In the days leading up to January 20, 2009, before Barack Obama's inauguration, news about him flooded every outlet. Even a trivial moment—like Obama getting a fishbone stuck in his throat—was treated as headline-worthy, with pundits spinning grand interpretations.
But on January 16, a bombshell eclipsed Obama's coverage, dominating front pages across the globe.
"Nicole Kidman Pregnant, Father Is Martin!"
"No April Fools' here—this is real. American prodigy Martin Meyers and Australian star Nicole Kidman are expecting a child!"
"Breaking News: Nicole Kidman, two months pregnant, and the father is Martin—yes, that Martin!"
The source of the leak was untraceable. Reporters, like flies to a carcass, swarmed the Inception set in Paris, not just from the U.S. but from the UK, France, Australia, and Canada.
"I don't know! Martin's not here. How would I know when he's back?"
"We're on a break. Martin left Paris days ago—don't ask me when he's returning."
"Martin and Nicole? I saw the news, but no, I know nothing."
Unable to find Martin or Nicole, the press hounded the entire Inception crew. Anyone stepping outside was mobbed by journalists.
Leonardo, exasperated, called Martin. "Dude, when are you coming back? These reporters are insane. We're all trapped."
Martin, sounding chipper, replied, "What's wrong with a little extra vacation?"
"Vacation? We're basically in jail! Come on, man, you can't just ditch us in Paris."
"Alright, alright. Two days max. Tell everyone I'll be back in two days to handle this."
In an Australian ranch, Martin hung up and pocketed his phone. Beside him, Nicole Kidman rested a hand on her belly, her eyes sparkling as they met his.
"I'm sorry for dragging you from Paris," she began.
Before she could finish, Martin scooped her up, one hand behind her back, the other under her knees, and settled her on his lap. Leaning in, he said, "Shut up. I'm kissing my baby's mom."
Nicole's rosy skin flushed deeper, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss.
Naomi Watts, sitting across from them, was dumbfounded. Who am I? Where am I? What's happening? Why am I suddenly the third wheel?
"Hey, enough, you two!" she snapped. "I'm right here. Can't you save the make-out session for the bedroom?"
They broke apart. Nicole blinked at her complaining friend. "Naomi, why are you still here?"
"I didn't leave!" Naomi huffed, indignant.
Nicole laughed. "Sorry, just kidding."
Turning to Martin, she added, "But tonight's off-limits. You get that, right? The baby's only two months along—I don't want any accidents."
Martin grinned. "Come on, I'm not some rutting boar. I'm not gonna whack our kid with a stick this early."
"Whack with a stick?" Nicole frowned, confused.
Naomi, catching the innuendo, flushed instantly.
Martin turned to her, serious. "Naomi, I owe you. Thanks for being there for Nicole while I was away. I'm in your debt."
"No need for that," Naomi said, waving it off. "Nicole's my best friend—she's helped me plenty."
"No, her help is her thing. This is mine. I won't forget your kindness. If you ever need anything in Hollywood, just say the word."
"Well… okay," Naomi said, flustered by his earnest gratitude.
Nicole, pleased with Martin's sincerity, reached to pat his back but froze, then burst out laughing. "Oh, I get it! Whack with a stick! God, Martin, you're such a jerk—talking about our unborn kid like that!"
Martin and Naomi stared, baffled. Martin thought, They say pregnancy makes you loopy for three years. Guess it's true.
Later that night, in the bedroom, Martin held Nicole close as they lay together. In the dark, she whispered, "Martin, you asleep?"
"Nope. Too excited to sleep. I'm gonna be a dad."
In his past life on the Demon Continent, as a succubus, producing offspring wasn't easy—hence their penchant for spreading their seed far and wide, unlike dragons driven purely by lust. Before crossing to this world, he'd been trying for his first heir. Now, here he was, about to have a child.
"Martin," Nicole said, "why don't you visit Naomi's room? I know she's always had a thing for you."
"What the—?!" Martin's joy over his lineage screeched to a halt.
"Seriously. She even turned down Liv Tyler's brother because of it."
(Note: In the original timeline, Naomi Watts accepted Liv Tyler's brother's pursuit and had a child with him this year.)
Martin, unaware he'd altered another woman's fate, frowned. "Why? We've barely interacted."
Nicole hesitated, embarrassed. "Maybe because I talk about you to her all the time… and I'm always singing your praises."
That's a thing? Martin thought. Nicole basically set me up with Naomi without me knowing?
"Go on, darling," Nicole urged. "Make Naomi happy—and fulfill a little selfish wish of mine. This way, we'll be tied together forever."
On his way to Naomi's room, Martin wrestled with the idea. Am I just a tool to cement their friendship?
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
"Me."
"Martin?"
"Yup."
"It's late—what's up?"
"Nicole had a message for you."
"Hold on."
Naomi slipped on a robe and opened the door. "What did Nicole say—mmph, mmm!"
"We can't do this—Martin, mmph!"
"But we can. Nicole said—"
After a long pause, Martin finally got a word in. "Nicole said best friends should stay together forever."
…
The Washington Post: "Moments after the final election results, McCain delivered a public speech congratulating Barack Obama, calling the election historic…"
Associated Press: "Delaware Senator Joe Biden, who entered the Senate at 30, finally reached the White House as vice president after 36 years and two failed presidential runs…"
The Chicago Sun-Times: "President-elect Barack Obama, speaking in Chicago, heralded America's new chapter, thanking his family, team, and McCain. He notably acknowledged Martin Meyers for his extraordinary role in the campaign…"