Summary: Some relaxing on this trip of ours
Sugar tapped their tail impatiently, staring at the roof entrance before Emmeline finally showed their face. "Hss?" Well?
"Brew." Still stressed and unfocused.
"Bzz." It's been like this ever since Endsville.
"Chirp." They met death. LITERAL DEATH. It doesn't matter how nice she was, the fact they met death as an entity at all is enough to send them all into existential dread.
"Mew." Flapjack makes a fair argument. Nightmares were to be had, even by palisman standards. "Mew." Worst of all, the wolf actually liked Luz!
"Hhss." Yeah, just gonna ignore that and hope for the best …
"Snap." So, problem, solution?
"Mew." Throw Luz into a ravine.
"Snap." A solution to the depression, not to Luz.
"Chirp." Throw a party with cake?
"Brew?" We throw a party?
"Hhss." Flapjack already said that.
"Brew." Yeah, but like the ones you used to have. With the lace and the pole?
"CHIRP!" We promised we'd keep that a secret!
"Snap." What's this now?
"Hssh." Lets just say me and Flapjack were quite…intimate in our younger days.
"Bzz." Who haven't you been intimate with?
"Hssh." Hooty….never touching that freak with a fifty mile radius. "Hhss." Well, him and Spice … wait, that's it!
They crawled to the pink feline. "Hss." We need your help.
"Grrr." Piss off, I'm taking my nap.
"Hshss!" You're always taking a nap!
"Grr." Because you're always waking me up in moments like this.
"Bzz." You could stand to be more helpful, you know."
"Grr." I am helpful. I warped them all to Gravity Falls, Nowhere, and Endsville.
"Mew?" Yet none of the fighting?
"Grr." The bigger a warp, the more energy it takes. The bird should know all about that.
"Chirp." Fair enough, but you could've at least been with them at the sands of time.
"Grr." I already saw the annoying wolf enough in my life. Rose brought me back, and I'd rather not meet him again.
… Just gonna put that on the back burner. "Hhss." These kids need a break. Can't you do anything?
"Grr." Yes, but I already used up a lot of stamina with that cross country warp. After this one, I deserve a nap and compensation.
"Snap." What do you want?
"Grr." Fifty lion lickers, ten lizard heads, and none of you ever asking me for favors ever again.
The palisman all looked at each other. "Bzz?" What if we run into something serious in the future?
"Chirp." This guy cares enough about Rose's kid that he'll step in if he needs to.
"Hss." Yeah, 'cares'.
"Grr." I care about him to know that he's better off learning to fight his own battles and not leaning on me as a crutch.
"Hssh!" I am NOT his crutch! I am an extension of his full potential!
"Snap." Are we doing this or not?
"...Hsss." Fine, but you better make it an extra special location.
Spice stood up, stretching their body, taking in a large huff of air … before roaring. "RRRAAAAAA!!!!" A pink portal emerged in front of the bus, as they all flew in.
"FUCK YOU, YOU SHITTY PINK LION!" The alpha blond screamed.
"WEEEEEEEE! PRETTY COLORS!" Spinel cheered as they all flew through the warp.
The pink lights stopped as the bus crashed … on a sandy island. "... Hss." This feels a lot like the Boiling Isles, nice choice.
"Grr." Don't ever say I don't do anything nice.
"Anyone know the number of that trans-dimensional gateway?" Vee said in a daze.
"It was that fluffy pink basta …" The woman stopped as she looked at a bunch of hula dancers. "Hawaii, eh?" The alpha blond smirked as she took out sunglasses. "Finally, a detour I can get behind."
"Grr." You better enjoy it…ungrateful bitch.
"What's Hawaii?" Boscha asked.
"One of the best places on earth…trust me, even you will love it." Luz smirked. Probably the only time she'll agree with the human.
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"So we're basically on an island just off the shoreline." Vee explained. "While we backtracked a lot since we're even farther from home than Gravity Falls, it could be a nice point of rest before we get back on track." A weird choice for a warp, but it was the closest earth had to the Boiling Isles, so it felt nice on Vee's skin.
"Ah, finally, a climate that doesn't give me goosebumps every ten seconds." Boscha for once seemed to embrace a new location. "The skies aren't ugly as shit and it's not deserted. This may be halfway tolerable."
"Doesn't it seem weird?" Lucci asked. "Spice just warped us here when other times it's been magical artifacts? Do you think there's something-"
"Hhss." Sugar spoke up from his arm.
"What do you mean don't question it?" Lucci asked the snake. "You're usually first in line to get on board with disagreeing with Spice."
"Lucci, listen to the snake on your shoulder." Sasha already had a mix drink in a pineapple in her hands. "I could never afford the plane fare for a trip like this, we're taking advantage of it. End of discussion."
"Is it really that expensive to come here?" Hunter asked.
"It's pretty much the ultimate vacation spot for americans." Luz shrugged. "From the clear blue skies, to the lush trees, to the cool waves, to the interesting culture of tikis, to the animals." She pointed to a giant green crab that ate a discarded soda can. "Yeah, this is the li-"
Sasha, Luz, and Vee instantly paused, looking back at the creature that looked like a living mop, broom, and vacuum cleaner all in one, picking up a discarded plastic bag, eating it. "Wow, trash demons are a lot more advanced here than they are in Gravesfield." Gus noted.
