, perfect life! They have all these standards... while people tell me to 'be myself'... b-but I don't even know who I am anymore! I-I changed! I don't look normal! I-I don't understand how to be perfect...!"
I pushed back slightly, my vision completely drowning in scalding wetness. My breath hitched in violent, ragged gasps as I looked down at my own trembling hands, my fingers curling weakly.
"M-My body is u-ugly..." I cried, my words dissolving into pathetic, chattering stutters.
"H-How can I love myself then?! I'm sh-short... my chest is so flat and small... my stomach is getting ch-chubby... my face isn't pretty at all... and my hair is just a mess, my eyes are a disgusting c-curse...!"
Kai caught my hands.
He didn't let me pull away. He shifted his posture, lifting me higher into his arms so our eyes locked at dead level.
"You don't need to be perfect, Celia."
His voice was firm, steady, and immovable.
"A perfect person doesn't exist. It never has, and it never will. Somebody envies you, somebody admires you, and somebody loves you. It may be hard to believe right now, but it's the honest truth."
He opened my right hand, spreading my trembling fingers across his palm.
"Look at your hands. They've pet so many cute animals, and they've dried so many of your tears. They keep you together and let you feel this world."
He looked down at my bare feet resting on the blanket.
"And look at your feet. Today they struggled on the mountain trail, but they've walked you to your favorite places, and they've carried you away from the bad ones."
He gently rested a palm against my waist.
"And sometimes you think your belly is chubby, but I don't think that way at all. Think of those days when it's full and warm with your favorite food, just like this evening. You loved the taste of it, didn't you?"
A wet, shuddering hiccup shook my ribs. I tried to nod, but the tears just spilled faster over my lower lashes, dripping off my chin onto our joined hands.
"And your legs," Kai continued softly. "They've held you up whenever you thought you weren't strong enough to stand."
He brought his face closer, his warm thumb wiping away a fresh tear from my cheekbone.
"And your eyes. Other people might be afraid, but I think they're beautiful. They've seen so many wonders that you can admire. And your lips—they speak the words straight from your heart so you can express who you are. Your body has been with you since day 1, Celia. It has loved you, so you should love it too. Nothing is wrong with it, and you shouldn't torture yourself like that."
I stared into his clear blue eyes, my lips quivering so violently I could barely force the sound out.
"B-B-But I'm still... u-ugly in your eyes..." I whimpered, a ragged sob tearing through my words as I choked on my own breath. "Y-You won't... you won't choose me if... if a pr-prettier girl comes along... Y-You'll look at her... and realize I'm n-nothing..."
Kai's expression softened into something profound and unshakable.
"I know life has been really hard for you lately," Kai spoke, his voice filling the quiet tent with absolute sincerity.
"You have so much going on, and you feel lost and overwhelmed. But I want to let you know that I am so proud of you. You have come so far in life, and you keep going no matter what the world throws at you, and you continue to amaze me every single day. You turned out to be the most amazing person I have ever known. You really are an inspiration to me."
"Even after everyone's hatred, you've managed to smile, to be happy, and to love. Having you in my life changed it so much for the better, and I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you and your presence have done for me."
He pulled me closer, resting his forehead against mine.
"I know there will be tough days for you, and you probably won't tell me when you're having them. But remember that I am always here for you. You can talk to me about anything, and I will never judge you or hold anything against you. I will just listen. I know I won't always be able to fix everything, but I will always put a smile on your face and help you see the good no matter how dark things look."
"You are strong, you are brave, and you have one of the most beautiful hearts I've ever seen. I seriously believe you are capable of anything. I promise that better days are coming. And if you ever doubt that, or doubt how special and amazing you are, I'll be there to tell you that everything will be okay, and to remind you of who you truly are."
Hearing those words, a fresh, agonizing cry tore from my chest.
I collapsed forward, burying my face into the crook of his shoulder, clutching the fabric of his shirt until my knuckles turned white. My whole body racked with violent, shivering sobs, my tears soaking his skin, burning hot against his neck.
"Y-You're t-too good for me..." I wept, my voice drowning in breathless, broken whimpers. "Y-You'll l-leave me... if I d-don't give you anything... Y-You will..."
His words reached my heart.
I could feel the deep, steady warmth of his skin, and I knew every single syllable was honest.
Yet the cold emptiness inside my chest refused to disappear.
Words... Words are so easy to say in the quiet warmth of the night, but the world outside this tent doesn't run on kindness. When the day comes that he needs someone truly strong, someone capable, someone who isn't a pathetic, crying, broken mess... He will look down at me and realize I have nothing to offer.
And I cannot lose him.
I would rather die than lose him.
I drew a ragged, shuddering breath, trying frantically to wipe my soaked cheeks with the back of my trembling sleeve.
I pushed myself up, sitting across his lap in the dim lantern light, my chest hitching with faint, lingering hiccups.
I can only offer my...
Kai looked at me softly.
"Celia...?"
My chin quivered, fresh tears clinging to my eyelashes, but I forced my eyes to stay locked onto his. A desperate, agonizing resolve took hold of my shaking hands.
"O-Okay..." I whispered, my voice trembling and raw. "I-I can make you feel good then..."
I reached forward, resting my trembling palms over the front of his shirt, right against his warm chest.
Then bringing his palm to rest on my breast, I let out a soft, shaky gasp as the warmth spread through my entire being.
"Y-You can use my body however you want."