"Are you insane?! No! Hell no! I'm not sleeping with the kids! I'm a thirty-year-old man for fuck's sake!" I protested loudly while pointedly not looking in his direction from where I was standing, which was in front of a shelf full of stuff I couldn't even begin to identify. I'd been offered a seat but had decided that it would be better if I was constantly moving about, making a show of examining my surroundings as it gave me an excuse of not paying direct attention to the man.
Dumbledore sighed. "Mr. Ahlgren…"
"No! I will have a private room. I will damn well need it if I'm to cope with this shit AND make up a plan for when I've graduated. Not to mention I will need the space for any extracurricular activities I will need to do." I growled as I moved from the weird thingamajigs and onto the more recognizable bookcases. The ones I could read the spine of that is. Some of them had old futhark runes on the spine. I wasn't sure the old Norse even had books.
"Extracurricular activities…?" Dumbledore asked faintly.
I risked a mind read and turned to him and gave him my best glare. "Yes, did you really think I'd approach this like an eleven-year-old kid and only do the stuff I'm told? No. I have X number of years of free food and lodging, I'm damn well gonna use them to their fullest!"
The only reaction I got was a raised eyebrow and the patented beard-stroke of thoughtfulness. "I see. And exactly what would that entail?"
"I don't know yet. Probably something that would allow me to generate an income of some sort." I said vaguely, I wasn't willing to give him anything detailed, mostly because I didn't have much detail to give yet. I'd work it out. I had some ideas, but I likely needed to hit the books in a serious way before I could actually get shit moving. I generously estimated that it was likely years in the future, or at least A year.
"While it might be something to keep in mind for your later years here I don't believe it is such a pressing need at present." He noted kindly.
"Oh? Will you provide me with spending money for things outside of school supplies?" I asked pointedly. A slim book caught my eye and I took a closer look. It was titled "The Way before Wands: A Guide." Not very inspiring as titles go, so it fit with what I knew of wizard naming practices. I plucked it off the shelf and opened it up to the first page.
Dumbledore hesitated, "Ah…"
"I thought as much." I continued absently, absorbed with reading the intro in the book. He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. This was looking promising. I was never a fan of the wands. Way too easy to fuck with. It was just a wooden stick for hell's sake. It was pretty much meant to be broken. Wandless magic on the other hand, that had potential. "I will need my own room, or preferably rooms," I stated as I turned the page. It was as I'd assumed; an instruction book for practicing wandless magic. This was indeed a very useful book.
Dumbledore sighed. "That would bring up questions that would be hard to answer, from both the board of directors as well as the children."
"How so? You just need to tell the faculty and directors the truth. As for the kids, fuck 'em." I told him dismissively. Why would the governors care anyhow? It wasn't any of their business, and didn't affect them in any way. The kids might their panties in a twist but they got that way if a teacher gave 'em homework and no one had ever listened to kids before, so why would they start now?
"I'm not sure that is a good idea, Mr. Ahlgren. The Board would find this to be passing strange."
"I can't be the strangest thing that's come through this place. And if not, they are grown-ass men and women, they'll deal ether way." I countered bluntly.
I heard him huff in what I believed to be amusement and mutter under his breath. "I would not be so sure if that, young man."
"I'm sure…" I muttered snidely. "Look, just treat me like a visiting student from another school, you don't just put them up with the other kids, am I right?
I heard him sigh again. It actually made me feel a bit guilty. "I assume your current quarters are unsatisfactory then?"
"Bit small yeah. I've found some rooms that'll work on the fourth floor in the big tower. An old unused classroom with an attached office, it would work as a bedroom, even has a bathroom which is a nice bonus."
Dumbledore sighed again. "I see you are not on to sit on your laurels, Mr. Ahlgren."
I snorted, feeling a bit amused. "I'm actually a champion procrastinator," I said brightly before my mood dropped again when the thought of my present situation intruded again. "But right now… I needed something to keep my mind off my… situation; putting stuff in some sort of order was the best I could come up with."
"I see…" He said, and I could hear the sympathy in his voice.
I grunted. "Was there anything more?"
"I dare say not, Mr. Alhgren. I must say however, I do look forward to your sorting."
Nice, I'd been hoping for some sort of opening into that subject. "Sorting?"
"Ah yes, the sorting is a time-honored tradition here at Hogwarts. It is the means of which you are sorted into one of the four houses." He explained shortly.
"Houses?"