"... We don't have trash demons on earth." Vee said as she watched it go by. "Maybe we can ask about it." She walked over to a lost and found booth. "Excuse me, sir?"
And was met with a small red creature with big floppy ears and a snout, blinking curiously at her. "Wait, I thought you said Clifford wasn't based on a true story?" Amity asked. "Is it going to grow bigger the more it feels love?"
"You know, I honestly have no idea." Luz nodded dumbly as they saw what looked like a giant pink … bear hippo thing walking out of the water and bouncing on its butt. "Since when did cute animal companions become a part of Hawaii?"
"It's a … recent development." Turning around, they saw a little girl, much younger than them, in a red Hawaiian dress. "They're therapy animals to help tourists relax."
Willow turned to them as something that looked like a flying pink baby monkey with a rattle for a tail flew overhead. "You were right guys, if they can afford wildlife like this, the prices to get here must be through the roof."
"Aww, it's like an island full of Spices, except friendlier and less lazy." Vee petted the red dog/aardvark creature that was tickling her with its nose.
"This right here is Finder." The little girl smiled. "If you ever lose anything, he can sniff it right out in a split."
"Oh really." Lucci smirked. "Can you find the silver tooth I found five days ago?" The aardvark/dog creature sniffed the air, before spinning its ears like helicopter blades, jumping into Lucci's hair. "Gah, ak, watch it!"
Before it eventually flew out, holding out a silver tooth. "Honk Honk!"
"I take it back, this is great!" Lucci cheered. "Been looking for that for the past week."
"Hey Lucci, when did you get a new friend?" Spinel asked as she jumped out of Lucci's hair.
"Wow, I wish my hair was that frizzy." The little girl smirked. "How much can you hold in there?"
"Eh, only about fifty pounds so far. Luckily Spinel shrinks herself so that takes off a lot of the weight."
"Wait … this isn't freaking you out?" Luz asked.
"Babyfier regresses whatever it hits with its beam into babies. I just assumed you guys had your own story." The girl shrugged. "My name's Lilo. You could say that I used to befriending the weird."
"… There is someone else other than me." Luz looked like she was about to cry, before shaking her head. "Nice to meet you Lilo." The girl smiled, holding her hand out. "The name's Luz, these are-"
"Ooh, fluffy ball." Spinel pointed to something flying right at her head like a cannonball, before it unfurled, revealing what looked like a feral blue koala.
"Goobaja Choota!" It shouted, tackling the pink gem. "Meega Najaaladi Diwali!"
"Stitch!" The little girl cried out. "Jumba, I thought we agreed to keep Stitch away from the coffee after last time!" She shouted to an approaching man.
"No Coffee, just a little test to see if he got stronger that may or may not go out of hand-A Gem!" A giant man with four eyes screamed, running up and pulling Lillo away. "Run little girl, they're some of the only people in the universe crazier than me!"
"He doesn't know you don't share their ideas, but through sheer coincidence I can feel he's right." Hunter noted. "Between Lapis, the Crystal Gems, Spinel, Clawthorne."
"So are we just going to ignore the fact he's aware of said gems." Gus pointed out
"I think we should focus on the growling creature in front of us." Boscha gestured to the thing on Spinel.
"Igga nagga Queasta!" The blue Koala creature yelled out, growing out spines from its back and an extra set of arms.
"Aww." Lucci smiled. "He looks like he'd fit in with the Boiling Iiiiiiiii-" He was grabbed by the creature, swung onto the ground back and forth in a manner Vee remembered from Hulk vs Loki.
"Yep, feels exactly like the Boiling Isles." Amity nodded. "Down to the wild animals attacking Lucci first."
"And the air has that constantly hot and humid feeling too." Willow nodded. "And there's so much green and plants to compensate for all the sand….I think I can get behind this place."
"You're only reaffirming my decision to stay on earth." Vee sighed. "Are we going to help him?"
"He can take care of himself." Luz waved off as Lucci kicked away the creature.
"Alright look, you can hit me all you want, but you don't get to-" Before it rushed back, kicking Lucci into the trees, snapping about a dozen in half.
"Tooga Meega Patootie!" The creature screamed, pointing to its backside.
"Okay, the teasing mocks are officially not cute anymore." Lucci growled, grabbing several palm trees together and swinging them like one giant bat on top of the blue guy, pounding him into the sand. Just another chaotic day in her life.
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Lilo watched the two of them go at it with a sigh. "I'm sorry about this. Stitch is nice, but he has destructive instincts … honestly I'd be more desperate to stop him if it didn't seem pretty even." She noted as their clashes caused holes and cracks in the beach to form. Definitely gonna need Derrik to fix it when it's all over.
"Nah, don't be. Lucci is naturally destructive too. Honestly better he gets it out on something that can take it instead of a random building." The girl with the cool looking sword waved off.
"Thanks. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find people so understanding." Lilo sighed in relief. "Last time this happened, Stitch went full rage mode on a dragon boy due to a mistake on my part. Pro tip, never shapeshift to win a skateboard competition if you don't know how to skateboard."
"Why would you? A tail would just throw off your balance." The blue haired girl asked.
"Alright, you guys seem in good company." The older woman waved off. "I'll catch you on the flip side and go relax somewhere else."
"You don't want answers to anything we've seen?" The short boy asked.
