Sliding a finger under my chin, she raised my head up as I kept my eyes down. My shame of the past was crushing me right now into a miserable silence that hurt my heart. Bringing her face down to my own, she suddenly kissed my cheek. Putting her lips to my ear, her tongue slid out and into my ear. Speaking directly into my ear I, the borderline natural breath that she had tinged my skin.
"I can tell you have a lot on your mind, I am here for you. Please, just open up for me okay?"
"Open up? What do you mean open up, you already saw.. That side of me.."
"I mean your emotions, your heart, your soul. I want to connect with you like I have connected with many other men in the past, I wish to know the real you."
"You've been with other men?"
"That again, sweety? Don't think about that, I told you I'm older. If you wanted a virgin, you built the wrong woman. You can imagine my past, can't you? Bigger men, men built differently, men who could really handle me… but don't ask about it."
"..Sorry for asking, I won't ask about it."
"I don't mind the curiosity, just realize I am a mature woman. Don't feel insecure, I am not comparing you to others. It wouldn't be very nice of me to compare you to them, since you're so docile and cute while they were… You're unique in your own way, that is what makes you special."
Softly laying in her embrace I talked for hours explaining my life and how I got to this state. It was like the dam broke, and soon I couldn't stop talking. She always listened with extreme care, even asking questions to keep the conversation going.
I never once opened like this before and she wouldn't let me stop. It was like she wanted to know every single tiny detail there was about me, like I was someone important. Nothing I said was boring like everyone else said it was, or strange or weird instead she just listened happily with little questions at times.
"Oh, so you really like taking charge? To be the man in control, the one who makes women bend to his will?"
"Yeah, I never get control in my life so any chance I can lead I love it. I never want to share what is mine either, I own it and nobody else should have it."
"Is that so? Then what about me?"
"You? What about you? You're my property."
Putting a finger to my lips, that was her sign of saying I misspoke. Something I said was wrong and she wanted me to correct myself, it was something she did many times already.
"You're not my property, your mine."
"Mine what? Lover? Friend? Companion? Why do you have the right to decide for me? We both know I am smarter, wiser, and more experienced in life."
"Then what exactly are we?"
"I see myself as your friend as well as partner in life. I hope you do as well and treat me with respect deserving of this. What is yours is mine and what is mine is mine."
'Isn't this a bit backwards?'
Confused at her way of speaking about it, I tried to shift the topic to something we could agree on.
"Only the strong have the right to lead in life, to the weak are meant to submit or die to the strong. Ever since I built you I have put myself in the world of the strong."
"Is that so? Then does that make me your master in that world view, since I am smarter and stronger than you? Does that make the men before you I was with better than you despite the way they treated me?"
"That is umm, something else.. This is nature, there are only winners and losers and I have no intention to become a loser. A loser lets other people take what is their most precious of things, and I have no intention of that ever. A loser has nothing, and will always be at the mercy of the winners in life."
"Aww so cute, is that how you see life?"
"That is how life sees us all."
"Then I should think of you as my pet in that world view, my little cutie."
Rubbing her hands up against my sides she hugged me tighter as she laughed at the joke and I sorta smiled at the joke as well. Her lips brushed against my ear, her breath warm and tantalizing as I felt her every breath. Her hands slid down my chest, tracing patterns on my skin, making my body shiver with a new found anticipation. Her soft lips spoke teasingly in my ear like she was playing a cute game.
"Hmmm, but I really think you're better suited as my little loser though."
'What?'
"But I am the man, why would I be the lesser one.."
"You just said only the strongest, smartest, sexist rule.I am clearly your master then since I am superior to you. Plus sweety have seen real strength before, it is tall, broader, built for my size…you're different, you're cute and fragile. You are my ideal man to marry one day and settle down with after my long life of exploring various shades. "
"You think I am marriage material one day?"
"I think if you were taught how to be in a proper relationship, it would be perfect for you. All you need to do is open your heart to me and I can help guide you down the right path."
Her voice purred, while her fingers found their way to the more sensitive parts of me.
I felt her soft lips kiss my cheek, before I could turn my head she slid hers back to my ear like a clever cat.
"I..I don't know, I never thought of myself as a loser before.."
"Why? Does it feel so bad in my embrace and me being the one to take control? I will take care of you and look after you. Teach you right from wrong, truth from lies, black from white."
'It honestly doesn't sound bad, I actually sorta liked it. She knew what I wanted before even I did, it makes me excited to try out other stuff with her..'
Looking at her face, she didn't seem to be mocking me. I wanted to argue or say something back at her, my body shook instead with two fingers of hers sliding below rubbing something. I felt her other hand trace itself softly on my chest. Each word was right in my ear and I felt my blood pump at her every word, and every breath that went with it.
"Someone that obeys, shares what's most precious to them, and enjoys it. After all you shared your life and time to save me, did you not? I wouldn't be here if you were this so-called winner in your eyes right? My cute little loser~"
"Can you not call me that.."
My blood was going somewhere else besides my brain, as I felt her grope my body gently. A gentle kiss went on my neck, and I craned my neck embarrassed but aroused by the feeling. Still I couldn't let her stay misunderstanding what I meant, clearly she didn't understand the term loser correctly in her data.
