Iron Blood Intelligence Headquarters
5:00 PM
Inside the dimly lit comms room, one of the Enigma Operators suddenly sat upright, eyes focused on the decrypted message unraveling on the machine. With the Enigma codes recently changed - following the capture of a compromised spy network by the Eagle Union - many field agents still used outdated sequences, adding strain to intelligence operations. But this message came through, clean and recent.
"Sir, we've received a coded transmission from one of our Royal Navy contacts," The Operator reported, handing a sheet of decoded paper to the officer in charge.
"Gut," The Officer muttered. He slipped the paper into a secure folder and barked an order to a soldier at the door. "Deliver this to Herr Bismarck. Immediately."
The soldier saluted crisply. "Jawohl."
Bismarck's Office
Inside the grand office, Bismarck sat calmly with Prinz Eugen and Graf Zeppelin, discussing countermeasures to the Modern Kansen weapons they had encountered.
"We need concentrated anti-air batteries to counter their supersonic aircraft," Graf Zeppelin snapped, slamming her fist on the table.
Her expression twisted in frustration - not just strategic, but personal. Her ego, recently healed, still remembered the sting of Laffey-200's meager AA-Gun and Lasers.
Hipper and Leipzig, both nearby, watched the fuming carrier from the corner, choosing not to interrupt.
Bismarck remained composed. "We're currently developing special shells designed specifically to counter high-speed aerial targets."
Graf Zeppelin leaned forward, her tone urgent. "When?"
"It's still under development not ready for field testing - yet."
"Can't we speed it up?"
"Nein. Rushing production will only compromise other weapon projects production line."
Graff Zeppelin's fists clenched, her rage barely suppressed. Eugen, ever the diplomat, reached out and placed her hand on her shoulder.
"It's no use arguing," she said softly. "Herr Bismarck won't budge once she's decided. It will get us nowhere,"
Hipper broke her silence. "If just one of these Modern Kansens capably match - or surpass a PR-class ship... what's our plan then?"
Bismarck nodded. "Scharnhorst and Gneisenau are both currently undergoing full modernization. Their ship's forward 28cm SK C/34 triple turrets are being replaced with 38cm SK C/34 twin turrets, and their aft turret configuration will be replaced with twin Missile launchers armed with miniaturized V-2 rockets - designed specifically for aerial defense."
Eugen raised a brow. "So we're prioritizing air threats over surface ones."
"Ja, Eugen. The enemy's tactics are evolving. We must adapt."
Eugen leaned back in her chair. "Does the Führer know about this?"
Bismarck nodded. "Ja. As soon as we retrieved the Project Orochi blueprints, he immediately ordered mass overhauls of the fleet - starting with the Scharnhorst-class."
From her place near the office door, Hipper asked, "What happened to the Orochi blueprint afterward?"
"It is currently being reverse-engineered. The data and weapon systems are being analyzed for integration into our latest super battleship project—the H-45s."
The room fell into stunned silence at the mentioned of the colossal project – or money drain. Eugen was the first to speak at the massive controversy.
"I thought the H-45 Project was shelved in favor of other weapons such as - Jet Aircraft, Guided Bombs, Missiles, and even Wisdom Cube research and manufacturing. How can our economy sustain such extravagant spending?"
Bismarck exhaled inwardly in stress at the situation. "Eugen, the people of Iron Blood don't care about the cost - only that they feel protected. Fear has become a currency. I understand your concern, but we cannot afford to refuse orders from the top."
Everyone in the room knew what that meant. Disobedience didn't just lead to demotion—it could mean losing one's Kansen form, or worse: being married off to one of the Elite Officers for "reassignment." A shiver passed through the room at the thought.
The mood turned somber of the reality of disobedience, until the office door swung open, startling everyone – except Bismarck. She maintained her posture and demeanor.
"Apologies for the intrusion, Herr Bismarck," the Soldier said, saluting in the rank. "We've received a transmission from our Operatives inside the Royal Navy."
He walked forward and handed her the secure folder.
Bismarck opened it and scanned the message. Her eyes widened slightly, and for the first time in days, she allowed herself a subtle smirk.
"Send this to Friedrich in the Sardegna Empire," she ordered. "Tell her: We must capture this Modern Kansen at all costs. The intelligence we could gather from that Kansen alone could tip the balance in our favor. And... make sure she understands - the ship's Kansen is to be taken alive. I want him alive for interrogation."