"Vacation my friend!"
"Older sister?" Lilo guessed.
"Nah, just our therapist." The sword girl waved off. "Probably the only one in the world that won't go crazy listening to what we say."
"Nani tried to get me one of those once. Stitch almost bit his nose off when he suggested he wasn't real." Then he ran out the window screaming.
"So … when should we stop the fight?" The boy with cool scars asked.
"I think we'll know when one of them goes too far." The girl with glasses shrugged.
"Yu Porma Dissy!" Stitch shouted as he hit the boy with four punches to the stomach.
The curly haired boy was launched back, before glowing pink as the ground cracked around him. "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that!" And faster than the eye could blink, hit Stitch so hard it sent him falling down deep into the ground, probably deep enough to hit magma if the echo was any indication. "…Was that too far? I don't like animal abuse."
"Stitch is indestructible. Most he'll get is a mild burn." If he could survive reentry, they were safe on that end.
"Six two Six failed, we're doomed!" Jumba screamed. "We must evacuate the planet before terraforming begins!"
"Relax, Jumbo, the one thing I want to do to earth is leave it." The curly boy rolled his eyes. "I hate homeworld even more."
"I wasn't referring to you, I was referring to them!" He pointed at the pink woman.
"I just wanna have fun, who cares." They shrugged.
"... Oh …" The man nodded. "Runway criminals, I get it. Sorry I … what's the expression? Leap the rocket launcher?"
"It's fine, it's not the worst overreaction someone's had over us." The girl with purple hair reassured. "The fact you're not attacking us with an army of robots makes you one of the nicer people we've met."
"Pft. Robots, that's the work of amatures." Jumba rolled his eyes. "Genetic experimentation is where true evil genius lies."
Stitch crawled out of the hole, growling as he stomped over to the boy … only for Lilo to bop him on the nose. "Stitch, we went over this. You can't bite people's heads off unless there's definite proof they're evil."
The little guy pouted. "Jumba say bad man."
"I love Jumba, but he doesn't have the best track record on being right … I mean, he was wrong about you being evil."
"Ah, so you deal with morally chaotic people too?" The girl that didn't have pointy ears asked.
"All the time. Stitch is good about keeping himself in check, but I have to remind Jumba not to build the doomsday machine in the bathroom every month or so. Nani says the sludge stains the ground too much."
"At this point I'm starting to think my home is the only place on earth that doesn't embrace the supernatural." The sword girl grumbled. "Anyways, like I was saying, my name is Luz, and these are my friends. They're witches from another dimension."
"Wow, so like, magic and stuff?" Lilo asked with amazement. "Spells and flying brooms?"
"Less brooms and more like magic staffs." The short kid nodded as he showed off a chameleon on a stick, before it came alive and crawled over his face.
"Awesome." Definitely one of the more colorful groups of tourists to come around.
"Another dimension you say." Jumba muttered. "I have been experimenting with dimensional travel … two percent success rate, even!"
"Good luck with that." The girl with glasses sighed. "Closest we were able to get was a portal to hell. Do not recommend."
"Portal to underworld … note to future Jumba, plan surprise birthday present for ex wife."
"So … what's the deal with all of … this?" The scared kid gestured to everything.
"Long story, let us talk over a smoothie." Lilo smiled. It's been a while since she could talk to someone that wasn't stitch on a personal level.
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Stitch stared at the kids as he drank his smoothie. Sure, they didn't seem threatening, and they were nice to Lilo, but the punch still had him a bit miffed. Been a while since he's faced someone that could match him in strength, and Stitch was not eager to re-live a Leroy level threat.
"Coconut, did not expect it to be this tasty." The girl with glasses smiled as she drank. "This place just gets better and better."
"One of our little island's greatest joys." Lilo explained happily. It still baffled the young alien just how easy it was for this girl to make friends. "So, I think you should start off with the explanation, Jumba."
"Wait a second." The mighty boy blinked. "Jumbo's name here is Jumba?"
"Family name. You have problem?" His creator raised an eyebrow.
"Not at all. Apparently I'm named after the devil, so you do you."
They nodded. "So, after I graduated from evil genius university …" The evil scientist looked up. "I pondered and pondered, and wondered … if I'm evil … then how can I show the universe how evil I am? What's the one thing I could do that would push evil science to the next level, what level of evilness was there left to achieve?"
"I have never heard someone so unabashedly bad before." The girl that smelled like corpses deadpanned.
"So while I'm pondering, a doctor walks up to me, offering big money to make a scary pet." The man went on. "At first I was like 'a scary pet, that is beneath me', but that idea, to 'make a creature'. It stuck with me, and suddenly, EUREKA! I decided to create death in the form of life!" He explained.
"Why does he instantly ring every horror movie bell at once?" The only human there asked.
"So after months of research, I created Experiment Zero Zero One … he's right over there actually." He pointed to the purple octopus that shrunk down a spill to nothing, waving as it moved away.
"Aw, that's adorable." The one that smelled like a salamander cooed.
"Yeah, it took a while to figure out a place where Shrink belonged." Lilo nodded. "So after he created Stitch he was arrested."
"Then it was a bit of a chase after Six two Six got loose." Jumba explained. "Many times I had him on the ropes."
"Hagako Metopa." Not how Stich remembers it. He was always two steps ahead.
"Only because you used little girl as a living meat shield."
