I drifted in and out of that comfortable place just between sleep and wakefulness for what was likely several hours. I was warm, comfortable, if somewhat sticky, and had no reason to move or do much of anything at all. My bladder was probably the only reason why I wasn't fully asleep, but even that discomfort wasn't enough to fully rouse me from my languid doze. That is until something big started to nudge me around. I grunted unhappily and tried to swat at it, but the only thing I got for it was another poke in my side.
"G'way!" I grunted and waved my arm uselessly in an attempt to ward of my assailant.
I heard a grunt and then jabbed me in the side again and I heard a familiar female voice speak. "Get up you little perv."
I rolled over, electing a disgruntled squeak from one of the forms sleeping beside me, and looked up at a giant Lys with a shit-eating grin on her face. I blinked blearily at her, trying to figure out what was going on and why Lys was in my bedroom. But my head felt like it was filled with fudge and my mouth tasted like a dead rat had been decomposing in it for a few weeks. All signs of a night on the town. I looked away from Lys to my left where the sound of discontent had come for and was greeted by the visage of a beautiful blond woman sleeping beside me. A sleeping, beautiful, naked, and blond woman with a pair of antennas on her head and a pair of shimmering insect wings stuck to her back.
That was not quite right, was it, I thought to myself as I turned over to my right and found another winged woman sleeping there. Cool, two at once. That had never happened to me before. It didn't explain why Lys was a giant right now though. Or why my room looked so big. Oh wait... Slowly my mind ungummed itself and the night before came back. My failed attempt at scoring, my excessive drinking, my arrival at the castle and my room, finding another orgy, and... yeah. I winced and let out a sigh as my head sunk back into the pillow I was currently lying on. I'd have to burn that.
"Oh..." I stated.
"Had fun last night, did we?" She asked gleefully, I think she was on the verge of giggling. There was something profoundly wrong with that image. Lys did not giggle, it was unnatural.
I blinked and thought about it. For all that last night... activities... might not have been me at my best, I was currently feeling way too relaxed and content to feel bad about any of it. I'd got laid, and well at that. I felt like a huge weight had been removed from my back for the first time in fucking forever. And the fact that I was currently lying butt-ass naked in front of Lys, with it all hanging out for her to see and having just shagged a bunch of fairies didn't bother me all that much. My family wasn't all that body-conscious anyway. If she didn't want to see she could damn well look away. It didn't matter what I did anyway, Lys was going to give me shit for it no matter what so I might as well own it.
I made a show of stretching, letting out a satisfied grunt as I felt my back and shoulders pop before I clasped my hands behind my head and crossed my legs. "You know what, I am. I think this is the most reeelaxed I've been in years!"
"Oh I betcha you are, the conquering hero. Didn't think you'd be so small you had to resort to fairies." She burst out before dissolving into riotous laughter at my expense.
"Yeah, yeah, yuck it up!" I yelled at her.
"Aw, are your little feelings hurt?" She smoked between bouts of laughter. "Want me to get you a little hanky?"
I groaned, "Hah, hah, can you get outa here so I can get cleaned and dressed?"
"Why? it's not like I haven't already seen your little thing!" She squeaked out before dissolving into laughter again.
The ruckus Lys was making was rousing my sleeping companions, as well as the rest of the fairly large group of fairies, including Puck, from their slumber. The normal fairies were starting to flit away, squeaking in annoyance at having been woken up. It also woke up Puck. Now Puck, as we have found out, is not a morning kind of person. His rage fit from when he hatched seems to have carried over to whenever he is woken up early in the mornings. I saw something glow blue in the corner of my eye just before a blast of azure energy nailed Lys center mass, causing her to stagger back into a wall and fall on her ass.
"Stop the noise! I'm sleeping!" He shouted in his squeaky chipmunk voice.
Lys sunny mood did a one-eighty, she pops back, red in the face, and proceeds to lunge at Puck. Fairies went everywhere, including Puck, and she almost came crashing down on top of me and my bedmates when she landed on the bed. "Oh you done it now, come here! I'll rip them wings right off and shove 'em up your arse!"
I groaned as my bedroom descended into bedlam as Lys tried to kill Puck, and Puck flew around the room taking potshots at Lys while the rest of the fairies flitted all around in a squeaky panic.
"I'm never getting drunk again..." I groaned to myself just before I was launched off the bed as Lys used it as a springboard. Really, what did I do to deserve this?
