Chase's POV
"How was your night?" I asked Kayla as she emerged from my room.
I forgot to offer her some change of clothes, for which I felt bad.
"Not bad." She smiled. Kayla looked as pretty, both in bed and out of bed. She didn't have the ugly morning face I'd seen on so many other girls.
"How do you feel now?" I asked.
"Better." she beamed, "Thank you for having me over."
"That's alright." I said. "I made coffee."
"Oh, I used to drink that." She sank into the char next to mine.
"You didn't look like you caught much sleep yourself." She said, pointing to my droopy, but sharp eyes.
"I tried." I admitted.
"What's up?" She asked, looking concerned.
"You might wanna grab your coffee." I deflected. "I'll get it for you." I said instead..
She sat still, and I took it out of the coffee maker, and poured it into some tea cups.
"This looks strong." She said, taking a generous sniff of it. "And smells strong too."
"Is it too much?" I asked.
"It's just how I like It." She said,
"Alright." I replied, unconvinced.
"What's up, Chase?" Kayla asked after taking a generous sip. She attempted to cross her legs, but it only revealed a large portion of her pretty thighs, so she put them back.
"I've just been thinking." I said, staring at the ceiling like I'd done for the past four hours.
"Do you want to let me in?" She asked.
She was proceeding with caution, and I found that sweet.
Kayla was a sweet girl, which was why I even got over the shit she pulled with Emma.
I hoped one day she'd find a great guy, one who'd grab her by the waist and force her to look into his eyes, and assure her that she's his only light.
I knew I wasn't that guy.
I was so stuck on Emma. It was impossible to get her off my mind. I had a hundred thoughts, and Emma was all hundred of them.
"What do you think of me, really?" I asked her.
"I think you're great. I also think you're fucked up." She said, point blank. I appreciated her honesty. Fuck knows I needed a real ass company.
"Kayla, you're a sweet girl." I said, looking in her eyes. "Angels like you can't fly down here with me." I smiled, sadly.
"What does that even mean?" She asked, as she set the cup down.
"I'm not the great guy you think I am." I said.
Maybe she was beginning to seem a little terrified, maybe it was just my head, I didn't know which.
"It's often said we do not always have the correct perspectives of ourselves." She dismissed it.
"As much as you want that to be true, I'm a really shitty person." I said. "I was with Emma only for the house, in the beginning. It's actually how it all started."
Her wide saucer shaped eyes stared at me so hard, I felt she could see inside of me.
I chuckled at how the tiniest bit of the revelation had her in surprise already.
"But she's a sweet girl." I clenched my hands and looked down on my feet.
"Chase, some mistakes get made, that's alright, that's okay. You could think that you're in love, when it's really just pain." She said.
"You're gonna have to keep these thoughts to yourself." I was pissed. "You don't have to discredit what Em and I had just cause you're fighting for your space in this."
"I'm sorry." Kayla said immediately.
I felt shitty for snapping at her.
"I think I've got to give whatever we have going on some space." I said.
"Why?" Kayla asked.
"I really just want to feel my feet, Kayla. It feels like I'm stepping into many places at once. The waters are strange, and I don't think I'm too ready." I confessed.
"So what are you suggesting?" She asked
I thought it was gonna be easy, but it broke me to say what I had in mind to her. "I just need time to figure things out"
"Have I been pushing you too hard?"She asked, feeling guilty.
"No, Kayla. It's really not you. Something has just taken a hold of me lately. Every single second, I'm stopping myself from ripping the skin out of my own bones. Emma is now my bad habit, and I can't string you along. You're a great girl, and would make a great friend, but I'm just not the person right now." I said.
"Wow." Kayla said in a low voice, while tracing the floral patterns on the cup. I felt shitty. Worse still, it was just how Emma and I ended, just a little before dawn, sitting next to each other in my living room. "Is it weird that this hurts like a break up?" She asked, and looked away.
The lights were dim, but I think I saw her eyes glistening from the tears pooling in them.
"I'm sorry, Kayla. I really just need to find myself." I apologized.
I only wished I could do the same to Emma.
Kayla took her little gold purse from the table where it passed the night, and straightened up her dress. "I don't think you have any use for me anymore." She said, smiling sadly.
"Please don't make it seem that way." I stood up and took her hand.
We were really close physically, but I couldn't feel anything. And what I didn't feel, I couldn't force. "I'd love to leave now"
"I didn't mean to make you mad." I said.
"I'm not." Kayla replied, plastering on some fake ass smile.
I gave up and unlocked the door for her
I held it open while she waked up.
As soon as she got to where I stood, she stood on tiptoes and planted a kiss on my cheek, before heading out without looking back.
I felt like shit.
I understood that Emma might never be mine, and that's fine. I was just breaking inside.