The Soldier saluted sharply and left the room.
Eugen's curiosity sparked. "What was in the report?"
Bismarck folded the document. "A Modern Kansen is currently assigned to convoy escort in the Mediterranean Sea."
Graf Zeppelin narrowed her eyes. "The same Ship the U-boats warned us about?"
Bismarck nodded. "Ja. The one with the superior ASW capability. The 'Ship-Boy.'"
Sardegna Empire
Rented House / Safe House
6:00 PM
Scylla, Maid Enterprise, and Denver-856 sit together in tense silence, whispering their plans and reports. Denver-856 keeps a steady eye on the window - peeking, her ECM system active - though limited to the house's perimeter.
Scylla begins the briefing. "Iron Blood delivered a tower-like structure to Sardegna. It's definitely Siren tech its design screams it. Most of the cargo was covered, so I couldn't see much else. Also... our Long-Range Listening Device isn't working properly."
"Looks like Iron Blood caught on," Denver-856 mutters, still playing the role of a pampered elite's daughter while scanning the street. "They're likely jamming or scrambling signals - deliberate counterintelligence. Sardegna doesn't have the capability to jam us. Only Iron Blood does."
Maid Enterprise looks worried. "W-What should we do now? Without our listening tools..."
"We get closer," Denver-856 states without hesitation. She turns to face the others. "If we can't gather from a distance, we go in."
Scylla nods.
Denver-856 continues. "About that tower... My Meowfficers confirmed it. It's called a Siren Weather Tower."
"Siren Weather Tower...?" Scylla repeats, puzzled. Then a memory clicks. "Wait, wasn't there something like that used in the Southern Pacific?"
"You mean those floating buoys?" Maid Enterprise asks.
Denver-856 crosses her arms, thinking. "Could be. There were reports of unpredictable weather patterns near Siren bases. Every time our forces closed in, storms would flare up out of nowhere - and there was always a weird oddly similar structure in the middle of it. Most assumed it was for surface detection, so surface ships avoid it completely."
"So... you think it's the same thing?" Maid Enterprise asks cautiously.
"Maybe. I'm not sure." Denver-856 shrugs-off. "I've already sent the photos to Pearl. Let the analysts figure that part out."
Using her secure channel, SSN-856 USS Denver transmits a set of high-resolution photos taken by Scylla during their train recon mission captured near the Iron Blood–Sardegna border to Pearl Harbor for analysis.
Then, she looks at her team. "Okay, listen up. We're infiltrating the port tonight. I want eyes on that Siren Weather Tower and any other suspicious tech. Dress up - we move in thirty."
"Understood," the maids reply in unison.
The room shifts into motion. The maids begin changing into tactical gear, maid outfit beneath, night-vision lenses, silenced weapons, and electronic jammers.
Denver-856 activates her comms and radios their submerged contact. "Lasagna Team, this is Denver. Mission is green - standby for infiltration support."
Taranto Harbor
The Dockyard buzzed with activity. Workers and Manjuus moved with urgent precision, assembling a towering Siren structure capable of conjuring storms out of thin air. Soldiers and Shipgirls stood guard, alert and armed, securing the perimeter around the strange monolith.
On a nearby platform, Cmdr. Marco stood flanked by Friedrich der Große, Littorio, and Ulrich von Hutten. The massive tower floated ominously at the harbor's center unnatural, alien, and humming with potential.
"So this is what the Sirens used to conceal their movements in the Southern Pacific. Generating storms and fog to disrupt aerial reconnaissance... Clever." Littorio said, her eyes fixed on the sleek, jagged structure.
"Ja," Friedrich agreed, her arms folded behind her back. "It took considerable effort to haul one of these inland for examination and reverse engineering."
"I still can't believe the Sirens let something this valuable fall into your hands," Cmdr. Marco said skeptically.
Friedrich gave a knowing smirk. "Well ... They tried to retrieve it. Once we started towing it inland, they pursued us. But we repelled them with overwhelming firepower. Eventually, they gave up."
Cmdr. Marco frowned, his voice dropping. "That doesn't sound like them... Sirens usually destroy anything they can't recover. Just like their mass-produced ships - self-destruct protocols and all."
Ulrich's voice cut in coldly. "Are you doubting my sister's account, Commander?"