"..He what now?" The human girl asked.
"I designed my experiments to be evil. Evil genius, remember?" The man asked. "Six two Six was the epitome of that. Strong, durable, fast, intelligent, and violently rebelling with a desire for destruction."
"He looks like a fluffy blue Koala." The plant smelling girl raised an eyebrow.
"I'm a pragmatic man. Ascetics were second in the process." Something Stich was grateful for.
"My sister Nani agreed to let me have a pet while she worked things out with the social worker, and when Stitch crashed down on earth, he got confused for a dog." Lilo continued. "So I adopted him, and taught him how to be better, put down his instincts, and look after family."
"Ohana." He hugged the girl.
"A violent creature with supernatural feats of raw power and a desire for family …" The human girl turned to the strong boy. "Lucci, I think we found your spirit animal."
"HHHSS!" The snake on the boy's arm hissed out in territorial defense.
"Don't worry Sugar, you're still number one in my heart." They petted the snake's head. "So the space police are just okay with letting him live here?"
"Not at first. But they've seen him grow, so they let him stay here as rehabilitation." Lilo explained. "And we've managed to find a one true place for all his cousins, making them better than what they were made to be."
"Six hundred and twenty six genetic experiments…and you made them good…just like that?" The boy that smelled like a tree asked, looking very intrigued.
"Sort of. Jumba and Pleakly sometimes simplify it a little too much. It's a whole process, having to understand and empathize with creatures that inherently want to do bad stuff, and there've been one or two cases where I couldn't do it."
"Leroy Choota." Stitch grumbled.
"But all it takes is a little effort and patience, and anything is possible." Lilo scratched him behind the ears in the exact manner he liked it. "And all his cousins are super happy here. They mostly live on the island, doing whatever they can to help people that need it."
"How is everyone we've met either super nice or super on top of it, or a mix of both?" The girl that smelled like fire asked.
"Because our luck says that our own adventures can't have this much ease." The strong boy spoke. "Sorry we got off on the wrong foot Stitch. Lucifer Clawthorne, anarchist activist and most infamous witch on the boiling isles." They held out their hand.
"Smish. Stitch. Strongest Experiment." He gratefully shook it.
The boy grinned. "I know a kindred arsonist. How about you and me mess with some matches?" Stitch could already feel his tail wagging.
"Kajabe, Ziz Ziz!" Let's mess with the powerlines!
"Stitch, you promised, no messing with electricity on a weekday!"
"Oh what's the big deal?" The pink one asked. "You just stretch up and grab a cord. Like this." The lanky one ripped it apart….and all the street lamps went out as cars began going without knowing when to stop.
crash
"...So you wouldn't happen to be a stranger to running away from the police, would you?" The human asked.
"Actually, I prefer to stand by and help the experiments clean up the mess." Lilo said. "...But there are times where running is preferable….let's get out of here!"
Aloha ē aloha ē (Aloha ē aloha ē)
'Ano 'ai ke aloha ē ('Ano 'ai ke aloha ē)
Luz watched as what looked like a green clown walked up to them, honking its nose. "Experiment Three Four Five." Jumba explained. "I created him to distract enemies with childish antics and a stretchy body."
"Hm…distraction, good, but have you considered the destructive capabilities of someone inflating their body to increase body mass and smashing people with a giant fist." Lucci spoke to the self proclaimed evil genius with his own notes.
"Oh no, very clever kid." Great for Lucci to find a kindred spirit ….not so great for everyone else.
"We're trying to avoid having them be evil." Lilo sighed. "We already found Elastico at his one true place, the circus, where he can have fun." She watched as the little guy stretched up, spinning his body around like a tip top.
"Stretch off!" Spinel screamed, copying his exact movements.
The green guy seemed amused, stretching his limbs out to play jump rope with himself. Spinel followed suit using her own arms and somehow backflipping with every forth jump. "So you certain this one not evil?" Jumba asked. "Rare for gems to break out of their programming and change."
"We consider her less evil and more of a force for chaos." Gus answered honestly. "She pretty much does whatever is fun, consequences be damned."
"Like right now." Hunter pointed to a balloon animal contest that left Spinel stuck in a bowtie as the small green guy smiled, pulling out a pie.
"OOH, inflating fun! My turn." Spinel enlarged her mouth, eating the pie….and swallowing the green guy himself, moving her mouth for about ten seconds before blowing the experiment out like he was bubble gum, floating up in the air.
Elastico sounded like he was laughing as he floated up in the sky. "..Are they rubbery or do they run on toon logic?" Lilo asked.
"I thought those were the same thing." Lucci suggested.
"To this day I still don't have an answer." Luz sighed.
Aloha e aloha ē (Aloha e aloha ē)
Ano ai ke aloha ē (Ano ai ke aloha ē)
There's no place I'd rather be
Than on my surfboard out at sea
"Experiments One Four Nine and One Five Zero." Jumba introduced next, showing off a small green koala and a large light brown bear with a laser arm. "The greatest thieving duo I ever created. With intelligence for the former, and strength for the later."
"Bonnie and Clyde are on parole after their last attempt." Lilo explained.
"Aww, you named them after Bonnie and Clyde, that's adorable." Vee cooed.
"They were a couple that died in a shootout historically speaking." Luz questioned.
"But they're like the Romeo and Juliet of criminals." Vee countered.