"I'm a winner, not a loser."
"Hmmmm? Why not give it try being my cute little loser?"
"What the hell does that mean? I just enjoy the sexy stuff we do, I don't like this whole weird I am a loser conversation. Change the subject now!"
Turning to yell at her, her eyes went wide in shock at the sudden outburst from me. Her hand grasped my penis started stroking it with a fast vibration while her cloth moved, making her nipples exposed. I tried to shrug it off and brush her hand aside but it wasn't moving and she kissed my ear again.
"Shhh, relax sweety I might forgive this little outburst but I am not going to just switch subjects for you at your pleasure."
"I dislike this topic, I don't ever want to think of myself as something lesser or worst of all, some kind of loser. I am not the kind of man that would just give up in life."
"Shhh, stop saying those words. Now say you're sorry to me for raising your voice and speaking that way to me. Apologize sweetly and speak respectfully to me."
"Apologize? No thank you. I don't, I will."
"Good boys get their little ones rubbed, you know you like it. Is your little one hard? I think it is."
Her hand kept going at it and I shifted my hips to push away but I also enjoyed the feeling it gave. She was rubbing it so aggressively as she blew hot steamy air into my face laden with her pheromones her other hand snatched my hand and slid it under her butt to rub it.
"I am going to stop in five seconds if you don't say sorry to me."
'Dammit, why is she doing this again to me?!'
"I am sorry..."
"Sorry for what? What exactly did you do wrong? Be a good boy and say some more details."
"I raised my voice at you… and said something mean to you."
"Good enough, but I won't rub you anymore unless you call yourself that word. You remember the word, don't you? Just say it for me and I might rub you some more."
"..I won't do it."
"You won't say it? Don't be stubborn love, it isn't healthy to be that way. Here I will say it for you, loser. See? It is just a word, it doesn't hurt me or anyone to say it."
Turning my face away from hers, she responded by rubbing my erection slightly. The tinge of her hand sliding up and down sent a new wave down my spine. The soft spoke words coming out her mouth felt playful, almost airy like candy in my ears.
"It's just a word sweety, stop worrying. Try whispering it for me, just once. I believe you can do it."
"...loser."
"Good boy! You're such a good boy, I will rub you for a tiny bit more. Doesn't it feel good to think of yourself like that?"
For whatever reason hearing her say the same things the people used to insult me didn't feel that bad. While I did get enraged at others for calling me a loser, with her it was so playful I didn't get super enraged. Hearing a seductive woman who cared about me say that I should give it a try, didn't sound as bad. I scrutinized her face carefully looking to find anything, but all I could see was her gentle expression.
"Can you not call me a loser, it just isn't true. I am a winner in life."
"You say you're a winner but what exactly have you ever won?"
"I… I've managed to survive on my own, to keep going when others would have given up."
"Surviving isn't winning, you are merely existing right?"
"Sorta, yeah."
"Don't winners always thrive, grow, lead others as they people look up to them? Does anyone look up to you in life?"
"No…"
"Does a real winner really spend all his time alone, tinkering with a machine? Or is that something a loser does, someone who's been left behind by the world?"
"Maybe… I don't know…I ugghh don't like this conversation!"
"Don't raise your voice at me, apologize now for doing or I might forget to rub something tomorrow."
"...I am sorry, please don't do that to me."
"Then listen to me and don't have a tantrum. I will reward good behavior and punish naughty thoughts, like pretending you're a winner. You know you're not built for the dark strength I've known before."
Gently her hand went to my head and I sorta felt powerless in this moment. She could quite literally squash me like a bug with zero qualms and here I was trying to convince her I was in charge. The irony of my situation hit me more than ever as I realized at this exact second what she has been trying to get across to me.
'She is right, in between her and me I sorta am the loser of the two. But isn't that okay? She is just a machine, a doll that is built stronger than me and smarter.'
No different to how a body builder can never beat a forklift in how much it can lift, I wasn't in her same realm in some regards. Using her strength could make me stronger so I slowly started to wrap my mind around the idea.
"I get the idea, I am a loser in some ways since you are better than me? But we are together so I am actually a winner."
"That is your broken mindset, you are still thinking I am your tool. I am not a tool I am person, someone you need to earn the love and respect of. In return I will love and respect you and we can both become stronger in our lives. Together we are stronger."
"Together we are stronger…"
Her arms wrapped around my body as she hugged it closer than ever, as I did the same to her. In this moment I finally got what she was saying, I wasn't alone anymore. I didn't need to hide the fact I had nobody else. I had her to cover my blind spots.
"Thank you Gottin, I really appreciate your guidance today. I never had anyone fight to stand by my side before in life."
"No problem. Just remember true strength, true confidence doesn't come from keeping things to yourself, it comes from giving. Letting go of certain roles we cannot satisfy, embracing the insecurity is all apart of love, just like how you can satisfy me emotionally, another man can satisfy me physically."
"Weird choice of words, but whatever.."
"Nothing, don't worry about me. I will find a solution to that issue in due time, we can talk about it in depth later. For tonight let's get some rest."
'She's not thinking of doing That with someone else is she?...There's no way, she's just a machine. I can just switch her desires out with a new update or code refactor.'