Cmdr. Marco turned slowly. Ulrich, draped in gothic attire and radiating menace, stared at him with glowing eyes. "N-No, of course not."
"That's enough, Ulrich," Friedrich said calmly. "In times like these, suspicion is a survival instinct. Even allies have secrets. Having a little bit suspicion is better to have none."
Littorio stepped forward, gesturing toward the tower. "Well, if you ask me. This kind of Siren technology, falling into human hands without any significant retaliation? That's suspicious in itself."
"Indeed," Friedrich added with a sly grin. "If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't believe the official story either."
Cmdr. Marco and Littorio exchanged subtle glances. They didn't need to speak, they both knew Friedrich's version of events was too convenient. Friedrich's smile only widened, enjoying the thin veil of deception and legitimacy of her claims.
Beneath the platform, submerged just under the surface, Denver-856 hovered in her diving gear and Navy SEAL rig. Her oxygen system was quiet, bubbles minimal. She had tuned her Long-Range Listening Device to a low-frequency setting to avoid detection, but she caught enough of the conversation to stir unease in her gut.
"That sounded like suspicious, letting Siren tech fall into human hands? This stinks. Akagi and Kaga aren't the only ones doing dirty business with the Sirens..."
At the Siren Weather Tower, Mainz oversaw construction, blueprint in hand. "Move the cables over there," she directed, pointing to workers lugging heavy antenna wires.
Manjuus secured structural bolts with precise welds. Harbor cranes hoisted the massive antenna, preparing to slot it into place atop the growing tower.
But hidden amidst the organized chaos, phantoms crept between shadows. Figures cloaked in aprons and modern tactical gear slipped unseen, unheard and unnoticed.
Scylla and Maid Enterprise, fully suited in Navy SEAL Gear, huddled behind a stack of crates just outside Iron Blood's jamming range.
"This is Scylla. We've reached the target location," she whispered into her low-frequency mic.
"Good. Capture the objective before they head back inside," Denver-856 replied softly.
"Understood."
With silent precision, the two Maids slipped past patrols, weaving through fences and checkpoints with ease. Their target was a secured building rumored to hold documents on the Siren Weather Tower's purpose and design.
Maid Enterprise knelt at the locked door, working a custom lock pick into the mechanism. Scylla kept watch behind her, eyes trained on approaching guards.
A soft click.
"It open." Maid Enterprise whispered softly.
The door creaked open barely making a sound. Both slipped inside and gently shut the door behind them, carefully covering their tracks.
Inside, the room was dim and lined with tables, filing cabinets, and steel lockers. The two split up, searching swiftly and quietly at their objective.
The documents related to the Siren Weather Tower – or any documents they could use to find as information.
As the Maids sifted through drawers, tales and lockers, at the corner nestled between cabinets - Maid Enterprise froze. "Scylla," she whispered, pointing at a partially hidden safe. "This might be it."
She crouched beside it and began working the combination dial with slow, deliberate movements. Time passed like molasses.
Click.
She opened the safe carefully and inside was a folder labeled in bold red ink: "SIREN WEATHER TOWER MANUAL"
She held it up. "Scylla, I found it."
"Good," Scylla moved forward. But just as she reached for the file *BZZZT* An alarm klaxon shrieked through the air.
"What—!?" Scylla hissed.
The safe cleverly rigged with a mechanical failsafe - had activated a delayed alarm after being left open for exactly one minute. A spring-loaded gear inside had tripped, triggering the sound.
The Harbor's silence was shattered. Floodlights flared. Guards yelled. Sirens alarm wailed.
"This is bad," Scylla muttered, tucking the Siren Weather Tower Manual into her apron.
"Mistress Denver, we've got the file - but we've been made!" Maid Enterprise radioed.
"Get to extraction. Lasagna Team is en route."
Far across the harbor, the Lasagna Team – Manjuus clad in tactical gear, their round shape silhouetted at the moonlight above. At their position – heavy armament raging from .50cal prepared to the Maids retreat.
The hunt had begun.
Guards and Soldiers rushed toward the building where the alarm had sounded. Maid Enterprise's eyes widened in panic as Scylla peered out the window for an escape route.
"Shit," Scylla muttered. The only option: jump out.