"Are you guys really that good?" Lucci asked. "I mean the arm is impressive, but if they got caught they can't really be the 'greatest' can they?"
"I don't know, is this sack of Lion lickers we found in your hair good enough for ya?" The small one, Bonnie, held up the treats. "Along with the fifty wallets, the gold chains, and the coupon for 'kofi pizza'?"
Lucci felt around his head for a few seconds, before smirking. "Well played. Any banks or stores you plan on robbing. I'm flexible for one or two heists."
"How exactly can they find their place if their main personality trait is to be criminals?" Hunter asked.
"It's a work in progress." Lilo sighed. "Right now their 'one true place' is jail. So Stitch usually acts as a guard dog whenever they're out."
"Feeboogoo." The experiment in question said tauntingly.
"Ah, poo on you, cuz, you can't watch us forever, and when you let your guard down, we strike!" Clyde fired off a laser in the air, shooting down a bird. "..No one saw that, right?"
"... As you can see, my partner here is all brawns and no brains." Bonnie deadpanned. "So if ya gonna join us, you need to bring more than flashy pink muscles."
"Lady, I make a living selling literal garbage to both humans and witches alike. And I have a silent partner always giving me an extra eye over the situation."
"Hss." The snake wrapped around the boy's head.
"You gotta watch out for your own knuckle head too, don't yah?" Bonnie petted the snake. "It's not easy being the smart one, is it?"
"Hss." It sighed in relief.
"Hey!" Clyde and Lucci shouted in offense.
Lingering in the ocean blue
And if I had one wish come true
I'd surf till the sun sets
Beyond the horizon
"Experiment Three One Six, designed to make one organism look like another." Jumba showed off a red blob in a costume store. "Does not affect vocal cords, however, too complex."
"This is the shapeshifter I was talking about earlier." Lilo held up the blobby little creature. "His name is Morpholomew, he helps people have perfect costumes for anyone they want."
"Oh, maybe I can get some advice about a new look to create a new identity." Vee went up to the little guy. "So I want to have something cute but not overly so that it draws everyone's attention to me."
The little guy tilted his head. "He needs to have an image to work with. They're not one for vague concepts." Lilo explained.
"Well before she used to shapeshift into me … long story." Lucci rolled his eyes. "Then she went for a slightly more feminine version of me, then the look that she has now."
The red guy looked to Vee, then to Lucci, and Luz, pointing their hands at them. "Well, yeah, Lucci's the only reason why I have a human life to begin with, and Luz is the second most understanding human I know, so yeah, kind of did base my looks off of them."
"Why not base yourself off of Garnet?" Amity pointed out. "You're her daughter, aren't you?"
"Oh yeah!" She pulled out a picture. "Can you do something like her, but younger and with a more normal skin tone?"
Morpholomew looked at the picture, smiling, then blasted Vee with a beam. After a faint flash of white light, the girl's body morphed. She appeared in what looked like a 'normal' outfit of Garnet's form. Magenta top with a star patted off to the side along with black genes. Her face had a pair of lopsided shades that didn't seem to do anything for the eyes other than look cool, along with two earrings of a ruby and a sapphire. Her skin was much more black in tone, and her hair was much more curly and afro-like, with hints of blue at the edges.
"Nice. I think you pull it off better than the original." Lucci patted the girl on the back.
"Wow, this is perfect." Vee smiled as they looked in a mirror. "A lot better than … than …" They paused. "Um … I can't shapeshift."
"Yes, Three One Six locks cells in place." Jumba explained. "Even mighty, shapeshifting dragon not immune! Suck it, magic! Score one for evil science! HAHAA!"
"So I'm stuck like this….I don't know how to feel about that." Vee inspected her body.
"Morphomew can change you back with another blast." Lilo said. "Then you could shapeshift yourself."
"Should I … because if I stay like this … then I won't have to worry about changing back into … the other me again."
"It's your call, Vee, but personally, your basilisk form is much more adorable." Luz spoke. "And how would Lapis, Garnet, and Amethyst feel if they couldn't see you like yourself again?"
They nodded. "Good point … alright, thank you for the new base form Morpholomew. I'm ready to be me again."
Awikiwiki mai lohilohi
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu
Flyin' by on the Hawaiian roller coaster ride
Awikiwiki mai lohilohi
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu
Pi'i na nalu la lahalaha
"Experiment Zero Eight Six." Jumba showed off a large green crab. "Thanks to its durable exoskeleton combined with a unique compound of chemicals inside of its stomach, this bad boy can capture anything in the universe."
"We named him Clink, and his one true place is with Officer Kahiko, to help him catch experiments that break the law." Lilo explained.
"So basically Bonnie and Clyde's main jailer." Luz stated.
"Pretty much." Lilo nodded, turning to look at Boscha. "Hey, she's been frozen for a bit, is she alright?"
"Giant crab that can catch any prey as an almighty predator …" The girl muttered with sparkly eyes. "You…are…..SO ADORABLE!" And immediately ran up to hug the giant crustacean.
"Giant crab adorable … I've failed as an evil genius." Jumba pouted.
"I thought you said the aesthetics didn't matter?" Vee asked.
"True, but certain guidelines go unsaid. Giant crab should naturally inspire fear or discomfort, like an ex wife when she expects alimony."