---
A while later I'd ensconced myself in the Room of Requirement to get away for a bit. The hubbub in my bedroom had been resolved after Paddy had arrived and paralyzed everyone for a bit, collected all the fairies, except Puck, and removed them somewhere. I'd gotten free first, canceling the paralysis on myself, resumed being big again before ejecting Puck and Lys from my bedroom and putting a complex locking charm on the door to prevent anyone from getting back in. I'd gotten dressed and then I'd decided to head into the Room and do something to take my mind off of what had happened. I mostly did that because I knew Lys had probably been on her way there when she had discovered me all In flagrante delicto and I figured I'd waste her time and get a bit of revenge for making fun of me.
She'd probably come barging in here sooner or later, just after she manages to get past Paddy and the locking charm on my bedroom door.
But until then I had the room to myself for a bit and I'd decided to play around with a spell I'd come across a few weeks ago. I'd been meaning to do some experiment on it since then but time had a way of getting away from me, I had so many other things I was working on it just sort of slipped my mind until now. The spell was just called Ignis Flagellum, or the fire whip. I suspected it was the same conjuration charm Dumbeldore had used to protect himself and Harry from the Inferi trap Piddle had created to protect the Locket. It created a thin stream of fire from the wand, or in my case, the tip of my index finger, that acted a bit like a whip. You could then move it around which caused anything it touched to catch on fire. Dumbledore had swung it around himself in a circle to create a protective wall around himself and Harry that allowed them to ward off the undead until they could escape.
I'd found the thought of it fascinating, at least conditionally. I wanted to see if the spell actually created a whiplike construct, or if it was just a stream of fire, like as if someone used a flamethrower, only a bit more controlled. And to my everlasting glee, it was more the first than the latter. It didn't quite act like a physical whip, but it was a self-contained piece of flame essentially. One that acted like it had some mass, even though it really couldn't have any. The discovery had me so happy I set the whole room on fire. I had to cast a flame freezing charm, a cooling charm, and a bubblehead charm on myself to not die.
"I knew you'd be steamed I teased ya, but don't ya think setting things on fire is a bit much?" Lys voice came to me over the roaring of the flames that surrounded me.
I chuckled and turned towards her. "You finally got through my bedroom door I see. Do I still have a bedroom door or do I need to shop for a new one?"
"Your door is fine. That little terror you call a butler wouldn't let me bust it down. I had to pop the pin out of the bloody hinges to get in, so you will have to put it back up if you want your little privacy." She answered me with a smirk at the end.
"Aw! Did the little dwarfy not figure out how to unlock the weedle door, huh?" I mocked her right back. "Mebbe you should study more rather than banging on things with your hammer."
Lys gave me an unimpressed look. "Remind me again who it is I'm making stuff for, I seem to have forgotten."
"I thought you said you were done?" I asked her and did a memory check. "In fact, I know you said you were done."
Lys rolled her eyes at me in female exasperation. "I'm done with the parts for the portside wing, but I'm assuming that you want weapons for the starboard side as well. And then there is the ball turret we were talking about."
"You figured it out?" I asked, perking up.
"Not yet, but I'll get there eventually," Lys grunted before looking around at the inferno that surrounded me. "Now, mind telling me just why you felt the need to turn this place into the inside of a volcano?"
I laughed. "Yeah, I got a bit excited. You got a bubblehead charm on?"
Lys crossed her arms over her generous chest and gave me the stinkeye. "Yeah, not even a dwarf can breathe in here when it is like this!"
"Good, hang on!" I called out to her and cast a spell. It was actually a curse. it was meant to suck the air out of the lungs of a person so they would suffocate. it was like the reverse of the bubblehead charm. I'm not sure how it works exactly, I don't think it creates a vacuum, or I at least assume it doesn't. I'm not sure but if it did then I think it would cause more than just asphyxia. But since I don't have access to the internet I haven't been able to check. When it's not cast on a person through it's one hell of a fire extinguisher, however. It can snuff out a bonfire like it is a candle. The fire in the room seems to twitch before it just dies abruptly. I cast a cooling charm to get the temperature down around me, followed by an Aguamenti charm on the floor to cool that down as well. And lastly, I add an air freshening charm to clear up the muggy air caused by the water boiling off from the floor.
Nice and tidy.
"There we go. Good as new." I proclaimed a bit smugly.
Lys gave me a sarcastic slow clap. "And what was that for, If I might ask?"
"Oh nothing much," I tell her lightly. "I just wanted to find out if it was possible to make a lightsaber."
"What the bloody hell is a lightsaber?"