"Indeed so. Here at Hogwarts, all students are sorted into one of four houses that were created by the founders of this school, each espouses traits that the founder of that house found laudable. Gryffindor, the house of the brave and chivalrous, always the first ones to dare. Ravenclaw, the house knowledge, who value intelligence and wit above all else. Hufflepuff, the house whose patience is legendary and who value loyalty more than gold. And lastly, there is Slytherin who use their cunning and resourcefulness to further their grand ambitions." Dumbledore said with not a little pride in his voice.
I whistled. "That's got to create some tension."
"I'm sorry?" He asked, sounding faintly confused.
"Oh, its basic human nature. If you divide people up in groups but then don't give them space they will inevitably come to blows. There are numerous studies on the subject." I told him before I realized that they might not have gotten around to it yet in this time.
"I assure you, there have been no altercations between the houses, outside of Quidditch matches that is." The venerable headmaster told me reassuringly.
I rolled my eyes. A school without bullying? Hehe. "Mhm, that you have heard off," I said doubtfully. But this was not what I needed to get to, I needed to turn the subject to the hat. Because there was no way I had that old piece of leather digging around my head. That would likely lead to very bad things for yours truly. "How do you sort them anyway? Not like you can just see a person's qualities just like that."
"Ah, but magic overcomes many such things. Here at Hogwarts, we make use of the Sorting Hat." He said and gestured to a shelf that contained a ratty-looking wizards hat.
"Sorting hat…" I drawled. "How that does that work exactly?"
"You merely need to put it up on your head and it can look into your mind and divine the best house for you."
I gave him an incredulous look. "Woah! Full stop! Look into my what now!? You have a mind-reading hat!?" I exclaimed hotly. And the Oscar goes to…!
"Indeed so."
"Indeed so." I mimicked snidely. "Well, that hat ain't getting anywhere near my head!"
"Its tradition…" Dumbledore began, but I cut him off.
"Tradition my ass! No one goes walking through my damn head! That's private property and the hat isn't invited!" I said hotly meaning every word.
"I assure you, the hat keeps what it sees entirely confidential," Dumbledore assured gently.
"Oh, so you say. No! Nu-uh! Nien! Not happening! You hear me?!"
Dumbledore sighed and pulled his glasses off his nose and used his free hand to rub at the bridge of his nose. "You seem intent on being difficult at every turn Mr. Ahlgren. I have afforded you great patience in this matter…" He started but I interrupted him yet again.
"This is a deal-breaker," I stated firmly and honestly because it was true. I would not let anyone stick their fingers into my mind, for any reason. "I'll take my chances with the crap orphanages of this time if it keeps stuff from crawling around in my head." I continued fiercely before sighing. "Look, I won't be living in the dorms anyway, right? So there is no need to have me go through a sorting, right?"
Dumbledore sighed again and started to polish his glasses with the hem of his robe. "Very well, if you feel so strongly about it I will give you another exemption in this. It will make your schedule somewhat of a challenge, however."
I shrugged. "Why? Just put me in with the Ravenclaws, I plan on studying me cute little ass off so I'll fit right in with the house that values knowledge, right?"
"I suppose that would be adequate." He muttered as he slid his glasses back onto his nose.
I sighed in relief. Safe! Thank god Dumbledore is a bleeding heart or I'd probably been out on my ass this time tomorrow. "Thank you… sir." He'll probably have to jump through some hoops for me, giving him some measure of respect for it is only right. Even if it feels a bit weird.
He gave me an arched look. "I do hope this is the last of your unorthodox requests, Mr. Ahlgren."
I held up the book I'd been flipping through and flashed him an irreverent grin. "Does asking to borrow this count."
Dumbledore took a moment to squint at the book, likely trying to place it in his mind before he gave me a considering look. "To learn what is in that book would require great patience and dedication. Do you feel you believe you have those qualities."
"How about being pig-headed and stubborn'?" I retorted.
Dumbledore chuckled lightly. "I suppose we will find out. You are, however, free to take the book, Mr. Ahlgren."
"Cheers," I responded, waving the book in the air. "Was that all?"
"Of course. I will see to it that some furniture is moved to your new room."
I gave him a mock salute before turning towards the door. "Thank ye kindly."
"My door is always open should you need me, Mr. Ahlgren," Dumbledore said after me as I exited.
"I'll keep that in mind!" I called back, having no intention to make use of that offer of course, before I started to make my way down the spiral staircase, two steps at the time. Man, that had been terrifying! But I did it! I was home free
"Alright!" I said and tried to get into a positive frame of mind. "Let's see how badly I can gamebreak this setting."