Callisto's words hit Elesis like a blow in the face, her eyes going wide for a second before returning to their usual, composed shape.
"I'm all right though," answered Elesis, her crimson gaze meeting her friend's calculating sky-blues. "Why do you ask?"
Callisto's expression shifted into something that carried a hint of doubt and worry at her friend's response. "Lately, I noticed how you join the conversation with everyone or even start one like you usually do, but you looked like you had something else in mind. It's like there's something you're not telling anyone. That's so not like you, El."
Callisto's words were followed by a moment of silence, the air thick with tension around them.
The way Callisto accused her friend of hiding something tasted bitter on her tongue; the hypocrisy in her words felt like a double-edged sword, but only she was getting stabbed by it. Callisto felt like she had no right to accuse Elesis of hiding something when she herself was hiding something probably far worse than anything she could think of from Elesis and everyone else.
But even so, Callisto felt the need to get those words out of her mouth. Because unlike her, Elesis never felt like someone who would hide something from anyone, even from Callisto.
That was so not like Elesis.
Elesis laughed, the awkward sound breaking the tense silence between them.
"Was I that obvious? I'm sorry. But honestly, I'm all right. I got some stuff going on, but it's not really a big deal."
Worry was still etched on Callisto's face, but she decided not to press on any further, respecting the redhead's words.
At that moment, the redhead took a second to look at the mountain landscape where the school and the barangay of Silangan resided. It was a rather beautiful sight, peaceful even—a stark contrast to the chaotic swirl of emotions occupying Elesis' body right now.
Fear, anxiety, uncertainty.
Elesis wasn't certain if this was the right thing to do. Not sure if she was trying to rush into it. But now that Callisto confronted her, the redhead decided to do the same thing. And so, with a determined expression on her features, she turned to face her friend and asked:
"Hey, Calli? We're friends, right?"
The words hung heavy in the air between them. Elesis didn't say anything else, letting Callisto process what she said in her head. Elesis could see the way Callisto's breath hitched at her question, the way her shoulders stiffened as if her body had just gone on high alert. She was definitely caught off guard just like El expected.
Callisto's gaze met the redhead's; her answer came out more like an attempt to defend herself rather than a confirmation.
"Of course. We're friends."
Elesis broke eye contact between them as she looked down at the half-eaten hamburger in her hand and another still wrapped on her lap. Normally, she would have eaten that much food sooner than Callisto could finish her own even while she was talking or busy with something else, and yet she still had half of the first burger in her hand.
Despite her incredible appetite, Elesis could not bring herself to finish her lunch. Not when she had decided to confront her friend, to speak her mind.
"In that case, why won't you let someone get close to you? Why would you keep a wall between you and everyone? Between us?"
"I..."
Callisto's free hand clenched into a fist on her side, finally understanding why the redhead wasn't like herself lately. Callisto was the reason. Because she wouldn't let anyone past the walls she built around herself. Callisto knew this would happen, knew that one day, Elesis would begin to question their friendship.
"... I have my reasons. There's something I can't tell anyone. No matter what."
Or was it really friendship? After all this time, did Callisto even see Elesis as a friend? Or was it all just a lie? Callisto looked at Elesis' face, noting how her expression shifted completely into sadness and disappointment.
"Not even to me?"
Callisto felt her heart crack at the sight of Elesis, who looked nothing like her usual cheerful, bubbly self. Just deflated and melancholic. Callisto felt guilty for having caused the redhead such distress. But even then, she still couldn't bring herself to trust Elesis, to tell her about her secret. And it caused the young lady great pain.
Callisto let out a heavy, shaky breath as she answered, "I can't tell you."
"I see."
The young lady felt her heart finally break at the redhead's reaction, which was simple yet carried a heavy weight. Ever since she reconnected with Elesis, one question had always been at the back of Callisto's mind.
Were all the connections she made real or not? Did every conversation, every moment she spent with the people in the convenience store and in Silangan High mean nothing at all? After giving her answer to Elesis, Callisto became certain of the answer to her own question.
"I'm sorry, El."
Elesis shook her head dismissively, forcing a smile despite the turmoil in her heart.
"It's fine. I get—"
"It's not fine."
A small gasp escaped Elesis' lips, surprised at getting cut off by Callisto.
"I can't trust you," Callisto admitted, following a low, self-loathing laughter that filled the air around them with its bitter taste. "Isn't that stupid? I mean, what kind of friend am I if I can't trust my own friends?"
"Huh?"
Elesis was left speechless and uncertain by what her friend just said. She now understood why Callisto kept a barrier between them and between other people. Elesis felt a bit disappointed that Callisto wouldn't tell her exactly the reason why she wouldn't open up to her and everyone else. But really, she couldn't care less about whatever Callisto did not want to tell her or anyone.
Right when Callisto apologized following their earlier conversation, Elesis intended to say that it was all right, that she understood and respected her friend's need for privacy. All Elesis wanted was to know why Callisto wouldn't let anyone in, so they could talk things out. She was hoping she could break through Callisto's walls right then and there. Or if not, at least put a dent in them.
But what ended up happening proved only one thing—Elesis had no idea if what she did was the right thing.
"I'm sorry, Elesis."
"Wait, what? Where are you going?"
Elesis stood up, following Callisto's abrupt departure toward the rooftop's exit. She tried to follow her friend, only for Elesis to stop as Callisto looked back at her. Elesis' crimson gaze met the young lady's sky-blue eyes. Cold, sharp, but there was a flicker of hurt in them.
"Please don't follow me."
"Calli, wait! Look, I get it, okay? You don't want to tell me your secret. That's fine."
"I told you it's not fine!"
Elesis was taken aback by the sudden rise in Callisto's tone, the grit on her teeth, the dark expression on her face. Callisto realized what she just did almost immediately and turned away just as quickly, her voice taking on a low, more serious lilt as she continued to speak.
"I can't keep this up anymore. I don't want to lie to myself or to you any longer. I'm sorry for pretending to be your friend, Elesis."
Just like that, Callisto disappeared behind the exit door, leaving Elesis all by herself on the building's rooftop, stunned. The hamburger she couldn't finish and the other she hadn't touched both lay on the ground after one of them fell from her hand and the other from her lap.