With no hesitation, she smashed the window with the buttstock of her M4 a standard-issue from Denver for ops like these. She grabbed Maid Enterprise's hand. Together, they leapt from the fifth story.
Pier-side, Cmdr. Marco and the other shipgirls turned toward the sound of the alarm, and flaring searchlights.
"Looks like Azur Lane is making their move," Friedrich said coolly.
"Contact everyone - Taranto's being infiltrated!" Littorio shouted.
But before the message could go out, the pier beneath them erupted in a violent explosion. The pier where they stood erupted and quickly sunk into the waters of the harbor.
"What the—"
Cmdr. Marco shouted as the structure collapsed, sending him and Littorio plunging into the sea. Neither had time to deploy their rigging.
Friedrich and Ulrich – both managed to leap away just in time, landing hard on the concrete dock, rigging already activating. The two sister honed in combat, such surprise was expected.
Denver-856, still submerged beneath the pier, smirked to herself. "That should slow them down."
She activated her comms, reaching out to her lurking Submarine miles offshore. "Requesting Tomahawk Strike. Coordinates locked. Light up the harbor."
On the Harbor, with flickering searchlights. Scylla and Maid Enterprise were locked in a brutal firefight with harbor guards and soldiers. Bullets zipped by, ricocheting off metal containers. Scylla pulled the pin on a grenade and tossed it at the advancing soldiers.
"Where the hell did you get those?!" Maid Enterprise cried out.
"Mistress Denver said they were optional," Scylla replied nonchalantly while firing her M4.
As the two maids argued about the use of Grenades – in the middle of a firefight. Sniper Manjuus - armed with suppressed rifles, began targeting harbor floodlights, shrouding the battlefield in deepening shadows.
But then, an even greater threat emerged.
Friedrich and Ulrich stood tall on the dock, their riggings deployed. Twin battleship cannons locked onto the crates where the Maids used as cover.
Scylla's eyes widened. "Incoming!" she shouted, grabbing Maid Enterprise and move out of the cover of stacked crates - just as a 16-inch shells impacted.
BOOM!
The explosion sent the two Maids tumbling across the concrete, bruised and shaken. From the elevated scaffolds and storage towers came the Lasagna Team laying down suppressing fire with .50cal machine guns and light artillery.
"This is Lasagna Lead, we got you covered!" LS Lead shouted over the gunfire.
Ulrich raised an eyebrow, her Rigging shielded her at relentless hail of the .50cal. "Where the hell did they get this kind of fire support?"
Friedrich snarled. "It's not support. It's harassment."
"Bring in the explosives!" LS Lead ordered.
From cover, a Manjuu stepped forward with an M4 Carl Gustav. The recoilless rifle was prepped with an AP round.
"Backblast clear!" one of the Manjuu shouted.
"FIRE!"
The shell screamed through the air, aimed directly at the Iron Blood pair, their Battleship Rigging was a Shape-Charge magnet.
Friedrich saw the smoke and fire coming out of the dimly lit Harbor. "Watch-out!" she shoved Ulrich out of the whizzing AP round.
the round passed through between them and struck a harbor crane behind. The explosion compromised the structural integrity of the supporting beams of the crane.
CRACK—CRUNCH!
The crane collapsed onto a cluster of Guards and Soldiers firing at the supporting Manjuus, up above the platform. Some saw the falling structure and scrambled away. Others were not so lucky and got crushed by the weight, screaming in agony cane be heard at the grunting and burning hulk of the crane.
But that doesn't mean the fighting stops.
"Reload! Reload!" LS Lead bellowed.
Friedrich keyed her radio, voice tense. "August! Hit those platforms! We're sitting ducks!"
August von Parseval, situated out in the open ocean, received the transmission just before jamming disrupted the signal. She redirected her navalized ME 262s toward Taranto Harbor.
The fighters, armed with high-speed air-to-surface rockets. Dove its nose down for ground attack.
Maid Enterprise looked up just in time to see the blue glow of descending rocket engines. "Enemy planes incoming!"
Scylla sprinted for cover as explosions began to pepper the harbor.
Manjuus armed with FIM-92 Stinger missiles scrambled out of hidden crates and bunkers.
"Aerial threat! Shoot 'em down!" LS Lead roared.
With a hiss and streak of flame, the Stingers launched skyward. Direct hits - two ME 262s were shredded mid-air in a fireball.