"Don't take it too hard, big guy, she just has a soft spot for crabs." Lucci chuckled as his girlfriend cuddled and kissed the creature.
"You are awesome and adorable and perfect." The crab in turn blushed. "This entire hell of a world is worth it just to see you."
"I find it so disturbing seeing Boscha actually act like … well … a normal functioning person." Willow noted as she took a snapshot. "Still putting it in the scrapbook."
"I'll have to look at that sometime." Lucci peeked over.
"Trust me, that's plenty of you in it….I got dirt on all of you." Willow cackled a little evilly.
Well, that was a reason for Luz to sleep with one eye open.
O ka moana hanupanupa
Lalala i kala hanahana
Me ke kai hoene i ka pu'e one
Hele, hele mai kakou ē
Hawaiian roller coaster ride
"This is experiment Six Zero Four, capable of making anything vanish by simply blinking its eyes." Jumba said while they looked at a small white rabbit in a cute magician's costume.
"Think we can borrow him to make a four hundred year old sludge man disappear forever?" Amity asked. "And a manipulative, completely soulless womb donor while we're at it?"
"His name is Houdini and no." Lilo said bluntly before clarifying. "And by 'vanish' he means 'invisible'."
"Ah, so if he shot Hunter I wouldn't have to see his ugly mug anymore." Lucci nodded.
"Do you really want to give me the power to invisibly prank you?" Hunter asked.
"So a master illusionist eh…I think I found my spirit animal." Gus eagerly went up to the little guy. "Hit me with your best shot, Houdini!"
They stared at Gus with big adorable eyes … before blinking, as the boy vanished. "Gus, you still there?" Vee asked.
"Right here!" Luz jumped as Gus's voice popped out from behind her. "Now I'm here!" This time Lucci jumped out of the way. "Whatever you make disappear, I shall make reappear!" The boy smiled.
Houdini grinned, turning to the Volcano, blinking as … it vanished.
"... Top that, Illusion boy?" Boscha asked as they all stared at the missing mountain.
"..I might need a few hours on that."
There's no place I'd rather be
Than on the seashore dry, wet free
On golden sand is where I lay
And if I only had my way
I'd play til the sun sets
Beyond the horizon
Lalala i ka la hanahana
"Experiment Five Zero Nine." Jumba showed off a massive plant atop a water tower. "Meant to destroy all native life on a planet and replace it with its own forest of plants."
" … Guys, I know it's kind of our whole thing to save people by this point … but if all else fails, I'm serving mother nature and everyone under her reign." Willow stated seriously, growing a tree up to the water tower and hugging the experiment. "You are so precious, I will protect you until the end of time."
"We named him Sprout." Lilo said.
"It." Jumba reiterated. "Plants don't have genders."
"We named them Sprout. We're not entirely sure if this is their one true place, but we're also not entirely sure where else to have a plant that grows endlessly without care."
"I will take care of them. I will bring them home and nurture them to their full potential." Willow kept cuddling with the giant plant that was now purring under her touch. "You're going to grow up strong and mighty, yes you are, oh yes you are."
"Wouldn't the kindergarten be a good place?" Hunter asked. "Since it's so dead, it'll probably take a lot of energy just to keep it alive."
"Oh yes, good idea Hunter!" Willow shouted. "No opposition or predators trying to eat you and your kin. Doesn't that sound perfect?"
"Prrrrrrrr." Aw, it was like a kitten…a big…green…viney killer kitten…which by Boiling Isles stands was a regular kitten.
Me ke kai hoene i ka pu'e one
It's time to try the Hawaiian Roller coaster ride
Hang loose, hang ten, howzit, shake a shaka
No worry, no fear, ain't no biggie braddah
Cuttin' in, cuttin' up, cuttin' back, cuttin' out
Frontside, backside, goofy-footed, wipeout
"Experiment Three Six Zero." Jumba showed off a gray sheep. "Designed to lull anything into a slumber they can not wake from."
"That sounds more practical than evil." Vee pointed out.
"Not if world leaders fall asleep on the job. No leadership, no rules, chaos spreads, easy takeover."
"Every moment we're on this island I learn more and more about life." Lucci excitedly wrote down in his journal. "I'm getting so many ideas to bring back to mom. Truly you are a genius."
"Evil genius, can't forget the evil." He wagged his finger.
"His name is Drowsy, and his one true place is helping people who can't fall asleep rest. Like insomniacs."
"Insomwhat now?" Hunter asked.
"People who can't fall asleep at night and spend most of the moonlight hours looking at the ceiling." Gus explained. "Basically what you do through most of the week."
"Why would you need that much sleep? It seems more practical to plan most of the time." Hunter waved off. "I'm perfectly fine only getting five hours of sleep a week." Drowsy immediately walked up to the scared boy. "Nice try sheep, but I have a stronger will than most. I won't fall prey so easil-"
"Baaaaaah." Hunter instantly fell onto the ground, headfirst into the dirt.
"Huh…so that's what it's like to see someone hit with a sleep spell." Lucci noted.The sheep walked up to Lucci next, scanning his face. "I get plenty of sleep, don't worry about it."
"What about the times you get stressed out wherever you use oracle magic?" Boscha pointed out.
"That's stress FROM sleeping. So I don't-"
"Baaaahhh." Then Lucci hit the ground.