August's voice crackled over the comms. "Half my squadron's down... They're using missiles."
"Ja, we saw," Friedrich replied, her confidence cracking.
Ulrich watched another plane get ripped from the sky. "Compact... portable... That's no ordinary rocket."
Shrapnel rained down from the harbor, peppering the newly built structures. From her post atop the Siren Weather Tower, Mainz saw the inferno bloom across the pier—the chaos unfolding in real time.
"Was that... the Modern Kansen?" she whispered, eyes wide. Without hesitation, she activated her Rigging and leapt into action.
Denver-856 took full advantage of the distraction. Slipping past charred halls and fallen debris, she infiltrated the Siren Weather Tower, heading straight for the blueprints Mainz had left behind.
She radioed in. "Get down. Tomahawk strike inbound—less than a second out."
Scylla and Maid Enterprise sprinted to the extraction point, where a SEAL Delivery Vehicle waited just beyond the dock's edge. Nearby, Manjuus with heavy weapons began evacuating following Denver's warning.
"Don't let them escape!" Mainz's voice echoed behind them as a barrage of bullets tore through the air.
As the gunfire through the Harbor began to slowly die down.
"Out of ammo?" Ulrich asked, raising a brow.
"Nein," Friedrich said grimly. "They're falling back. Something bigger is coming."
Miles offshore the Toronto, August von Parseval speeds to the harbor, her rigging sharply cut through the waves under the moonlight. It was subtle, like a glider slicing low across the ocean.
She glanced toward the horizon - moonlight catching a ghostly white projectile skimming over the waves.
"That's no aircraft," she muttered, panic rising in her chest. "It's a missile!"
She opened comms immediately. "Friedrich! Enemy missile inbound-run!"
"What?!"
Too late. The barrage of Tomahawk Missiles by passed above her with a whizzing sound of a whirling wind of destruction.
The harbor lit up like a dying sun as Tomahawk missiles rained from the sea. One slammed into the Fuel Depot—a fireball erupted, painting the sky in orange and red.
Another hit the Ammunition Storage, sending out a chain of secondary explosions that rocked the harbor like an earthquake. And then, the final missile struck the Siren Weather Tower, blasting the structure apart in a blinding white flash.
Everyone the Harbor couldn't act much faster than those who sensed the incoming danger befall at the Harbor. The explosion tore through their lines and hidden positions.
In the nearby town – near the burning Harbor, windows rattled from the force of the explosions. The calm night wake the residence on their beds, the town was filled with screamed and horror as the horizon was consumed in flames.
"Are we under attack?!" one of the residence shouted.
"I don't know!" the other residence shouted back.
Fire trucks screamed through the streets as first responders rushed to the scene. Shipgirls and soldiers scrambled to contain the inferno now engulfing the harbor. Fire crews and emergency teams rushed to respond as chaos spread beyond the harbor.
At the wreckage
Iron Blood Shipgirls gathered near the smoldering ruins. The Siren Weather Tower groaned as it slowly sank into the water, consumed by flames.
"How the hell did they devastate this whole place so fast?" Vittorio asked, scanning the destruction.
August von Parseval stood in stunned silence. "I saw it. It came from the ocean... A White Missile... skimming over the ocean. But - no ships, no planes. Nothing showed on radar."
Vittorio cursed under her breath. "Damn it! I'll make them pay for this."
Littorio and Cmdr. Marco, their clothes still dripping saltwater, approached the group. Littorio's expression was hard, cold.
"Are you sure it didn't come from the air or sea?" she asked.
August von Parseval turned to face them. "Ja. My radar was clear. Even my recon fighters found no trace."
"Then what did this?" Cmdr. Marco stepped forward, drenched in seawater alongside Littorio.
Footsteps approached. Friedrich der Große walked toward them, her expression stern, unreadable. Ulrich von Hutten, trailing behind her with torn sleeves and scorched rigging, looked battered but alive.
"If it wasn't from the air or surface..." Friedrich began, her expression hardening. "Then it was underwater."
Ulrich limped into view. "submarine."
Friedrich nodded. "Back during our failed operation against Royal Isle, we used U-boats to launch covert rocket attacks from beneath the surface. They were stealthy - but detectable by air patrols. That's why we shelved the program."
"And you never told us?" Littorio snapped, pointing accusingly.
Friedrich didn't flinch. "It was classified. Even among us."