"Well, nice to know they'll at least get a full eight hours now." Luz nodded as the sheep walked up to her. "No, I don't need…"
"Oh YES you do." Amity pushed her forward. "I'm your girlfriend, I know when you do and don't sleep. And you haven't slept a wink nearly all month."
"Amity no-"
"Baaahhh." Nighty night.
Let's get jumpin', surf's up and pumpin'
Coastin' with the motion of the ocean
Whirlpools swirling, cascading, twirling
Hawaiian roller coaster ride
There's no place I'd rather be
The moment Luz woke up, she noticed that she was on an inflatable raft in a pool. "..You know, if I wasn't used to the strangeness, this would be an easy way to drown someone in their sleep."
"Nah, the moment you're hit with water, you wake up from Drowsy's effect." Lilo explained, sipping from her own drink. "Sides, your girlfriend wanted to make sure you actually spend your vacation relaxing."
"But this isn't supposed to be a vacation. I mean, yeah, it's great that we're able to have fun, but we can't get sidetracked."
"Which is why she asked me to help you get in the mood. Stitch, bring out Lax."
"Lax?" Luz asked as she watched a purple parrot be brought over.
"Experiment Two Eight Five. One of the experiments meant to cause things to stop working, whether they be man or machine." Jumba explained. "There is also experiment Three Nine One, but your friends …"
Luz looked over to see Boscha and Willow wobbling next to a dark blue porcupine. "Doiiii."
"..Ahhhh…"
"They were a little too high strung for even Lax to use his powers on." Lilo chuckled.
"... So you have a parrot that makes people relax and a porcupine that makes people stupid." Luz pointed out. "...I feel like these experiment plans bleed into each other a little too much."
"I made Six Hundred and Twenty Six. Give me a break if they don't overlap every now and then." Jumba rolled his four eyes.
"Amity, come on." Luz turned to her girlfriend. "I don't need this, we can have fun without the use of alien powers."
"I know that." The purple haired girl floated over to her. "But I want to make sure the two of us having fun is your top priority. Besides, look how well it works on Hunter and Lucci. They're actually getting along."
"Hunty." Lucci chuckled like he was drunk, playing catch with the scarred boy. "You're … your my uncles from my grandmas."
"Aww, family, hug it out."
"....That is the most disturbing thing I've seen in my life." Luz said. "Belos and Moldavite…they have nothing on this."
"Intelligence reduction is a lot more dangerous than most think." Jumba nodded.
"Implications aside, we came to relax, now we relax." Amity hugged her by the shoulder. "Fire away, Lilo!"
"Wait no!-"
Than on my surfboard out at sea
Lingering in the ocean blue
And if I had one wish come true
I'd surf till the sun sets
Beyond the horizon
Awikiwiki mai lohilohi
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu
Flyin by on the Hawaiian roller coaster ride
Luz smiled as her girlfriend punched a Tasmanian devil. "Go Amity!" What was she worried about, there was nothing to be afraid of. All that mattered in life was having a good time and doing the things you liked.
"Lu…Llu….Lulu…hey….you know….you know how Hootsy calls Lilly Lulu….don't tell anyone this…but your my lulu…" Lucci chuckled happily as he hugged her.
"Lucy, bro…you're my Lulu too!" Luz explained. "We're lulu for life! Lu, lu, skip to my lu! Lu lu skip to my lu! Skip to the lu my darling!"
"Never before have I been reduced to the lone sane one." Gus noted. "Almost as crazy as Boscha and Willow hugging it out."
"I'm sorry for being such a meanie!" Three eyes squished the plant girl.
"It's okay! All is forgiven! You me bestie now!" Willow slumped over the girl.
"Will-will…don't tell anyone this….I think you look hot in grudgby gear." Boscha whispered loudly.
"I think you look hot when you're on fire." Willow loudly whispered back.
"This is temporary, right?" Gus asked.
"Gus man, relax, it'll all work out in the end." Luz assured. "Everything works out in the end. Life is temporary, we got to enjoy it while we can."
"Listen to Luz, she's smart, she's the best. Earth's the best!" Lucci shouted. "Amity punching that purple gorilla is the best!"
"I severely underestimated how strong he was!" Her girlfriend shouted. "I forgot that one of these guys took on Lucci in a physical confrontation!"
"Completely having fun." Luz smiled, watching them throw each other around.
"Amity is getting kind of bruised." Gus noted.
"Relax my friend, she'll be fine." Luz waved off. "She's the toughest snuggliest witch in the universe. She's invincible."
"Hey Luuuci! Gus!" Hunter smiled as the giant purple gorilla grabbed him. "I'm a chair!"
"Make sure to keep people warm, best buddy!" Lucci shouted out. "Life is amazing, isn't it?"
"It really is Lu-lu…it really is."
A wikiwiki mai lohilohi
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e na lu
Pi'i na nalu la lahalaha
O ka moana hanupanupa
Lalala i ka la hanahana
Me ke kai hoene i ka pu'e one
Hele hele mai kakou e
Hawaiian roller coaster ride
The group looked down at the camera, then at each other. "It's a good thing I accidentally dropped this." Hunter said, as the device fell to the ground.
"Ugh, my head…" Lucci rubbed his temple. "Is this what mom experiences after a night of apple blood binging?"
"So many regrets….so many…" Boscha shuddered as she and Willow refused to look at each other out of embarrassment. "Let us never speak of this again."
"Agreed."
========================================================================
Sasha stretched out her back. "Ah Hawai … oh how I'll miss you." What a fun and relaxing trip. "Everyone say your goodbyes, then we'll have Spice warp us back."
"For once we find a place that actually comes close to feeling like the Boiling Isles, and we can't even stay long." Lucci groaned. "Curse you Aoloxtol, Koala, whoever's in charge of life….curse you."
"Wouldn't Mother Nature be in charge of life?" Luz asked.
"Choose your next words carefully." Willow spoke with a sweet smile.
"Everything was better when we thought the most powerful thing in the universe was titans." Lucci groaned again, before smirking. "Although I now have two new heist buddies, so I'm not leaving completely empty handed."
"Please tell me they're not in your hair." Lilo looked at the boy.
"Of course not….Spinel wanted to bring Elastico, but then they got into an argument, so we decided it was best to exchange numbers instead." The boy shrugged. "All in all, I actually enjoyed myself."
"Glad you had a fun time….ow…" Amity winced as she rubbed her bruised arms.
"I'm so sorry Amity, I should have been there to help." Luz said, doing her best to tend to the marks on her girlfriend.
"No, it was my fault. I thought entering a wrestling match would've given you a fun show to watch…. it did… but…. again….. can't really go against Lucci level strength with the little abomination magic I have." Amity winced again as she chuckled. "Hope you enjoyed it."
"I did. I would've rather not been under alien influence to let my guard down, but I did have fun." Luz kissed the girl's cheek.
"Thanks for the new look, I promise to treasure it." Vee waved to a red blob, who waved back with its entire body.
"I promise I'll be back for you. Mama has a home to return to and enemies to destroy." Willow kissed a vine that was cuddling her like Lucci's snake.
"And I'll be back for you, cutie pie." Boscha hugged a giant green crab. "Oooh, if only there was something on the Boiling Isles as adorable as you."
"Snap." A crab from her shoulder clicked up.
"You go unsaid, Maya. You're irreplaceable."
"Someday I'll reach your skills, master Houdini." Gus bowed to a rabbit-like creature.The little rabbit bowed in return, patting the boy on the head.
"No, I don't need to go to sleep again, thanks, but I've gotten my fill." Hunter was trying to step away from a sheep that kept rubbing against his legs.
A blue Kolala walked up to Lucci. "Pasawa Achi-baba." He waved.
"Botifa Mocheeba." Lucci waved back, sounding exactly like the little blue creature.
"You picked up an alien language that quickly?" Luz asked.
"Once you understand the inflictions, everything else falls into place." The boy shrugged.
The girl nodded as she turned to the Lilo girl. "It was nice meeting you Luz." The little girl hugged the older one. "Nice to know I'm not the only weirdo out in the world."
"Like my teacher always says, 'Us weirdos have to stick together'." Looks like this little detour was good for everyone in the long run. Nice to see everything fall into place unintentionally for once.
They all moved into the bus, closing the door. "Next stop Spice." She told the lion.
"Grrr." The lion stood up…..and laid back down. "Grr."
"Spice, buddy, we appreciate the trip, but we really need to get to the next item on the map." Lucci pushed on the pink creature.
"Hssh." Sugar hissed.
"She says that all of us take out too much. He's pretty much dead on his feet." Lucci replied.
"Dead on … Lucci, we're stuck on an island." Sasha reiterated. "Unless you feel like ditching the van and flying, we're not going anywhere."
"Okay, let me ask. Sugar?" He turned to the snake.
"Hssh."
"...Well?" Willow inquired.
"...He'll be asleep for the next week."
"...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Sasha slammed her head on the wheel. She pulled out a knife and aimed it at a purple parrot. "Don't even THINK about it buddy!" Lax then put its hands up and backed up into some bushes and disappeared.
"Something wrong? I heard something PG." Lilo knocked on the bus door, coming in.
"We're stuck on the island since our teleporting lion is unconscious." Luz explained.
"Teleporting Lion you say …" The giant man grinned. "Give me five minutes to fix him into working order."
"I admire you for your chaotic creativeness, but touch Spice and I rip you open." Lucci growled.
Sasha was honestly considering letting the madman do whatever he wanted with the beast, as long as it hurt…BADLY, until Hunter spoke up."Do you have any experiments?" Hunter asked.
"None that are location accurate, but we do have a spaceship in working order." Lilo answered. "It's pretty big, so we can at least take you to the mainland."
"Could you drop us off at Illinois?" Luz asked.
"Not without getting into some international trouble…but we actually have friends in California. We can group you off pretty close to them while you wait to get your bus back on the road." The little Lilo girl offered. "We can cash in a favor from Wizard Kelly to let us go there without issue. We gave him an experiment to help with his wrestling."
"Thanks, that'd be appreciated." Luz smiled.
"Wait, Wizard?" Willow asked. "As in wears a robe and has sandals?"
"More like he has enough money to get away with almost anything like magic."
The kids sighed in relief. "Good, nobody's stupid enough to trust a man in sandals." Boscha shook her head.
"Wait, that wasn't just something Eda's superstitious of?" Luz asked.
"Of course not. That's like the human equivalent of a man with a van if my research says anything." Gus said.
"So many questions." Yet so little time to ask.