Mainz arrived, breathing heavily, her face grim. "The entire Siren Weather Tower is destroyed. Structure's totaled beyond repair, electronics fried and burnt. Blueprint's gone missing. Half our technicians were killed in the blast."
Friedrich's gaze darkened. "Herr Bismarck's assessment was right. Before the attack on Sakura Empire, she suspected a Modern Kansen spy weeks before their own infrastructure was hit the same way. Fuel Depots, Ammunition Storage, and critical command nodes - exactly like here."
"You think it's the same infiltrator?" Cmdr. Marco asked.
"I don't know," Friedrich admitted. "But according to Sakura's spy stationed at Pearl... they observed eleven vessels. Two of them were submarines unlike any U-boats we've ever seen."
"You think... one of those Submarines did this?" Littorio gestured around them at the flaming wreckage.
"It's possible," Friedrich replied. "But right now, we know one thing - whoever they are, they've got tools we don't... and they know exactly where to hit us."
SSN-856 USS Denver, Somewhere beneath the Mediterranean Sea.
The Navy SEAL Delivery Vehicle docked seamlessly with the submarine's rear hatch. Scylla and Maid Enterprise entered silently, their soaked dresses and battle-scorched gloves speaking louder than words.
Inside, Denver-856 greeted them.
"Is everyone alright?" she asked, scanning them quickly for injuries.
"We're fine, Mistress Denver," Maid Enterprise replied, panting from the adrenaline rush.
"Good," Denver-856 exhaled in relief. "Did you retrieve the document?"
Scylla nodded and handed her the waterproof-sealed packet containing the Siren Weather Tower's manual. "Perfect. You two get some rest we've got a busy day ahead."
"Yes, Ma'am."
As the two collapsed onto the crew bunks, Denver-856 pulled out a camera and began photographing every page of the manual with precision. Once done, she sent the files through an encrypted uplink to Pearl Harbor – where everyone could analyze the data.
Pearl Harbor – Azur Lane Main Base of Operation
The base's command center, now modernized to 21st-century standards, buzzed with activity. Old analog machines had been replaced with sleek digital supercomputers, and towering screens showed the world map with near-real-time fleet positioning.
Manjuus, chirping orders in high-pitched tones, guided human operators through their crash course on the new systems. The analog computer they once knew and operated was just turning knob, switches and chords.
The Keyboard, similar yet different to a typewriter was an easy to navigate at typing documents and files. The operation continues, but with a massive upgrade to the operations.
Adm. Nimitz stood before the massive screen, arms crossed, observing the current Southern Pacific operations.
"Sir," one of the Operators called out. "Encrypted message just arrived from Denver's unit."
Adm. Nimitz strode over. "Let me see it."
The operator pulled up the message and attached files: "Recovered document from Siren Weather Tower. Request confirmation - does this match the towers we've seen generating storm and fog anomalies in the South Pacific? Believed used to conceal large Siren movements."
Images of blueprints and field photos of Siren Weather Tower filled the screen.
"Send this to the Research Department immediately," Adm. Nimitz ordered.
"Aye, Sir." the operator's hand hovered over the keyboard and start transmitting the data,
Adm. Nimitz muttered to himself, "If this is accurate... then the Sirens have cloaked half their navy behind storms we couldn't pierce."
Azur Lane Research Department
William leaned over his desk, lunch half-eaten, eyes darting across the decoded file.
"A tower that manipulates weather... how do they even explain the physics of that?" he grumbled, flipping a page. Reaching for his desk phone, he dialed the command center.
"Azur Lane Main Base," the voice on the other end answered.
"Put me through to Adm. Nimitz."
"This is Nimitz."
"Afternoon, Admiral. I need to know - do we have any shipgirls near the Southern Pacific who can verify the presence of these floating buoys mentioned in the file?"
"We do. USS Essex and her fleet are currently running strike operations nearby."
"Excellent. Have her scout the area - get aerial photos of any Anomalous Buoys and cross-reference with this data."
"She's already on it. Scout planes are en route."
"Keep me updated the moment anything comes in."
"Will do."
William hung up and stared at his lunch tray. With a sigh, he stood up. "If Vestal catches me here during lunch, I'm a dead man."
He hustled down the hallway, muttering, "Not getting another lecture about 'balance' from a warship in a nurse outfit."